Just me again...

[Angeleyes7715]

Is there anything I can do to change the way I feel about life?

I have come to recognize I'm just a miserable person. It doesn't matter if I became the most successful person tomorrow I'm pretty sure I would feel like everything is still pointless.

I've witnessed and had to many bad things happen in my life to the point where nothing feels like it will make life worth living.

I still wake up constantly thinking there's nothing left and death is all there is. It's really hard to see an alternative when everything I've experienced has proven my negativity is right. Friends and family of mine, all of their lives have ended up worst case scenario. And I'm beginning to think it maybe the law of disorder at work. Like maybe things just tend to go bad maybe things are supposed to get worse as time goes on.

It's just how is there any hope when what I witnessed says life is bad. Not just mine, but the whole world is evil and fallen. Why should anyone hope for anything good in this world let alone want to be alive.

Maybe I think too much...

 

[URA]

Read Ecclesiastes & the psalms.

Just do it, you'll see why I think they're fitting soon enough.

 

[Noxot]

from a scientific and survival pov it can be argued that the world is getting better. this video is kind of a relief in some ways.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

from a scientific and survival pov it can be argued that the world is getting better. this video is kind of a relief in some ways.

Yeah anyone who says that cant be seeing clearly. Kids are shooting each other up in high schools regularly, hospitals get away with murdering babies, crooked leaders poison their population with toxic gasses, as you age you watch your friends and family get sick and die...or in my case friends end up on drugs or they die or their family members die. Families fight over money when their loved ones die. The world is mostly bad. People are raped murdered robbed. Homelessness is so provalent yet there is plenty of money to fix the problem. In the US a dentist or Dr will let you die if you are poor and can't pay. I've been there twice and earned over 3000 in medical debt just to keep from dying. I was lucky though I had credit to pay with someone who didn't would have died. The regular secular radio one of the songs that's popular is about suicide infact the hook is I just want to die I don't want to live. I was kinda surprised to hear that playing in my drs office.

And u really can't talk to people cause everyone seems to have this false sense of positivity. Especially in the United States. Everything has to be politically correct and fake.

I just look around and the whole world is in h_...

And I personally would be happy to see the world end cause I think this whole life is evil.

 

[Jeshu]

Is there anything I can do to change the way I feel about life?
......

Yes brother there is a different way dealing with world's misery and your own and that is let Jesus take it from you and shape you in His way of doing things.

It is really true this world is a horrible place. i couldn't agree more. As someone with a depressive illness this reality made my life torture for many years. Did the world take notice? No matter i was cast down in my chair for years on end with my head down nothing changed. For me the challenge came when i considered why do i let the world make me feel bad, while the world cares nothing about me?

More of the truth came when i realised that i had been feeding myself with my depressive thoughts and feelings for years and all i wanted to do was die. My heart produced bitter waters instead of fresh.

Now Jesus calls Himself the bread of life, and though i had been a born again Christian for many years i could not see where i had eaten from such bread. Suicidally depressed i had no faith in God's love and i had no hope. And all i wanted to do each morning was die, just like you do now.

So i asked Jesus to feed me this bread of life because all i wanted to do was die instead of live. He answered me to eat His Words with my heart. To take the Word as a personal address from God Himself and read it with my heart as such. I did begin to read the word as a personal address from God and i scanned my heart as i read the words to see and hear what i would see in responds to the words of Scripture.

Amazing things happened when i read the Word with my heart almost like my eyes began to be opened. See when we eat/believe The Word and take/make His promises our own then The Word fights the world in us and sets us free from its powers over us and gives us vision of understanding beyond a citizen of this world into a sojourner with God as strangers.

i refused to entertain the negative thoughts depression fired my way and began to actively pray for other people who were hurting. It changed my world upside down. In a matter of less than four years i was free from my suicidal depression and even though depression as an illness hangs around i my life cannot even begin to be compared to then. An Oasis in the desert that is life with The word in charge of my emotions.

For that is basically how the process goes we give ourselves to Christ in part time and again and so slowly our whole life begins to operate in His Kingdom instead of this world's. His Kingdom come becomes a real prayer then for such are ever growing realities.

So yes things can change for you. Your good life can become stronger than depression. You can find happiness and meaning even when depression is severe. You can find safety from this world hurting you. All of good life is with Jesus. Yours as well. Its best to go to Him and humble ask for your good life back. That is basically what i did and then i let Him teach me how to deal with my emotional and psychological make up. i've never looked back but have grown a loving thankful and joyous heart despite my sufferings.

Praying you find your way out the darkness.



The Beggar Of My Existence

Begging I lay beside the road, unable to get-up or move on.
Paralysed after a viscous assault when I was just a little kid
bloodied I stared at my wretched existence for many years.
Hope had gone, pain throbbing, hungry and thirsty, cold and alone,
the inner demons dragging me deeper and deeper down the drain,
helpless the wicked abused my life, robbing me of all my possessions.

Most of my life I lay there beside the road alone
I don't know how I survived my miserable existence,
by-passers often bashed me, blaming me for their hate.
At first I was raped night after night for years,
lately mainly tortured for cruel fun and cheap thrills,
oh yes, those wicked ones have been hurting me!

Not often have peels been part of my diet,
weeds, grass, rotten fruit and insects,
that's what I ate, such meagre meals.
I was skin over bones and smelled like sewage.
Walking dead, longing for an early ending.
I didn't feel worthy to carry the name human.

Suddenly I became aware of a pleasant aroma,
a beautifully perfumed visitor, a rich stranger,
he knelt beside beside me and took hold of me
I thought, maybe he'll give me something worthwhile,
I'd better ask quickly before he goes on his way,
normally the rich don't ever stop to talk to me!

Facing the visitor I croaked through parched lips,
please? I am unable to move and very hungry,
my last visitor abused me and I'm hurting bad,
could you spare me some food or money,
a sip of water, I'm so thirsty right now?
Expectantly I looked up into the man's eyes.

Chewing delicious bread I stared at the stranger,
the young wine had refreshed me completely
where did all this come from I wonder?
My taste-buds were in Heaven and so was I
I couldn't believe what I was hearing
I remember his lips pronounce the words;

"Shalom... Beloved...

..You're most welcome, my child," he said,
"Eat your fill, here, have another sip of wine,
your clothes are all worn, dirty and broken.
At home I have some new clean garments your size,
a warm bath and a place of safety and rest,
awaiting my dwelling-place high-up New Eden street."

That's what he said, and that's what he did for me!
Amazed I watched as out of nowhere servants arrived,
gently lifting me out of my grime and of the street,
carrying me along an all together different route,
right to the top of a most beautiful mountain hill,
halting before a mansion I didn't know could exist.

A doctor came and tended my wounds and sores
ointments soothing, smelling like fragrant herbs
a massage, gently, carefully rejuvenating me.
Years long ache disappearing, well-being arriving,
heaven on earth how could all this be for me,
when did I do anything to deserve this treatment?

A gentle knock on my door, as I lay sleeping
in a massive bedroom, adorned for royalty.
"You've been invited at The Feast tonight."
I recall this loving moment fleetingly pass by,
how lovely he looked standing there,
"and Dad said he likes to meet you as well."

I remember how confused I had been, Dad?
A party tonight, seeing Dad, who and what else?
Why is he looking after me so fantastically well?
My mind was in turmoil after all these events,
several hours ago I still lay dying in my filth,
and now..? now I was so alive and so fulfilled!

Gratitude arose like paradise restored within,
never before did I feel so much thankfulness,
I'd been rescued from a life of painful misery,
saved from the wretchedness of my existence,
restored to human dignity, loved and cared for,
deep down I knew Life had found me for good.