Just had a breakup, feeling lost and rejected.

[LeonSG]

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum. Just a quick insight into my situation, I'm 28 and she is 24, we've been dating close to a month. We decided to call it off yesterday. It was a mutual agreement.
She says she might not be at the stage where she is ready for a boyfriend. (She's an air stewardess) She says she is not able to love me as much as I love her. I don't understand as she should not have agreed to my proposal of going into a relationship when she knows she is not ready.
Although I accepted that fact, it still hurts deep inside. The fact that I prayed to God to seek his guidance on this relationship, he still chose to allow me to enter into a relationship with the girl, and took it away in the end.
I'm feeling so lost, and I feel so neglected by God. I have read so many passages from the bible, but it does not seem to be able to ease my pain.
I need some advice and/or someone to talk to.
Regards,
Leon

 

[KeepSearching]

Hello Leon,

I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't have any advice, unfortunately. I know that even when we know God is with us, things still hurt. God will work, it just takes time. Wishing God's blessings and healing for you.

 

[aiki]

I'm sorry to hear that your heart has taken a bruising. It surprising how much something non-physical can be so painful.

Although I accepted that fact, it still hurts deep inside. The fact that I prayed to God to seek his guidance on this relationship, he still chose to allow me to enter into a relationship with the girl, and took it away in the end.

Um, how do you know that this is what happened? How do you know that it was God's will that you begin a relationship with this woman? "Praying for guidance" is only a single step in the process of properly discerning what God may or may not want you to do.

I'm feeling so lost, and I feel so neglected by God. I have read so many passages from the bible, but it does not seem to be able to ease my pain.
I need some advice and/or someone to talk to.

Well, if you think God has not done right by you, then you're not going to find His Word much comfort, are you? I hope you are mature enough in your walk with God to realize that your feelings are not a good basis upon which to judge the truth or reality of things. Especially with God, what you feel can be very different than what actually is.

So, what do you do with feelings that contradict what the Bible tells you about God and your relationship to Him? For example, you feel like God has neglected you. Is this true according to God's Word? Is He really guilty of neglecting you?

Peace.

 

[EJFan291]

Ill pray for you, man. I like a girl for over three years and never dated her. I might not understand your situation completely, but I understand how much rejection hurts.

Jesus also understands because he faced rejection all the time. And people still reject him today when 2,000 years ago he paid the price for us. Seek him during this time.

I once heard an awesome quote the says "God will mend a broken heart if you give Him all the pieces." Also, read verses on how God comforts us and loves us.

Hope I helped =)

 

[Kyle B]

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your break up. I also know how hard it can be to place your trust in God after something so devastating has happened. However, we must remember that we all go through tough times, and God is with us through happiness and tragedy. So, turn to God, even though it may seem hard.

I'll be praying for you.

 

[Peripatetic]

The fact that I prayed to God to seek his guidance on this relationship, he still chose to allow me to enter into a relationship with the girl, and took it away in the end.
I'm feeling so lost, and I feel so neglected by God. I have read so many passages from the bible, but it does not seem to be able to ease my pain.
I need some advice and/or someone to talk to.

First of all, nothing hurts like a breakup. When it first happens, you have to let yourself grieve a little. No advice or bible passages will just make the pain vanish. Time will help, though. I can assure you of that.

Now, about God's role: you said that "he allowed you to enter into it". God will not prevent you from a relationship. Ultimately it was your choice. Now... you may have felt the Holy Spirit telling you that this relationship was a good choice. How do you know that it wasn't? If you've had other relationships that didn't last, wouldn't you say that they taught you some life-lessons? Honestly, I'm very glad that I didn't marry the first girl that I fell in love with. The experience of a devastating break up was very valuable in shaping who I am today.

I had a similar situation with a job. I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to take a position that turned out to be one of the worst experiences of my life. But now, looking back, I know how much that adversity helped to build character.

This passage from Romans 5 give good insight into the value of suffering:

we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

 

[LeonSG]

Thanks for all the replies so far.
I guess the worst part of it all is that I do not know how I should feel right now. Being a mutual agreement kind of thing. I'm actually quite lost, I do not know if I should be sad that she's not "The One", happy because we are still friends, or disappointed that I could not be "The One" for her.
Being in this state I truly am a lost sheep. And all I can do is pray and pray to God for his guidance and courage.
I know that I wanted to start this relationship so much because everything felt so right at that point of time. So I guess after all this, I can take away that God does not approve of it, and that there is someone better out there for me.
But during this period where my feelings are all mixed up, I really do not know what to feel or what to do.
That's why I need to talk to someone and get advice.
God bless!
Leon

 

[Macx]

Wait, you are still friends?

That rocks! and let me tell ya why.

1, If she is not the one, you found it out now instead of seven years into a bad marriage wherein she runs off with some other dude (let me tell ya how that feels. . . no never mind, God delivered you from that maybe)

2, you are still friends . . . if you are cool and continue building the relationship on a friendship level you'll be the first guy she thinks of when she is ready.

3, breaking up is always hard. . . getting stone cold dumped is even worse, worse still it she does it on your birthday, worse still if she brings along the ex-girlfriend who was previous to her to support her in breaking up with you (let me tell you how that feels, no never mind, God delivered you from that & you came to a mutual agreement)

4, Getting really close to married and then realizing she isn't the one & having to shell out the money on all those non-refundable things and having a big ole vacation planned for a honeymoon that you no longer need and you bent over backwards to get the time off. (let me tell you how that feels, no never mind, God delivered you from that fate)

What I am getting at is . . . some people have some really painful stuff in their love lives. . . shoot, that is just scratching the surface for me. But if I hadn't gone through all that heartache. . . I would have never been in the right place at the right time to find the awesome wife I have now. The heartache is painful. The heartache is really, REALLY painful. I'd go through each of those pains 1000 times more than the once it took just to have the afternoon I had today with the daughter my wife gave me. My son is teething, he is screaming and it is like an icepick in my ear but I look at him and every pain, every heartache was worth it. Sometimes it takes a little pain to get us where we need to be. Praise God and hang in there brother.

 

[aiki]

Thanks for all the replies so far.
I guess the worst part of it all is that I do not know how I should feel right now. Being a mutual agreement kind of thing. I'm actually quite lost, I do not know if I should be sad that she's not "The One", happy because we are still friends, or disappointed that I could not be "The One" for her.

Why not simply be content and happy that you have put the whole thing in God's hands and can trust Him to do the best by you - even if what He does isn't what you might have done?

Being in this state I truly am a lost sheep. And all I can do is pray and pray to God for his guidance and courage.
I know that I wanted to start this relationship so much because everything felt so right at that point of time. So I guess after all this, I can take away that God does not approve of it, and that there is someone better out there for me.

A thing may "feel so right" and yet be utterly wrong. Feelings often deceive.

But during this period where my feelings are all mixed up, I really do not know what to feel or what to do.

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

That's why I need to talk to someone and get advice.

You won't find any better advice than that offered to you by God in His Word, the Bible.

Peace.

 

[Autumnleaf]

You should feel however you feel. Just let it be okay.

Sometimes things don't work out. Its not your fault. You and her were like two passing ships in the night. She was never your destination.

 

[gfletcherd]

My advice to you would be, did God really give you that girl. Sometimes we think God has sent us someone when really he didn't. If God sent a girl to you then that was the girl you suppose to be with. So you need to talk with God and find out if God really sent her to you.

 

[A_maize]

Dude man, that sucks. Seriously. Does it feel like the back of your brain is being hit by a spike? Or worse? What are you going to do now?

But hey man, you never know, right? Maybe you two DO have a future, just a little bit in the future, no?