It's not working.

[Lady Bug]

This thread is for patient people who've drank too much coffee and need to get tired...

It's sad for me to mention this, and I am not conceding just yet, but I am on the edge of wondering if that is the only option. I sincerely want to visit different Catholic churches to inquire about RCIA but I honestly think I'm in an impossible situation. The worst thing is that if I miss out this year, I have to wait another. I don't think I can do that either.

Without any offline backup, this cannot succeed. I am tired of feeling like I'm badmouthing "Sally" (my friend) but her domineering style of "dictating" to me what my spiritual journey for me should be, actually is terrifying for me. She doesn't yell or is not physically dangerous, but there's something wrong with this, and something very off with this, and I'm uncomfortable having her as a friend anymore. She insists that I drop the RCIA thought and go to a bunch of different types of church services before I decide what I believe (Baptist, Pentecostal, Lutheran, Methodist, Episcopalian, etc.). She is unwilling to help me in inquiring RCIA and I view her tactic as a distractor, so that if I were to shop different churches, I would hopefully have forgotten about RCIA, or at the very least, become numb to it anymore. I can't compromise with her on this. It seems to be her way or the highway. On the one hand she exhorts me to find other believers because I need fellowship and encouragement from them, but her behavior against RCIA is the epitome of discouragement. So I view that as a paradox.

I don't think I am going to be able to pursue Catholicism. I am supposed to be the good Christian here and love her and forgive her but I am not ready. It all looks beautiful in Scripture; but I don't know how to put this into practice. I am not sure whether God has this timetable for each and every individual who gets angry at someone; whether they have to forgive right away, or whether or not God lets our anger subside and renders forgiveness easier when we've cooled down (probably not...just wishful thinking on my part). I'm supposed to be the good Christian here but I have a combination of so many unfavorable feelings about this entire situation that God is not happy with.

She and I meet every other Wednesday, and I want to get started on going to different Catholic Churches, not experimenting with the Protestant ones. We can't come to an agreement and it's just not going to happen. I want it to happen, of course, but I can't enlist the support of someone who thinks Catholicism isn't even real Christianity in the first place.

The problem is that other than meeting with my friend, I never really go out I need to go out but I don't really do much except going to the library for about 2 hours a day with my dad (we go in the same car though), going to the meetings, and job interviews, and going to the grocery store now and then. I had thought the RCIA stuff would have been a good way to get started in getting out more. My dad knows I meet "this girl" (meaning her) but other than that, I don't really go out except to occasionally go to the store and to the library everyday with him. So I really won't know what to tell him about where I'm going if I go out any other time than the Wednesdays. He'll know it's not the store or an interview (he can tell)...If "Sally" totally didn't mind me being Catholic, I could have used those regular meetings with her as a way to go to various churches to inquire about RCIA.

I don't know...
Something's gotta give here. Just because she "sincerely" believes that Catholicism is false it doesn't mean that I can necessarily let my guard down around her

It seems like I never have enough words to describe how bad this whole situation feels. This sounds like I'm overreacting but even though she is not physically dangerous lol, I am terrified of being around her. It doesn't make sense...maybe it does...it seems like my faith is shaken so bad around her and I sometimes feel that she wants it to be. And I don't believe I'm wrong in this.

It's a shame; I'm trying to be grateful for how much she says she misses me because I never really hear that kind of thing from anyone, but I don't know...when I get too forgiving I become too nice and become a doormat. People tend to take advantage of me when I'm too nice, and believe it or not, I've been too nice with her because if I really told her everything, the words would be harsh and there would be an all-out heated exchange of words.

And that's not even the beginning. Even if "Sally" was 100% supportive, I'd be hiding my faith from my dad, and this is just not going to work. There are many reasons that telling him right now is simply not the right thing to do. But if I elaborate on those, I will be writing a term paper.

I thought God was all-powerful, but it disturbs me how the devil seems more powerful and wins more often.

 

[Michie]

Why don't you just drop Sally?

This is not an unloving or unforgiving act.

Forgiveness does not always mean involvement.

I think you are at a point where you have to decide to go where you feel God is leading you & gather enough strength to do it even if it hurts some feelings along the way.

 

[the_Abbot]

Why is Sally controlling your life like this?

Actually WHY are you letting her control you like this?

