Is this normal?

[RepentantSaint]

Many years ago before I met my current wife, my girlfriend and I did somethings which I later regretted, namely premarital sex. I was 18 at the time and still a male virgin. I was naive about a lot of things and she was all to happy to teach me. As it was she had been around before if you know what I mean.
Any case one of the things she liked and I enjoyed to do was caressing and kissing. I hate to admit it but I loved doing that but feel now that doing that was perverse in some way. I hope this is not offensive to some by asking this but is doing that wrong or a perversion? I don't do things like this with my present wife as it brings back issues with my former lover I have a hard time dealing with and do not wish for her to think I am weird. Any ideas?

Thanks

 

[ascribe2thelord]

I think you're making your wife very unhappy. I know this, and I'm not even married. Of course you should caress and kiss her. Why not? It's not a perversion.

 

[RepentantSaint]

I think you're making your wife very unhappy. I know this, and I'm not even married. Of course you should caress and kiss her. Why not? It's not a perversion.

my p[osted was edited. It wasn't just kissing I wrote of but kissing her below the neck if you understand what I mean. Not just regular mouth kissing.

 

[goldenviolet]

sorry, i'm not allowed to approve details, i tried to say the same thing. honestly, i saw nothing shameful or perverted. read the song of solomon. woowee, that will make you blush making love in the marriage bed is beautiful.

 

[gengwall]

I echo goldenviolet. SOS's makes it pretty clear that making love is a whole body experience. You should not feel ashamed of caressing and kissing virtually any part of your wifes body. Now, there is a difference between being ashamed and being uncomfortable. There is another thread floating out there about toe licking. Most of the people commenting thought that was not something they would be into. But everyone agrees that it is "in bounds".

You and your wife need to work out your sexuality to the mutual benefit of the marriage. Sometimes, that means one of you may not want to do something the other would like you to do. You need to work out compromises. Sometimes, we bring baggage intot he relationship that needs to be expelled in order to fully enjoy the gift of intimacy God has given us. I think your situation falls into this category. This probably seems like not a big deal but you may want to seek some counseling, just to help you purge the past. (I don't mean you need to spend years in therapy. But a Christian counselor, especially one that deals with sexual issues, might be able in a couple of sessions to help free yuo from this burden.)

It also matters what your wife thinks. Has she indicated that she would like this activity to take place or does she indicate confusion over why you won't do it? Is this a significant intimacy need for her? (It would not surprise me if it is). If so, you definately need to come to a place where you can do this for her with joy and where you can get satisfaction yourself over doing it.

God bless. I hope you are able to owrk through this.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

my post was edited. It wasn't just kissing I wrote of but kissing her below the neck if you understand what I mean. Not just regular mouth kissing.

Well ... none of that is a perversion either. You're a guy, she's a girl and you're married to one another.