Just got Engaged, going to talk to the priest tomarrow. have a question

[ironford]

Ok were going to talk to the priest tomarrow, and were both really nervous, biggest problem is we live together, have you ever heard of a priest not marry a couple because they live together?

I really have a problem with lieing and i know a lof of my friends who have lied to the priest and said they wern't but im not going to do that, i will tell him the truth im just worried he will refuse to marry us.

 

[Davidnic]

Ok were going to talk to the priest tomarrow, and were both really nervous, biggest problem is we live together, have you ever heard of a priest not marry a couple because they live together?

I really have a problem with lieing and i know a lof of my friends who have lied to the priest and said they wern't but im not going to do that, i will tell him the truth im just worried he will refuse to marry us.

Depends why you are living together and depends on the priest. They are given a bit of leeway. Almost everyone in my marriage class was living together. The priest could decide not to marry you but that would be on the outside edge of possible. I live in a college town and often people live together for economic reasons before any other one. They are not playing at pseudo-marriage...so often what I see is that people get an extra bit of time or an extra segment of class discussing the situation.

It is possible he will ask that you seek separate residence if financially possible until you are married.

Hopefully, the ideal situation for you in this, you get a priest who will explain why living together and marriage are different, assess your situation on it's own merits and just make sure you understand some things. But he will still marry you and take into account the financial constraints that may have caused the cohabitation.

Don't worry too much. Be honest.

 

[ironford]

Depends why you are living together and depends on the priest. They are given a bit of leeway. Almost everyone in my marriage class was living together. The priest could decide not to marry you but that would be on the outside edge of possible. I live in a college town and often people live together for economic reasons before any other one. They are not playing at pseudo-marriage...so often what I see is that people get an extra bit of time or an extra segment of class discussing the situation.

It is possible he will ask that you seek separate residence if financially possible until you are married.

Hopefully, the ideal situation for you in this, you get a priest who will explain why living together and marriage are different, assess your situation on it's own merits and just make sure you understand some things. But he will still marry you and take into account the financial constraints that may have caused the cohabitation.

Don't worry to much. Be honest.

well i own my own home, her parents live like 5 miles from me so its not financial i just like her being there, to be honest after i got home from iraq i can't stand being alone at night, its kinda weird and that might be part of the reason i like her living with me so much now but i just hope he doesn't say he won't marry up, i could actually refrain from being sexual and i know thats wrong right now also, actually i can understand him saying the sex is a bigger deal then the living together

 

[Davidnic]

well i own my own home, her parents live like 5 miles from me so its not financial i just like her being there, to be honest after i got home from iraq i can't stand being alone at night, its kinda weird and that might be part of the reason i like her living with me so much now but i just hope he doesn't say he won't marry up, i could actually refrain from being sexual and i know thats wrong right now also, actually i can understand him saying the sex is a bigger deal then the living together

Given what you have described, be honest. I doubt he will refuse to marry you. Let him know how much marriage means to you and tell him you are willing to not have sex and focus the upcoming time on the impending marriage and your life together. Priests deal with this all the time.

I would honestly be shocked, given what you have said, if he refused to marry you.

Above all my congratulations. My wife and I just celebrated our 6th anniversary and had our first little girl who is 5 months old. Many blessings on your life together. Thank you for serving in Iraq and my God bless you both.

Again, just be honest. Let him know you want to marry each other and that you are willing to work with him, take the marriage classes and talk about the differences between living together and marriage.

 

[ironford]

Given what you have described, be honest. I doubt he will refuse to marry you. Let him know how much marriage means to you and tell him you are willing to not have sex and focus the upcoming time on the impending marriage and your life together. Priests deal with this all the time.

I would honestly be shocked, given what you have said, if he refused to marry you.

Above all my congratulations. My wife and I just celebrated our 6th anniversary and had our first little girl who is 5 months old. Many blessings on your life together. Thank you for serving in Iraq and my God bless you both.

Again, just be honest. Let him know you want to marry each other and that you are willing to work with him, take the marriage classes and talk about the differences between living together and marriage.

thanks you i really hope he doesn't refuse to marry us i guess ive never actually heard of that happening but ive been nervous for a few weeks about everything

 

[Fantine]

Welcome home, soldier. I think that some of your anxieties might be due to your overseas service, and that what you are experiencing upon your return to the United States might be natural.

I hope that your meeting with the priest goes well. Do you and your fiancee know the local priests? If so, your intuition will probably tell you which priest to choose. In my town, I can only think of one priest who would give you a difficult time, and people with concerns about their living situations just avoid him.

(One left the parish because of her divorce and remarriage to a non-Catholic, went to another church with a nicer priest, and lo and behold, her husband was baptized and their marriage solemnized in two years. Are you listening, priests? You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar....)

