Is there any point in getting married?

[ignorant and stupid]

From a non married person's perspective, I don't always see what the point in getting married is, why not just stay dating?

Sure there is that verse in Romans about if you can't control yourself get married, but surely there must be more reasons to get married than sex?

Why did you get married? I think it has to be more than just love, because you can love someone and not get married to them. Why should anyone get married?

I can think of a good reasons not to get married:
You can't change your mind afterwards if you find out against all the odds you made a mistake.
If you get bored of the person you are with you are stuck with them.
Your life is no longer your own.
What if they change with age and become different?
What if they stop liking you?
Etc.

I'm not just talking about my personal point of view, but why are people called to marriage and why do they get married?

Thanks for any answers you can give

 

[searle29678]

Well, when you meet someone that you truly care about you want to be around them for the rest of your life. After you have decided that your bond is strong enough for marriage, ideally, you should pray and ask for guidance in making the decision to get married. Marriage isn't easy, and though you love someone there are gonna be days when you don't like them. It's an everyday process to wake up and decide that you are gonna make it work. I know it sounds like a lot of hard work and sometimes it really is, but it's rewarding in the long run. It's not all about sex, it's about sharing your life with someone you truly care about. I guess you can't really understand it until you have really loved someone. It's a sacrifice, but the time spent, love given, and lessons learned make it worth it. That's just my viewpoint.

 

[Oblivious]

You can't go into marriage with a "me, me, me" attitude or it will never work, I guarantee it. I married my husband because I loved him and wanted to share and spend the rest of my life with him. We are both unselfish people who think of each other first, and that helps alot. We are alot alike and have the same interests, which makes things easy as well. I did not go into marriage saying "Well, I really don't like "x" about him, so I'll change it." That will never work. You have to accept who they are, and if they change for the better or for the worse, you have to accept that.

I don't know if that helps you or not. But if you have any doubts you have no business getting married IMO.

Good luck!

 

[lovespeace]

Eventually you will probably meet someone with whom you wish to start a family and live with and love for the rest of your life. That is when you get married, before it might be nice, but doing the above commitment enriches your life immeasurably.

 

[Jenna]

Here are some reasons why I like being married.....

• I have someone to snuggle with and be intimate with, and I don't have to worry about lust creeping in and tempting me to do something that I shouldn't. I have freedom because of my committment to this one man.
• I have the solid committment from a man who loves me, and that security itself allows me to open up more to him and gives a strong base for planning our future (as much as people really can. lol)
• If there is ever something that I am NOT, it is bored. People have a tendancy to change and grow as time passes, and I get to be an active part in the dynamics of our life. Because of communication and agape' love, we are able to grow together, and not use it as an excuse to push each other away.
• With the security of our marriage committment, we both feel comfortable enough to have children together.
• Because of our marriage, we know that our children would have the strongest chance of having a healthy and happy childhood. Things are a lot less confusing and complicated when you don't have to deal with 'who is that man in mommy's room' and 'why is daddy kissing that other girl' kind of stuff.
• Marriage has been a very good maturing tool. I know that before I was married, I was more apt to be selfish and self-centered. I didn't even realize how much of an attitude problem that I had, until it fell to me to love and care for other people.
• With marriage, usually comes added responsibilities. I have learned a great deal more about caring for a family in every aspect. I'm not sure that I would have done so much delving into financial aspects, healthcare, or even politics if it weren't for the fact that I have a responsibility to provide a healthy environment for my family, as much as I am able. When I leave this world, my daughter will most likely still be here, and I want things to be better for her than they otherwise would be if she had no one working toward her wellbeing.
• Marriage means that I get a whole new family, or rather, two! I get my immediate family, when my husband and myself leave and cleave. Then I also have his extended family, which opens up the option for so many friendships.

Ok, I hope that I haven't bored you all that much. Anyway, I think that is all I have to share at this particular time.....

Oh, I thought of one more. Marriage is a wonderful parallel to help us understand the relationship between the Lord and His Church (bride of Christ). Without having experienced marriage, I may be a little less understanding of the wonders and complexities of the situation.

