jfj503 married..

[jfj503]

Well I am back...Anybody remember me, disabled,wife in long time affair,and me falling in love with a girl in church.

Let's update it now.I filed for divorce,I still care for that girl,she now has someone else who is attending.This is what I get for being odedient.I feel like a miserable worthless piece of @#$%.If I never had fallen for her. I'd probably never had filed though I wanted to. This relationship with my wifes boyfriend has gone on for years BTW, 4years separated and another four while we were in counseling.8 total

The first lawyer ripped me off ,fired her ,the second seems good but expensive.Ths is so emotionally and physically devestating.Life was mush easier as a doormat.She is dragging my fourteen yo daughter into this.What did I do ?

I have such a feeling of hopelessness ,when I go to Church I barely understand what is going on anymore ...To top it off I wrote the other woman a letter today expressing my love(it's been 6 months of hellish anguish), and the divorce is not final yet.I was asking for friendship only when it's all over ,but did express my feelings about her in a prayer ..Help!

 

[Autumnleaf]

Well I am back...Anybody remember me, disabled,wife in long time affair,and me falling in love with a girl in church.

Let's update it now.I filed for divorce,I still care for that girl,she now has someone else who is attending.This is what I get for being odedient.I feel like a miserable worthless piece of @#$%.If I never had fallen for her. I'd probably never had filed though I wanted to. This relationship with my wifes boyfriend has gone on for years BTW, 4years separated and another four while we were in counseling.8 total

The first lawyer ripped me off ,fired her ,the second seems good but expensive.Ths is so emotionally and physically devestating.Life was mush easier as a doormat.She is dragging my fourteen yo daughter into this.What did I do ?

I have such a feeling of hopelessness ,when I go to Church I barely understand what is going on anymore ...To top it off I wrote the other woman a letter today expressing my love(it's been 6 months of hellish anguish), and the divorce is not final yet.I was asking for friendship only when it's all over ,but did express my feelings about her in a prayer ..Help!

What did you think would happen? Divorce is a hellish process to go through, even if it gets you away from an unfaithful neglectful wife. Just do what you have to and pray for God to help you through it.

 

[Svt4Him]

Aren't you the one who came and said you gave some sob story so you could see how many rep points you'd get, then were upset because we didn't think your sob story was rep worthy? Are you looking for more rep points by updating us with another story?

Oh yes, here it is: http://www.christianforums.com/t2110235

 

[jfj503]

No , it was not a sob story but unfortunately the truth, I posted an inapropriate posting about points to let off pressure,unaware of the rules, and I am no longer looking for points,but help.It's forbidden anyway .That's a closed issue so back off brother.It was dealt with by the moderators.Don't bring up the past please.

 

[heartnsoul]

From what you described, it's time to "get off the rollercoaster" that you've been on. Okay, your wife has been cheating on you. That's downright horrible and unacceptable, not to mention ungodly. I agree with you on that point. The relationship with the girl in church that you claim you love is not working out either. So now you're devastated because the divorce process has been a nightmare. Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time finding a good lawyer. Never give up...you know the saying, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. So, keep looking until you find a good lawyer. Divorces are ugly and children do suffer from divorces. Keep praying for your daughter and let your daughter know that you love her and let her know how sorry you are that she is in the middle of all the craziness.

With every bad experience, something should have been learned through it...some valuable lesson(s) so history doesn't repeat itself. What important lesson(s) have you learned?? I don't understand how you can love a girl in church that can't reciprocate that love back to you. ESPECIALLY since you are disabled, would it not be in your best interest to look for someone who is LOVING and CARING? Furthermore, a godly woman would not even consider having a romantic relationship with a man who was going through a divorce. Please forgive me for being honest here. I'm trying to help you see the "forest from the trees" and give you an objective perspective of your situation.

For some reason, you are gravitating or attracted to women who are emotionally unavailable and ones who do not have the godly character that would be more compatible to you.

First of all, you should not be involved in another relationship before your divorce is settled. Your focus should be on strengthening your relationship with God, finding strong Christian friends to bond with, and taking classes, reading or whatever resource is out there to learn what is a godly marriage. Jumping into another relationship is not the wisest thing to do. You have not given yourself a chance to emotionally heal from the first marriage and now you're on to someone else.

God has a sense of humor. From what I experienced in life, unless you learn the lesson(s) that need to be learned, history will keep repeating itself. The lesson you should have learned is that you need to look at the "character" of someone, having the patience to really understand someone before committing yourself to that person. There is a big difference between infatuation and love. Another lesson that is probably more important than that one is...finding your security in God and God only. Until you truly commit your heart 100% to God and take the time to build your relationship with God, you will not have the discernment or spiritual maturity to be ready for a godly relationship.

People tend to run from one relationship to another when they are trying to avoid the pain of reality. The better choice is to turn to God and take your pain to Him. Take this opportunity to build your relationship with God. Seek His comfort, wisdom, and love to carry you through these tough times. Take the time to learn the heart of God and learn to become the man that God wants you to be. All things work together for the good. Know that God will be with you every step of the way while you're going through your painful divorce. It's time to stop running from God and give God a chance to work in your life.

