Is Marriage Selfish?

[norak]

1 Corinthians 7 says the following:

It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband...

Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am...

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

As I read this, it makes me believe that marriage is not something that is pure and fully virtuous. Rather, it seems as if the Bible is suggesting that marriage is a necessary evil, an area where we can channel our lusts and sexual energy so that we do not technically sin. It is a compromise.

Would you agree?

 

[snoochface]

I don't think it's selfish or a compromise to sin. I also don't think it's necessary, or a requirement in any way.

It's a blessing, a gift given to some by God. It's another way to serve and glorify him -- by serving our spouses, our children, our families, or by connecting with other Christians who are also married and supporting them.

Not being married is also a blessing, a gift given to some by God. It's another way to serve and glorify him -- by serving in ministries we would not be able to support if we had the responsibilities of a family, by connecting with other Christians who are also single, or widowed, or divorced, and supporting them.

God works all things - marriage or remaining single included - for our good and his glory.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Nope, that's just Paul's opinion. God didn't say that, and Paul didn't give that as a command from God.

 

[FaithfulWife]

Here's how I see it:

It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband...

Being celibate and dedicating yourself 100% to living to the glory of G-d is a good thing and Paul says it would be cool if people chose to not marry. But here's real life--it is also a godly calling to be a good husband, a good wife, and raise godly children. If you are not called to the celibate life, and if you are one who has the desire for sex--don't be immoral. Marry and have a moral, honorable sexlife as unto G-d.

Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am...

If you marry because you have a desire for a sexlife, don't get married and then say,"Well I'm not having anymore sex" because for your partner to honor their vow, you just put them in a bind! If you marry, have sex and don't deny each other unless you mutually decide to withhold for a while during prayer and fasting. When you're done with the praying and stuff--get back together! Otherwise if you deny your partner or just don't have sex for a while like that, you open up that window of opportunity for Satan to tempt you and tempt your partner. Now, he's saying this as a recommendation from a wise person, not as a commandment, but it's just common sense! Again it would be cool if you decided you could be celibate and dedicate yourself to serving the Lord, but if not, the dedicate yourself to honoring your vows and not putting yourself or your partner into a position that could be tempting.

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Okay--life happens. If you are unmarried (that would be never-been-married, divorced, whatever) or widowed--it's cool at that point if you say, "I'm choosing to not be married and to be the Bride of Christ. I'm dedicated to only him." Then you don't have as much of the earthly responsibilities. But if that's not for you, if you are a person (like I am ) who enjoys being married and enjoys the family and the children and the earthly responsibilities of raising a family and providing for them financially, emotionally, spiritually, etc. then it's better for you to marry than to go with the single life and be constantly tempted and thinking about sex and going nuts! Find a good, honorable spouse and live a life that honors G-d by keeping your covenant and enjoying the gift of sex that He gave us!

 

[Gwenyfur]

Here's how I see it:



Being celibate and dedicating yourself 100% to living to the glory of G-d is a good thing and Paul says it would be cool if people chose to not marry. But here's real life--it is also a godly calling to be a good husband, a good wife, and raise godly children. If you are not called to the celibate life, and if you are one who has the desire for sex--don't be immoral. Marry and have a moral, honorable sexlife as unto G-d.



If you marry because you have a desire for a sexlife, don't get married and then say,"Well I'm not having anymore sex" because for your partner to honor their vow, you just put them in a bind! If you marry, have sex and don't deny each other unless you mutually decide to withhold for a while during prayer and fasting. When you're done with the praying and stuff--get back together! Otherwise if you deny your partner or just don't have sex for a while like that, you open up that window of opportunity for Satan to tempt you and tempt your partner. Now, he's saying this as a recommendation from a wise person, not as a commandment, but it's just common sense! Again it would be cool if you decided you could be celibate and dedicate yourself to serving the Lord, but if not, the dedicate yourself to honoring your vows and not putting yourself or your partner into a position that could be tempting.



Okay--life happens. If you are unmarried (that would be never-been-married, divorced, whatever) or widowed--it's cool at that point if you say, "I'm choosing to not be married and to be the Bride of Christ. I'm dedicated to only him." Then you don't have as much of the earthly responsibilities. But if that's not for you, if you are a person (like I am ) who enjoys being married and enjoys the family and the children and the earthly responsibilities of raising a family and providing for them financially, emotionally, spiritually, etc. then it's better for you to marry than to go with the single life and be constantly tempted and thinking about sex and going nuts! Find a good, honorable spouse and live a life that honors G-d by keeping your covenant and enjoying the gift of sex that He gave us!

QFT

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

1 Corinthians 7 says the following:

As I read this, it makes me believe that marriage is not something that is pure and fully virtuous. Rather, it seems as if the Bible is suggesting that marriage is a necessary evil, an area where we can channel our lusts and sexual energy so that we do not technically sin. It is a compromise.

Would you agree?

Interesting question...

I have a different take on a lot of concepts in the bible although I am a Christian because I believe Christ is the man. That being said, I've read the bible several times and have listened for days on the audiobooks non-stop because something always seemed to bother me...

Paul is not really the nicest person in the world when it comes to women, he didn't really have much respect in that area.

I don't really get the same messages when it comes to gender in the teachings of Jesus... Paul on the other hand had a little bit of a problem in that area.

I think marriage is meant as a spiritual union, unfortunately I also believe it's been a long time since it has been seen that way. Not by everyone, but there is a lot of unessesary role playing that goes on that sometimes seems to make marriages pretty unvirtuous...

