Is Marriage Meant to Make You Happy?

[LinkH]

What do you say? Is the reason for marriage to make you happy. If you aren't happy, should you just divorce?

Or is there more to it than that?

 

[Avniel]

No marriage is not supposed to make you happy you have to be happy before no one person can make another person happy or sad

 

[WolfGate]

Ultimately, rolling all other purposes up to the big one, the purpose of marriage is to sanctify us.

 

[chaz345]

No. Happiness in a marriage is not a bad thing, but it's not the purpose of marriage.

See that's really the root of all of our marriage problems today, we're trying to make it about happiness, and love and personal fulfillment when it's plainly obvious that none of that was God's intended purpose for marriage. Sure all of those things are good, but if they become the main point, you're headed for problems.

 

[bachatagirl]

God wants us to be one flesh so how can married people not be happy? it suppose to be like one person and im sure most people want some happiness,,,it should not be a constant struggle..

 

[Theofane]

No. Happiness in a marriage is not a bad thing, but it's not the purpose of marriage.

See that's really the root of all of our marriage problems today, we're trying to make it about happiness, and love and personal fulfillment when it's plainly obvious that none of that was God's intended purpose for marriage. Sure all of those things are good, but if they become the main point, you're headed for problems.

Are you being sarcastic?

 

[LinkH]

God wants us to be one flesh so how can married people not be happy? it suppose to be like one person and im sure most people want some happiness,,,it should not be a constant struggle..

What I'm getting at is whether unhappiness is just grounds for divorce.

Everyone wants a happy marriage. I don't know anyone who wants an unhappy marriage.

 

[Cre8iveMom]

People say that when you are in love you are happy. But in a marriage it's not that simple. You have to make a daily commitment to choose to love your spouse. (Even though they sometimes do things that make you angry, or get on your nerves.) Some days it's easier to do than others!

 

[Kaitlyn]

Marriage is hard work. You have to work at it every day and be very forgiving as does your spouse. I have been married over 20 years and on the whole it has been a very happy time and my husband always seems a lot happier than I am and talks openly about being happy. I believe his positive happy attitude and God has helped make our marriage a success.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

No. Happiness in a marriage is not a bad thing, but it's not the purpose of marriage.

See that's really the root of all of our marriage problems today, we're trying to make it about happiness, and love and personal fulfillment when it's plainly obvious that none of that was God's intended purpose for marriage. Sure all of those things are good, but if they become the main point, you're headed for problems.

I completely agree.

 

[mkgal1]

No. Happiness in a marriage is not a bad thing, but it's not the purpose of marriage.

See that's really the root of all of our marriage problems today, we're trying to make it about happiness, and love and personal fulfillment when it's plainly obvious that none of that (??) was God's intended purpose for marriage. Sure all of those things are good, but if they become the main point, you're headed for problems.

I don't see how it *can't* "be about love"....not when our entire "mark" as Christians is "about love".

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you
should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my
disciples. John 13:34-35 (NLT)​

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.​

Romans 12:10 (NLT)

If you are a follower of Christ Jesus… all that matters is your faith that makes you love others.
Galatians 5:6 (CEV)​

This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another.
1 John 3:11 (NLT)​

Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.​

Colossians 3:14 (NLT)

 

[147]

I don't see how it *can't* "be about love"....not when our entire "mark" as Christians is "about love".

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you
should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my
disciples. John 13:34-35 (NLT)​

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.​

Romans 12:10 (NLT)

If you are a follower of Christ Jesus… all that matters is your faith that makes you love others.
Galatians 5:6 (CEV)​

This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another.
1 John 3:11 (NLT)​

Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.​

Colossians 3:14 (NLT)

But the way it's worded currently, it's being stated that love is a universal constant that is easy to achieve.

I love my wife. I have problems loving the way she treats me sometimes. Actually, I hate the way I'm treated sometimes. And that does impair my ability to love her in the way the world defines love. In fact, there are times when I just simply don't want to love her, because it's just insanely difficult to.

And that's why a lot of marriages end in divorce, in that we humans want everything to be satisfactory for us in everything, and the moment love subsides and becomes work to love, then it is unsatisfactory, and anything unsatisfactory in the modern era is disposable.

I agree with what was written above that the ultimate motive of marriage is to sanctified. To be sanctified by Christ is ultimate happiness, but that doesn't mean the process to reach it is going to be a happy one 24/7.

And just because a married couple is one flesh doesn't mean that you should be happy. That would make the assumption that both parties have the same hobbies, same traits, same personal habits, same everything, and when they marry, the coexist together like they were already there to begin with.

Let's say I buy a new computer, and purchase a printer, a scanner, and a wacom tablet on top of it. All of these things can function as one piece of equipment, but there is still work to be done before they can do so, such as hooking them all up to the tower, installing drivers, and even stuff like doing performance tweaks to get everything the work the way you want it to.

If that's true about electronic components, how much more is that true for two human beings with different lifestyles, upbringings, hobbies, and habits?