 

[MCGar]

Wow. Prayers for you.

Please don't let this get you down.

I think you should try to get out more, not just to churches. There has to be some sort of community activity or charity that you can be involved in.

I think you need to feel like you aren't so isolated. Once you have more interactions with other people then you friend won't seem so BIG in your life and your decisions.

HUGS

 

[Imperiuz]

Praying for you. Please choose God over Sally. Try to convert her too.

 

[lionroar0]

Did you know that the lady bug is also a symbol for Mary?

I also had a number of mentors in my life. I had two at one time.

They are supposed to challenge you, make you look at you and discern the Spirit in your life. Sometimes being brutally honest. For this to happen they have to put aside what they want you to do and be unselfish about you.

Sally is not doing this. She's steering you in the path that she wants you to go on. She's not helping you to look at yourself and discern the Spirit's work with in your life.

I think you should be honest with her and tell her straight out.

That you want to look into Catholicism. If she does not want to fulfill her role in your life as a mentor, then part ways.

I know that this is painfull but she's creating a negative atmosphere for you. Wich is hurting you.

Peace

 

[isabella1]

Ladybug, Whatever your walk in this life is to be it needs to be between you and God. Not Sally or your Dad. Will you be standing before the throne of God when he calls you home holding either of their hands? Will they be answering for you to your Father in Heaven?

No matter where you are lead, know that our Lord will meet you right where you are at. But you MUST invite him into each and every situation first. Then hand it over to him, and pray with all your heart. He will show you without a doubt where he wants you to be.

Ask the Holy Spirit to also come, and guide you.

God Bless You! You are in my prayers and added to my daily prayer list. Peace and Blessings.

 

[lionroar0]

You can go to a Catholic Church and seek spiritual direction. You don't have to be Catholic for that.

I will say prayers for you.

I'm just very angry right now that your "mentor" has chosen not to be a "mentor" but has decided to be selfish and has created a negative enviroment for you.

Do you pray the Rosary? Or any other disctinctly Catholic prayers?

Peace

 

[HisKid1973]

Ladybug, Whatever your walk in this life is to be it needs to be between you and God. Not Sally or your Dad. Will you be standing before the throne of God when he calls you home holding either of their hands? Will they be answering for you to your Father in Heaven?

No matter where you are lead, know that our Lord will meet you right where you are at. But you MUST invite him into each and every situation first. Then hand it over to him, and pray with all your heart. He will show you without a doubt where he wants you to be.

Ask the Holy Spirit to also come, and guide you.

God Bless You! You are in my prayers and added to my daily prayer list. Peace and Blessings.

Amen..Thanks sis for your loving spirit filled response.

 

[MikeK]

LadybugI think if you're able to take care of yourself, you need to get out of your dad's house. At your age, I would take any job to accomplish that. I'd work nights at McDonnald's and rent a room somewhere. You need friends that are equals rather than bosses, and there's no reason that someone your age should have to "explain" anything to their parents. You're a big girl. It's time for Ladybug to spread her wings.

 

[Romans 13:3]

What Mike said. I don't intend to sound mean spirited, but I cannot understand the deal with this other gal. I can understand having issues with you father and faith and such, but with a peer? If you are in college with an active college parish there is probably a Newman Center where you can meet and be supported by similar minded young adults.

 

[benedictaoo]

Lady Bug... Do you need to have her as a friend for some reason? Are you dependant on her or something?

I don't understand why you are allowing her to abuse you.

As far practicing Catholicism... Catholics are to protect themselves from ppl who do harm to them spiritually.

If you think she is bad for you, then you are not obligated to hang around her. You can pray for her daily and wish her no ill will but you don't have to be around her if shes causes you pain.

and frankly Lady Bug. Sally is further from the truth than what you are. She should be lead by you, not the other way around. I have no idea what advice there is to take from her really.

 

[Lady Bug]

*

 

[WarriorAngel]

Bug...i know you desperately want to go to the Catholic Church...
So just go.

You have to choose God over family. That is how it is and Jesus knew that would be how it would be.

He did say...because of Him mother against daughter, father against son...etc

Also, tell Sally good bye. And someone said go and do voluneteer work, and that sounds great. Lots of friends you could make. Call the Church and see if they have programs you could volunteer for.
Or get a job. [You need your own money]

Mother Therese came from money...but she wanted to become a nun. Her family disowned her and cut her out of the will.
ANd yet she gladly accepted that to be near the Lord.

