just kiddin'

[ron4shua]

This Proves Blondes Really Are Smart

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

 

[ron4shua]

Blonde Inventions


Some Inventions are simply better left uninvented:

Left handed pencil

Clear correction fluid

Black highlighter

Waterproof tea bags

Braille driving manual

Dehydrated water

Screen door on a submarine

Helicopter ejection seat

Air conditioning for motorcycle

Wooden barbecue

Glow-in-the-dark sun dial

Gasoline fire extinguisher

Battery-powered battery charger

Fake rhinestones

Fireproof matches

Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses

Mesh umbrella

Solar-powered flashlight

 

[YESLORDIWILL]

Wow, just shy of 300 jokes. You literally told jokes all night long! And I read each one of them (jk).

Anyway, when will these jokes end?

What did the monkey say when his tail got cut off?
.
.
.

¡¡ʍou buoן ǝq ʇ,uoʍ ʇı

 

[Messy]

Lately I needed some cables for the xbox but I had no idea what kind so I wanted to look it up first. But my kid had to have it now so he said let's go to the the handyman shop and ask that guy. I walk in, there's two men, can we help you?
Yeah I need something but I don't know what.
Well you can just buy everything in the shop then he joked.
I reminded myself of that blonde joke of a girl wanting to buy a television. He says no I don't sell it to you. She paints her hair, the same thing.
Finally she says: why don't you want to sell it to me?
It's a microwave. Hahahahaha
Lol my kids made blonde jokes the whole night.

 

[ron4shua]

It seems that blondes have a particularly hard time making travel plans. Here's proof:

Aisle vs Window Seat
Did you hear about the blonde who asked for an aisle seat on the airplane? She didn't want her hair to get messed up sitting by the window.

 

[ron4shua]

A Clear View
While making plans with a travel agent for a trip to Europe, the blonde asked, "Can you see England from Canada?"

"No," replied the travel agent, a bit stunned.

"But they look so close on the map."

 

[ron4shua]

Hawaii Here I Come
A blonde was planning a trip to Hawaii. After getting the details about a package deal, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?"

 

[ron4shua]

It's Where?
A blonde called the airlines to make a reservation to Capetown. As the ticket agent started to explain the details of the trip - length of the flight, passport information, etc. - the blonde interrupted him and said, "I don't want to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts."

Without having to try to make the blonde look stupid, the ticket agent said, "Capetown is in South Africa. Cape Cod is in Massachusetts."

 

[ron4shua]

Ocean View
The blonde called her travel agent, furious about the hotel reservations she had gotten for her trip to Orlando. "What is the problem?" asked the travel agent.

"I specifically told you I wanted a room with an ocean view."

The travel agent tried to explain to her that Orlando is in the middle of the state.

"Don't lie to me," she said. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.

 

[ron4shua]

DFW
A blonde asked her travel agent to make reservations for a car in Dallas. The agent looked at her reservation and saw that she only had a one hour layover in Dallas. "Why would you need a car?" he asked.

"Well, I've heard that Dallas is a large airport. I thought I'd use a car to drive between gates to save time."

 

[ron4shua]

Time Zones
The blonde called the airlines to ask how her flight could leave Chicago at 10:30 a.m. and arrive at Detroit at 10:33 a.m. the same day. The agent explained that Detroit is an hour ahead of Chicago. The blonde simply could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, the agent said that the plane flew really fast. That did it.

 

[ron4shua]

Whose Luggage Is It?
The blonde was angry and called the airline to ask if they put your physical description on your luggage so they could tell to whom it belonged. It seems that on her trip to Fresno Air Terminal they had put FAT on her luggage.

 

[ron4shua]

Flight Number What?
A blonde called the airline to ask how she was supposed to know which plane to get on. Her flight number was 544, but none of the planes had numbers on them.

 

[ron4shua]

A Really Short Flight
The blonde called her travel agent and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi Cola. Do I need to get on one of those computer planes?"

 

[ron4shua]

Travel Requirements
A blonde was making a reservation for a trip to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, the reservation agent reminder her that she needed a visa.

"Oh, no I don't. I've been to China several times and I've never needed one."

The agent double checked and, sure enough, there was a visa requirement. When he told this to the blonde, she said, "Look, mister. I've been to China five times and I never had any trouble with them accepting my American Express."

 

[ron4shua]

Rhino, New York
The blonde called to make a reservation. She told the agent she wanted to fly to Rhino, New York. The agent, not knowing of a town called Rhino, asked if she was sure that was the name of the place. The blonde insisted, so the agent searched through every air port code in the country.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't find a Rhino anywhere," he said.

"Don't be silly. It's a big city. Everyone knows where it is. Look at your map," said the blonde.

The agent did and came back to the phone. "Ma'am," he said, "Could it be Buffalo?"

"Whatever," she said, "I knew it was some big animal.

 

[ron4shua]

Horse Riding

One day a blonde decided to go horse back riding.

After a very long search, she finally found a horse she thought she could ride. Things started off well enough, slowly trotting along, but soon the undulations started going faster and faster.

Being unexperienced at horseback riding the blonde started to fall off. She tried everything, grabbing the mane, then she tried to grab the saddle, but could not hold on.

Seconds before falling off, the horse finally stopped, allowing her to get off, and gratefully thank the shopper for unplugging the mechanical horse as they were about to enter the department store.

 

[ron4shua]

Government Blonde
A blonde government supervisor called in a subordinate regarding his failure to complete his last task.

Blonde: Sam, I see you only converted 4 out of the 5 books I asked you to convert to Braille. As you know our state needs to make our publications available to everyone including the blind.

Sam: Yes, of course.

Blonde: So what happened with that fifth book?

Sam: You mean the automobile driving manual?

 

[ron4shua]

Blind Man
A blind man enters a lady's bar by mistake. Finding his way to the bar, he orders a drink. After a few drinks he yells, "Does anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"

The place gets silent. Then a woman with a deep, husky voice sitting to the right of the man says, "Sir, since you are blind, I think it is only fair to let you know that

1. The bartender is a blonde woman.
   
   
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.
   
   
3. The woman on your left is blonde and a professional wrestler.
   
   
4. I'm a six foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
   
   
5. The woman next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

Do you still want to tell that joke?"

"Nah," says the man. "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it FIVE times."

 

[ron4shua]

Cell Phone
One day a blonde decided to get a cell phone. After talking with the salesman, she finally selected a model and signed up for the service.

Over the next few days she called her friends and gave them her new number.

A few days later while shopping, her phone rang for the first time.

Surprised, she answered it. It was her best friend. Completely dumbfounded, she asked in amazement, "How did you know where to call me?"