It's over

[cjba]

Yesterday was a terrible day. I found a cell phone with nasty text messages from the co-worker he has been interested in. I called her and of course she insulted me. She also told me that she told my husband if he divorces me she is not going to be there at the end. She did not want the baggage of 4 children, child support and me. I confronted him first then he heard me talking to her. We both were angry. I then started getting his clothes and throwing them out. I know this was not a right decision. He got angry. He was trying to push me out of the way to bring his clothes back in the house. I told him he needed to leave. He told me he would not and if he did he would not pay the mortgage. Since he pushed me I took the opportunity to call 911. I filed domestic violence so I can get him out of the house. They gave him a citation which they told me it is as if he got arrested and released. He will have a misdemenor on his record now. He is not allowed to come here for a couple of days. I am going to file a restraining order on Tuesday since Monday is a holiday. This was the only way to get him out. I could no longer live this way.

Keep me and my children in prayer.

God Bless

 

[AirForceTeacher]

cj, I wil be praying - I'm so sorry this was the way it spun out.

 

[okiemommy26]

I will be praying for you and your children. Hugs!

 

[cjba]

AFT,

Thanks, right now I am an emotional mess. It comes and goes. I know I need to pull myself together for my children.

 

[Autumnleaf]

My old Gunnery Sergeant in the Marines used to say sometimes the best way to fix something is to drive it until it breaks hard on you to the point it doesn't run anymore. Then you can find out what's broken and fix it.

This seems real bad but you are in a better position now than you were with him there from my perspective. He's out of the house, has a record, and is a dead duck in court for child support and almony. God dealt you an ace even if it feels like a deuce. Maybe this will help your husband wakeup from his nonsense.

 

[cjba]

Okiemommy26,

Thank you as well. I guess I was in denial for way too long. I loved a man who did not deserve to be loved my me anymore. I loved him with grace. I tried everything to make this marriage work. He chose a different direction.

 

[Autumnleaf]

AFT,

Thanks, right now I am an emotional mess. It comes and goes. I know I need to pull myself together for my children.

You've been doing things pretty much by yourself for awhile now. Call your friends, family, and pastor for support. Don't deal with this alone with the children.

 

[cjba]

Autumleaf,

I don't think anything will wake him up. He has persued this other woman for 4 years now. He wants her and who knows maybe she will take him. But baggage indeed he will have.

I'm hurting but I know in my heart it is better that he is not here and now is going to have a taste of realty for his actions.

What I can't believe is that he actually told our oldest daughter that he was persuing this other woman. What kind of father is he?

 

[cjba]

Autumleaf,

I know I can't do this in front of my children. Luckily one is working, another is volunterring at a tiny tot baseball game, my son is at a band event and my little one is still asleep.

Thank you for the advise though. I have to become both parents for my children now. We have a rough road ahead of us. But I know in the end we will be fine with God.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Autumleaf,

I don't think anything will wake him up. He has persued this other woman for 4 years now. He wants her and who knows maybe she will take him. But baggage indeed he will have.

I'm hurting but I know in my heart it is better that he is not here and now is going to have a taste of realty for his actions.

What I can't believe is that he actually told our oldest daughter that he was persuing this other woman. What kind of father is he?

He's a flawed man. We all are to different degrees. Try to pity him instead of hate him. By doing what he did to you and the children he's lost more than he'll probably ever know.

 

[madison1101]

I am so sorry you are at this point in your divorce. I understand how painful it is. I will be praying for you.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[cjba]

Autumleaf,

I am sure he will not realize how much he has lost until he is alone for awhile. This of course does me no good. He does not realize his life will never be the same again.

 

[cjba]

madison101,

Thank you for the prayer. The crying has subsided now the numbness is setting in.

 

[Deborah6763]

You really need to allow your friends to surround you in love and support. don't try to be a lone ranger. This is a time for the body to pull together.

Blessings and prayers!

 

[cjba]

I don't know how to feel anymore. I feel lost even though I knew this was coming for a long time. I am not sure how I feel about him.

Seems as all of my friends are not around today. Everyone is out of town. I guess this happened on the wrong weekend.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Autumleaf,

I am sure he will not realize how much he has lost until he is alone for awhile. This of course does me no good. He does not realize his life will never be the same again.

Maybe you are with the right people this weekend.

He's the one sleeping in a strange bed, eating out of strange cereal bowls, watching a strange television. He's probably not having any more fun than you are. I'd bet he's feeling some remorse and more than a little fear about what will happen next. The ball is in your court. Play offense until you run the scoreboard. Then see how he's acting and act accordingly.

 

[cjba]

Here I have been trying to be strong in front of my children. Today I have not broken down to many times. I emptied his closest and now I need to go buy boxes for his belongings.

As for how he is doing, one of my children told me he sent a text message. He went to San Diego with a friend. We know who the friend is and he has known our family for years.

He spent the night at his parents. I talked to his parents yesterday and today. He did not explain why he was there.

I told his parents what happened. I talked to his father today and he is in denial. He is telling me his son is a good person and he would not do something as I am describing. Once I told him I talked to the woman I think he was shocked. Then he did not know what to tell me and thought I should talk to my mother-in-law. I don't know I guess I am not suppose to call her that anymore.

 

[trojan2000]

Cjba--my many prayers of support & encouragement go out to you. Althought this is harder than any of us could ever imagine, you'll make it through. Remember that God loves you more than your husband ever could, especially after the way he's treated you. Big hugs : )

 

[cjba]

Today is day 3 and I only broke down once. Not too bad for 5 pm. I did not go to work today because I needed time alone to gather my thoughts of what has taken place. I knew it would come to the point of him moving our but now it is real.

I'm sure now he is feeling a little lost himself. My daughter told me he was driving around today because he had no place to go.

I am unsure about the next step. I have a choice to make tomorrow. If I want a restraining order for him not to be able to come to our home anymore. Part of me wants to do this. I don't like the idea of him being able to come in and out of our home as he pleases. My children is what I am concerned about. I don't want to lose them in the process. What will they think if I put a restraining order on their father. He is not a person I fear. But I don't want to live the way I was living with him here and the way he was treating me. When I talked to him yesterday he of course was very angry and told me all bets are off and he will see me in court. Therefore, I don't believe his intentions are to come back to our home. But if he chooses to and I don't have a restraining order then I have no choice. A couple of my children are upset that I took it this far involving the police. The one which suprises me of them all is my son. He does not think I did something wrong. He feels I needed to do what I did because his father has been in the wrong for a long time.

Any advise would be appreciated. I'm torn at what I should do in regards to the restraining order.

Thank you for the prayers. I know deep in my heart our family will be fine. God will comfort me and strengthen me to keep my head above water.

The one thing I am certain of is I would not have been able to go through all this without knowing God is there for me and God putting all of you here who have prayed and supported me during this entire mess and for this I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. You helped give me stregth when I had none.

God Bless

 

[Autumnleaf]

If you want him back as a roomate don't get the restraining order. If you want the cops to think you're dumb for staying with this guy if you make another domestic violence call, don't get the restraining order.

He has not changed yet, he has not done anything from what you've told us to show he has changed. Like I said before, based on what you told us I'd play offense... Get restraining order and file for divorce with a good lawyer. Stop when your husband is eating cold hot dogs in a studio apartement seeing the kids every other weekend and paying you buku child support. Then see if he humbles himself.

The easiest thing to do is nothing. Pray about it and go with God.