 

[LiberatedChick]

Sure there is that verse in Romans about if you can't control yourself get married, but surely there must be more reasons to get married than sex?

Yes, it is more than sex. A marriage will not survive if based purely on sex. It's because it's how God wants our relationships to be, sex is designed for marriage which is why God says that we're to marry if we can't stop ourselves from having sex outside of marriage. You can't honestly think someone could date someone for the entire of their lives and not want to get more intimate?

However, that's not the only reason for marriage. Another reason is also because of commitment. I know that I could never just date someone without eventually wanting to be fully committed to them and I would never want to date someone that didn't seem to love me enough to want to be with me properly for the rest of our lives.

Why did you get married? I think it has to be more than just love, because you can love someone and not get married to them. Why should anyone get married?

Yes, you can love someone without marrying them but you can't be fully committed to them and your relationship with them if you won't marry them. My husband and I certainly didn't marry for love. No one marries someone so that they can love them...they marry someone because they love them. We married because we loved each other and therefore wanted to give the other what they deserve....a fully committed relationship which you can't just get up and walk away from should you feel like it.

I can think of a good reasons not to get married:
You can't change your mind afterwards if you find out against all the odds you made a mistake.
If you get bored of the person you are with you are stuck with them.
Your life is no longer your own.
What if they change with age and become different?
What if they stop liking you?

No you can't just change your mind but you should have thought properly about it beforehand. The fact that you can't change your mind and chuck away the relationship is one of the reasons why people think long and hard before making such a commitment. It also means that you have to work at it. Life doesn't run smoothly and neither do marriages and so both require some effort to get them to the place you want to be. And getting bored with someone? Well it's not the job of your partner to entertain you. If someones bored in a marriage then it's not just their partners responsibility to change things, it's their own responsibility too. Throughout the five (almost six) years that I've been with my husband (though we haven't been married that long) I've never got bored. There's always something new to do or talk about, always something else being thrown in your direction.

And you're right, you're life is no longer your own as there's two people to think about now. However, they should be two people who have things in common and so are heading in the same direction. What if they change with age? Well everyone changes all the time, they could change or you could change. That's a risk to be taken and whilst there is a risk people could grow apart if you're certain this is the person you want to share your life with and you have things in common, common goals and generally get on with them well then chances are you will grow closer as life goes on.

 

[ptgd1st]

We get married so we can understand how God loves us. Marriage is a earthly representation of our relationship with God. . You are right that once you get married you cannot go back.Marriage is about sacrifice and humility. If you cannot go back then you are forced to interact and communicate. This is an example of sacrifice and humility. I do not believe we can truly understand these components of our relationship with God until we are forced to use them. Marriage is the venue for these things. When you are dating there is always the option to split up if you want to without learning these attrubutes.

 

[Leanna]

If you want to be with someone your whole life then you want to get married. If you don't get married and just live together then after one big fight one day he/she can just leave. Never look back. Marriage is a committment not only because of the spiritual implications but because of the legal issues. You can't just leave. If you aren't married and you have children it is even worse. The man can run away and it takes a while to find him and try to get child support, you have to get a paternity test and blah blah blah. If you are married then the husband is the presumed father and so straight from divorce has a legal obligation to the children.

 

[Leanna]

In conclusion, on the secular side of things, you could say it is to protect yourself. To know that the person you are trusting is trustworthy and actually MEANS to committ him/herself to you and stay for a long time. Who wants to grow old alone?

 

[andiesmama]

ummmm....what Jenna said!! hehe

No, seriously....everyone here has listed what I was going to say, and some reasons I hadn't thought of....reading this thread made me so thankful for my marriage and my husband and daughter!

My husband is my friend, partner, lover....and sometimes the most annoying person I know! lol But I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else.

 

[LynnMcG]

OK, from my own experience, the reasons you stated for not getting married don't happen in a good marriage.

