It's over

[CyberCheatersWife]

I don't know how to feel anymore. I feel lost even though I knew this was coming for a long time. I am not sure how I feel about him.

Seems as all of my friends are not around today. Everyone is out of town. I guess this happened on the wrong weekend.

Girlfriend you and I are in the same boat, and we were all made in the Lord's image, so both He and I know how you feel.

I don't know where I stand from day to day, but I do know that even with a cheating spouse there is a part of Christ in that cheating man and I can see the Christ within him, loving the one part of him that will go to heaven.

And feeling nothing about the rest of him.

I think it was Paul in Romans or Corinthians that said something to the effect of 'in all things that you do, do them with love' (apologies, I stink at direct Bible quotes...) I chose to focus on God's love, because God didn't intend for me to 'feel nothing'

Humming praise songs under my breath as I meditate on the Lord also helps refocus me.

God's here for you and I am also.

 

[cjba]

Girlfriend you and I are in the same boat, and we were all made in the Lord's image, so both He and I know how you feel.

I don't know where I stand from day to day, but I do know that even with a cheating spouse there is a part of Christ in that cheating man and I can see the Christ within him, loving the one part of him that will go to heaven.

And feeling nothing about the rest of him.

I think it was Paul in Romans or Corinthians that said something to the effect of 'in all things that you do, do them with love' (apologies, I stink at direct Bible quotes...) I chose to focus on God's love, because God didn't intend for me to 'feel nothing'

Humming praise songs under my breath as I meditate on the Lord also helps refocus me.

God's here for you and I am also.

I'm sorry about what you are going through. I know this is not easy for either one of us. We need to seek the Lord and take it one day at a time. Today for me was not so good but I have the rest of the evening to make it better.

God Bless

 

[AirForceTeacher]

How's it going, cj?

 

[cjba]

Aft,

To be honest depression is setting in. Not only because he seems to have adjusted to his new life very quickly. He has now moved in with one of his brothers who's girlfriend left him for the going out all the time with the brothers (sound familiar) about 2 months ago. So now my husband has his own room and is now sleeping on a bed. He does not want to talk to me. He is acting as if I did something wrong. Go figure.

This man continue to surprise me. He has only helped out finacially with $110 in 17 days. And this is only because I took out $60 from his acct. today. I had my daughter ask him for $ that she needed. He told her to take what she needed. I could of taken more but I did not want to. In the end my children will see the man he has become. I continue to pray for him and his salvation.

I remember what you went through when you were out of the house. I feel the way you did but I was not the one to leave. Sometimes when the kids have all their plans the house feels so large and empty. There was a time when I enjoyed when everyone was gone. This was a rare moment with 4 children. Now it seems to happen all the time. I think this is my children's way of dealing with thier emotions. They are going out with their friend to get away from the house that feels that something is missing and that is my husband/thier father.

Thanks for asking.

How are you doing? I hope everything is going well with you two.

God Bless,

Lisa

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Struggling ... I'm on a business trip right now and the doubts set in quickly. I can't seem to get over my insecurities. I hate being away and not feeling like I'm conencting with her.

Are you doing anything to get out of the house - to feel more like a full person? I can remember sitting alon in my friend's basement and waiting for every day to end. Try to go out with some friends or do something for you.

 

[felinity]

He has only helped out finacially with $110 in 17 days. And this is only because I took out $60 from his acct. today. I had my daughter ask him for $ that she needed. He told her to take what she needed. I could of taken more but I did not want to. In the end my children will see the man he has become.

Hi cjba,

I apologize for intruding, but I've been following your story for a while. I'm sorry for the difficult times you've been going through, and please know that you've been in my prayers.

As a child of divorce, the part of your post that I quoted above concerned me a little bit. Please, please be careful not to make your children the go-betweens between you and your ex-husband. My mom used to have me call my dad and ask him where the child support was, or had me go to my dad every time I needed money, ever, and it was fairly damaging to me.

