Hey.
Right now I am in a LDR that has been going on for a long time. It started out innocent, in fact it's why I loved it so much. But now my relationship is going to immorality. I am finally saving enough to be able to go see them this year and be with them. But they have slept with one person, and then doing it again right now. This Saturday I was told it was going to happen. I am fully aware because they tell me. So I was up all night crying on Saturday, praying to God nothing would happen. And nothing did! But it seems like its just holding off the inevitable. I am always filled with worry, regret and heart break. My heart is so hot even right now. I want my relationship to finally get to that point. I waited long enough haven't I? They tell me how much they want to be with me still. It confuses me. I love God and the spiritual implications of sleeping with people make me want to cry. They tell me they won't leave me, even though they are having sex. But I am so jealous. It makes me unable to sleep at night. I am admittedly extremely attached. I am willing to forgive everything, even if I have to deal with it till I get there finally. But my heart wont let me rest. What should I do right now? I can't leave I refuse. I want to see this through. I have to.
This makes me want to cry all the time. I suffer every single day. There is rarely a day where my heart isn't aching. I wish I could be better and that everything would be doing right. If it isn't this LDR its my home life, I get abused sometimes. Even over miniscule things so I have to be perfect. I am so stressed I feel like everyone is against me. I have gotten gray hairs from all of it. I really try to be happy I cheer my self up but it doesnt last since all of these things happen again. Sigh. I just needed to vent. I feel like my life is shortening from this.
Right now I am in a LDR that has been going on for a long time. It started out innocent, in fact it's why I loved it so much. But now my relationship is going to immorality. I am finally saving enough to be able to go see them this year and be with them. But they have slept with one person, and then doing it again right now. This Saturday I was told it was going to happen. I am fully aware because they tell me. So I was up all night crying on Saturday, praying to God nothing would happen. And nothing did! But it seems like its just holding off the inevitable. I am always filled with worry, regret and heart break. My heart is so hot even right now. I want my relationship to finally get to that point. I waited long enough haven't I? They tell me how much they want to be with me still. It confuses me. I love God and the spiritual implications of sleeping with people make me want to cry. They tell me they won't leave me, even though they are having sex. But I am so jealous. It makes me unable to sleep at night. I am admittedly extremely attached. I am willing to forgive everything, even if I have to deal with it till I get there finally. But my heart wont let me rest. What should I do right now? I can't leave I refuse. I want to see this through. I have to.
This makes me want to cry all the time. I suffer every single day. There is rarely a day where my heart isn't aching. I wish I could be better and that everything would be doing right. If it isn't this LDR its my home life, I get abused sometimes. Even over miniscule things so I have to be perfect. I am so stressed I feel like everyone is against me. I have gotten gray hairs from all of it. I really try to be happy I cheer my self up but it doesnt last since all of these things happen again. Sigh. I just needed to vent. I feel like my life is shortening from this.
