Is this common?

[free4all]

I have a family member who is bipolar and has a long history of violence toward the family during the manic episodes.

Is this common?

 

[goldenviolet]

it is unfortuately... some people do behave distructively to themselves mostly, and sometimes others. situations can play a part in causing or stopping it though. are you considering trying to help them? if you are, you should learn about their particular struggles and diagnosis.

Happy Birthday!

 

[free4all]

Thanks for replying, goldenviolet. I've seen your posts many times, and you are compassionate and willing to assist. And thanks for the b-day greetings!

Am I trying to help? Unfortunately, my family's attempts to help over many decades were rebuffed and fought against strenuously. The more we tried to help, the worse it got.

As a result of many poor choices, some during episodes, many not, our family member no longer lives at home but is in a facility with 24-hour supervision. This is necessary to protect them from themself, as well as to protect the spouse.

I asked because I am still trying to understand.

Our battle is over. It was long and with many casualties.

I pray all on this forum fare better than we did.

Thank you again for responding.

 

[goldenviolet]

no no no no! don't give up on hope and prayers!!
sometimes being institutionalized turns out to be the very blessing that helps them learn to cope! God bless you! you can still find out what therepies are available, when the person gets so far in recovery; they start working with family. i pray that your family will be blessed, no matter what the out come is.
(and.. i have lived in two institutions, but been in seven. the others were short term).

 

[I'ddie4him]

it is unfortuately... some people do behave distructively to themselves mostly, and sometimes others. situations can play a part in causing or stopping it though. are you considering trying to help them? if you are, you should learn about their particular struggles and diagnosis.

Happy Birthday!

Yes, It is an unfortunate behaviour that some display.
As a kid I did so all to often and never really knew why my moods went from crying at one point during the day to outright rage and anger.
I ruined many relationships this way and was grateful to the Dr's who finally diagnosed me. Several weeks after starting my meds, I was like a totally different person.


free4all,
Listen to goldenviolet.
Don't give up on the prayers and hope.
Keep supporting them in any way you can.
Sometimes the smallest thing we do, Can mean the most.
Hang in there and hope things improve.

 

[free4all]

40 years of hope and prayers being dashed... I no longer hope or pray for this.

My hope is for the next life, and my prayer is that it will come soon for all, me included.

It is interesting that you mention the benefits of institutionalization. About 20 years ago, our family member was in an institution for 3 months. Afterwards, they had no episodes for a year, vs. 4-12 per year previously. That led me to believe that at least some of the disorder was under their control. Later, the situation returned to our normal, but the spouse did not have them recommitted. I don't remember, but the institution may have refused re-entry. I realize now a more proactive approach would have been better, but the spouse was trying to have a homelife as near normal as possible for everyone.

Recently, the member began refusing hospitalization, and then began a habit of disappearing for days. For years, the spouse had been able to be there 24 hours a day, even staying up days on end during episodes. That is not possible any more. And I am unable to help.

At some point, each other family member was nearly blinded by this one with unprovoked attacks. We bore the scars near our eyes. This member is a danger to themself and everyone around. It is no longer safe to have them at home. I believe the extreme anger is displaced from many years ago.

So you see, our goal is not to bring this one home. That would be dangerous for all involved. The spouse may not have long to live. A little peace and rest is in order for so many years of extreme trials.

In addition, the member took legal action to keep the family away. They are paranoid and fear things that do not exist. Could we reverse that by going to court? Probably. But this would not address the issue of safety for the spouse. So we leave it as it is.

The member did return home last year to live, but very soon began disappearing again. So it was back to the previous place, and I pray the spouse does not allow that again, for both their sakes.

I believe those on this forum want to be helped. I do not believe that was always the case with my family member, who enjoyed the manic highs, didn't want to take the medication, and began fighting hospitalization.

This is the best situation for all involved. I'm just trying to understand more. This may sound cruel, but now we are focusing on the survivors.

Thank you for your concern. Hope this is not a downer. We lived with it for 40 years, so we are used to it.

Though I still deal with the effects of this every day, our battle is over.

 

[vibrant]

i don't think that it's common to be violent to OTHERS. not everyone with bp is going to get violent with their loved ones. it is common to hurt OURSELVES, but not others. i'm not saying it doesn't happen, just that it's not automatic with a mental illness that you're going to become violent and hurt others. i think that that's a dangerous stereotype.

 

[I'ddie4him]

40 years of hope and prayers being dashed... I no longer hope or pray for this.

My hope is for the next life, and my prayer is that it will come soon for all, me included.