I know this is shaping up not to be an amicable divorce, and I know he has hurt you terribly, but please don't make your children your mediators.

I apologize if I've misinterpreted your words, but I offer this as loving advice, and perhaps something to watch out for in the future, as well.

 

[cjba]

Aft,

Yes, My friends took me out last weekend. My husband seemed to be upset about this. I don't know which of my children told him. I talked to him about 3 days ago. He questioned where I was at and why I got home late. I told him my cell was on and I was in constant communication with he children. My daughter told me not to worry and have fun.

Tomorrow will be interesting. I will be seeing him for the first time since he has been gone. The kids invited both of us to go see a 3d movie. He told them it is going to be uncomfortable. I thought this was going to be a positive move since he would see the family all together. Maybe I'm wrong. Been wrong quite often in this situation.

Take care of yourself and use positive thoughts to get rid of the insecurities.

God Bless

 

[cjba]

Felinety,

I know exactly what you are talking about. I too come from divorced parents and did the same as you. In the case where my daughter called her father. It was truly that I did not have the extra $ for what she wanted to do. He needs to pitch in. This is most likely why I put up with so much because I did not want to give my children divorced parents. They seem to be doing fine. The only one that is having a hard time adjusting is me.

God Bless

 

[Shesjr]

Did you get the restraining order?

The only reason I would suggest getting one would be if he was physically voilent with you. I don't remember you ever saying he hit you. Has he ever hit you?

I'd say to move on. I'm all about resolving things but it takes two. If you are willing and he is not, then let him go.

Trust me, if he wants out there is nothing you can do to make him want in. Don't loose yourself in trying!!!!!

 

[cjba]

Shesjr,

No, I did not get a restraining order. He has never hit me. He has thrown a couple of things due to him being angry. This all happened within the last 3 months. We did not have this problem in over 20 years.

I know I should let go because he does not want to be married to me. I don't know how to give up the man I love and have been married to for 21 years.

It is not so easy to give up. I continue to pray for Gods will in our marriage.

God Bless

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I'm so sorry cj - I still pray for you. I hope that you can get better and the God will work both in you and in your marriage.

 

[cjba]

Aft,

Thank you for the prayer. I hope God will work in my husband and me. I will continue to stand for my marriage. My husband needs to find himself. I see him as the lost lamb. I continue to lift him up in prayer.

Last night I saw him for the first time in 3 weeks. Our kids invited us both to go see a 3d movie. He mainly ignored me. But that was ok because I had God with me. I prayed prior to going for putting on the shield of faith so that nothing will hurt me and it worked.

God Bless,

Lisa

 

[Shesjr]

I know I should let go because he does not want to be married to me. I don't know how to give up the man I love and have been married to for 21 years.

Is he the man you married 21 years ago? Maybe letting him go (w/o giving up hope) is the best thing for you to consider. Have you heard of the book by Dobson called "Tough Love"? I suggest you reading it. It sure helped me.

It is not so easy to give up.

I think it's harder to hang on; especially to a marriage where there is only one person wanting it.

 

[cjba]

Shesjr,

I know he is not the same man I married 21 years ago. You would think this would make the situation at hand easier. But that is in a perfect world. The fact that he has changed does not change the fact that he is my husband and the father of my children.

You have no idea how many times I have tried to let go. I know this is the best for me. At times I feel as if I have let go and given him to God. God is the only one who can handle him the way he is right now.

I am having more better days now. It is still hard but the emotional rollarcoaster is getting a little farther apart.

God Bless

 

[Ashyah]

Cj

You will find that there are days when you will feel at peace then there will be days when you will feel just awful.
You know my situation . Eight months separated from my husband and not a word from him about reconciliation.He has moved in some people and has given them use of my things.This was like a kick to my gut. A separation from your spouse is compared to mourning.
Please keep yourself in prayer and work on yourself. Keep in mind that you may have to end up alone.
But, you won't be because Jesus is there with you.You will be allright.
I lived with my husband sleeping in different room and walking out of a room when I walked in. This went on for years. I left because this was making me ill.