 

[drpepper101]

Actually, Jesus was pretty clear that there would be eunchs for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven and if you could swing it then that was the way to go.
Is marriage selfish, no; but it is a recipe for becoming obessed with worldly things and something that hampers the spiritual life. Go spend time with monks or nuns and you'll see a level of spiritual life that you'll never find with married people. However, most people can't hang a celibate life and that's why marriage exists, however, as we can see from Scripture and the works of the Church fathers it's a lower estate.

 

[Adamantium]

I
Paul is not really the nicest person in the world when it comes to women, he didn't really have much respect in that area.

I don't really get the same messages when it comes to gender in the teachings of Jesus... Paul on the other hand had a little bit of a problem in that area.

Yeah, this. Pretty much everything Paul says about women needs to be read through the lens of his...dislike for them.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I love the apostle Paul's wisdom in this scripture.... he says "it's better not to marry"... I agree with him. He says that marriage brings all kinds of distractions and concerns.

Notice also that God made adam, the animals, plants and so forth... and then he saw that adam was alone... and then he made Eve..... he made her out of necessaty for him....

I do agree that we have some natural needs and that God cares about those needs. Paul is saying that it is better that you do not marry... but if you can't help you're desire for romance/intimacy/companionship/sex... then it's better that you do marry rather then burn with passion, and if you do marry, it is not wrong.

He is acknowledging that we have natural needs and God has provided for those needs.

However, marriage is not selfish, not God's marriage, as a matter of fact it forces us to be anything but selfish if it's to be God fearing and as God created it. We do have "selfish" needs or just needs and marriage is meant to provide for those needs, this causes me to celebrate the fact that God cares about our most basic needs as he did with adam and that having fleshly desires is not sinful.

So to answer you question, yes and no. I think you are referring to getting our needs met as selfish.... but God calls them legitament... does that make any sense?

Marriage does bring about a lot more troubles then being single would though, and I think that the apostle paul has a valid point.... but not all of us as a matter of fact most of us are not meant to be celabit or single our whole lives.

HB

 

[Angela Vigil]

I do think marriage is selfish and encombering to another human being. Being married is like living a lie. Pretending that one person can be your everything. That is why more than half of marriages fail. Marriage was instituted to control civilization. Tribes and villages used to raise children now its just 2 people who are never home, working all the time or a single mother. Society will rise up when people start uniting and loving one another. Not distancing themselves constantly from other people, because of marriage certificates and such.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

Marriage is a wonderful thing. Through hard times and good times, there's someone by your side. My husband is my best friend, my life partner, the other half of me.

I'm sorry you have such a negative view of marriage...its very sad...

 

[Dave-W]

1 Corinthians 7 says the following:

As I read this, it makes me believe that marriage is not something that is pure and fully virtuous. Rather, it seems as if the Bible is suggesting that marriage is a necessary evil, an area where we can channel our lusts and sexual energy so that we do not technically sin. It is a compromise.
Would you agree?

I do not agree.

Marriage is the place we learn at a very personal level to put someone ahead of ourselves. In that sense, it is a tool for rooting out deep setted selfishness.

Your reading of 1 Cor 7 is strongly biased by 1800 years of church doctrine that demonizes anything sexual. That mentality has permeated most of western culture as well.

 

[Dave-W]

I love the apostle Paul's wisdom in this scripture.... he says "it's better not to marry"... I agree with him. He says that marriage brings all kinds of distractions and concerns.

Taken out of context. Note that phrase in verse 26: "... in view of the present distress.." The context of that was a localized persecution against Christians.

 

[GraceDriven]

My experience of marriage of 20 years is that it is very selfish. I don't know how I got here. When my dad got ill my mom was there for him. She was 10 years younger. She could have left him but she did not. I don't remember my parents ever fighting about little things or issue. I guess they had the same belief system.

 

[Dave-W]

My experience of marriage of 20 years is that it is very selfish.... When my dad got ill my mom was there for him. She was 10 years younger. She could have left him but she did not.

She does not sound selfish at all. I am not sure how you get "very selfish" out of what your mom did.

 

[GraceDriven]

She does not sound selfish at all. I am not sure how you get "very selfish" out of what your mom did.

I was trying to say I don't know how I got here in my marriage. It was not the role modeling of the bulk of what I saw growing up. Why was my marriage filled with so much selfishness?

I am sure it is all my fault. It always is. I walk so alone in this world. I never have anyone on my side except for my cousin. Thank God for her.

 

[Dave-W]

Why was my marriage filled with so much selfishness?
I am sure it is all my fault. It always is. I walk so alone in this world. I never have anyone on my side except for my cousin. Thank God for her.

As I said, Marriage exposes selfishness at a very deep and personal level. If it is not exposed, it is difficult to deal with. We see it in ourselves and we see it in our spouse. But the idea is to repent and change it when it gets shown.

 

[johndoo]

Did you guys read the article in Time on Marriage (cover article).
It is full of interesting stats and ways to think about marriage.

 

[Dave-W]

Did you guys read the article....

No - I don't have Time.

 

[kmrichard7]

Would God orefer we devote every part of our lives to Him, forsaking all flesh desires? Yes. To me that seems to be the timate sacrifice. Giving your every thought to God. Never looking away to distractions.

And marriage is an easy distraction. So of course the first would be preferred. But if God did not intend for us to marry, he would not have made it so sex was the means for pro creation. He would have created another way. He also would not have made marriage the covenant requested before sex.

Doesnt mean we were all called to be married, or the divorce rate wouldnt be so high.