congratulations on the boy that you are expecting. It'll be exciting when we find out what ours will be. I already have a boy and a girl. I'm only 7 weeks now so it'll be awhile. How do I get that announcement that you have about when your boy is due and all?
Well, I don't know your in-laws, I know dealing with in-laws can be difficult, shoot, actually hearing you talk about your mil makes me think of my grandmother and her ways. Anyways, though I'm not assuming that you don't already know this, I wonder sometimes how much of our anger is about assumed stuff. Do you know what I mean. I mean, for example, I got so mad at my grandma because she'd call me and brag about her grandson, born a few months after my daughter, and she never made my daughter a blanket like she did my son, so I assumed that she did all this out of spite. And when I finally blew up as you'd put it and told her what I thought, I asked her about making a blanket for my daughter, and she was shocked, I believe genuinely "I thought I already had". Now that I look back on it I realize that I automatically assume certain things about her, and then she'll do something to confirm it. I don't know you milf, and don't feel the need to explain, but I wonder if she even knew you had an aversion to chinese food? If she did but suggested or I should say insisted on going anyways, then you'd have real good reason to assume it's out of spite that she did that. And the fact that they called and didn't ask you guys where you wanted to go, I understand why that'd annoy a person, however it may not be that she's being "controlling" as you communicated, but rather it could be that she simply does have a hankering for chinese and assumed you guys don't mind. It's easy for someone to assume such a thing if you don't speak up. You could communicate subtly about your lack of appreciation in her chosing the resteraunt for you all by responding with something like "hmmm, that resturaunt, will hubby and I will talk about it and get back this you". I had a friend that did that to me all the time and it really irritated me, however, I can see where it would be an indirect way of saying "ok, that's what YOU want, however, we are going to discuss it and decide whether or not it's what we want, then we'll be get back to you". And notice you are telling them that you two will discuss it, even though it was never a question on their part. Nevertheless it communicates that you are all adults and that your opinion about where you eat is as important as their's. I'd then start doing my own thing if they insisted on being controlling. Like if they ignored your EXPRESSED opinion by simply assuming they'll be doing what they want. You can then say, if you didn't want to go along. "NO thank you, we have plans of our own tomorrow, we'll call you and let to set up another day we can get together". If this woman is anything like my grandmother, that would really burn her hide, however, on the other hand she's forced to either respect that fact that we are adults to with equally important opinions, or she can be spiteful and just not talk to us at all. Anyways...........................
I started out by complaining to my husband or telling him what I want or don't want, and HE then communicated to them my wishes. Like if I really had a problem with chinese, he'd call them back and tell them. However, there are decent boundaries alreadys set there. I think I can understand where you are in learning to be assertive, and also in harboring that anger, and being sensitive about everything, because I have been that way for a long time, and am still that way to some extent. Anyways, I wouldn't be surprised if that upsets you, because usually something like this does upset people like you and me, and maybe I'm completely wrong. I'm simply trying to share the wisdom I've learned, and am learning to HELP you, not point fingers at you. I'm finding that the less I assume, and sterotype, and catorgorize, no matter how tempting it is, the less angry I am, and the more clear my mind is, because when you automatically assume the worst and already have a grudge, your lenses are not rose colored, but smeared with pooh, and everything you see that your mil does seems to be covered in pooh. It will help if you take those glasses off and try not to jump to conclusions, and ask your husband. I get mad at mine when he seems to defend my mil, however, I'm also realizing that he knows his mom better than I do, and maybe I should listen to him. We are better off when we are not angry. I've experianced enough anger in my life I could do without it. Not saying that you mil is perfect and is never guilty, but surely she's really not that monster-in-law who is guilty all the time. Anyways, God Bless. Will pray for you.
HB
I hope it goes okay tomorrow.
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