Just a Quick Question

[Im_A]

I have a quick question for the single people out there. are there any Christians tired of the dating scene within the Christian circle?

i don't want to use church to find a g/f, and i am even tired of some of the mindset of the Christian dating scene. Christian women have to find that strong, Christian man, who will get her a nice house, produce a nice size family, and everything be perfect, perfect in the Western Americain Dream. now i am not saying that having a nice house, nice car and family is bad, i long to have that stuff also, but i just dont' want a girl to want me for what i can possibly give her. it would really nice to find a Christian women, who maybe struggles like i do at times, and just wants me because of me, and if we live in a an apartment or a small house all our life, she would be happy because she wants me, and i want her. i know it is sappy, maybe extremely old fashioned, but oh well, i'm a young punk kid with old fashioned views on love, doesn't mix well when your 22 years old, and still a virgin.

finding love outside of a another Christian is a joke. finding a girl who may not believe in Christ, and wants to wait for marriage for sex and who wants someone with Christian views is like finding an invisible needle in a haystack. plus is sex is always needed in a relationship like that most of the time, and i don't have the desire to give up my virginity, to attempt at finding a stable relationship.

so i don't know. i'm not like totally hating being single or anything. i have posted before saying, it is a love/hate relationship with the single life. i guess i am just tired of the dating scene in the Christian and non-Christian scene.

anyone else out there like me, feel free to vent all you want God Bless you all! <><

 

[LionOfJudah]

i know the feeling most girls will go to Bible college for their MRS degree we hand more of those out than anything i think.

 

[Im_A]

i know the feeling most girls will go to Bible college for their MRS degree we hand more of those out than anything i think.

haha, good point there. never thought about that in that way, but i do see your point there. glad i am not the only one that feels like i do!

 

[Mother Vashti]

I feel as though I don't know where to look for dates... To be honest, neither Christian nor non-Christian circles interest me.

I like weirdoes, but not debased/morbid people.

 

[Living4Him03]

Yah...I have so many friends that ran off and got married young. Not to say it was not God's will to marry for some of them. One of my friends is pregnant and has just been married about a year!

Anyway, you will find that not all Christian girls are alike. I'm not one of those girls who is looking for a guy to give her "stuff" although I do agree that is what many girls are raised to expect and want. I want an adventure partner...I want a guy who is willing to live on nothing or everything...who will follow God above all else. I would be happy in a small house that doesn't require a lot of cleaning and fuss...I want to enjoy my family more than spend time cleaning the house or sitting around looking at all the expensive stuff...that's not any fun! Instead of buying a huge TV why not save your money and go on a trip and learn to surf or something fun like that? That's the way I think. I'm a pretty simple gal and there are plenty of us out there willing to follow God wherever He leads, even if it's in a hut in Africa or wherever. Now, I do want to get a puppy Gotta have the puppy hehe. Other than that, there are a lot of girls who are waiting on God's timing and not looking to get their MRS until they are really ready.

 

[Im_A]

well i can say it is very refreshing to here that from a Christian girl. i mean i'll be honest, i have been fighting to not hope/want a Christian girl period. i just try to remind myself that out of the population of around billions of people, the few that i have had bad incidents with doesn't mean a thing to realm of things. yet, i know i am tired of the dating scenes period on both sides. they both seem to be the same at times, and it's like, now i am at a point of what do i do now? i mean yes wait for God's timing and all that, and i've heard all that, and believe it, but i mean putting my hopes in a chance meeting with someone, then maybe actually going out and trying again, i don't know which one weighs on the smart/logical side. i don't want to go to single's club at churches, because then it's almost like everyone dates in the group, and it becomes a cliche if you will. i am not going to use church to meet someone. i have to find a church i want to go regularly first. the one i want to is an hour away, and with my work schedule, that doesn't really mesh together at the moment, which is fine, but still aggravating. so yea, it's always refreshing that there are girls that want more than the things a marriage can give.

 

[Brentley20]

I'm on the same page with you here as well man. That type of girl does bother me. Being single can be very frustrating, especially when you start to see your friends getting married (which has been happening to me a lot recently). But in some ways being single can be a blessing too. I've had one girlfriend, my senior year of high school. After that I decided it really wasn't worth dating someone I knew I would never end up marrying. That was about 3 years ago now, and I have had a few interests (some of them mutual) but haven't really actually dated anyone else. And I've gotta say, I don't feel like I've missed anything. Life has been good, frustrating for short periods of time, but good. I'm just working on being patient and trusting that God will take care of me if I am faithful. And let me tell you man, I am doing a lot better than most of the other guys at my college that are running around worrying about girls all the time. It feels really good to just be really laid back all the time and not stress about it. Just be patient and faithful and things will work out.