My perspective might be different than others because my husband and I were not saved when we first started dating. We lived together for 4 years before we were married. So I can tell you from my experience that getting married after living together was completely different. We were different. When you're living together or just dating a relationship is disposible. You can always pick up your toys and move on. But once you, as a Christian commit to another person you've made a promise before God to stay with this person forever. And in my experience, God has blessed that covenant so that those reasons you stated before, for not marrying, shouldn't happen.

My husband is my best friend, my confidant, my playmate, my lover and the nicest guy I know. I can't imagine my life without him. Oh, and he lead me to the Lord. It just doesn't get any better.

 

[InTheFlame]

I contemplated this question a lot, a few years ago. Like you, I didn't see that 'being in love' and 'sex' were good reasons for getting married. So I had to work out WHY God brought marriage into the picture.

So here's my thoughts -

- Marriage is about opening yourself up completely to another person. Heart, soul, mind, emotions... goals, dreams, fears, pain, scars, warts and all. I believe this is such a hard process for humans that it takes a lifetime to attain... and even then it's not perfect. Here's something peculiar I've noticed - when my husband shares something that's hard for him to share, it's like he gains another bit of my heart. We're more connected than before. Doesn't matter if it's something that he's deeply ashamed of. I guess that's unconditional love in action. Being accepted for who you are - all the bits you'd usually NEVER show anyone - that's an amazing experience. God's love here on earth.

- It's a growing experience. Living with another imperfect human being and sharing so much of their life - sometimes it grates, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it gets us angry. But through it all we have the chance to handle an argument in a more mature way... to act lovingly toward someone when they don't really deserve it... to learn to take a step back from emotion and look at a situation the way God would.

Hope that helps God bless.

 

[GirlieGirl]

You sound like you've come from a divorced family.

Here's a good reason. Get married to the one God has planned for you so that you can show the world God's loving relationship with through Church through the example you set of loving your wife/husband. That's what marriage is: a real life example of how God seeks to be in union with his children.

 

[LiberatedChick]

My perspective might be different than others because my husband and I were not saved when we first started dating. We lived together for 4 years before we were married. So I can tell you from my experience that getting married after living together was completely different. We were different. When you're living together or just dating a relationship is disposible. You can always pick up your toys and move on. But once you, as a Christian commit to another person you've made a promise before God to stay with this person forever. And in my experience, God has blessed that covenant so that those reasons you stated before, for not marrying, shouldn't happen.

I was in a similar situation also (we were both unsaved and lived together for 2.5 years before marriage) and I agree that in this situation the relationship is disposable. It can be given up on if things get a little tough. That is not a good thing imo. There's no security and committment if someone can just get up and leave without ever turning back.

 

[fruitrach]

Marriage isn't just a status, it's something you do.

When you marry someone you commit to taking responsibility for the relationship, to make sure that you don't ever get bored/complacent/drift apart from each other. You promise to stick by each other for better or for worse so you can't just give up when it does get worse.

Marriage is a wonderful thing. There's such a security in it. I know that Dan will be there no matter what happens. Sure, it's hard sometimes, but we're committed to making it work, whatever it takes. We believe that God takes promises very seriously and we made a promise to each other and to him on the day we got married. So we have an obligation to keep that promise but we also have a loving God who is able to give us the strength we need to do it.

 

[ignorant and stupid]

You can't honestly think someone could date someone for the entire of their lives and not want to get more intimate?

Yea, I know someone who thinks like that and I want to marry them! That's why I'm here. I've run out of arguements as to why couples should get married instead of just stay couples. All I seem to come up with is sex (i.e. that Romans verse), which seems (like some have said) a bit selfish really.

Thanks everyone for your comments, keep them coming!

 

[~Nikki~]

Is there any point in getting married?

Yes, yes, yes!!!

My husband is my best friend...He and I make a team. We have different strengths that compliment each other and therefore we can do much more together than we could separately.

We encourage each other on in our faith, push each other along the narrow path. Do you know the Bible verse which says 'iron sharpens iron'? We discuss all aspects of our faith, we help each other learn more about God, we pray together every day (so important), when one of us hasn't had such a great day, the other is there for support. We love each other, we're best friends, life partners, there's nothing we can't do or achieve together (well, we certainly feel that way, whether it's true or not). We can encourage other people together, have a ministry of helping people, encouraging people, take people in when necessary, further God's kingdom togther. What can be better than that???

