Is this appropriate behaviour for a Christian husband?

[Hannah66]

The elderly mother of the wife is very ill with pneumonia(Iin serious condition) and taken to hospital and they are running tests to see
what is wrong. Currrently on machines and the Drs don't know if she is going to get through it ok.
And the husband turns to the wife and asks, "How long do you think you are going to be here because I am tired?"
Wife is very worried and on her own.
Husband says, ""l'll go wait in the car because I am very tired. Let me know by text what you are going to do
otherwise I'll go home" I have work tomorrow".
Wife eventually texts him and tells him she doesn't want to leave her mother until they find her mother a room
Husband leaves.
Meanwhile, wife's brother comes and is supporting his sister.
Husband leaves
Wife finds her way home by taxi and gets home at 3am.

Another case
Wife goes into hospital for cornea(eye) transplant.
Husband comes to visit and stays 10 minutes
Wife really needs his support.
She tells her husband, later, "I wish you could have stayed a bit longer
I really needed your support today"

Husband replies
"I couldn't cope and I went away to gamble"

Do you think the husband is non-supportive
or do you think he needs time out and it's ok if he doesn't cope so well.

 

[Paidiske]

The first one, maybe that could be okay depending on how they communicate about it and what they agree (the communication sounds poor either way). I wouldn't necessarily expect my husband to stay at my side if I were caring for my mother.

The second one, not so much. Husband sounds like he has some growing up to do.

 

[BobRyan]

Another case
Wife goes into hospital for cornea(eye) transplant.
Husband comes to visit and stays 10 minutes
Wife really needs his support.
She tells her husband, later, "I wish you could have stayed a bit longer
I really needed your support today"

Husband replies
"I couldn't cope and I went away to gamble"

Do you think the husband is non-supportive
or do you think he needs time out and it's ok if he doesn't cope so well.

Matt 7 "By their fruits you shall know them" -- Husband needs to be born again, converted to Christ. Pray for him to be saved, work on ways to evangelize him, help him see how nice it would be to be born-again saved a true Christian, go to heaven, Love others as himself.

21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; leave Me, you who practice lawlessness.’

 

[Blade]

Is this real or not? Yet it matters not since who are we to give speak any kind of judgement (so to speak) to any one? Were all different and something could have happened the day the week before.. on and on. If they asked me I would answer but.. never like this

 

[Hannah66]

Is this real or not? Yet it matters not since who are we to give speak any kind of judgement (so to speak) to any one? Were all different and something could have happened the day the week before.. on and on. If they asked me I would answer but.. never like this

Yes, my life. My story

 

[anetazo]

I'm not judging anyone. In Exodus, bible, Moses didn't fulfill his duty to circumcise his child. God was angry. His wife did it. She was angry also. Moses had his priority in wrong place. Im not criticizing moses.
Kubeia in Greek means = gambling. First Timothy 6:9. Gambling is Temptation. It can take over our mind and heart. Ecclesiastes 5:10. Who ever loves money never has enough; who so ever loves wealth is never satisfied with thier income. This too is meaningless.
My brother former friend married a Christian several decades ago. She was able to get her husband to see error of his ways, and convert to christianity.
Psalm 18:28. For Thou wilt light my candle; The Lord my God will enlighten my darkness. Oil is needed to light lamp. Those walking in darkness are lost. Matthew 10:27. What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in the light; Use wisdom and gentle words. If the situation requires it. Pray to God and ask for wisdom and guidance. Gambling is a addiction. It can lead to sin.
John 12;35. Then Jesus says unto them, Yet a little while is the light with you. Walk while Ye have the light, lest dar6 come upon you: for he that walks in darkness knows not WITHER he goes. Children of light repent and love and serve God. Those walking in darkness are headed for sheol. Unless the person is willing to repent and conform to God's standard.
The former friend of my brother , used to take advantage of people over business matters. His business dealings were dishonest. His wife was able to talk sense into him and he converted to christianity. Now for 3 decades, he works in HVAC. What a turn around !!. I wish you all the best.

 

[splish- splash]

In the 1st scenario, hubby could have tried to be a bit supportive, by staying with wifey until she was done, even if it meant waiting for her in the car, then he could have called in off sick at work, the next morning.

2nd scenario: Ok, because of the type of surgery procedure & whatnot, I kind of get it if hubby said he couldn't cope. But did he really have to go & gamble though? He could have waited for his wife in the waiting area while he played some video games on his phone or something.

