Is this morally Wrong

[soulfulman]

Hi All,

Just gaugin opinion on this, I have just discovered that my Girlfriend of 4 years is a member of 2 dating sites and has corresponded with other men on these sites, I do not know whether she has met up with them or not, She is unaware that I know about her membership, Should I actually challenge her about it???

 

[ChristianCenturion]

Hi All,

Just gaugin opinion on this, I have just discovered that my Girlfriend of 4 years is a member of 2 dating sites and has corresponded with other men on these sites, I do not know whether she has met up with them or not, She is unaware that I know about her membership, Should I actually challenge her about it???

I don't see why asking her would hurt in the long run.
If it were me, I would also consider the reason she may be looking at a dating service may have something to do with only being girlfriend/boyfriend for 4 years instead of committing.

 

[longleg]

If it were me, I would also consider the reason she may be looking at a dating service may have something to do with only being girlfriend/boyfriend for 4 years instead of committing.

You can commit to somebody without having to actually marry them and in most relationships nowadays, getting married doesn't mean your committed to one person !!!

 

[Skinster007]

Is your relationship a moral one? It would be kinda strange asking if dating sites were immoral while your having sex with your girlfriend.

 

[ChristianCenturion]

You can commit to somebody without having to actually marry them and in most relationships nowadays, getting married doesn't mean your committed to one person !!!

You are entitled to your "opinion".

 

[soulfulman]

Is your relationship a moral one? It would be kinda strange asking if dating sites were immoral while your having sex with your girlfriend

.

I was not asking if dating sites were immoral, I was asking if her going behind my back was immoral, perhaps you ought to try reading the thread before replying to it, and while we are on the subject can you please tell me what is immoral about two people who are in love, making love?? The only reason we don't get married is because we cannot afford to buy a house of our own or the cost of a wedding, which in any case would not be held in a church as we are both divorced from failed previous relationships, neither of which failed due to either myself or my girlfriend !!!

 

[ChristianCenturion]

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I was not asking if dating sites were immoral, I was asking if her going behind my back was immoral, perhaps you ought to try reading the thread before replying to it, and while we are on the subject can you please tell me what is immoral about two people who are in love, making love?? The only reason we don't get married is because we cannot afford to buy a house of our own or the cost of a wedding, which in any case would not be held in a church as we are both divorced from failed previous relationships, neither of which failed due to either myself or my girlfriend !!!

Considering that you ask this on a Christian Forum (and to premptively address those that would try to remind me that this is the open forum, I would likewise remind them that it is still a Christian Forum), I'll give you the Christian answer:

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

1 Corinthians 7:2
But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.


Since you ask about a relationship having a sexual content, the Christian answer would be that sex is moral within a marriage. If (for whatever reason) you aren't married, the question of morality with a girlfriend exploring dating sites is somewhat moot if the sexual morality and commitment within a marriage is not present.

 

[Maxwell511]

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I was not asking if dating sites were immoral, I was asking if her going behind my back was immoral

Probably. I would be more concerned about why she is doing it then the morality of the situation. You probably need to discuss a few things with her.

 

[z3ro]

The last thing I would do would be to bring it up in a confrontational way. More of a "hey, I was on the computer, and I noticed this" type of thing. Make it into a discussion, not an argument, because as already has been said, there are probably bigger issues present than going to online dating sites.

 

[Katya]

Hi All,

Just gaugin opinion on this, I have just discovered that my Girlfriend of 4 years is a member of 2 dating sites and has corresponded with other men on these sites, I do not know whether she has met up with them or not, She is unaware that I know about her membership, Should I actually challenge her about it???

I think it's immoral to be in a commited relationship and corresponding with men on dating sites. She may not have met them, but it could be only a matter of time. Why not challenge her about it.

 

[Marz Blak]

Probably. I would be more concerned about why she is doing it then the morality of the situation. You probably need to discuss a few things with her.

Exactly. The only possible ethical problem I see here is if she's being dishonest with you, and by virtue of the way you present the issue I take is as a given that you don't have an open relationship, haven't talked about seeing other people, have some understanding (implicit or explicit) of mutual monogamy/fidelity between you, etc.

But then again, as Maxwell511 says, I'd be more concerned about why she's doing this than whether it's wrong. The fact is that people with healthy relationships aren't dishonest with each other about things like this.

 

[elman]

.

I was not asking if dating sites were immoral, I was asking if her going behind my back was immoral, perhaps you ought to try reading the thread before replying to it, and while we are on the subject can you please tell me what is immoral about two people who are in love, making love?? The only reason we don't get married is because we cannot afford to buy a house of our own or the cost of a wedding, which in any case would not be held in a church as we are both divorced from failed previous relationships, neither of which failed due to either myself or my girlfriend !!!

