I lingered at the door but then entered. And was startled by
the sudden intense echoing silence... I looked for a darker
corner away from the peoples' eyes....away from myself....
Something was in the air...the fine fragrance of some incense
wove the shady twilight of the high vaults...was there a kind
of mist or my uneasiness was dimming my eyes?...I sat down
and tried to concentrate but my thoughts were skipping....
reaching one extreme of absurdity and stupidness after another...
I stared at the stained glass of the window... mesmerized by
the dark blue colour in it....I was staring and staring unable
to satisfy the thirst of my eyes...
But people distracted me....I was not alone and couldn't help
looking at them... silent immobile figures in the dusk...what
were their thoughts? Feelings? Words? Where were my own words?
I thought that I would find them but they darted away from my
sight hiding somewhere in the darker corners behind the columns
in the shimmering light of candles....
I closed my eyes and tried to look into myself...but the same
weird picture continued before my sight...and I could not resist
the temptation to steal a glance to check if it was the same...
yes...it was...nothing changed...same thoughtful figures...same
shades in the corners...same echoing silence within myself
alternating with stupid thoughts and unimportant images....
But well...still I liked the darkness under the stained windows....
it was giving me the feeling that I was almost alone even if I
wasn't....My words...I was to say them still...I tried to look at
myself from aside...to understand what was wrong with me and my
life...But alas...it was time for the lights to be turned on because
the darkness was too dense now....and the light went in chasing the
rest of my sound thoughts and intentions away....
The light was too bright after the soft healing shades...I felt as if
it was glowing right upon me... I looked for a darker place....but I
couldn't reach one without breaking this reverent silence....
I moved to a more remote corner but it was not as dark as I would
like it to be...I lingered a bit but then I bent my knees....hiding
my face in my hands...words came but jumbled worried....they were
falling to the emptiness and darkness before my eyes...I lacked fresh
air to breeze but still mumbled the same words I said many times
before....and then I realized that they lost their sense long ago
being repeated too often....Weird it was to feel all this...confused
and talking to myself....Was I talking to myself?...My words couldn't
reach even the high painted vaults leave alone the heaven hidden
there behind the roof and behind the grey autumn clouds.....
I got up and hurried away to the whirlwind of the street...leaving
those heavy wooden doors behind....but I thought I might come back...
someday...and catch the same time before the night falls...and try
once more to hear the answer....
the sudden intense echoing silence... I looked for a darker
corner away from the peoples' eyes....away from myself....
Something was in the air...the fine fragrance of some incense
wove the shady twilight of the high vaults...was there a kind
of mist or my uneasiness was dimming my eyes?...I sat down
and tried to concentrate but my thoughts were skipping....
reaching one extreme of absurdity and stupidness after another...
I stared at the stained glass of the window... mesmerized by
the dark blue colour in it....I was staring and staring unable
to satisfy the thirst of my eyes...
But people distracted me....I was not alone and couldn't help
looking at them... silent immobile figures in the dusk...what
were their thoughts? Feelings? Words? Where were my own words?
I thought that I would find them but they darted away from my
sight hiding somewhere in the darker corners behind the columns
in the shimmering light of candles....
I closed my eyes and tried to look into myself...but the same
weird picture continued before my sight...and I could not resist
the temptation to steal a glance to check if it was the same...
yes...it was...nothing changed...same thoughtful figures...same
shades in the corners...same echoing silence within myself
alternating with stupid thoughts and unimportant images....
But well...still I liked the darkness under the stained windows....
it was giving me the feeling that I was almost alone even if I
wasn't....My words...I was to say them still...I tried to look at
myself from aside...to understand what was wrong with me and my
life...But alas...it was time for the lights to be turned on because
the darkness was too dense now....and the light went in chasing the
rest of my sound thoughts and intentions away....
The light was too bright after the soft healing shades...I felt as if
it was glowing right upon me... I looked for a darker place....but I
couldn't reach one without breaking this reverent silence....
I moved to a more remote corner but it was not as dark as I would
like it to be...I lingered a bit but then I bent my knees....hiding
my face in my hands...words came but jumbled worried....they were
falling to the emptiness and darkness before my eyes...I lacked fresh
air to breeze but still mumbled the same words I said many times
before....and then I realized that they lost their sense long ago
being repeated too often....Weird it was to feel all this...confused
and talking to myself....Was I talking to myself?...My words couldn't
reach even the high painted vaults leave alone the heaven hidden
there behind the roof and behind the grey autumn clouds.....
I got up and hurried away to the whirlwind of the street...leaving
those heavy wooden doors behind....but I thought I might come back...
someday...and catch the same time before the night falls...and try
once more to hear the answer....
