Is not forgiving someone who asks for your forgiveness a mortal sin?

[mcart909]

Is not forgiving someone who asks for your forgiveness a mortal sin? What if they don't ask--is it still a sin?

 

[fragmentsofdreams]

I don't know, but for your own sake you should forgive others. It will make you happier.

 

[D'Ann]

Sometimes, it takes time and faith to forgive someone who has hurt you.

Is it a mortal sin? I believe that it is. That being said though, if we are trying to work through the hurt and anger and we are trying to forgive as we work through things and process things, that counts. We can forgive one by faith.

Even if one does not ask for forgiveness, we should still forgive. That being said, it's a work in progress.

The thing about forgiveness is this - The reason why forgiving someone is good is because it helps our own heart and soul and mind to heal as well as releasing poison from us. Holding a grudge or unforgiveness in one's heart and mind and soul only holds us back from having a deeper relationship with Christ. Those emotions hold us back from truly being free in Christ.

True forgiveness is in a way... liberating.

I also believe by watching the "Passion of Christ" movie, would help open up one's heart in forgiving others. When I think about the suffering of Christ and all that he did for all of us while being beatened and scurged and hung on the cross for us... because of His great love for us and when I think of my own horrible sins that He forgave me, how can I not try and forgive others.

I know that there are some sins that are truly horrific and terrible and almost impossible to forgive, but with a lot of prayer and faith and hope and love... somehow, Christ will help us to forgive those who have wronged us as those that we have wronged will forgive us hopefully.

We all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. We all are sinners and the only hope that we have is in Christ and his great mercy and compassion.

 

[geocajun]

Is not forgiving someone who asks for your forgiveness a mortal sin? What if they don't ask--is it still a sin?

If someone asks for forgiveness then you must forgive them. To not do so is a serious sin - you cannot take love in slices, and if you are unable to forgive others, you will also not receive the forgiveness of God.

That said, if someone doesn't ask, then you are not required to forgive them - God doesn't even do that. It is a healthy practice, but not required. You can pray for them to repent for what they have done and that is also a healthy thing to do.

 

[Miss Shelby]

I don't know, but for your own sake you should forgive others. It will make you happier.

I agree. To not forgive even if forgivness isn't asked for can only breed bitterness in one's heart.

However, I wouldn't encourage actively being around the person, giving that person opportunity to do more of the same. That's asking for abuse. I know this can be a complicated matter, especially if it's a family member or loved one.

 

[thereselittleflower]

Read the parable of the unmerciful servant and forgiveness/unforgiveness:

Mat 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Mat 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Mat 18:23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
Mat 18:24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
Mat 18:25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
Mat 18:26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Mat 18:27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
Mat 18:28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
Mat 18:29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Mat 18:30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
Mat 18:31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
Mat 18:32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
Mat 18:33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
Mat 18:34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
Mat 18:35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.​

Read the Lord's Prayer and Jesus' words immediately following this:

Mat 6:9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Mat 6:10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Mat 6:11 Give us this day our daily bread.
Mat 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
Mat 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
Mat 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. ​

If you refuse to forgive another, especially when they ask, then you are, in effect, judging them unworthy of forgiveness.

Look at what the scriptures say about judging anohter.

Mat 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Mat 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.​

The scriptures are really clear on this . . ..

Without being forgiven our sins, how can we enter heaven?


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[PetertheRock]

Forgiving people that have hurt you is the most difficult thing to do. But we must do it if we expect God to forgive our sins.

 

[geocajun]

I think it is a really important point to make that folks who aren't contrite for sinning against you are not owed your forgiveness, nor will you be guilty for not giving it to them if you choose not too. It is only those who seek it that you are required to forgive. Take God as your pattern, and be perfect as He is perfect. God does not forgive those who are not sorry, and nowhere does God require us to do that either. It has been pointed out that it is healthy to forgive others regardless, and to that I agree, but don't beat yourself up if you are unable to forgive someone who continues to sin against you having expressed no contrition. Instead, pray for their repentance and let God do the rest.

To further buttress my point, Jimmy Akin confirms it here:

We aren’t obligated to forgive people who do not want us to. This is one of the biggest stumbling blocks that people have regarding the topic. People have seen "unconditional" forgiveness and love hammered so often that they feel obligated to forgive someone even before that person has repented. Sometimes they even tell the unrepentant that they have preemptively forgiven him (much to the impenitent’s annoyance).

This is not what is required of us.

Consider Luke 17:3–4, where Jesus tells us, "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him."

Notice that Jesus says to forgive him if he repents, not regardless of whether he does so. Jesus also envisions the person coming back to you and admitting his wrong.

The upshot? If someone isn’t repentant, you don’t have to forgive him.

If you do forgive him anyway, that can be meritorious, provided it doesn’t otherwise have bad effects (e.g., encouraging future bad behavior). But it isn’t required of us that we forgive the person.

This may strike some people as odd. They may have heard unconditional love and forgiveness preached so often that the idea of not indiscriminately forgiving everybody sounds unspiritual to them. They might even ask, "But wouldn’t it be more spiritual to forgive everyone?"

I sympathize with this argument, but there is a two-word rejoinder to it: God doesn’t.

Not everybody is forgiven. Otherwise, we’d all be walking around in a state of grace all the time and have no need of repentance to attain salvation. God doesn’t like people being unforgiven, and he is willing to grant forgiveness to all, but he isn’t willing to force it on people who don’t want it. If people are unrepentant of what they know to be sinful, they are not forgiven.

