It's over

[knw1991]

I've reached the limit, i know things won't get better

Every thought tortures me
The thought of the Marriage anniversary statuses on fb
The couples in the mall
The pictures of people and their dads
The little kids I see being held by their dad
The Christians who have faith and joy
People talking about what God is doing in their lives

I was lied to for a year by someone I loved
Never had my father in my life
Became depressed about my salvation assurance
I tell this story over and over but this is my life

I just give up
I don't want to face another hour
I'm expected to pray and have faith but my heart and mind Is too broken
It hurts to believe good and bad for my life
I wish I could sleep forever
I was a mistake
I don't want to sadden my mom but it hurts to be here
I feel like I'm headed for a mental breakdown
I wont care if I lose my mind at least I won't be aware of my pain

 

[LottyH]

I've reached the limit, i know things won't get better

Every thought tortures me
The thought of the Marriage anniversary statuses on fb
The couples in the mall
The pictures of people and their dads
The little kids I see being held by their dad
The Christians who have faith and joy
People talking about what God is doing in their lives

I was lied to for a year by someone I loved
Never had my father in my life
Became depressed about my salvation assurance
I tell this story over and over but this is my life

I just give up
I don't want to face another hour
I'm expected to pray and have faith but my heart and mind Is too broken
It hurts to believe good and bad for my life
I wish I could sleep forever
I was a mistake
I don't want to sadden my mom but it hurts to be here
I feel like I'm headed for a mental breakdown
I wont care if I lose my mind at least I won't be aware of my pain

Your life is not over yet, Knw1991! You have so much ahead of you. Praying for you so much

 

[Okano]

Go for a walk :] . I think you may want to deactivate your fb page. Fb is depressing. Just disconnect from social media for awhile at least.

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm worried for you; don't hurt yourself

 

[LottyH]

Go for a walk :] . I think you may want to deactivate your fb page. Fb is depressing. Just disconnect from social media for awhile at least.

Thats a good idea. I have fb but I rarely go on it now. It was getting me down because people would often just ignored my comments, and I started wanting others approval all over again. I really dont need my head being messed up with that again!

 

[LottyH]

Hi Knw1991, thanks for your PM, tried to reply but your PM box is full - I think I've filled it sorry!!

I just wanted to say how its important to be honest about your feelings but feelings are very different to your thoughts.

For example you may be thinking: I don't have a father so I am a mistake and I will never achieve anything because he has hurt me so badly.

But you can take stock of those thoughts and say 'Yes I feel hurt, my father has hurt me and other people that have hurt me too. I cant ignore that. But does that really make me a mistake even if my conception wasn't planned? How?
What evidence is there that being rejected in the past means that someone will never marry, never have children, or have their dream career? Its not true, this is a lie.

I guess you are tired of people telling you about the 'capturing ever thought' scripture but I am telling you it works.

I remember being 10 years old and thinking that I felt dead and my body refused to stop working. From such a young age I was depressed and negative thoughts became a habit.

When I was grown up I went to a counsellor and she told me to stop my thoughts and challenge them. She wasn't even a Christian so its funny she was using God's ways without even realising it. I didn't know my bible well at that point so I didn't realise it was biblical either.

I couldn't actually catch my thoughts at first because they would race in, make me feel depressed and then disappear before I knew it. I was walking home from work one day when I finally caught the thought 'no one likes you.' It stopped me in my tracks and for the first time I realised actually there was no evidence this was true.

When I made the effort to catch them I was horrified that these destructive thoughts were running a riot in my head like hundreds of naughty children.

You probably feel like you have no energy to challenge your thoughts. But I know that destructive thoughts sap much much more energy out of you.

Even though I know you have faith, this method works even for non-Christians who never pray or have faith. Maybe the first step is to recognise the difference between your real true feelings like feeling hurt/angry and what are the thoughts that need questioning. You may not feel like dealing with all of your feelings and thoughts straight away but you could start with just one. Will you try?

I'm sorry if my advice is pushing the boundaries of our friendship, but I feel so concerned about you!

 

[GreatSpeckledBird]

This too shall pass.
I'll pray that you endure, that you're kept by the power of God, please pray the same for me. I suffer from depression & anguish too. (isaiah 65:17 For, behold, I create new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind.)

God bless and
God is love.

 

[Criada]

I know it's very hard to hold on to faith when everything is dark, so I'm not going to give you the trite answers you've heard so many times.
Just know that you are loved and cared for here, and we are praying for you when you can't pray for yourself.

 

[arabianhorselover]

I am thinking of you as someone who has suffered a lot in my own life. Most of my suffering I have brought on myself with my own thoughts. I suspect you have done the same thing.

 

[Maka]

How are you? Please don't give up praying for you