Is Legal Marriage enough?

[CCinoklahoma87]

hey everyone, I have a question about marriage and the Bible. So my boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year, we've been wanting to be married for awhile now, but we haven't the money for all that a wedding ceremony and reception requires. I have the ring for him, and he is saving up the money for my ring, and we are wondering what is the most Biblical and pleasing to God way to be married, but without all the cost of food, catering, and dresses, etc. at least for now because in the future we'd love to have a late ceremony to celebrate. Is simply signing a marriage license and saying "I do" before the judge of peace/or a pastor and some family witnesses Biblical? Or should there be more. I'd love to be able to at least say my vows in our church if possible, as well as take care of the legal stuff all at once, even without all the normal wedding hullaballoo (though I love the thought of it) money is just too tight nowadays and saving up to have one takes forever. I love Trevor with all my heart, as does he me and we made the commitment to one another, but we are tempted from time to time, to desire to show our love in ways only made for marriage. I am still a virgin, but sometimes I am tempted greatly, because we have been together awhile and its getting hard to contain desires and such.:s We just want to do this right by God. I know in Romans Paul says marriage is good, especially in cases like ours and he encourages it, as well as Jesus in the gospels. The Bible really does not state that there should be a formal ceremony, but does say that God recognizes the law of the land, therefore making legality of marriage pretty much needed. So what are everyone's thoughts? trey and I are going to consult our church elders as well, and pray on it. Thanks a million!
Casey
(wanting to be married)

 

[gzt]

I think you really do need to have the church involved in some way, but you don't really need all the hullaballoo that society seems to think is necessary (big expensive party, dresses, all that jazz). As for rings, a wedding band should not cost overly much - it should be a plain gold band (incidentally, we got ours at eweddingbands.com and were quite happy with price and quality). The engagement ring is where the expense is, ring-wise, and that's a recent tradition that you really need not indulge in, quite frankly, because you already seem to be engaged without it. Anyway, it seems like you are a prime candidate for having a small private wedding ceremony with just your family at your church. That pretty much only needs to cost as much as it takes to get the church and pastor for the afternoon (and to truck in however much of your family you want to come).

 

[CCinoklahoma87]

I think you really do need to have the church involved in some way, but you don't really need all the hullaballoo that society seems to think is necessary (big expensive party, dresses, all that jazz). As for rings, a wedding band should not cost overly much - it should be a plain gold band (incidentally, we got ours at eweddingbands.com and were quite happy with price and quality). The engagement ring is where the expense is, ring-wise, and that's a recent tradition that you really need not indulge in, quite frankly, because you already seem to be engaged without it. Anyway, it seems like you are a prime candidate for having a small private wedding ceremony with just your family at your church. That pretty much only needs to cost as much as it takes to get the church and pastor for the afternoon (and to truck in however much of your family you want to come).

Thank you so much for the reply! yea we want to have one like that, at least for now that is small and less pricey, but one that is Biblically and God approved

We'll ask our pastor what it would take to have him perform a ceremony for us, and talk to Trey's family about it and see what they think as well!

God Bless!
cc

 

[gzt]

Anyway, when my grandfather got married, there were only six people there including the church janitor. "Traditionally", weddings were not necessarily such grand affairs.

 

[Bootstrap]

The Bible says surprisingly little about how people should get married. I do think you want to involve the people you want to support you in your marriage. Cheap is good. Decorations are just decorations.

If you don't have money, how about a pot luck reception? Do you know any musicians who could play for free, or does your pastor? (I just played for free at a wedding a few weeks ago.) You can do a nice potluck wedding for $300, I know people who have. Let the people you love help you do this.

 

[Melethiel]

I'm not a fan of the idea of spending a lot of money on a wedding, so I brought up a potluck reception to my boyfriend once. He was aghast at the idea...*sigh*

 

[gzt]

I personally don't like the idea of a potluck reception at all. You don't invite people to a party where they provide the food. If you can't entertain to a certain standard, either entertain to a lesser standard or invite fewer people. It is perfectly polite and acceptable to have a reception which is just punch and biscuits and that is far preferable to a potluck, which I do not think would be polite. This is just my opinion. Yours may differ.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Get married however you wanna get married. The marriage is far more important than the wedding in the long run.

 

[Luther073082]

I agree with gzt here is the things you need for the wedding cerimony.

Two people (male and female) ready and willing to make committments to eachother.
A marriage license
A pastor of a church who is able and willing to marry you.
A few witnesses - preferably close family members

I think you do need to go through both the church and the state on this one. Hence both the pastor - Indicating that this marriage is ordained by God. And the marriage license - This marriage is blessed/accepted by the state.

You don't need to have a big party or anything, especially if you can't afford it. Your marriage isn't anything less for not having it.

I would just make sure that the two of you have the combined income to look after yourselves and take care of yourselves.

 

[dayhiker]

I love potlucks. I'd go a wedding with a potluck meal with no thoughts against the couple/family.

Ya, God will be involved in your wedding no matter how you chose to do it. So talk to the pastor and family. Get the marriage couseling going and make the plans.

 

[janman345]

I dont understand why people ask for advice on the bible before they have actually read the bible. There is alot to be said for what the bible is silent on and marriage cerimonys are one of them, in fact even being married by a judge is not a biblical requirement nor does the bible require that the chruch be involved.

However the way churchs intupret that today would be "shacking up" even though they have no biblical stance.

 

[Luther073082]

I dont understand why people ask for advice on the bible before they have actually read the bible. There is alot to be said for what the bible is silent on and marriage cerimonys are one of them, in fact even being married by a judge is not a biblical requirement nor does the bible require that the chruch be involved.

However the way churchs intupret that today would be "shacking up" even though they have no biblical stance.