Jesus died once and for all to pay a price sufficient to cover all the sins of our lives, but God doesn’t apply his forgiveness to us in a once-and-for-all manner. He forgives us as we repent. That’s why we continue to pray "Forgive us our trespasses," because we regularly have new sins that we have repented of—some venial and some mortal, but all needing forgiveness.

If God doesn’t forgive the unrepentant, and it is not correct to tell people that they need to do so, what is required of us?​

source: http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2003/0309bt.asp - The Limits of Forgiveness

 

[fragmentsofdreams]

I agree. To not forgive even if forgivness isn't asked for can only breed bitterness in one's heart.

However, I wouldn't encourage actively being around the person, giving that person opportunity to do more of the same. That's asking for abuse. I know this can be a complicated matter, especially if it's a family member or loved one.

I agree. The most important part of forgiveness is being able to give up the desire for revenge and wish the person well. Being able to interact directly with a person is not something that is always possible in this life.

 

[fragmentsofdreams]

I don't see any reason not to forgive someone. Forgiveness is at least as beneficial to the one forgiving as it is to the one being forgiven.

 

[Dream]

Geo, I remember debating this point a long time ago. I still believe that we should forgive those who are not contrite and those that do not ask forgiveness. In the Our Father, we pray "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." If we forgive unconditionally, we should hope to be forgiven unconditionally. But if we only forgive those who are contrite, then we run the risk of not being forgiven of our sins that we aren't really contrite or sorry for.

 

[Miss Shelby]

I think it is a really important point to make that folks who aren't contrite for sinning against you are not owed your forgiveness, nor will you be guilty for not giving it to them if you choose not too.

I am going to make the point that I didn't say someone was guilty if they did not forgive when forgiveness was not asked for. What I said, and I'm sure it's going to sound shallow and selfish, is that to forgive someone who doesn't ask for it is more for oneself than the other person, especially if it's going to eat that person up. And as far as I am concerned the healthy practice of praying for a person who it's hard to forgive is forgiveness enough. I think it's worth repeating that someone shouldn't continue to expose oneself to repeated unrepentant behavior, as lots of times people can mistake this for 'forgiveness'-

 

[thereselittleflower]

Jesus gave us the example to follow . . .

"Father forgive them for they know not what they do"

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[geocajun]

Geo, I remember debating this point a long time ago. I still believe that we should forgive those who are not contrite and those that do not ask forgiveness. In the Our Father, we pray "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." If we forgive unconditionally, we should hope to be forgiven unconditionally. But if we only forgive those who are contrite, then we run the risk of not being forgiven of our sins that we aren't really contrite or sorry for.

I recall having this debate some time ago as well.
It sounds like from your post, you think God will forgive you for the sins you aren't contrite for? Is that correct? God's forgiveness is conditional on your contrition for them.
It is a common mistake for folks to think God's forgiveness is unconditional. It simply isn't true. Nor does God expect more from us than He gives.
Did you read the Jimmy Akin article cited above on the Limits of Forgiveness ? http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2003/0309bt.asp

 

[Ave Maria]

You must forgive if you expect to be forgiven by God.

 

[Dream]

I recall having this debate some time ago as well.
It sounds like from your post, you think God will forgive you for the sins you aren't contrite for? Is that correct? God's forgiveness is conditional on your contrition for them.
It is a common mistake for folks to think God's forgiveness is unconditional. It simply isn't true. Nor does God expect more from us than He gives.
Did you read the Jimmy Akin article cited above on the Limits of Forgiveness ? http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2003/0309bt.asp

Point taken, but consider this scenario. Suppose somebody I know steals a large sum of money from me. After they spend it all, they realize what they have done is very wrong. They are truly contrite, but they are afraid to apologize thinking I would demand the money back, which they don't have any more. Of course we would both agree that this person should apologize, but because of his/her own weakness, they won't. Wouldn't it be better for me to forgive this person in the off chance that they are truly contrite, but too afraid to come out and apologize?

Also, what about those who just can't ask us for forgiveness? Maybe they never get a chance to ask for forgiveness. There could be any number of reasons a person wants to be forgiven by us, but can't/won't ask for it.

I think it's best to play it safe and forgive all. God knows I fall very short of this in my own life.

 

[Globalnomad]

Guys, what does it actually mean to forgive someone? Seriously now. What is the significance - practical, psychological, spiritual - of saying "I forgive you", or on the contrary, of saying "I don't forgive you?" Does it mean you continue to be angry with the person? If you forgive, does it mean you are friends again? Can you honestly say "I forgive you" when you are still angry? When you feel you don't want to associate with that person any longer?

Or is forgiveness no more than to renounce vengeance - as it probably meant originally, in Biblical times - or legal action, today?

What does it mean, actually, to forgive?

 

[thereselittleflower]

MissShelby, no it is not selfish . .

We pray at every mass 'forgive us our sins AS WE forgive the sins of others'

We are asking God to forgive us in the same way we forgive others . . if we do not forgive others, then we are praying asking God not to forgive us in the same manner.

We are to extend our mercy to others the way we want God to extend His mercy to us . . ..

Personally, I want as much of God's mercy as possible. . . . .




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[BAFRIEND]

Tough question but have to go with the fact that Jesus commanded that we forgive. He did not ask. We are commanded to labor our hearts towrds forgiveness. Labor your heart.

 

[AMDG]

Just wanted to make mention that "forgiveness" is not a feeling--it is a decision. And as was stated--it takes time. Decide to forgive (pray for the person) and eventually the feelings "catch up" to the will. And sometimes the hurt is so deep that it is a matter of praying to want to forgive.