 

[renaistre]

... Life has been good, frustrating for short periods of time, but good. I'm just working on being patient and trusting that God will take care of me if I am faithful. .... Just be patient and faithful and things will work out.

What he said is good ^

I think there are a lot of us in a similar place. I just got back from a great church camp out where the pastor really got me thinking. One of his key points was that God is always trying to build us, and he uses lots of different things in our lives to do it. I know that for me, if I think of being single as God's time for me to persue my education, develop responsibility, and mature as a Christian, then I am much more content with my situation. I know that when God thinks I am ready for a new phase of life, he will point me to it. Now it's just a matter of getting my emotions to follow my mind .

I think that was one of the primary points that Josh Harris was making in IGDG and Boy Meets Girl, which brings it back to the "Christian dating scene" issue. I'm not here to bring up the courtship/dating debate, but the truth is, I don't think either method will work unless people have the correct mindset. The mindsets observed in the OP are not correct, which is frustrating, but all too often true. That is why up until now I have stayed out of the "dating scene" completely. Someday that might change, but I don't know.

OK, I just re-read that and the structure is terrible. I hope the message comes through.

 

[Out of the Flames]

I'm a firm believer in the idea that the important stuff will fall into place when the timing is right by God.

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin and wanting to stay that way until marriage. You're 22 years old- Who says you need to be out finding the right woman right now? Singlehood is a blast! Have fun with it!

 

[mina]

I don't want material things from a Christian guy. He doesn't have to get me stuff he just has to love me for myself and love God and visaversa. Anyways all girls are not like that. I do want a strong Godly man though, because I think that's important. And I think I'm strong too and I would want someone stronger than me so I could willfully and joyfully submit to him. I wouldn't date just anyone though, even if they were a Christian. Bottom line: stuff doesn't hold a candle to a Godly man that loves the Lord. Dating non Christians is not a good thing. Just dating any Christian b/c they are a Christian isn't a good thing. I guess just pray for wisdom in choosing a date or close friends and guard your heart.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I don't like taking my dates to church - everyone starts harping on about marriage, which is a bit OTT on the first couple of dates (might have something to do that there is 'wedding fever' at church at the moment (10 weddings this year), and tires me no end when people start asking if we're getting married.

That's part of the reason my guy and I have decided to start seeking a more serious relationship over a long period of time, in quiet, with an eventual decision being made 4 months later. I didn't want to have to deal with us getting to know each other as a couple (and deciding whether we wanted something more than friends), with the whole of the young adults at the church jumping in on the band wagon and subtley 'pushing' us to a stage that we frankly aren't in any place to be getting involved in.

We would like to get married, but I'm going to the UK for a year in 2006, and he wants to do a few more things before it gets THAT serious. Right now is NOT the right time for us to get engaged! Why can't people stop harping on the big 'M' word, when you're just starting out!

Sorry, but it's one of my main 'issues' with couples at church - everyone wants you engaged, then married, then having kids. Noone seems to understand the value of investing in the relationship BEFORE getting a ring on your finger...



Ranting over now

 

[mina]

I agree. I think there is great value in investing in the relationship and developing areally really great friendship together before rushing into marriage and kids.

 

[Athalia]

heh did some one mention MRS degrees? that makes me so mad lol i called up a flight school and the recuriter tried to get me to come by saying point blank "there's lots of nice young men here for you to chose from" heh needless to say im not going there.

I figure though it is all in God's hands, and meanwhile i'll have a bit of fun. I like guys but im not much into dating - and thats not because im christian and "oh you have to find a nice christian man and settle down." Im never settling down even when i get married how boriing

 

