Is there a manual?

[MrsTrull]

Hello,
I need some advice, but I didn't want to say advice only b/c I could encouragement and prayer too. I am a very strong Christian and have been for many years. I have two little boys. My ex-husband (their father) and I broke up in 2009. I am remarried now. My husband is somewhere between agnostic and atheist. He believes that while a deity is a possiblity that the whole "god" thing is bologne. And he had lived a long, sinful, self-centered life up until the point that he met me. He has many wonderful qualities. And despite our huge differences we are trying to make our marriage work.

I'm struggling to know how to handle this whole step-parenting thing. In the beginning, I was really interested in co-parenting my boys with him. I did and still do feel it is important for him to be the head of the household. However, he doesn't really parent. He just babysits on very rare occasion and puts his two cents in every once in awhile usually against whatever I said. He was fixed before we met b/c he didn't want kids. We decided to keep it that way b/c we knew we could not agree on parenting. I am to the point now where I want to say these are my kids, I am their parent. I want them to have a relationship with him filled w/ love, respect, and learning, but ultimately I feel that it is best for my kids if I am the parent and he is the friend or mentor or whatever. Thoughts?

 

[MrsTrull]

Hello Friends,
I really could use some advice if anyone has any. Thanks.

 

[homeofmew]

Well simple if you want to maintain a decent relationship, drop the God/ Religion issue.

 

[MrsTrull]

There is no God/religion issue. We don't ever talk about that. It is not an issue in our household. We believe in God, my husband doesn't. All parties are as comfortable with that as possible. I'm talking about parenting. Not religion. The daily decisions about TV, food, medicine, sports, friends. That stuff. Now can you go back with that in mind and review my original post. Then see if you have any advice. Thanks for your input. Your the first to respond and I appreciate it. I just think you missed what I was saying.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

It doesn't sound like it is an issue from what you said because you stated your dh "baby sits" rarely. I think it would be an issue if you stated to your dh that he had no input because you are their parent. It sounds like he is letting you do most of the parenting so thankfully that allows you to instill your Christian values and teaching.

If he gives you advice that seems wrong, you can listen and tell him you will think about it/ pray about it. If your kids tell you they don't have to do something because your dh said so you can sit down with them when your dh is not present and show them in the Bible why they need to do whatever.

You are right that your dh is the head of the house even though he isn't a Christian. It's very important that your kids see you giving respect to your husband. There will probably be times when you will have to sit down and explain to your kids that your dh is not a believer if he exhibits non-Christian behavior; maybe even pray for his salvation with your kids?

Hopefully your life will be a testimony that brings your dh to Christ. My dad believed there had to be a God, but did not have a relationship with Christ until I was 10. He was a good man before and a glowing Christian afterwards. My mother prayed for him for about 12 years.

I married a man who reportedly gave his life to Christ in a time of crisis and I married him quickly after that. His life didn't really change except for attending church on Sunday. We divorced. I have been married for almost 3 years to a man who is still growing as a Christian. He is humble and teachable, but life is not perfect. Some of the important things I got from our pre-marital counseling was that our marriage should glorify God and that if I did something to hurt or put down my husband I was really hurting myself because we are "one". That teaching has made a difference. Even if your dh is not a believer you are still "one" and hopefully he will be sanctified and blessed through your relationship with Christ.