Is there *any* way at all....

[LovebirdsFlying]

... to get members of my former church, which I left well over a year ago, to stop asking me to come back?

I don't care how welcome I would be; I didn't leave due to not being made welcome. I don't care that they have an interim pastor while they're looking for a permanent one; I didn't leave because I had anything against the former pastor. I don't care how sound and Biblical the doctrine is; I didn't leave because I felt they were preaching error. The church I'm going to now also preaches sound Biblical doctrine.

I left for many reasons, chief of which is that the congregation is a shell of what it used to be. The church is so tiny and shrinking that there is nowhere I can actively participate, and I refuse to go anywhere to be nothing but a pew ornament. I left because young visitors and families with children never seem to come back a second time, and that says something to me. The church I'm going to now enjoys an age range from fetal (we're throwing a baby shower for a couple very soon) to senior citizen. The former church is almost exclusively senior citizen. I also left because I have heard more discussion and focus on hatred toward the opposing political ideology than there is on worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ, who should be any church's primary reason for being there. Nobody is giving me any indication that any of this is changing.

All of the above has been explained. Multiple times.

I have tried to remain friends with some individual members of my former church, but honestly, what are they having trouble with, the N or the O? They're starting to remind me of some stalker ex who hasn't gotten it through his thick skull that we're divorced. Or some creepy coworker you keep turning down for a date, but he thinks if he keeps asking, he can get you to change your mind. How many times must I say no, I'm not coming back? Is it actually necessary to disconnect all ties to anyone associated with the former church?

 

[turkle]

"Please don't ask me anymore." Simple.

And if they keep asking, let them. What's the harm? Any question that begins "how do I get .... to..." is trying to control the behavior of others. It never works the way you want it to.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Contact their pastor and have him announce from the pulpit to not ask you to come any longer. Tell him to tell those few that are left that they are a shell of a church and empty. Tell them that everyone is quitting so you did too. Say that you were nothing but a pew ornament and that was their fault. Tell them that you did not do anything and that was their fault too. The young visitors and families with children never seem to come back a second time to fellowship with you, and that means something. Make sure he says that they are all old people and that bothers you. Inform them there was nothing you could do to lift the atmosphere into love, patience, and spiritual growth.
I am glad you are enjoying your new younger congregation.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I seem to have touched a nerve here.

We all know the interim pastor will say nothing like that from the pulpit, nor would I even dream of asking him to.

I tried for 15 years to be active in the former church, but if there's no place to fit, there is no place to fit. Square peg, meet round hole. Everything I tried to volunteer to do, whether helping to set up for fellowship funtions, clean up afterward, or whatever, it met with, "Oh, no thank you. Just sit back and relax. We've got it covered." Even when I became very depressed over not feeling useful or needed, and I let them know it, they would reply, "Oh, but we do need you here. I get a blessing when I come in and see your smile." If my only contribution to a church is to sit there and smile, they can just put a cardboard cutout of me in the pew, and have the same effect.

Over the years, so many people we knew and loved either retired and moved out of state, or passed away. The problem is that visitors and newcomers are not coming in to replace the ones who have left. The church is dying. My husband wouldn't think anything of looking for a new job if he knows that the company he works for is going to go belly up soon. I get the impression that leaving a dying church, because it is dying, is somehow wrong of me?

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

"Please don't ask me anymore." Simple.

And if they keep asking, let them. What's the harm? Any question that begins "how do I get .... to..." is trying to control the behavior of others. It never works the way you want it to.

I didn't want to leave you out and act like I didn't see your answer. Thank you for your input, you make a good point, and I'm taking it under advisement.

 

[godisagardener]

Not knowing what denominational church you're attending now, and whether it's the same as that you left, I'm wondering if you've switched your membership to the new church? And if it's a different denomination have you possibly sent a letter to the old church stating that you've moved on and to please remove your name from their rolls? If not, that might be the impetus needed to keep people from bothering you.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Same basic beliefs, but the new church is not technically part of a denomination. The former church is Southern Baptist. The new one is Baptist in history and theology, with some minor differences in practice, but it isn’t affiliated with any convention, and it simply calls itself Such-and-Such Church, not Such-and-Such Baptist Church.

By minor differences in practice, I mean that instead of passing the communion elements around, they have stations set up in the corners of the sanctuary for the congregation to serve themselves. That kind of thing. One way isn’t better than the other. They’re just different. The issues I believe to be important, such as virgin birth, physical death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, believer baptism by immersion, etc. are the same.

In my new church, there are no political subcultures going on. The closest the pastor has ever made to a political statement is that it is perfectly all right to disagree with our leaders and refuse to obey a law that conflicts with the word of God, but we should not be disrespectful in the process. Badmouthing a politician is unbecoming of a Christian. I don’t hear badmouthing at my new church. I heard an awful lot of it at the old one.

Not even sure the new church has an official membership roster.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

Your new one sounds nice. I'm not contesting your temperament but I love it when people don't want me to volunteer for anything physically active. The following is an anecdote.

I used to attend a group that met twice a week plus I was on a rota frequently plus we had an extra ceremony every third Thursday and every fourth Sunday.

Mrs M, who knew them well for over 30 years, explained that she wasn't going to be around much because she had to look after a frail relative.

I announced I was going to stop doing Saturdays, Sundays and Thursdays and only attend two Tuesdays out of three and not be on their rota. This would not have affected them and their branch in another town had long been comfortable with me and others drifting in and out. I didn't give a reason but it was partly because it was wearing me out and partly because I was fed up with what they were up to on the side. I'm not perfectionist about groups that I join.

So every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and other times as well, the phone went and it was can you do such & such, can you be at our such and such.

So I decided to makethe complete break.

After that, every time I went to church they were demanding to be told how I was. (They could see that if I was good enough to be there, I was on my feet.)

I bumped into this woman from it by the shops and held forth about being into things I hoped she'd disapprove.

They are not affilated to the parish but the parish canon favours them and wishes they were. Apart from that I'd be willing to attend the parish as a fringe attender.

 

[Always in His Presence]

It can be as simple as:

No thank you - I'm very happy where I am.

Being missed and cared for isn't necessarily a bad thing.