 

[heavenschild]

The priest may not marry you when you tell him that you are living together. Perhaps it is best to do the right thing and live in separate residences until you are married.

 

[Anygma]

here's a little gem for you, i would recommend it to anyone planning to get married.
- The Gift Foundation -

wish i had heard something like that many years ago.

God bless

 

[ironford]

The priest may not marry you when you tell him that you are living together.

thats what im worried about. guess we could always do like everyone else nowadays and just lie but we won't well tell the truth

and i really don't know the priest that great but hes basically the best priest ive ever heard, ive been going back to church for a little over 7 months and hes great so i really hope he will do this

 

[Fantine]

thats what im worried about. guess we could always do like everyone else nowadays and just lie but we won't well tell the truth

and i really don't know the priest that great but hes basically the best priest ive ever heard, ive been going back to church for a little over 7 months and hes great so i really hope he will do this

I've been married so long (39 years) that my memory is a little fuzzy, but I don't recall the priest who married us asking us any questions about our living arrangements or sexual activity. I don't think you need to volunteer any information that isn't specifically asked, but I wouldn't lie, either.

 

[Davidnic]

I've been married so long (39 years) that my memory is a little fuzzy, but I don't recall the priest who married us asking us any questions about our living arrangements or sexual activity. I don't think you need to volunteer any information that isn't specifically asked, but I wouldn't lie, either.

It is a common question now. Most diocese require that it is asked.

 

[Krentis]

We lived together before we were married. I recall that the Priest asked about it and indicated that it wasn't a big deal. He did reccoment (NOT require or order) that we refrain from sexual activity for the remainder of our engagement after one of our sessions until our wedding night, to make it a bit more special.

We did as he sugggested. I can't say that it improved any part of our relationship as he suggested it would, but it didn't kill us.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Ok were going to talk to the priest tomarrow, and were both really nervous, biggest problem is we live together, have you ever heard of a priest not marry a couple because they live together?

I really have a problem with lieing and i know a lof of my friends who have lied to the priest and said they wern't but im not going to do that, i will tell him the truth im just worried he will refuse to marry us.

http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-socio.html
This is a great article.

I think every couple should read this before they consider getting into a relationship.
I wish you the best....

Congrats!

 

[Krentis]

This is a great article.

I think every couple should read this before they consider getting into a relationship.
I wish you the best...

What makes it a great article, the fact that you agree with the author's conclusions or the series of corelations the author sells as causes?

 

[Michie]

http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-socio.html
This is a great article.

I think every couple should read this before they consider getting into a relationship.
I wish you the best....

Congrats!

I agree of course.

 

[Krentis]

Ironford, please report back after your meeting with the Priest. I'm sure you'll have seen that your worries were unfounded, that he was a pleasant man, and that rather than see you suffer for your choices, he'd like to see your weddding go off without a hitch. He may not like approve of the fact that you're living together or sexually active prior to marriage, but there wouldn't be very many marriages in our Church if we excluded all those who fall victim to these temptations. Your love has in the past and maybe is still now being expressed in a way the Church doesn't aprove of, but you're seeking to make that right. Very few modern Priests would fault you for that.

Oh, and Congrats! What an exciting time in the life of you and your bride to be!!!

 

[WarriorAngel]

2/3's of the stars will be swept out of the sky by the dragon's tail.
Is that the number of priests i wonder?

Secular law [and disposable relationships] that do not coincide with God's Laws shouldnt be celebrated...
Just saying.

I am not above the issue - but i can ascertain that the article is based on stats.

 

[MariaRegina]

Pre-marital sex (fornication) is a serious sin.

However, if you show repentance and ask the priest for help, then I am sure he would be willing to work with you. It is best to be honest. If you lie, he can tell, and it will only compound the problem.

My prayers for you and your future bride.

 

[eastcoast_bsc]

My Jaw just dropped reading these posts. We have our quarterly Gay bash summits, and all the straight people are shacking up. LOL Jeesh

 

[dusky_tresses]

From a personal standpoint, I would say that I think it would be a WISE decision to choose to live separately until marriage.

When my husband and I met with the priest before we got married, he actually did ask us if we were living together. We weren't and he mentioned that the church did not have a no cohabitation policy, yet he would have advised for us to live separately anyway. A priest can't necessarily bar you from getting married, but instead may point you to resources to send you to the right direction and have you think a little more about the decisions you make.

I lived with my parents while I was engaged. It wasn't fun, but after we got married I was so thankful that we chose to wait to have sex and live together until after marriage. We seriously did consider at a couple points during our relationship about whether or not we should move in together. Then we decided, after discussing at length, that it would not be a Christian or holy thing to do.

Your fiance can live with her parents, which will still be economical and it seems that she also lives close by. Please be honest! I think lying to the priest would be even worse than feeling bad about living together!