Is this OCD?

[alreadybutnotyet]

I have been struggling in my faith with what I believe is mild OCD, but I've never been diagnosed. I think I can divide my symptoms into 4 categories.

1. Intrusive thoughts- these are clearly OCD as far as I can tell. They tend to come in waves. I'll be fine for a while, then I'm suddenly dealing with them again.

2. Unwanted feelings- these are like the thoughts except they have emotions attached to them, which makes them seem genuine. Is this OCD? I often feel like an enemy of God and I feel fear and anxiety toward Jesus. These aren't just cold thoughts, but emotional reactions to hearing Jesus' name or something like that. I don't want to have them, but they don't seem the same as intrusive thoughts.

3. Questioning my salvation- this obviously flows out of the first two symptoms. I usually feel really assured and close to God, but then I'll have one of the above symptoms and wonder how that could come form someone who truly knows Christ. Then I think it through (ruminate, I suppose) and do a lot of praying (compulsion?) and usually come to the conclusion that I am really saved. Then I have another feeling/thought and the process starts all over again.

4. Intellectual doubt- this is more factual doubts about God and the Bible and such. This doesn't seem to be fueled by OCD. I think they're just your garden variety doubts, but perhaps the OCD stuff is acting as a catalyst for them.

So, which of these, if any, can I chalk up to OCD and quit worrying about? Anybody out there deal with this kind of thing? My biggest concerns are symptom #2 and its resulting #3.

 

[JammyStar]

Hey, I have all of those and more. It's definitely OCD and don't worry about your salvation, because the whole idea of you feeling bad about it means you care about Jesus Christ and DO have a relationship with him. It's OCD and the kind folks at this board can help you overcome this.

 

[gracealone]

I have been struggling in my faith with what I believe is mild OCD, but I've never been diagnosed. I think I can divide my symptoms into 4 categories.

1. Intrusive thoughts- these are clearly OCD as far as I can tell. They tend to come in waves. I'll be fine for a while, then I'm suddenly dealing with them again.

2. Unwanted feelings- these are like the thoughts except they have emotions attached to them, which makes them seem genuine. Is this OCD? I often feel like an enemy of God and I feel fear and anxiety toward Jesus. These aren't just cold thoughts, but emotional reactions to hearing Jesus' name or something like that. I don't want to have them, but they don't seem the same as intrusive thoughts.

3. Questioning my salvation- this obviously flows out of the first two symptoms. I usually feel really assured and close to God, but then I'll have one of the above symptoms and wonder how that could come form someone who truly knows Christ. Then I think it through (ruminate, I suppose) and do a lot of praying (compulsion?) and usually come to the conclusion that I am really saved. Then I have another feeling/thought and the process starts all over again.

4. Intellectual doubt- this is more factual doubts about God and the Bible and such. This doesn't seem to be fueled by OCD. I think they're just your garden variety doubts, but perhaps the OCD stuff is acting as a catalyst for them.

So, which of these, if any, can I chalk up to OCD and quit worrying about? Anybody out there deal with this kind of thing? My biggest concerns are symptom #2 and its resulting #3.

Yes this does sound like an OCD pattern. Number four can also take on an OCD flavor. With me these normal sort of questions were used by my OCD to accuse me that "maybe, just maybe this means I might not be a Christian or am turning into an athiest.... blah, blah, blah. The thoughts can really snowball as they go along. The type of OCD that you might be dealing with is called pure "O". The unwanted thoughts come, then the really unpleasant -gut wrenching anxiety, then the compulsive activity - the rumination process which you described. This is done by checking and reassurance seeking about the theme of the thoughts or by fighting them with canceling statements or praying over and over for forgiveness etc. The more you engage in the compulsive activities the more stuck they get in your head. The more stuck the more valid and important they seem to your mind.
Some good reading on pure "O" OCD can be found at
www.ocdonline.com
Read some of the articles by Dr. Stephen Philipson on pure "O".
Finally -only a Dr. can diagnose you. So if the situation goes from mild to severe where it's really intruding on the quality of your day to day life then it's time to go and get some help.
Let us know how you are doing.
Praying for you,
Mitzi

 

[OptimisticSmile]

I understand you with the fealing of being an enmy to God. Its really scary when you start to believe he is rejecting you and then you feel like at any moment you could say F-you to God and"curse God and die"