There is nothing wrong with making love anytime and anywhere, but sex is a different question. That should be done with thought given to the consequences, not just jump in whereever possible like a dog or animal.

 

[Cerberus~]

The "morality" of this has nothing to do with anything. The only thing that matters is she has been talking to guys for sometime on a dating site without your knowledge. I would confront her about it. Otherwise, it'll always be on the back of your mind, eating you up. The worst thing you could do for your relationship is not talk to her about it.

Trying to figure out the morality of the issue is essentially side-stepping it instead of dealing with it.

 

[Jetgirl]

If it bothers you, ask her.

Best case you find out that she's looking at them to get a laugh, like I do sometimes.

I'd be more concerned with WHY she has these subscriptions than anything else.

 

[""]

Hi All,



Just gaugin opinion on this, I have just discovered that my Girlfriend of 4 years is a member of 2 dating sites and has corresponded with other men on these sites, I do not know whether she has met up with them or not, She is unaware that I know about her membership, Should I actually challenge her about it???

My response to your question would depend upon the seriousness of your relationship.

For instance, if somebody were having an "online relationship" and found out that their friend/partner was also talking to other people, I would rack it up as in keeping with online relationships. You really cannot be fully committed to somebody when you cannot be with them.

Another example: If a couple is dating but not living together, and there is no official commitment involving an engagement ring, or promise ring of some sort, then I would assume that I had the right to ask why my she was on the other sites, but I wouldn't be accusatory in my questioning. Without a definite commitment, she has the right to see whomever she wants, whenever she wants.

Another example:

If a couple is living together, without a commitment or promise of some kind (ie: simply living as roommates who happen to have sex) then, again, you could ask, but you couldn't really accuse or expect that she should be committed solely to you. Neither could she expect the same of you.

Lastly:

If you're living together, and there is a definite commitment (ie: you've spoken of marriage, you're engaged, or you have lived together in a sexual relationship for several years [which I am opposed to as a Christian but that's already been mentioned by another so I'll leave it at that]) then yes, you should feel that you have the right to be a bit more assertive in your questioning. I wouldn't personally live with somebody outside of marriage, but I have some friends who do, and are fully committed. I don't preach to them about the wrongness of their actions, because they know me well, and it's not necessary for me to voice that in their presence. It's also not my business unless they ask me, and it doesn't keep us from being good friends. To get back on task though, if one of them began posting on dating sites, I would see nothing wrong with it, except that I think that person should let the other one know that this is what's going on. From my perspective, living together doesn't imply commitment. Without an engagement ring and a promise to marry, you really have no commitment. From God's perspective (according to the bible) without a wedding ceremony, you have no commitment, but there again, this is something that has already been mentioned by others here.

Again, that's my opinion, and I'm certainly not judging your relationship. I wish you well. It must be very painful for you to find this out about your girlfriend, and for that, I am sorry for you. I hope that the two of you can talk things out so that you'll no longer feel that you're in the dark about her behavior.

 

[KCDAD]

Hi All,
Just gaugin opinion on this, I have just discovered that my Girlfriend of 4 years is a member of 2 dating sites and has corresponded with other men on these sites, I do not know whether she has met up with them or not, She is unaware that I know about her membership, Should I actually challenge her about it???

Most who participate in these sites are merely curious as to what kind of other people are on them.. They fantasize that the others are more perfect for them then their currents. Rarely do they ever meet, and when they do they are usually dissappointed in the outcome. With that said, does that help any?
(Could you give me her screen name? Sorry. Just kidding.)
I wouldn't confront her unless you willing to apologise first for nosing around. Perhaps this could be a good conversation starter on relationship building between the two of you. Have you been avoiding getting married or making some more permanent committment to her?

 

[tocis]

I agree with most of the others here. Is her chatting with those men immoral? Depends on what exactly they chat about.
Maybe she is just having some pretty normal fun conversation with them and only hides that from you because she fears that you might get it all wrong?
Frankly, it's hard to tell whether there is anything immoral involved there... from afar that is.

 

[Exhausted]

She's a monstrous harlot! Talking with men! On dating sites! Even though you're not even engaged! And having blatantly immoral sex! Decapitate her quickly!

 

[Moros]

Sounds like you're about to be dumped and she's waiting until she finds a new guy to break it to ya. Sort of like finding a new job before you fully quit your old one. I say end it before she tries to make you look like a fool.

 

[Cerberus~]

Sounds like you're about to be dumped and she's waiting until she finds a new guy to break it to ya. Sort of like finding a new job before you fully quit your old one. I say end it before she tries to make you look like a fool.

...or maybe you could try talking to her first.