It is interesting that you mention the benefits of institutionalization. About 20 years ago, our family member was in an institution for 3 months. Afterwards, they had no episodes for a year, vs. 4-12 per year previously. That led me to believe that at least some of the disorder was under their control. Later, the situation returned to our normal, but the spouse did not have them recommitted. I don't remember, but the institution may have refused re-entry. I realize now a more proactive approach would have been better, but the spouse was trying to have a homelife as near normal as possible for everyone.

Recently, the member began refusing hospitalization, and then began a habit of disappearing for days. For years, the spouse had been able to be there 24 hours a day, even staying up days on end during episodes. That is not possible any more. And I am unable to help.

At some point, each other family member was nearly blinded by this one with unprovoked attacks. We bore the scars near our eyes. This member is a danger to themself and everyone around. It is no longer safe to have them at home. I believe the extreme anger is displaced from many years ago.

So you see, our goal is not to bring this one home. That would be dangerous for all involved. The spouse may not have long to live. A little peace and rest is in order for so many years of extreme trials.

In addition, the member took legal action to keep the family away. They are paranoid and fear things that do not exist. Could we reverse that by going to court? Probably. But this would not address the issue of safety for the spouse. So we leave it as it is.

The member did return home last year to live, but very soon began disappearing again. So it was back to the previous place, and I pray the spouse does not allow that again, for both their sakes.

I believe those on this forum want to be helped. I do not believe that was always the case with my family member, who enjoyed the manic highs, didn't want to take the medication, and began fighting hospitalization.

This is the best situation for all involved. I'm just trying to understand more. This may sound cruel, but now we are focusing on the survivors.

Thank you for your concern. Hope this is not a downer. We lived with it for 40 years, so we are used to it.

Though I still deal with the effects of this every day, our battle is over.

Not sure how to respond here.
Just that I will pray that circumstances and issues can be overcome in some way.
The bible says With God, All things are possible.
I wouldn't give up yet.

 

[free4all]

Yes, It is an unfortunate behaviour that some display.
As a kid I did so all to often and never really knew why my moods went from crying at one point during the day to outright rage and anger.
I ruined many relationships this way and was grateful to the Dr's who finally diagnosed me. Several weeks after starting my meds, I was like a totally different person.


free4all,
Listen to goldenviolet.
Don't give up on the prayers and hope.
Keep supporting them in any way you can.
Sometimes the smallest thing we do, Can mean the most.
Hang in there and hope things improve.

I'ddie4him

Thanks for your reply. I didn't see it until I'd posted. I've been fighting with my computer for nearly an hour on my post. I'm exhausted. I'll read it again later, but I'm not thinking very clearly now.

Just wanted to say thanks.

 

[I'ddie4him]

i don't think that it's common to be violent to OTHERS. not everyone with bp is going to get violent with their loved ones. it is common to hurt OURSELVES, but not others. i'm not saying it doesn't happen, just that it's not automatic with a mental illness that you're going to become violent and hurt others. i think that that's a dangerous stereotype.

Very true vibrant.
That doesn't sound like a typical BP type behaviour to me either.
My anger and rage were cause I was going thru such a extreme range of emotions and I couldn't control them myself. I felt helpless.
Sounds more like someone is suffering from a scitzo effective disorder or something else.

 

[goldenviolet]

 

[I'ddie4him]

I'ddie4him

Thanks for your reply. I didn't see it until I'd posted. I've been fighting with my computer for nearly an hour on my post. I'm exhausted. I'll read it again later, but I'm not thinking very clearly now.

Just wanted to say thanks.

Thats ok, I understand.
I'm not an impatient person.



anymore

 

[free4all]

Sounds more like someone is suffering from a scitzo effective disorder

Now that you mention it, I recall they also had that diagnosis. I had just lumped it all together in my mind.

And yes, I do need to do some things for the relationship, even some small things. Honestly, right now I am still dealing with anger over the apparent lack of remorse for the mistreatment of the spouse and the rest of the family. I've never heard a single apology, either to myself or others.

I know the verses on forgiveness. Now I just need to follow them. I am in the process of preparing to confront this individual over their conduct. I realize it must be done in love, but I'm tired of pretending these things never happened. I saw what self-control this individual could summon when concerned about institutionalization. And they admitted to me of going on an episode on purpose because they were angry.

It's just disappointing, because I think much of the travail could have been avoided if this member had chosen to take some responsibility over their actions. I'm not making any judgments on anyone else...just what I observed in our situation over decades.

Thank you to all who responded.