[Im_A]

i have to say with myself, these past 8 months, have been very revealing for me. a lot of the stuff i mentioned with starting this thread came out of a really bad relationship i had, that i've been out of 8 months ago, (for details, we'll talk privately.) and just the whole thing, kind of made everything i had believed in and hoped with love, just fall down. i can remember 4 to 5 years ago, i wasn't this way. i was sad, angry, depressed, and really struggling in my faith because i was single. i wanted that part so bad in me fullfilled on my own timing, and my own making, that i did just that, and everything failed on me, and now, yes i have my bad days, to where things i have mentioned early, are a real bothersome, but then other days, i am just relaxed, and not worrying about it. just a day by day kind of thing. i don't like being alone, but i do, because i truly believe God is strengthening, renewing me, and putting things back together in my life, and i am so thankful to Him so much more than when i first made the conscience descision to believe and follow Christ. still, the confusion still always lay inside about things in relationships, and the single life quo say, but still i know God is giving me peace with being single. it has tooken a lot of mess ups on my part, but all that stuff, got me to this point in my walk with God. so when my days come, i want to deal with it, and get through it. maybe i can learn something new from those bad days, or maybe just be reminded to not give up and just be more patient, and keep my eyes focused straight ahead of me. but i know deep inside, i do have confusion, and frustrations. they will be there till that part of me is fullfilled, and i can't help that, and i accept that.

well peeps, i need to jet off for a 12 hour shift, and only having naps for rest today, a long night awaits, yay, lol. talk to you guys later!

Joe

 

[Brentley20]

I can relate man. Sometimes you just feel lonely. I just try to entertain myself with something and it always passes after a short time. It's when you sit around and feel sorry for yourself that things get worse. Sounds like you have a good attitude about it though. Keep it up bro.

 

[Psychedelica]

Read the Song of Solomon(I think thats what its called..correct me anyone if im wrong) in the bible, and the right one will come along!!!

 

[Im_A]

I never set out looking for a "christian" guy, otherwise I'd probably still be alone and miserable. Instead I found a great guy who is agnostic (believes in God or something higher than ourselves but doesn't subscribe to any particular religion) and totally respects my beliefs and who I am. His family, who we live with, are all Buddhists and they never try to impose anything upon me, they are very passive for the most part.

We were married on August 16th, and I am 2 months pregnant with our first child (yeah you do the math on that one, but I am a progressive Christian and I'm not going to get into all my beliefs on sex before marriage right here right now), and we are very happy. We do face challenges with an inter-faith family and also inter-racial (he and his family are Vietnamese) but with all the love we have for one another these challenges only prove to make us stronger as we examine them and talk about them.

Things can be very good in an inter-faith relationship if you are willing to look at your differences are learning experiences rather than barriers. How boring would the world be if we were all the same.. bleh! I thrive on difference, always have. Thats one reason I wanted to move out here to Vancouver, where I come from there is *no* diversity what-so-ever. I'm loving it in such a big and diverse city.

i totally respect that. we all have our views and beliefs on sex, and we all know what the Bible says, so there is no need to getting into views about that. that is between you and God alone

but i totally respect that. i myself, i like having differences, and trying to find a common ground to agree to disagree. seems pretty easy to just find someone that you can say yay or nay with, or give me an amen ya know. at the same time, i want someone i can relate to spiritually. i would like to find a Christian girl, but i want a Christian girl at my level, that i can relate too, and we can agree with things, and and agree to disagree on other things. i am also open to being around non-christian girls. i have dated a decent amount of both sides, and like i have said before in this post, there isn't that much differences, just some technical differences. so i think my wants in a girl have strayed away from specifically setting out my eyes only on Christian girls or only specifically setting out my eyes only for non-Christian girls. i want the one person that compliments me, and that I compliment her, and we are basically at the same level in our spirituality, we relate and all that good stuff. i trust God that i will find a girl that i can relate spiritually, and that we can grow together as a union in marriage.

i pray God will bless your marriage. like you mentioned, there are some challenges, but i pray that God will bless you guys in whatever way He sees fit. God Bless you <><

 

[Im_A]

I don't like taking my dates to church - everyone starts harping on about marriage, which is a bit OTT on the first couple of dates (might have something to do that there is 'wedding fever' at church at the moment (10 weddings this year), and tires me no end when people start asking if we're getting married.

That's part of the reason my guy and I have decided to start seeking a more serious relationship over a long period of time, in quiet, with an eventual decision being made 4 months later. I didn't want to have to deal with us getting to know each other as a couple (and deciding whether we wanted something more than friends), with the whole of the young adults at the church jumping in on the band wagon and subtley 'pushing' us to a stage that we frankly aren't in any place to be getting involved in.

We would like to get married, but I'm going to the UK for a year in 2006, and he wants to do a few more things before it gets THAT serious. Right now is NOT the right time for us to get engaged! Why can't people stop harping on the big 'M' word, when you're just starting out!