 

[Mayzoo]

What I'm getting at is whether unhappiness is just grounds for divorce.

Everyone wants a happy marriage. I don't know anyone who wants an unhappy marriage.

No, not in my opinion. Being unhappy is grounds for figuring out what the problem is and fixing it so you can become overall happy again.

IMO, if you divorce because you are unhappy, more often than not you will still be unhappy you just will be unhappy and single. If you do not address the reasons you are unhappy, then odds are you will become unhappy and remarried.

 

[Sapphire Dragon]

Marriage is meant to make you grow, and become happier in the process. It's a challenge to both partners to adapt and compromise to comfortably fit each other's needs while still allowing room for both to grow as individuals. Life will not always be a happy road, there will be times of frustration and sorrow, but the partner is always there in their own unique ways to help out, even if they're hurting too- then both can share the pain.

So in short, marriage should bring more happiness, but this is seen over a lifetime and not meaning that everything will always be candy and roses. But the most important thing is that you always love.

 

[I Art Laughing]

Marriage is a living example, a type, of Christ and His bride. The Bible says that Christ was the 2nd Adam and we are the second Eve. The purpose of marriage is to glorify God and bring glory to Jesus Christ as his bride.

This is first talking about Christ and His bride and our marriages are a reflection of that:

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
(Pro 31:10-28)

Just as Eve was taken from the side of Adam, the Church is born out of the side of Jesus Christ (represented in the blood and water). So the following verse applies to Jesus AND to our marriages:

For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
(1Co 11:7-9)

The husband is the image of Jesus Christ in the marriage relationship and is similarly told to lay down his life for his wife as Jesus laid down His life for His bride.

In this living allegory:
Husband=Jesus Christ
Wife=The Pure Spotless Bride of Christ

This allegory was explored in the book Hosea where he represented Jesus in his relationship with his "backslidden" prostitute wife and continued to redeem her (like Christ redeems us).

Our marriages should exemplify that allegory. So ultimately if happiness comes with the abiding peace we have in Him, yes, eventually marriages should bring happiness. Maybe not in this life.

 

[147]

IMO, if you divorce because you are unhappy, more often than not you will still be unhappy you just will be unhappy and single. If you do not address the reasons you are unhappy, then odds are you will become unhappy and remarried.

AMEN!

Which is why generally you want to be happy and single before you are married so you can generally be happy and married. If you're unhappy and single, then marriage isn't going to fix that. Getting married so that you can be happy is like buying an iPad because you think it will make you happy. Turns out it won't by itself.

One example I remember is from my church in the states. One of my friends there was around 16 or so, really spiritually grounded in Christ, moreso than your average teenager, came from a Godly family, was generally truly happy. She told her mom one day that she felt like she was prepared to meet her husband. At 16, she was saying that. She went out for a drive that afternoon, and met this man, and brought him back to her house to visit with her family. And that was her husband, she married at 18, and has been together for about a decade.

But the fact was she was so prepared at that time that at whatever point she met him, she would've been rooted in God and His happiness that when she actually met him, it wouldn't have made a dramatic impact on her life. (As in, her happiness wouldn't sway one direction or the other.) She was just happy period, and meeting the person she was supposed to be with was just a bonus.

 

[jennimatts]

It seems too many have a selfish/lackadaisical approach to marriage. They don't have a proper sense of commitment.

If someone isn't happy so they just get a divorce, they are being selfish. This is simply not a justification to break your vows.

 

[147]

It seems too many have a selfish/lackadaisical approach to marriage. They don't have a proper sense of commitment.

If someone isn't happy so they just get a divorce, they are being selfish. This is simply not a justification to break your vows.

It's our disposable/trade-up mentality.

Don't like your car? Trade it in
Don't like your house? Move
Don't like your food? Eat somewhere else
Don't like your phone? Get a new one
Don't like your spouse? Find a new one

One of these things is not like the other. One of these things are just a little more important. The problem is we have let this disposable mentality permeate every facet of our life, especially marriage, where that mentality and the marriage mentality are completely and totally incompatible.

If you're going to dispose of people, then you have no call getting married, or really, even dating, if you're going to toy with people's lives and emotions like that.

 

[Conservativation]

People dont divorce over unhappiness, they make up another reason

 

[Sailor_A]

What do you say? Is the reason for marriage to make you happy. If you aren't happy, should you just divorce?

Or is there more to it than than?

I don't think being married can truly make you happy. And no that is not the purpose of marriage. However a spouse cheating on you/beating you/leaving you will make you unhappy and are reasons people divorce. To put it another way, bad actions/bad circumstances can bring unhappiness into a marriage. I don't think all are worthy of divorce but some are. Unhappiness can be a consequence of negative things and also a state of being.

I observe generally happy people and generally unhappy people. Generally happy people will be happy when they marry but generally unhappy people can not expect marriage to bring happiness if that makes sense. If I divorced the first time I was unhappy I would have been married for 55 minutes. I don't think many people do that.