Jesus Last Night

[sportsfan]

For the first time since October 4/9 I saw image in my like a video of Jesus and he spoke to me telling me that I will go to Grand Canyon and be a pastor but I am not sure if it was Jesus or my hope of it being Jesus with this feeling of being condemned to hell and losing my mansion over the Yellow Cross. I helped out with Awana and I was looking forward to being a pastor but on the floor of Tehama County Mental Health I saw something that said you could have been a great fisher of men but now your a fisher of a devil then in the psych Hospital I saw myself as Antichrist and said Jesus save me and I worry that hurt Jesus not in my right mind. I have serotonin syndrome and was confused praying to Jesus and seeing a yellow light/cross that may have been Satan but the Bible says it is impossible I mixed up Satan and Jesus since then in October I could not hear or feel the Holy Spirit in my life I felt for twenty years it had a peace sensation but now I am filled with anxiety and fear of the world ending and being the Antichrist/ False Prophet.

However, the Jesus figure fought against the Blue Light and Satan and I keep seeing a blue dragon and being blocked from Heaven and I would see me fighting Jesus I had blasphemous images of Jesus before the yellow cross occurred of Jesus having a number that was evil that scared me and I am frightened that Satan plagued my mind into fear and he got me to blaspheme the Holy Spirit on an accident.

I would never worship Satan in my right mind due to my allegiance to Jesus and I would never declare myself the Son of God but I hallucinated/dreamed it up in the shower. Pastor Mark and Nathan don't believe anything I have done is sin these images of Satan and me fighting Jesus going to Israel in the Seven Year Tribulation as Antichrist/False Prophet everyone tells me are false and they come into contact with me and I worry I damn them to hell with the blue beast light but Mom, Dad, Church, Family, Friends say it isn't real due to Romans 8, 1 Corinthians 10:13, John 10, John 6 all point out Jesus loses no one who is a Christian and I was saved and covered by the blood of Jesus for twenty years until the Yellow Cross showed up in October.

Is the Jesus figure in my mind really the Holy Spirit telling me I am okay and the 666 stuff I see and Satanic Images are hallucinations from the devil is not real. Because no one is refusing the Mark they just get it on their knuckles they match mine but Pastor Nathan is convinced knowing my track record and the way I live my life with the Fruit of the Holy Spirit and conviction of sin and guilt that it is a sign that I have the Holy Spirit still and that I don't belong to Satan over the Yellow Cross he is my mentor and I believe him.

With this brain infection and not hearing Jesus I don't know reality and I feel lost and confused like I lost my best friend over an accident turning to my arch enemy scaring me to death making me feel empty 10 minutes of accidentally bowing to Satan in my dream has made my life hell on Earth costing the Heavenly Joy I felt for twenty years Satan has me so convinced there is no hope for me now that Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit are my enemy now and I will go to Israel ironically the message from Pastor Nathan was about feeling lost it is on youtube livestream and it is about being lost at Disneyland and how the tabernacle is the meeting place the castle is for their family and how the Holy Spirit meets with us. On the phone I asked him and told him I don't have the europhic feeling of the Holy Spirit and I don't feel him and he said that after time just like his marriage the warm feeling start to fade and they get used to each other so am I just used to Jesus that this brain infection created a story that created fear and anxiety but he still there he promises to never leave or forsake even though I bowed to Satan accidentally Mom says I imagined Satan with my scitzphrenia.

The Jesus figure told me the Beast on me is not reality and it is my brain infection the blue light and to ignore it and to read my Bible and go to Grand Canyon and that I will get married and have a family and the thing is the figure in head matches what Jesus looks like with the White Robe and he punched Satan and told him that no one snatches or kidnaps from me and that Satan is trying to make you feel damned and that you lost salvation and turned into Antichrist/False Prophet out of distracted you from your goal but I have been with you for twenty years and why would I forsake you to Satan because you bowed the yellow cross and it sounded like the Holy Spirit but I still don't feel it in my stomach mom says it isn't Satan in my stomach or brain it is anxiety and schizophrenia, ocd, pandas, autism and that Jesus is not my enemy but I feel that he became over an accident bowing confusing Jesus and Satan and yet this Jesus in my mind was very friendly seeing my fear and it felt like John Bunyan what he was talking about when he saw lake of fire and Jesus came to him.

Do you think I really saw Jesus last night did he finally reveal himself to me again after seven months of hell on Earth believing I am Satan and Antichrist/False Prophet and kidnapped and snatched away from Jesus and that Jesus still has my mansion and to keep going forward with my life the Jesus I saw brought comfort but I worry it is my hope that I didn't blaspheme and that I am still damned despite the beautiful experience listening to Klove.

I just don't what is reality look like the Bible says you can't be snatched away or kidnapped and the Passage in Mark 3, Matthew 12, Luke 12 says Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is a hard heart like Pharisees and comparing Jesus miracles to Satan and I would never do that in my right mind I simply saw a yellow cross. Pastor Mark says dreams are not sins and that Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit can't be done today and that to read Holy Bible and ignore these feeling of condemnation of hell being the Antichrist/False Prophet he says if he dreams he has million dollars does he have a million dollars if he dreams he is President can he show up to the White House and if you dream your the Antichrist are you really the Antichrist? He has a point but I still feel fear but why and how could Satan snatch/kidnap and destroy a mansion in Heaven contradicts the Holy Bible and why he would he want someone with biblical knowledge with no World Leader experience who is opposed to blaspheming with no followers to be the Antichrist/False Prophet it doesn't make sense.

Mom and Dad, Church, Family, Friends, Pastors are convinced it is Schizophrenia, Ocd, Pandas, Autism they don't feel damned to hell or having the Beast or missing the rapture they go about life normal. I see a blue light for seven months and don't feel the Holy Spirit and panic but life is normal for everyone else I fear Jesus now he was my friend for twenty years but now I panic that I am his enemy due to the 10 minutes with the Yellow Cross. I enjoyed watching Pilgrims Progress but I was sad that the Shepard is mad at me I believe but Mom and Dad say Jesus loves me. Is the vision I had last night really Jesus comforting me and telling me I am okay real or is it a hopeful hallucination of my past dream of September which my plans where to go to Grand Canyon switch from Film and Media to Pastoral studies is the vision of Jesus in white robe and beard last night telling me I am okay real or is it still my head if it is real than wow I am free from worrying about being the Beast/Damned to Hell what do you think did Jesus show up to me last night to calm my fears about the blue light that says Mark of the Beast? I love Jesus still so it seems possible that it really was Jesus in my mind what do you think? Thanks!