Hi all, I'm having an internal issue about something which deeply affected me, and it involves my husband. First a couple bullet points:
-Married almost 2 years.
-Have a 1 year old boy.
-Both 26 years old.
I work as a Nurses Assistant at a hospital, in an outpatient unit. I help get patients ready for basic procedures by helping the families, giving instructions, vitals, shaving, and transporting. Most of our patients have procedures where they have to go through the groin and into the femoral artery to get a scope into the heart. What does that have to do with me? I have to shave that area. Oh yes, I cover up the patient for their dignity, and because I am completely uninterested in seeing what they have down there. It's a job, takes about two minutes and they have the option of striking up a conversation or staying silent. I have been doing this job for five years now, and it's gotten to a point where I see the human body as a completely binary thing. Almost all of my male patients have been gentlemen, almost embarrassed about what I have to do to them, so I don't encounter many problems.
About three months ago all that changed. I was doing my job just like any other day. I had an elderly gentleman I was getting ready, and having quite a good conversation with. We discussed family, places of origin, and some other vapid things. During the shave he said in a joking manner "It's Veterans day, where is my apple pie and meal?" I joked back with him and went on my business; nothing out of the ordinary occurred.
During lunch I found sliced apple pie in our cafeteria, so because I enjoyed him as a patient so much I decided to buy one and give it to him. Well my clock-out time came around, so I asked my mother (Who worked in the lab) to give it to him.
She called me on the way home and I could sense an edge in her voice. When I asked about the pie she said "Well, I did give it to him... and the drugs must have been in him still, because when I told him you were giving this to him he made the comment of 'Oh, yeah [Naal]. I remember her. She really made something "rise" when she was shaving me."'
I felt like someone had knocked me on the side of the head. Sure, I've been the subject of sexual harassment before, but not on this level. Not only was it directly about me, but it was said to my mother, and I didn't think this man would say something like that; I was taken completely off guard. That was the first time I had a real deep pit of my stomach sick feeling stemming from my patients.
Now this is where the needed advice will be. I told my husband what happened, and he just shrugged and said "Well, it's over now so there's nothing we can do about it." I was aghast. I felt like he would at least put an arm around me and say something comforting. There's nothing we can do about it? Well, duh. I didn't want to do something about it! I wanted to vent! I wanted my husband, who is supposed to comfort and defend me, at least feel a little something. I wasn't expecting him to take up a sword and mount a horse to go defend for my honor, but I expected a little something.
A day later I was at work and just broke down in tears about the whole situation. I have seen people in the nude at 90lbs and 500lbs. I have seen the weirdest fluids exit a persons body, and have seen people die. I have no fear of the human body, and suddenly when I have to go shave a man I'm overcome with a sick stomach and the inability to perform my job as needed. My boss took pity on me and sent me home early, mostly because it was a rather slow day.
Trust me when I say I'm not a prude. My parents educated us about sex at a fairly early time of life, and I grew up in a very liberal part of my country. Sex is not a shy topic for me, and I have a record from my pre-Christ life. However, this really affected me deep into my bones.
When I got home I sat down with my husband and explained to him why I was feeling hurt. He was shocked that I felt that way, because I talk about sex all the time with him, and I make dirty jokes. I replied with "Well that's because you're my husband. I don't go around talking like that with my coworkers and friends. It's special, because it is all special between us." He apologized and comforted me like I needed.
Fastforward to the last few days, I ran into said patient and all those old fears came back, as well as that sick feeling. And suddenly, I feel like if the same thing happened again that my husband would fail me again. That he would brush it off and tell me to suck it up.
Should I talk to him about these feelings, or should I let it rest? I feel like I'm building up a resentment and I hate it.
-Married almost 2 years.
-Have a 1 year old boy.
-Both 26 years old.
I work as a Nurses Assistant at a hospital, in an outpatient unit. I help get patients ready for basic procedures by helping the families, giving instructions, vitals, shaving, and transporting. Most of our patients have procedures where they have to go through the groin and into the femoral artery to get a scope into the heart. What does that have to do with me? I have to shave that area. Oh yes, I cover up the patient for their dignity, and because I am completely uninterested in seeing what they have down there. It's a job, takes about two minutes and they have the option of striking up a conversation or staying silent. I have been doing this job for five years now, and it's gotten to a point where I see the human body as a completely binary thing. Almost all of my male patients have been gentlemen, almost embarrassed about what I have to do to them, so I don't encounter many problems.
About three months ago all that changed. I was doing my job just like any other day. I had an elderly gentleman I was getting ready, and having quite a good conversation with. We discussed family, places of origin, and some other vapid things. During the shave he said in a joking manner "It's Veterans day, where is my apple pie and meal?" I joked back with him and went on my business; nothing out of the ordinary occurred.
During lunch I found sliced apple pie in our cafeteria, so because I enjoyed him as a patient so much I decided to buy one and give it to him. Well my clock-out time came around, so I asked my mother (Who worked in the lab) to give it to him.
She called me on the way home and I could sense an edge in her voice. When I asked about the pie she said "Well, I did give it to him... and the drugs must have been in him still, because when I told him you were giving this to him he made the comment of 'Oh, yeah [Naal]. I remember her. She really made something "rise" when she was shaving me."'
I felt like someone had knocked me on the side of the head. Sure, I've been the subject of sexual harassment before, but not on this level. Not only was it directly about me, but it was said to my mother, and I didn't think this man would say something like that; I was taken completely off guard. That was the first time I had a real deep pit of my stomach sick feeling stemming from my patients.
Now this is where the needed advice will be. I told my husband what happened, and he just shrugged and said "Well, it's over now so there's nothing we can do about it." I was aghast. I felt like he would at least put an arm around me and say something comforting. There's nothing we can do about it? Well, duh. I didn't want to do something about it! I wanted to vent! I wanted my husband, who is supposed to comfort and defend me, at least feel a little something. I wasn't expecting him to take up a sword and mount a horse to go defend for my honor, but I expected a little something.
A day later I was at work and just broke down in tears about the whole situation. I have seen people in the nude at 90lbs and 500lbs. I have seen the weirdest fluids exit a persons body, and have seen people die. I have no fear of the human body, and suddenly when I have to go shave a man I'm overcome with a sick stomach and the inability to perform my job as needed. My boss took pity on me and sent me home early, mostly because it was a rather slow day.
Trust me when I say I'm not a prude. My parents educated us about sex at a fairly early time of life, and I grew up in a very liberal part of my country. Sex is not a shy topic for me, and I have a record from my pre-Christ life. However, this really affected me deep into my bones.
When I got home I sat down with my husband and explained to him why I was feeling hurt. He was shocked that I felt that way, because I talk about sex all the time with him, and I make dirty jokes. I replied with "Well that's because you're my husband. I don't go around talking like that with my coworkers and friends. It's special, because it is all special between us." He apologized and comforted me like I needed.
Fastforward to the last few days, I ran into said patient and all those old fears came back, as well as that sick feeling. And suddenly, I feel like if the same thing happened again that my husband would fail me again. That he would brush it off and tell me to suck it up.
Should I talk to him about these feelings, or should I let it rest? I feel like I'm building up a resentment and I hate it.