Obviously marriage takes effort and work and you learn to be a lot more unselfish because you have to put the other person first, but man it's worth it!!!

I LOVE my husband and would NEVER say that it's better being single than being married to this wonderful man of God...

 

[GirlieGirl]

Yea, I know someone who thinks like that and I want to marry them! That's why I'm here. I've run out of arguements as to why couples should get married instead of just stay couples. All I seem to come up with is sex (i.e. that Romans verse), which seems (like some have said) a bit selfish really.

Thanks everyone for your comments, keep them coming!

Remember that you don't have to marry. If you don't see the point of marriage, I hope that you don't marry as it wouldn't be fair to your spouse. Some folks can live as singles for their whole lives. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe you or this other person are one of them. I wouldn't date anyone who held this attitude though. If you want to marry, you're going to be hoping they change. That's usually a waste of time.

When I come to an issue like this that really stumps me, I find it help to pray "God, I don't know the answer. But I want to be teachable. Please show as much as I am ready to understand." And then I think that it's good to be God's creature. He put the universe together so I can trust that his plan is good and whether or not I figure it out won't change a thing.

 

[Katydid]

Why did you get married? I think it has to be more than just love, because you can love someone and not get married to them. Why should anyone get married?

We are best friends. We love each other. We love children. The first commandment ever given is "Be fruitful and multiply". Then of course you have " Sons are a heritage from the Lord, Children a reward for him"

You can't change your mind afterwards if you find out against all the odds you made a mistake.

That is assuming that you aren't just under the assumption you made a mistake. God may have plans that you are not privy to at that time. The point is the commitment and unless one of you is having an affair or there is abuse, it is most likely that you can work the problems out. I have at times felt I made a mistake, but then after prayer and study and learning, I have found that those times were put in my path for a reason.

If you get bored of the person you are with you are stuck with them.

Yes, and all of a sudden the two of you have to start finding ways to do things together to put some excitement and fun back into your life instead of searching out cheap thrills.

Your life is no longer your own.

Your life was never your own, it has always belonged to God. In another aspect, you are correct, though marriage means that someone else has given their life to you. When you look at the negative all you see is the negative. When you look at the benefits it is a much brighter picture.

What if they change with age and become different?

Everyone changes with age, and in marriage it is most often not at the exact same time that your spouse changes. But, you hang in there and at some point you will be on the same page again, until another change occurs. It is like a roller coaster, constantly moving and changing. At times you can relax and enjoy the ride, other times you have to hang on for dear life and try not to throw up.

What if they stop liking you?

They will. And... You will. And, well, to be honest, there are times when your spouse is the last person you want to look at. It reminds me of a country song

Noone can make me laugh
make my cry
make me smile or drive me mad like she does

The point is, you wouldn't feel the extreme emotions unless you truly loved the person. So in a sense feeling anger and disgust is a good sign. At least you aren't feeling apathy.

All the problems you mentioned have massive rewards every time you work through one of them. I mean, who would have thought that a 6 month long deployment (my husband is military) could possibly be good for a marriage. Well, there were many blessings when he came home. We had the thrill of the first kiss again, the joy of getting to know each other, the thrill of a new relationship with the comfort of marriage. My point is that every hardship that marriage presents also brings rewards. Rewards that CANNOT be experienced without that comforting, full commitment that marriage has.

 

[sculpturegirl]

Yea, I know someone who thinks like that and I want to marry them! That's why I'm here. I've run out of arguements as to why couples should get married instead of just stay couples. All I seem to come up with is sex (i.e. that Romans verse), which seems (like some have said) a bit selfish really.

Thanks everyone for your comments, keep them coming!

If your goal is to marry and his/hers is not, then you need to sever the relationship. Sex is a big deal and either this relationship is going to drag on forever and you two are going to be very sexually frusterated or you are going to sleep together. What is the point in being a couple if the relationship isn't going anywhere?