Just a little advice woudl help

[aric714]

So I don't want to put all my business out there so I'll just kind of tell a short version of the story and just add in any details that might be important.

I meet this guy named Wes about the 2 week of school. He came out to me that he was bi but he hadn't told anyone else. From there we just got along great until he started liking this girl. This girl was talking mad stuff about him behind his back so I let him in on what was being said. Well to just to compact what happend, we all end up getting in a big agrument and but we are all cool now even thow the girl doesn't like him AT ALL and stays away from him. Shortly after this I finally confess that if been "curious". The reason behind this is that i never had I real man (dad ran off before I was born) in my lifet o tell me anything at all, I don't have many guy friend most of them are just "hi/bye" friends, I have LOTS of girl friends, my mom told me she thought I was gay and that it was okay, and everyone is always labeling me gay. My religion for so long has kept me pure, I haven't smoked, drank, had sex, or anything like that. I'm still a virgin to this day and plan on staying one. Anyways we end up messing around with each other one day in this field out in the country. Of course it was setup and not like it just happen. Well I didn't like it all and I knew it wasn't for me. But even after the fact I didn't like it I still LIKED HIM! I mean I REALLY LIKED HIM! Its not about the messing around thing, its like I like him for who he is. I love being around him. He's kind of jerk (blew me off and has let me down numerous times) but after a recent confession of the fact he was thinking about commiting suicide, I have given him alot of attention. I really care for him alot and for about 2 weeks staright all I could do was think about him and what we did at the field. What do I do now? When I pray, I'm always thinking "I don't want to be gay, but I really like him" but when I pray that I won't like him like that anymroe, I'm thinking "That's not what I really want, I want to be with him" I'm so confused. What does everyone think about this? Is this a faze or my emotions playing a game with me. All opinions will be appreciated.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

Whoa... you're dealing with a lot of things. Can you list them separate so we'll know what you mean?

 

[Cristiano]

Aric714
I understand your situation somewhat. I have struggled for some time with same sex attractions as a Christian guy. I am currently in love with my best friend who is a guy... I see several things in your situation. Your lack of male figures in your life could have something to do with it, but doesn't have to. Although I played sports in HS and was not an "effeminate" guy by any means, I had lots of friends that were girls. Finally, as HS went on, I realized that it wasn't good for me spiritually or emotionally as a man to be surrounded by females all the time. It doesn't mean you love all things guys do and talk about but that you try to develop your manhood as best you can as a Christian guy.

I think love itself transcends everything, even gender lines. In Christ, in his Spirit, there is no slave, no freeman, no Greek, no Jew, no male, no female. I think the problem is that most guys are not comfortable admitting they want closeness with other guys as friends, because they think it will be perceived as gay. But look at the best friendship between David and Jonathan in the OT--you can see that they truly loved each other by their weeping, kissing, and hugging when David is being pursued by Jonathan's father, the King, who wants to killl David. They see the end is near and their love is demonstrated. I think it is an awesome display of what true friendship is.

With that being said, it's hard because I think that as spiritual beings, we fall in love with another person's spirit. For most people, only the opposite sex is within that radar, but given the right circumstances, I think any two spirits can fall in love. But I think when it happens with someone of the same sex, most guys suppress thos feelings and NEVER, EVER tap into them again and continue on with their hetero lives. That's why it is hard being a Christian, knowing that we are only allowed sex with someone of the opposite sex in marriage. That doesn't leave a lot of options for those who are in love with someone of the same sex. Your attraction to Wes is, admittedly, beyond physical. It's hard when you really love someone for who they are. But you said that he is sortof a jerk sometimes and doesn't value your friendship. It sounds to me like several people I met in college, who are stuck on themselves and are only out for their benefit. It's called playing games. They think by blowing you off, and making you approach them first, that they have power in the relationship and that is what they want. They don't deserve your time. If you feel that Wes is treating you like that, tell him. It's the best thing anyone could ever tell him. Look at it this way: It will either help your relationship or break it up, but it will not continue to play games with your heart.

Please guard your heart with him. Pray for strength and continually ask for guidance. Ask for the ability to love on a larger scale and pray for a soul mate and close male friends who can build up your faith. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

Cristiano

 

[aric714]

Thanks so much Cristiano but yeah I would really like to talk to more about it. No one really understands whats going on so I just want to talk to you about it. What time zone do you live in? What time is best for you.....anytime this week.......I'm out of school.

 

[Johnnz]

We can enjoy people as good friends without that being at all sexual. he may be someone like that for you.

Your "playing around" was devoid of romance. It was more to satisfy your curiosity. You may also have had mixed feelings about doing something like that if you want to keep yourself sexually pure. I would not assume at this stage that you don't have sexual attraction for guys. Many heterosexual girls did not enjoy their first sexual explorations either, usually due to the circumstances at that time.

Not having a dad may be a factor in why you have more female friends - you are more comfortable with females than males. I think you are just enjoying your friendship with him, and that's OK.

You are still young. Your experience with guys is a bit limited. Don't jump to conclusions about being gay.

Are you well informed about sexual matters at a general level, or has this been a no go area for you?

John
NZ

 

[ascribe2thelord]

I think this incident has shown you why homosexuality is such a depraving sin. You don't think this Wes guy would be suicidal without choosing to act out on strange desires, do you?

You got bit by a snake and now you're trying to hold onto it. What is this all about? What he did and the excuses you made to end up in that field with him are not ALL RIGHT, they are downright sinful! That your mother told you it was all right to be "gay" shows that she isn't really following God to the utmost. You need to break free of these stereotypes people have placed on you, and you need to do it immediately, before temptation can lash out at you again.