BusyLizzy
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- Oct 28, 2009
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I've been puzzling over this too. I was married for four years to a man who made my life miserable. Every day he criticised and belittled me, constantly complained and berated me. Nothing I could do was ever good enough for him. My housekeeping skills were not good enough - he would take things out of my hands and do them himself, or later I would see him re-doing what I had done. His own mother told me that when he was around she felt afraid to cook or do anything, because he would always have to "correct" what she had done. Without going into any further detail, he was a very "prickly" man to be around and a very unloving and unaccepting husband. Eventually I felt I couldn't live with him anymore and I divorced him. He began seeing other women before he had even moved out of our home but eventually settled down with the lady who is now his third wife. I lived alone for almost 2 years after our divorce, very upset because all I had ever wanted in my life was to be married and spend my life making my husband happy.
When I met my 2nd husband, he was in the process of divorcing his first wife. They had been married for 18 years and according to my husband she had behaved to him much the same as my first husband had behaved to me. She was by nature a "cold fish" and refused him any sort of affection or physical contact for most of their marriage. In addition to this, she ran their home like a hospital of which she was the boss. He was allowed no opinion about anything - hers was the only opinion allowed.
So he divorced her. She never expressed any sorrow about him leaving, asked him to come back or said she loved him or missed him. She was angry and indignant, that was all.
I believe marriage should be taken very seriously so naturally I was puzzled about my first marriage, his marriage and our subsequent marriage. In God's eyes, was I still married to my horrible ex-husband, or my husband to his cold and cruel ex-wife? I should add that I was my first husband's second wife. He and his first wife were married for 10 years. He said that for the 1st eight years they were happy, then they were not, possibly because she wanted children and he didn't. They agreed to divorce and later, he met me.
My husband, too, was not the first husband of his first wife. She had been married before, and her first marriage broke down for the same reason her second did - her coldness towards her husband.
So I thought, well if God says divorce and remarriage is not OK, then surely that means both of our first marriages were not valid in His eyes and we were free to marry each other?
Then last Sunday we had a visiting preacher who talked about divorce and remarriage. He read out the verse where Jesus says a man may only divorce his wife for marital unfaithfulness. This preacher said that marital unfaithfulness didn't only mean sexual adultery, but could include physical and mental cruelty. I've heard this preached before and I do believe we both had the right to end our marriages as our respective spouses had failed to honour them.
We were married in our own church by our minister, with the church full to capacity with family and friends. We feel our marriage is blessed by God in a way that I have certainly never experienced before. I believe God can and does bless subsequent marriages in certain circumstances, but at the same time, I believe divorce should only take place when every effort has been made to save the marriage. This was the case with both our previous marriages - we had each tried to talk things over with our former spouses, who refused to listen or work through difficulties.
I do hope your friend will look at hunterman's site as it looks very helpful and I pray God will bless her. I am sure that God wants her to be happy in the future and that this will include a happy marriage to a good husband.
When I met my 2nd husband, he was in the process of divorcing his first wife. They had been married for 18 years and according to my husband she had behaved to him much the same as my first husband had behaved to me. She was by nature a "cold fish" and refused him any sort of affection or physical contact for most of their marriage. In addition to this, she ran their home like a hospital of which she was the boss. He was allowed no opinion about anything - hers was the only opinion allowed.
So he divorced her. She never expressed any sorrow about him leaving, asked him to come back or said she loved him or missed him. She was angry and indignant, that was all.
I believe marriage should be taken very seriously so naturally I was puzzled about my first marriage, his marriage and our subsequent marriage. In God's eyes, was I still married to my horrible ex-husband, or my husband to his cold and cruel ex-wife? I should add that I was my first husband's second wife. He and his first wife were married for 10 years. He said that for the 1st eight years they were happy, then they were not, possibly because she wanted children and he didn't. They agreed to divorce and later, he met me.
My husband, too, was not the first husband of his first wife. She had been married before, and her first marriage broke down for the same reason her second did - her coldness towards her husband.
So I thought, well if God says divorce and remarriage is not OK, then surely that means both of our first marriages were not valid in His eyes and we were free to marry each other?
Then last Sunday we had a visiting preacher who talked about divorce and remarriage. He read out the verse where Jesus says a man may only divorce his wife for marital unfaithfulness. This preacher said that marital unfaithfulness didn't only mean sexual adultery, but could include physical and mental cruelty. I've heard this preached before and I do believe we both had the right to end our marriages as our respective spouses had failed to honour them.
We were married in our own church by our minister, with the church full to capacity with family and friends. We feel our marriage is blessed by God in a way that I have certainly never experienced before. I believe God can and does bless subsequent marriages in certain circumstances, but at the same time, I believe divorce should only take place when every effort has been made to save the marriage. This was the case with both our previous marriages - we had each tried to talk things over with our former spouses, who refused to listen or work through difficulties.
I do hope your friend will look at hunterman's site as it looks very helpful and I pray God will bless her. I am sure that God wants her to be happy in the future and that this will include a happy marriage to a good husband.
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