Time to be independent...
Let go of fear...

 

[Lady Bug]

hello,
I will try to answer some of these questions to the best of my ability. sorry if I didn't include everyone's quotes But some merited a more immediate response, I guess. I didn't really care for this thread I wrote because I'm tired of writing about this anymore, but since it has been bumped, I guess the genie is out of the bottle.

Why is Sally controlling your life like this?

Actually WHY are you letting her control you like this?

it's because I have been all my life "too nice" and too naive and I honestly believe people take advantage of it. I always remain on guard for anyone who does this to me, which is why I cannot explain how this situation got out of control. I used to be like this in high school, but I had no idea that any such situation would occur so many years after.

Why don't you just drop Sally?

This is not an unloving or unforgiving act.

Forgiveness does not always mean involvement.

I think you are at a point where you have to decide to go where you feel God is leading you & gather enough strength to do it even if it hurts some feelings along the way.

Good question but you helped me realize that dropping Sally does not necessarily mean unloving or unforgiving. The naive part of me had believed all this time that loving her and forgiving her meant not severing or distancing the friendship (yeah, kind of unbelievable, but anyway). That helps me put things in perspective better.

Did you know that the lady bug is also a symbol for Mary?

I also had a number of mentors in my life. I had two at one time.

They are supposed to challenge you, make you look at you and discern the Spirit in your life. Sometimes being brutally honest. For this to happen they have to put aside what they want you to do and be unselfish about you.

Sally is not doing this. She's steering you in the path that she wants you to go on. She's not helping you to look at yourself and discern the Spirit's work with in your life.

I think you should be honest with her and tell her straight out.

That you want to look into Catholicism. If she does not want to fulfill her role in your life as a mentor, then part ways.

I know that this is painfull but she's creating a negative atmosphere for you. Wich is hurting you.

Peace

I did not know that the lady bug is also a symbol for Mary. Where does it say this?

You can go to a Catholic Church and seek spiritual direction. You don't have to be Catholic for that.

I will say prayers for you.

I'm just very angry right now that your "mentor" has chosen not to be a "mentor" but has decided to be selfish and has created a negative enviroment for you.

Do you pray the Rosary? Or any other disctinctly Catholic prayers?

Peace

Praying is something I had been having trouble getting myself to do, for I had felt so much in the darkness that I honestly believed that prayer wouldn't work, but then I realized it cannot hurt the situation, I became a little better. I had tried learning the Rosary but got confused on the instructions about the Mysteries (if that was what it is called). I want to find some Catholic prayers. Where may I find them? There are some on Catholic Answers...any more?

What Mike said. I don't intend to sound mean spirited, but I cannot understand the deal with this other gal. I can understand having issues with you father and faith and such, but with a peer? If you are in college with an active college parish there is probably a Newman Center where you can meet and be supported by similar minded young adults.

same answer I give you, as I gave theAbbot.

Lady Bug... Do you need to have her as a friend for some reason? Are you dependant on her or something?

I don't understand why you are allowing her to abuse you.

As far practicing Catholicism... Catholics are to protect themselves from ppl who do harm to them spiritually.

If you think she is bad for you, then you are not obligated to hang around her. You can pray for her daily and wish her no ill will but you don't have to be around her if shes causes you pain.

and frankly Lady Bug. Sally is further from the truth than what you are. She should be lead by you, not the other way around. I have no idea what advice there is to take from her really.

benedictaoo you ask a good question. Nope, I don't need to be her friend nor am I dependent. It's just that she is the only outside source besides this one person (a friend of hers) who I had talked to when I was down and wanted to discuss matters of faith, but as far as the latter, that has become a non-necessity, because of the differences I am encountering with what I am believing and the stuff they believe. I think that being lonely can make me vulnerable, and desperate. It almost reminds me of someone who is in an abusive relationship: the person does not leave because they are so afraid of being alone that they would rather be with someone even if the person is bad. And that is someone I never wanted to turn out to be. This could set a terrible precedent for me in the event I do end up in an abusive relationship. I am the kind of person who ends up being walked over like a doormat somehow. I don't know if it is a character flaw, or if it is unfortunate consequence of simply being "too nice" to people. I think I really have to careful on this.