 

[kristybear]

hey sis-

i feel your pain sweety. i know it very well. in the short time i've been with my husband, i've felt the stabbing chest pains of loss in regards to my husabnd. we're not separated, but he wants out and doesn't want to do anything to TRY to make it work. it's so frustrating because you never get the chance to see what happens when you both try to work on it. but just like your husband, my husband feels the need to use worldy things to satisfy his longings, instead of reaching to the lord. i don't know what will happen in our situation, but i have struggled with the tough love idea, "letting go." every ounce of love in me pleads with the lord to give my husband the desire to do good, to make right, to fulfill his vows. i struggle EVERY day with the pain of knowing he doesn't want me right now. You have been through many more years of marriage than i have, but i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I have never been more scared in my life about anything. if you ever need to chat, please im me on AIM, or pm me here. your kiddos are your "true loves" now. focus on building your family together, focus on putting your love into them. let their future lives be the biproduct of a woman who selflessly let go of the past, and confidently looked to the future of her family. i say this in hopes that one day, i too, will come to grasp this concept fully.

 

[Ashyah]

Prayer and time will heal a broken heart.
Rejection is so hard to deal with. This person that you gave yourself to.How could he do this? How can someone treat outsiders better than own spouse. Jesus said love your spouse like he loves the church. You know how much love that is?

 

[imaniingod]

Aft,

Thank you for the prayer. I hope God will work in my husband and me. I will continue to stand for my marriage. My husband needs to find himself. I see him as the lost lamb. I continue to lift him up in prayer.

Last night I saw him for the first time in 3 weeks. Our kids invited us both to go see a 3d movie. He mainly ignored me. But that was ok because I had God with me. I prayed prior to going for putting on the shield of faith so that nothing will hurt me and it worked.

God Bless,

Lisa

Sister,
You sound so unhappy although you said that God was with you. I would pick myself up (this is after you pray) get my hair done, getting busy with different activities. Don't stay in a rut and at night you pray for your husband. But you put your best foot forward and look better than you ever had before, eventhough you still want to be with him. Buy you a new outfit. Let him see what you he is missing, if you look depressed and dont fix yourself up then he is going to say that he was right to leave you and it is not right but with some men they are so busy looking with the natural eye they dont look with the spiritual eye and see how beautiful you are a woman of God!!!!

I admonish you to seek God dilligently and pick yourself up sister. Have a Well Experience!

 

[imaniingod]

John 4
The Samaritan woman at the Well

The Well was at the Well! Jesus said unto the woman he that drinketh of this water shall thirst again but if you drink of the water that I have to give shall never thirst again.

Meet the Well at the Well and watch the Well spring forth and I pray that there would be an overflow.
Your Well Experience is waiting!


God Bless You
Minister Chakula
www.clfcm.org

 

[4Christ2]

To all the women posting on this thread, and CJ; my heart goes out to you all. I have been there. I was married to my husband for 25 years. He divorced me a year ago this month and remarried two months after the divorce. I still hurt, but the Lord is giving me strength and helping me build my faith. I know he is lost to me forever now since he has remarried.

Let me give a little practical advise...take care of yourself and if you have children, of them. I loved my ex so much that I truly didn't believe he would leave and I certainly didn't believe he would get married again to someone else. Because I trusted him, I lost everything. The house I spent 20+ years paying for; I turned over to him during one of our separations (there were 3 due to domestic violence) because he was about to lose the house and the bank wouldn't refinance with my name on the deed because of my poor credit. (That's what he told me anyway). So now, this woman and my ex live in this really nice home that I maintained and I get $500 per month in child support. Be sensible and take care of your financial needs. Don't trust that the man you love or loved will not harm you if it's over.

I will pray for all of you. That you continue to grow in the Lord and move forward to the abundant life He has planned for you. 4C