Just can't be glad...

[wantegrow]

I don't have too few blessings in my life, but I am an unhappy, jealous and troubled soul.

I didn't start out like that. Back in my teens, I had a lot more problems. I was fat and pimply, my family was poor and they were unbelievers, and I had some problems fitting in in class.

But I was joyful in the Lord. God's joy so filled my heart, I would skip my breaks to pray and sing to God. I would drop everything to share His word if the chance comes.

But today, I have many things going for me, but I'm just a very bitter soul. I have a wonderful godly boyfriend. God brought him into my life at a difficult point in time, but I am unhappy because he's struggling with some issues, and he still cannot bring himself to propose to me. Because of that, I've become bitter. I had a very difficult relationship before this, so this just adds on to the feeling of "why is it so difficult for me".

At my age, nearing 30, I have many friends who are getting married/married with kids. One of the things I hate is to go on facebook and see the happy photos of those happy events... Yet the more I struggle, the worse it gets and I have quarrelled with my boyfriend because of the issues. Or when a newly wed walks past and exudes the glow of a happy marriage, i'll be filled with bitterness inside.

I'm also generally not contented. I've always longed for personal glory, but when God came, I learnt to surrender to Him. But for some reason, the problem came back. And now I feel the great desire to climb the corporate ladder, and I find myself comparing myself with other people, and then I feel miserable.

I often feel anxious too. I wasn't like that. In the past, I did not worry so much and could focus at work, without wanting personal glory. Now, I want to rise, at the same time, I have become very unproductive and unmotivated at work.

I just can't pin down exactly what is wrong. I am just unhappy, and vaguely worried all the time (worried I can't get married, worried that I can't finish my work).

I have been trying to spend more time with God. While I do hear from Him sometimes, most of the times I just feel less guilty.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I really think I am a seeking Christian. I do all the things that are supposed to help me grow in Him, including praying, going to cell group, attending service, serving, having quiet time, and enroling in online courses... but the joy is just missing...

Please do pray that God will teach me how to live this life... and fill me with knowledge of Him.

 

[the.Sheepdog]

Hi dear, welcome to recovery and CF. As you read some of the posts in these forums you will find that you are not alone. Many have a lot of the same findings as you do.

Some have sought medical help and found good results in varying degrees. But all of us feel with you. All of us who are truly in God's family feel with one heart.

We just met you but you are family and we love you and will love you I promise. We will listen to you and hold you up in prayer and if you need just hold you.

As for prayer I will pray for you as I know many here will. You are not here with us by accident but the providence of almighty God dear one.

Welcome home!

 

[RuthD]

I am praying for you dear.

 

[BlessEwe]

Hello and welcome to CF!

I am not a professional but have been married for a long while, and I got married in my 30's.

Getting married isn't going to make those bad feelings just go away, and many times when we marry to try to put a bandaide on something, the situation ends up even farther pushed down, and deeper resentments can grow. Perhaps our loved ones can see things we can not right away, and he may be scared to get married when there are problems that may arise.

This is why they have premarital classes to work through any issues before getting married.

Let me also tell you that being married isn't as easy and perfect as it may look, It is very hard, hard work! people who have been married for many many years will tell you that any resentments that are not forgiven right away will bring you down fast. This is why it is so important to have tools to work through them as they arise.

I would suggest to pray and ask God to show you what you need to work on, pray about any old resentments that may be blinded and covered up and you don't see them. Work on any resentments with your boyfriend. Go back to church and find that personal relationship with Christ again. Get involved in the couples group. And find happiness with what God has given you right now in your life. not what your hoping will happen.

God Bless!

 

[wantegrow]

Thanks Sheepdog, ruth and blessed ewe...

Was feeling better for a while. tried to focus on God. Do bible studies... but it's so hard to consistently maintain the joy.

Yesterday, a churchfriend asked me when my wedding was. I had a long time ago said I might be getting married because my boyfriend was so excited he was planning about housing... Now the whole church knows and I feel so embarrassed. I only told one person. And then I feel so frustrated with my boyfriend and we had a bad quarrel last night. He kept telling me "soon soon"... it'll be soon... and kept talking about our future... our wedding... Then when I ask him when, he said maybe end of next year, which made me really mad because last year he said next year too.

I know I'm supposed to be glad in the Lord no matter what happens in our lives... but I jsut can't be glad. I don't know how I can be glad. It is so hard... I'm sad all the time, and I know it is not medical. It's really about this issue...

Please pray that God will help me not to be afraid of singlehood and how other people look at me...

 

[*Charis*]

Please do pray that God will teach me how to live this life... and fill me with knowledge of Him.
Please pray that God will help me not to be afraid of singlehood and how other people look at me...

Adding my prayers, Wantegrow...

 

[wantegrow]

Thanks Charis... Feeling a bit better... but emotionally i'm going up and down depending on how I feel about my being single. Actually this just worsens the problem. My boyfriend says he'll marry me, but he just needs to resolve the issues first so that he can propose happily. I don't know why I keep panicking.. which really worsens the problems