Jealousy

[celestialmegan]

I have terribly low self-esteem. I have spent the last three years of my life in hell.
I can not stop being jealous of other women. I drive my fiance insane but he deals with it to a point because he really loves me and has faith in me that I can get better. I can't even stand him talking to a cashier at a grocery store if shes attractive or seeing any pretty woman in a movie. I control his life. Who he talks to, where he goes. I know where he is at all times. Of course he isn't allowed to have any female friends. We had one female friend for a while but I put that to an end. To bad she probaly could have been a pretty good friend to have.
This has gotten out of hand. This has been out of hand for a LONG TIME.
All of our family and friends know that I do this and that I am like this. Its SOOO embarrassing. I am embarassed to even write this but I am praying that God can help me to heal from what ever is causing me to be this way.

I love him and he deserves so much better than the way that I treat him. We have two children together. he adopted my daughter from my first marriage. he has his flaws but he works on things and he really is a great man.

I spend way too much of my time thinking about how he probaly thinks other women are better than me. Even though I hear everyday that is not true. This behavior is not of God. I went to church for the first time today in AGES. and I absolutely LOVED it. I cried and prayed that God would help me to figure out why even though my life is seriously near perfect (where it once was a REAL living nightmare). I am the only NEGATIVE thing in my life. and this has to end. The actions come from the feelings of fear. How petrified I feel when I think hes going to love someone more. Why wouldn't he love someone more...I'm garbage. Thats what goes through my head. I need this hell to stop.

My faith is shaky (just being honest) I felt close to God today at church for a while. But other than that God feels so far away. I really hope that going to church will help me to get focused more on positivity and start thinking about what I can do for God rather than what he can do for me and then maybe...just maybe I won't feel so INSANELY jealous and terrified all the time.

I am also bi-polar and being treated with medication. my medication helps me ALOT but this problem is not going to get fixed by a pill. This is not the chemicals in my brain this is a DEMON on its own and it is pulling me so far away from God that it is sick.

I have recieved SOOO many blesssings recently. Like crazy amounts of greatness in my life and I have come from a really horrible situation. this jealously is robbing me of being able to feel good about my life.

I really hope no one thinks im stupid for writing this. I know most of our family and friends (the ones I have left) think I'm crazy and kind of a crap person for being the way I am.

 

[Wings4all]

You need to quit beating yourself up. Being jealous doesn't make you less valuable. Your jealousy is a result of your lack of belief in yourself and your value. That is an insult to God, your creator. You are a child of a king. You need faith in yourself and in your spouse. Is your marriage so weak its threatened by anyone? I doubt that. Your spouse married you because they believed in you and loved you for you. Respect your self and your spouse.

 

[DangerousType]

exactly, what wings4all (lol what a cute name) wrote. You are extremely valuable. i bet you are such an awesome person. you probably have such a great soul and great passions. This world is so shallow, don't get caught up in what the world says about looks. I bet you're beautiful too in your own way which is phenomenal and i bet your fiance loves you because your extremely lovable.

 

[WithLoveFromAlyssa]

Oh My Gosh! I'm the same exact way. I check his facebook messages, Don't like him to see my friends, or have any friends who are girls. We BOTH Need prayer. I just have to remember that NO MATTER WHAT GOD LOVES US.

 

[SplendidTree]

That sounds really difficult. I actually used to be jealous like that to some degree but for me, it was because I constantly got cheated on. Did anything like that happen in your past or with this man? Has anything he has done caused you to worry?

Mental illness is tough and insecurities are tough too. It is good you are getting help for the Bipolar though. I think the closer we draw to God, the more we are filled with His love and realize how much He loves us. Until this happened for me and I had serious healing, I was way insecure. I mean sometimes I still am at times, but not nearly as bad.

And here is something: he is engaged to marry you and has even adopted the child from a previous marriage. To me, that definitely says a lot about his love for you. I know these feelings don't just go away over night, but those sound like really positive aspects of your relationship.

Can you two perhaps pray about this together?

I am going to pray for this right now.

 

[dayhiker]

SO sorry, you having such a struggle with those issues. Couple of thoughts that may help or mean nothing to you.

For me a woman who was that jealous would drive me away, I'd be thinking, I don't want to go there. So i think that your thinking about deal with jealousy is a good thing, cause over the long run I think he will get tired of it all.

If you keeping him by not giving him freedom to see anyone else. Is that really love? You ultimately want a guy who wants you because he loves you and chooses you. The more you keep him close because you don't let him talk with other girls the more insecure you will be that he is choosing you because HE wants you. When you let him talk with another woman and then he comes spends his time with you, the better it will feel knowing that he really wants to be with you.

 

[redblue22]

how much of this have you shared with your doc?

 

[turkle]

Are you in counseling for this problem? If not, I hope that you will. I also recommend that you find an older woman at your church who can help you and mentor you from a Godly perspective. Because you really need help.

You may not be able to control your feelings, but you can certainly control your behavior. Do not speak words of jealousy. When you are tempted to check on everything your boyfriend is doing, stop yourself. Because the truth is, he may be tolerating this now, but the time will come when it is just not worth the misery of being badgered as you describe.

It is time to take your eyes off of yourself and put them on God. Ask Him for wisdom and healing. This kind of behavior is completely self centered, and it serves no one. You do not want to model this for your children. It is imperative that you focus on self control and submission to God.

Is there a reason that after two children he is still only your boyfriend? Why have you not married yet?

Please get help right away. Your relationship will not survive without it. In the meantime, please control yourself and stop torturing your boyfriend. It doesn't sound like he has done anything to deserve being treated like this.

 

[Echetus]

So he took on a child that isnt his and you cant trust him, or forgive him for marriage infidelity? This is a demonic attack of the utmost. You need to submit to your husband to the utmost. I have prayed for you, I hope you recover. I mean whats the big deal? Sometimes you just have to control yourself by Spiritual Warfare; Its as if being purged in a furnace of fire. Invoke the Blessings of the Lord, rebuke the devil and his demons, you will suffer great temptation, it will overwhelm, consume, but those that believe that they can overcome will overcome. It may take months, don't give up.

 

[TrulyFulfilled]

When I've helped people with similar issues (in person and in ministry) I first tried to identify the root cause. Jealousy is a symptom of the real issue, which seems to be rooted in your not feeling worthy or deserving and the fear of losing what is most important to you. I would suggest you pray and ask God to reveal the root cause (often not what we're thinking it is) and also seek out a counselor. There is nothing wrong with seeing a counselor.

 

[THEKINGizComing4982]

Hope it gets better.

 

[dovespirit]

i too am suffering like you ;jelousy is ruling my life ; i need help n prayer i have depression ptsd bi polar so it makes it especially hard for me ;i was always taught to believe im stupid worthless i dont amt to anything ; im married to a man that mentally abuses me ; i have to be perfect in his eyes ;i try so hard i feel like life isnt worth living since ive let god down so many times ; im out seeking love in all the wrong places ; we need prayer i will keep you in prayer ;your story is very similar to mine

 

[Purge187]

Hey Megan, as a single man who doesn't want to be a single man for much longer, I have to admit that I'm sometimes jealous of people who are engaged. You're blessed to have a mate; I'm praying that God will free you of your suspicions so that you don't lose him.