I know you are feeling a lot of pain and confusion. You are probably also very angry deep down at your wife for cheating on you. These are all normal feelings and reactions. You've made decisions on your own for a long time now and your life has not worked out the way you expected them to. So why not allow God in your heart and give Him a chance to be the best friend that you never had? All of us on this forum have experienced some sort of pain in our lives. From my own personal experience, the only one who truly will love you forever and never leave you is God. I pray that you open your heart to God and practice patience. Give yourself at least a year to heal before you jump into another relationship. May God lift you up and renew your heart, mind and Spirit. God bless you.

 

[jfj503]

I found and efficient lawyer ..had no right to send her a love letter ...was thinking the bill of divorcement...was the end ...but its not over till its's over, am still in covenant with my woman, even tho did not touch her for over 4 years or any other woman for that matter(Shake hands, hug only)

I did not ask for a relationship, all I asked (if God heals me) and when my marriage mess is over would like to be friends.Told her how I felt ,was actually jealous to see her with another man.Pastor says I came on to her and I apologized to God and him, and renounced the lady.These emotions have been festering for over six months now.Sounds like a attack of the enemy on me @ the church .Really don't want to go to church now and face her,and pastor doesn't want me to apologize either???

Sunday after service I called pastor right away and told him! Asked him to call lady and tell her not to open letter,To late!She said she read it,tore it up and was not interested in anything.That's the right response,Anyway Pastor was upset ,then really upset with me ,thensaid he was glad I told him.

Lady was also coming on to me in Church,admitted it,and stopped when I started ignoring her .I was obedient for a long while. I didn't wear my ring tho.And started to again.It's all a lousey misunderstanding.And all pastor seems to care about is this lady and her feelings and I'm a disapointment.So was David.Right?

That's the story of my life falling in love with people that I hardly know about their backrounds.I really took pity on her being a single mom, and lonely, and crying and on her knees before God so much.I thought God was saving her for me.I could help her out financially...it was none of my business,only God's...I needed someone was lonely myself.

Well I learned that mature woman don't come on to men in church.They wait and
look tired,serve, and are waiting for the man to make the move.I learned that this lady has deep emotional hurts and maybe was sexually frustrated .She may have wanted sex ,she may be a carnal Christian I don't know?Everbody wants sex in the right framework.

You're right there are two maybe more woman whose shown interest,but they drew the line.Were unsure if I was eligible.ANd made no advancements.Why can't I fall in love with these women,when the time comes.Definitely not ready for a relationship only a fantasy ???

God is my only hope you are right.We need people too heartnsoul.Opposite sex people!Thanks or all the encouragement and effort,you make a lot of sense .I learned that when I draw clser to GOd and find my security in him only he will
provied for me a mate.

 

[heartnsoul]

God is my only hope you are right.We need people too heartnsoul.Opposite sex people!Thanks or all the encouragement and effort,you make a lot of sense .I learned that when I draw clser to GOd and find my security in him only he will
provied for me a mate.

I'm glad to hear you will give God a chance. Be patient and wait on God's perfect timing for the right one. May God protect you and give you strength as you go through the divorce process. I pray for God to shower you with lots of blessings as you trust in Him. Keep us posted on your situation. God bless you.

 

[jfj503]

Heartnsoul I got the greenlight for an aplogy! My pastor is looking at my new letter and is reviewing it for a face to face in the future with him present.I regret writing it. Its under the blood now!I do not trust myself and neither does he with these emotions festering.I am gaining control of myself with God's power now and can't wait for my
newest adventures with God in control....

 

[heartnsoul]

Awesome news! Glad to hear things are getting better. You're right, there is lots to look forward to in the future. Keep believing in God and watch God move mountains in your life. You will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams. As you grow closer to God, you will see how deep God's love is for you. I'm very happy for you.

 

[jfj503]

Wow divorce is unbelievably crazy....Well now I need some ideas help..When we bought our home my parents cosigned and put up the downpayment.We then signed
a cotennecy agreement and lease agreement.The CT expired in 5 years and the lease agreement is in effect until the home is sold.Anyway they are both incorporated somehow,unsure of the nature of this beast.
Me being the trustworthy fool I am had all my bank accounts in her name.jointly.She on the otherhand was siphoing off cash and the remainder of her money she put into a seperate account... IN CALIF BTW..
Now she is saying the house is half hers because my parents did not pay half the mortgage as agreed to the bank, instead to me.Our part of the agreement was to pay 500 a month rent until 1993 then renegotiate the lease.She refused to sign anything at that point.SHe claims she didn't understand English well enough at the time.WE courted in English and she was an exchange student from Minnesota.

Now my attorney is drafting a letter to hers stating if we do not reach an agrrement on who will buy out who.He is asking the judge to order the sale of the home.
At the moment my parents refuse to budge To them it was an investment and they refuse to let me inherit while she is my wife.My wife refuses to buy them out at market prices.I don 't want to lose the home.I am broke I only have my 25% interest and the lawyers are talking liens.I would gladly delay my interest until my fourteen year old is 18 or even 21.My wife wants me to give up my interet to her or children.