 

[splish- splash]

In 2nd scenario, maybe hubby could have also kept checking on his wife even if it meant doing this through staff members, just to show that they are there & they care. It's the thoughtful things.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Inappropriate behavior for any spouse.

 

[InChristAlone525]

I'm so sorry this is happening for you. Sounds like Husband has an addiction so he is not serving you he is serving his addiction. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. We can't force our husbands to do this. What I did was to tell my husband how I felt, no condemnation, just my raw true feelings and I took responsibility for them as well not just put all the blame on him. If my husband had an addiction I would tell him how that is making me feel. Say "I feel betrayed when you choose gambling over me". If he doesn't rise up and protect your heart then he isn't going to. In that case the marriage is null and void. But give him the chance to turn it around by sharing your heart.

 

[Hazelelponi]

The elderly mother of the wife is very ill with pneumonia(Iin serious condition) and taken to hospital and they are running tests to see
what is wrong. Currrently on machines and the Drs don't know if she is going to get through it ok.
And the husband turns to the wife and asks, "How long do you think you are going to be here because I am tired?"
Wife is very worried and on her own.
Husband says, ""l'll go wait in the car because I am very tired. Let me know by text what you are going to do
otherwise I'll go home" I have work tomorrow".
Wife eventually texts him and tells him she doesn't want to leave her mother until they find her mother a room
Husband leaves.
Meanwhile, wife's brother comes and is supporting his sister.
Husband leaves
Wife finds her way home by taxi and gets home at 3am.

Another case
Wife goes into hospital for cornea(eye) transplant.
Husband comes to visit and stays 10 minutes
Wife really needs his support.
She tells her husband, later, "I wish you could have stayed a bit longer
I really needed your support today"

Husband replies
"I couldn't cope and I went away to gamble"

Do you think the husband is non-supportive
or do you think he needs time out and it's ok if he doesn't cope so well.

1st scenario it's his mom... I can't speak to what their relationship might be but his rest before work was more worrisome for him than sitting in the hospital. There could be many reasons for that.

Second scenario.

Couldn't cope. Hmmm...

My husband doesn't like crowds of any kind. He's very upset and uncomfortable in crowds - so we don't do crowds if we don't have to, and if there's crowds involved I do those things alone with him waiting in the car.

I can feel his tension when he's in these situations and as his wife I do my best for him, which means not forcing him into things he can't deal with well.

If hospitals are your husbands thing, then have a friend from church or one of your children come with you to keep you company next time you need a procedure done.

But honestly I would kinda be questioning how much he cared about me... I think it would be normal to question in that situation.

I'd sit down with hubby and talk with him honestly about it... Maybe you guys can clear the air if there's confusion.

I know because crowds are my husband's thing when I go to the doctor he sits in the car so he's not sitting around the waiting room but if I'm in the hospital he sits with me in the room because it's more private.

So figure out what exactly your husbands phobia is and work around it if he's got one...

 

[Hannah66]

hi, thanks for your reply, truly appreciate it.
It was my mother.
My husband eventually left and divorced me.
I just don't think he loved me enough to support me.
I know he was tired, but so am I.

Thanks for your support
My mother is in glory now.

 

[MForbes]

My husband eventually left and divorced me.

Well, there you go then. Problem solved. Time to move on.

 

[linux.poet]

The thing that particularly bothered me was the fact that you had to call a taxi to get home in the first instance. You should have been able to call him and have him pick you up after you had seen to your mother's condition.

The second instance doesn't bother me so much, I mean, what is he going to do in the OR other than wait and stand around? It's hard to see your wife cut open. I get that.

 

[com7fy8]

Yes, my life. My story

I think he could be more ready to support his wife, and she could be sensitive to how he is . . . in each case. So, both of them could do better > maybe like this >

He loves her; so he wants to be there for her, even though he is not feeling so good.

And she loves him; so she wants to make the sacrifice of helping him to get a break.

And at home later they can talk about how both of them were not ready to be strong with each other like they could be, and pray for God to make them both more mature.

 

[com7fy8]

In general > we need to be ready for when our companions fail and do not show us the love they should, and be their good example to encourage them to do better >

Love "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:7)

To me, this encourages me to be ready for however my lady friend might be unloving, and not be like a victim or judging her for not being genuine in love, but be kind to her and encouraging for her to do better.