Is not forgiving someone who asks for your forgiveness a mortal sin?

[Globalnomad]

Guys, what does it actually mean to forgive someone? Seriously now. What is the significance - practical, psychological, spiritual - of saying "I forgive you", or on the contrary, of saying "I don't forgive you?" Does it mean you continue to be angry with the person? If you forgive, does it mean you are friends again? Can you honestly say "I forgive you" when you are still angry? When you feel you don't want to associate with that person any longer?

Or is forgiveness no more than to renounce vengeance - as it probably meant originally, in Biblical times - or legal action, today?

What does it mean, actually, to forgive?

Anyone?

 

[geocajun]

Guys, what does it actually mean to forgive someone? Seriously now. What is the significance - practical, psychological, spiritual - of saying "I forgive you", or on the contrary, of saying "I don't forgive you?" Does it mean you continue to be angry with the person? If you forgive, does it mean you are friends again? Can you honestly say "I forgive you" when you are still angry? When you feel you don't want to associate with that person any longer?

Or is forgiveness no more than to renounce vengeance - as it probably meant originally, in Biblical times - or legal action, today?

What does it mean, actually, to forgive?

Generally it means to 'stop being angry' at that person for whatever they did. This is also addressed in more detail in this article: http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2003/0309bt.asp (the limits of forgiveness, by Jimmy Akin)

 

[AMDG]

Guys, what does it actually mean to forgive someone?

As I mentioned before, I believe that forgiving someone means that I can sincerely be able to pray for that person's welfare--for his good. It's certainly not "lip words". Actions speak louder than words. And it may take time--I imagine that a betrayal or if the person intentionally tortured and then killed (my parents, spouse, children, loved ones) then burned down my property to hide the evidence, I'd have a more difficult time not being grieved and even angry than if the person stole a dollar from me or "just hurt my feelings".

BTW "anger" is just a feeling--IMO feelings in themselves are not wrong or right. They are just feelings. It's the actions that the feelings generate that can be wrong or right.

And remember that when forgivesness is needed, it is always a two-way street in that both the injured and the one seeking forgiveness need forgiveness. The Bible tells us that we are not to crush the bruised reed.

 

[Rebekka]

Hm, difficult topic, but interesting. Thanks for your posts geocajun, they are helpful. I think we should forgive if we can, and we should do everything we can - but if you can't forgive someone in your heart then it is too soon. It takes time to truly forgive someone, and sometimes all you can do is pray to God that you will be able to forgive. That's what I often do anyway if I feel that I can't forgive someone (yet).

Also I agree with AMDG that your feelings are different from your actions. If you have negative feelings towards someone you shouldn't act on them, but you can't always change your feelings even if you want to - it doesn't work that way. Sometimes all we can do is pray, and show love through your actions even if you don't feel love. And if you can't do that, then avoid the person you can't forgive.

For me it does make a difference if someone asks for forgiveness or not. If someone asks for forgiveness you should forgive them I think - even if that takes time. You should also let them know that you've forgiven them, because they asked you a question so you owe them an answer. And if you can't forgive them, you should tell them that. In my personal experience it is far, far easier to forgive someone who repents than someone who doesn't repent. That's what makes forgiveness so hard - when they don't repent.

I think it's better to forgive even when they don't repent - also for your own peace of mind - but in reality this is very difficult. We can always pray that we will be able to forgive them.

I hope this wasn't too fuzzy - others have said the same in a better way.

 

[Globalnomad]

Thanks, everyone. That resonates with my own feelings on this. Forgiveness is a long process, since it involves changing your feelings - but it is set in motion by a a certain deliberate way of acting, which may be screamingly in contradiction with your feelings, but you act that way because that is what God commands you to do.

I also think it is important not to restrict your forgiveness to those who ask for it. Yes, I know those words of Christ that were quoted - but they are contradicted by His words on the cross - those who crucified Him had not asked for His forgiveness when he prayed the Father to forgive them.

Just some more rambling thoughts. Interesting, difficult subject.

 

[thereselittleflower]

We may have feelings of anger that take a long time to resolve. Forgiveness, like agape love, is a choice, not a feeling, so it trancends our feelings.

Forgiveness is an attitude as well . . even if we are angry at someone, if our attitude towards life is one of forgiveness, that anger will not harm us if we choose to forgive and allow God to heal that anger (which is a type of emotional hurt).

It is when we hold onto that anger, nuture it, cherish it, that we are in the danger zone.

The scriptures say "be angry and sin not, let not the sun go down on your wrath"

There are two stages of anger in that verse . . a lessor form and a greater form.

If our anger develops into wrath, then we are clearly commanded in scripture to not let the sun go down, to not let the day end with us holding onto it.

To do this we must cultivate an attitude of momment by momment forgiveness towards others, not just the minimal that we are commanded to do (towards those who ask) but towards all, as Jesus did from the cross, for when we seek to justify not forgiving someone in the face of Jesus' example to us hanging on the cross, then we seek our own, not that of another, and we stop denying ourselves, we stop taking up our cross and we stop following Him all the way to

"Father forgive them, for they know not what they do."​

.

 

[BAFRIEND]

I think that forgiving a person means that you genuinely desire to be spend eternity in Heaven with them.