Jealous and single :(

[cask]

I'm single and sadly before I was a Christian I was involved in two very serious relationships which were sexual relationships, I have so much jealousy towards any girl I love who too has had sexual intercourse and I actually find it very hard to love someone who has been sexual with another man because it makes images of it pop into my head.

I really want to be with a virgin so that I can wait until marriage, but what if its not the same for her as she would know of my past lovers.

 

[Blank123]

you're not a virgin, but you want to be with a virgin because thats the only way you think you can control your jealousy. You also want to be with a virgin because you think thats the only way to control your own sexual urges.

Sounds like you need to work out those two issues before you date again. Virgin or not.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Yeah, you need to work on that. Its ridiculous and hypocritical to only date virgins when you aren't. Get control of your jealousy issues before you put yourself on the dating market...If you don't, it will only cause more serious issues in a relationship.

 

[MacFall]

you're not a virgin, but you want to be with a virgin because thats the only way you think you can control your jealousy. You also want to be with a virgin because you think thats the only way to control your own sexual urges.

Sounds like you need to work out those two issues before you date again. Virgin or not.

This

 

[cask]

I totally agree, I however don't have sexual urges to be with another female after I was saved because I understood the true meaning of saving these things for marriage, so I guess im being a massive hypocrite because I cant deal with being with a girl who has had sex but how would she feel towards me, and I really want to date a Christian girl, I've never been with a Christian and I think that most likely thats best the thing for my faith

 

[Fremdin]

If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander. Also, by jealousy do you mean insecurity?

 

[cask]

If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander. Also, by jealousy do you mean insecurity?

I do, jealousy wasn't the right word for my feeling, thanks

 

[Gym]

I am confuzzled

 

[GQ Chris]

So you get jealous of the fact that she got her rocks off with men in her past... you gotta get realistic.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I agree, this is an area that you need to deal with cast. While we are a new creation in Christ when we accept Jesus. That doesn't mean out past is nonexistent.

I'd also like to know about this no sexual erges since you became a Christian, Or is it just sexual urges for Christian girls? I did have a freind once who had got saved after dating non Christian girls. He didn't have any desire for Christian girls because they dressed so bland sexually compared to the non- Christain girls he had dated in the past. So there are Christian guys that have some issues they have to work thru.

So consider this the start of learning what is going on with these emotions and feels your having.

 

[Sketcher]

Be honest with her, be honest with yourself. It's all anyone can really do, and those who don't do that are, and I will not mince words here, horrible people.

 

[MacFall]

So you get jealous of the fact that she got her rocks off with men in her past... you gotta get realistic.

Funny thing. Until I was about 16 I thought that "getting one's rocks off" meant removing jewelry, and I couldn't figure out what the heck it had to do with sex.

 

[Stravinsk]

I'm single and sadly before I was a Christian I was involved in two very serious relationships which were sexual relationships, I have so much jealousy towards any girl I love who too has had sexual intercourse and I actually find it very hard to love someone who has been sexual with another man because it makes images of it pop into my head.

I really want to be with a virgin so that I can wait until marriage, but what if its not the same for her as she would know of my past lovers.

I find the underlined strange. I was married ( I am a widower ) - and both my then wife and I had had previous sexual partners. She never went into detail about them (er, except for one special stalker case we had to deal with even post marriage) - and I never asked.

Perhaps the women you've met (post conversion) have not done their best to validate you? Or perhaps the insecurity you feel has more to do with the "tyranny of the should" - something you know you should be doing (or not doing) in the relationship and you are not changing it.

It's normal to sometimes feel insecure in a relationship. Especially when you've just had an argument and things aren't going so well. Her sexual history really has nothing to with it - unless her perviously being a virgin and only copulating with you is the only thing holding you two together - which, I'm afraid, doesn't work very well as the ultimate relationship glue.

You're worried that her having previous experience may cause her to think there may be someone better for her than you. Time to take inventory, friend. Most people don't stick together *just* because someone was their *first*.