Ladybug, how about going to visit an evangelical church? Nobody is going to try to indocrinate you there.

Just a thought...

NoDoubt I sense that you are trying to help but I have to be honest with you, I am a bit disturbed about a couple things you said here.

First of all, not to sound bitter but the evangelical church is the precise reason I am in this mess in the first place. The church Sally is from is a nondenominational fundamentalist church (http://www.eriv.net/) with a lot of Baptist leanings to it (they probably would not admit this). I don't want to badmouth churches per se but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is one. (I don't know the exact phrase)

As far as indoctrinating. Who is really indoctrinating whom?

No, I cannot consider a Protestant Church. For the precise reason I have reservations about the concept of the Bible as the final authority, and I cannot express allegiance to something to that. It doesn't mean it's not the Word of God, but the Bible cannot stand by itself without someone else being the guide of the Bible, not the Bible being the guide of someone else.

 

[benedictaoo]

benedictaoo you ask a good question. Nope, I don't need to be her friend nor am I dependent. It's just that she is the only outside source besides this one person (a friend of hers) who I had talked to when I was down and wanted to discuss matters of faith, but as far as the latter, that has become a non-necessity, because of the differences I am encountering with what I am believing and the stuff they believe. I think that being lonely can make me vulnerable, and desperate. It almost reminds me of someone who is in an abusive relationship: the person does not leave because they are so afraid of being alone that they would rather be with someone even if the person is bad. And that is someone I never wanted to turn out to be. This could set a terrible precedent for me in the event I do end up in an abusive relationship. I am the kind of person who ends up being walked over like a doormat somehow. I don't know if it is a character flaw, or if it is unfortunate consequence of simply being "too nice" to people.

Personally, I think God creates lonely situations for us so we will draw near to Him, so He can be our friend... He's jealous you know. he may want you to come to Him.

 

[Lady Bug]

Personally, I think God creates lonely situations for us so we will draw near to Him, so He can be our friend... He's jealous you know. he may want you to come to Him.

I wonder if that is what it is. I don't think I consciously diverted my attention from God but that doesn't mean I didn't unwittingly do this either. It's hard for me to tell. Maybe I thought I could draw near to God through this person but it has turned out that this is not true whatsoever.

 

[Rhamiel]

I don't want to badmouth churches per se

then let me do it for you, just kidding, I love our brothers and sisters in Christ who are not visably joined to the Church on earth

if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is one. (I don't know the exact phrase)

spot on

 

[benedictaoo]

I wonder if that is what it is. I don't think I consciously diverted my attention from God but that doesn't mean I didn't unwittingly do this either. It's hard for me to tell. Maybe I thought I could draw near to God through this person but it has turned out that this is not true whatsoever.

well this is my personal belief, not official teaching or anything but I think God espouses Himself to us all.

Those who take vows are basically saying they are forfeiting marriage here and will await the feast in heaven.

They 'marry' Jesus, that is what the ceremony is.

But i don't think that is just for those who take religious vows. I think it's for us all in different ways.

Married ppl abstain from relations for a time, this can be a time to unite more closely with God.

Some ppl are born gay and they can not hep themselves but I think God may be calling them to give ther life to him and not to a significant other.

I don't tink he makes them gay for this reason but that He uses this, tured it into a path for them to grow close to Him.

Other ppl just can't make friends that easily and so I think God invites them to seek His friendship.

Some folks are called to be single, I think another invitation to be closely united to Him.

So you can have family all around you and even have friends but maybe not real close ones... It may be a call for to use it as a chance to be more intimate with Christ.

He is more then willing and is waiting to be your best friend in the world.

 

[MoNiCa4316]

NoDoubt, you see we believe that one can experience Jesus in the Catholic church too, not only Protestant churches. Many people, including myself, do find spiritual fulfillment in the Catholic church.

I've heard so many people tell me how Catholics have replaced God with "man made religion", and that in order to really know Him, you have to be an evangelical. I really wish people wouldn't say that, because it's not true. I wish they could see in Catholicism what I see in it..and that because of it, my relationship with Jesus has grown closer, not further apart.

Ladybug, I think people here have given you great advice. I don't even know what to add lol.
I'm praying for you

God bless

monica