Sorry, but it's one of my main 'issues' with couples at church - everyone wants you engaged, then married, then having kids. Noone seems to understand the value of investing in the relationship BEFORE getting a ring on your finger...



Ranting over now

i totally understand that. i get tired of the expectancy of people getting married. i know a Christian who has never been married and he is 39 i think. he plays guitar at his church and works, and works at one of the local ministries in that town. he is an awesome guy, and he is happy with his life. i am not married, engaged. i don't even have a g/f yet. haven't for 8 months now. now i'm 22, and i have a friend who is married, a kid along the way, and living decent. i know other people i believe seem confused and bewildered why i am not out there dating, or even close to getting married. i believe it is good to get the relationship rolling and started on a good note. but i believe that is between the couples, based on their convictions and personalities and desires with life. if a couple wants to get married early, i say go for it, if that is what they truly want, and if not, that's great too. it's up to them. the longest relationship i have ever had, was weeks shy of being 2 years. we weren't even engaged or anything. and it ended on a bad note, but oh well.

i have a wild-eyed hope of meeting a girl and becoming great friends over time. both of us aware that we like each other as more than friends, but trying our best to hold off from sex, and be best friends, and go after no one else, and then i'd propse to her. i think it would be awesome to propose to my best friend ya know. i know it's sappy, and all that, but it seems better than the way my relationship life has been. i don't know the future, and i'll wait to see how everything pans out. but i believe having time while not married, creates more stability after the ring is put on. watch each other change, while at the same going through changes, and still holding on to one another, shows a high probable reason to think it is something of worth for the two. and i know it seems like churches push the marriage thing. always bringing up sex and remaining pure, and then to create a family, and all that. and all that is great, and something i long to have. but it has to be created from a stable relationship first before anything like that happens.

seems like there is a track, point a, to point b, equals c. and so many want to skip a, rush b, and get to the outcome which is c. to be honest, i miss point a anymore, haha.

plus i think a lot of Christians feel that marriage is the final thing to complete, and everything will be just peaceful after that. but that is such a bold face lie. the only difference is, you have a soulmate while you go through this world, which to me sounds heavenly. i wish the church wouldn't try to rush people into marriage, and just focus on reaching the needs of couples that aren't married. but that is just some of views and opinions on that topic.

 

[keliezimmer]

Christian women have to find that strong, Christian man, who will get her a nice house, produce a nice size family, and everything be perfect, perfect in the Western Americain Dream.

HAHAHAH!!

But there's a flip side to that boys! Being a Christian girl looking for a Christian guy isn't easy either! Girls are expected to be pious virgins, fighting off the lustful advances of the world (they look like Britney Spears too, don't you know?) until her valiant husband can come along and complete the whole of her destiny by marrying her and together they can have a zillion babies and she'll cook and clean and stay home with the kids like a Stepford Wife! She'll submit to his authority in everything and have no ambition or personality so to speak beyond being a "wife" and a "mother".

At least it's a comfort knowing not all guys think this way, and I hope vice-versa.

For myself I'm hopelessly flawed; simultaneously thoughtful yet selfish, motivated but lazy, damaged but trying to improve, well-intentioned but not always successful. I am all these contradictions and I hope that I can find someone just as messed up and complicated as me whom I'll love for all their strange little neurosis and eccentricities - just as I hope they will love me for mine. I hate to break any bubbles but life can be dissappointing. And just when you thought you built a nice shiny little life made of 6 bedroom/4 bath track homes and big screen TV's and SUV's and Starbucks coffee joints - you find yourself unemployed and shopping for clothes at Wal-Mart and buying your grocerys at Food 4 Less. Life has to be more than the sum of your stuff, and I would much prefer to have a person of substance - one who has been in the trenches and gotten dirty, and who know's how to adapt and be resourceful through the hard times.
*WOO!* Was I on my pulpit there?! I'm not bitter, really.

LOL

 

[renaistre]

But there's a flip side to that boys! Being a Christian girl looking for a Christian guy isn't easy either! Girls are expected to be pious virgins, fighting off the lustful advances of the world (they look like Britney Spears too, don't you know?) until her valiant husband can come along and complete the whole of her destiny by marrying her and together they can have a zillion babies and she'll cook and clean and stay home with the kids like a Stepford Wife! She'll submit to his authority in everything and have no ambition or personality so to speak beyond being a "wife" and a "mother".

I don't know about the ambition or personality part, but you forgot "driving the kids to soccer practice, AWANA, and youth group every week."