When one looks at what the bible does say you can't look for something direct so we can look at the indirect. When we look at biblical times it was very clear that when two people would enter a marriage the entire community around them would recognize that they where in fact married.

So this tells us that we need to do something that makes it clear to the entire community that is around us that we are married.

Now as for the church being involved. We belive that God is the "inventor" of marriage. And that we would want our marriage to be blessed by God and to make God at the center of our marriage.

With all of that it would not be logical for two Christians to be married by a judge when they could just as easily be married by a church which is the body of Christ on earth.

I think there is enough there to say that two people can not just decide "hey we are married" that it needs to be something that is recognized by the community. There is also enough logic there to belive that Christians should be married in the church by a pastor or a priest. Being that the church is the body of Christ on earth you should go to them about marriage since God instituted it in the first place.

Not that a marriage by a judge is somehow an invalid marriage. But I would submit to you that your marriage is definatly a place where you want God to be involved and being married by a judge does not involve God.

 

[janman345]

When one looks at what the bible does say you can't look for something direct so we can look at the indirect. When we look at biblical times it was very clear that when two people would enter a marriage the entire community around them would recognize that they where in fact married.

So this tells us that we need to do something that makes it clear to the entire community that is around us that we are married.

Now as for the church being involved. We belive that God is the "inventor" of marriage. And that we would want our marriage to be blessed by God and to make God at the center of our marriage.

With all of that it would not be logical for two Christians to be married by a judge when they could just as easily be married by a church which is the body of Christ on earth.

I think there is enough there to say that two people can not just decide "hey we are married" that it needs to be something that is recognized by the community. There is also enough logic there to belive that Christians should be married in the church by a pastor or a priest. Being that the church is the body of Christ on earth you should go to them about marriage since God instituted it in the first place.

Not that a marriage by a judge is somehow an invalid marriage. But I would submit to you that your marriage is definatly a place where you want God to be involved and being married by a judge does not involve God.

I dont nessicarily disagree but with the subjectivity involved (ie the fact that it is not plainly written) the condemnation that usually results from a lack of having a cerimony is kind of a debacle. Shacking up is a term that has just as negitive a connotation as stealing or lieing but there are no direct biblical condemnations against it yet many treat it like its one of the 10 commandments thats all im saying.

 

[Luther073082]

I dont nessicarily disagree but with the subjectivity involved (ie the fact that it is not plainly written) the condemnation that usually results from a lack of having a cerimony is kind of a debacle. Shacking up is a term that has just as negitive a connotation as stealing or lieing but there are no direct biblical condemnations against it yet many treat it like its one of the 10 commandments thats all im saying.

There isn't anything directly in the bible against two people living together before marriage, but I don't think its generally a good idea for Christians.

Living together before marriage doesn't really speak to a chaste relationship to the public and makes it harder for the relationship to be actually chaste as it increases the temptation for sex.

In terms of the cerimony, I've heard of very few valid weddings in which there was no cerimony, even a small one. I suppose one could just get married in the courthouse with no witnesses except for the judge but I think witnesses are an important part.

There are two main things that infuriate me about weddings.

1. Is the belief that you have to spend a lot of money to have a valid wedding. Really the cost of the license and probably the cost of having a pastor do it and IMO you have a solid Christian wedding. Receptions are good but optional.

2. This ticks me off more but some of the inferences people try to derive from different things. Like I can't belive how many people look at the color of the bride's dress and think that somehow symbolizes if she's a virgin or not. Its disturbing that they are even interested in that in the first place. The second thing is that the whole dress thing never was ment to symbolize the bride's sexual status. Queen Victoria wore a white dress to her wedding to Prince Albert. For some reason or another the white dress thing for weddings caught on after that. In fact it first caught on among the weathly because they could show off their wealth by purchasing a dress that would only be worn once and was impractical for other occasions. It spread from there.

 

[dayhiker]

I'm in agreement about the cost of wedding getting to be too high. Glad I had my marriage when things didn't cost so much. I guess the princess thing has a big influence on women these days. And ofcourse business love any costly cerimony.

Me I'd rather put the 30K toward a long honeymoon. Would be a lot more fun to do a 5 week trip around the world than a one day wedding.

But for its its all academic as I'm not sure I'll get married again.

dayhiker

 

[BeautifulDestiny09]

Get married in your pastor's office, you, your SO, a few witnesses...you're not doomed if you don't have a church wedding, but for most, having their pastor involved is important! Having a big fancy wedding is not the end all be all...me and hubby went downtown to the justice center, spent $60 in all. And we're glad we did...because right after our mini-honeymoon trip, car broke down, and now we need a new car. So yes, save the money for more important things...i.e. life after the wedding!

 

[dayhiker]

I guess is one has the money for the memory of one BIG day then go for it.

But I'm will you Beautiful, the memories of the next few weeks, not to mention years will far out weigh that one wedding day.

 

[PixieSunbelle]

My family keeps asking when my boyfriend and I will get married....
Last week my grandmother asked me and before I could even answer my dad replied "you better not cos we can't afford to pay for it" xD
I have no idea when we'll get married. I know my future sister in law wants us to have a wedding... when we went to kansas to visit she was showing me cake pictures.

I think the potluck idea would be fun! I know if my SO and I got married we'll be having orange and white colors since we got together on Halloween

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Get married in your pastor's office, you, your SO, a few witnesses...you're not doomed if you don't have a church wedding, but for most, having their pastor involved is important! Having a big fancy wedding is not the end all be all...me and hubby went downtown to the justice center, spent $60 in all. And we're glad we did...because right after our mini-honeymoon trip, car broke down, and now we need a new car. So yes, save the money for more important things...i.e. life after the wedding!

Agreed. You can make a cheap wedding beautiful too - my wedding was family, some close friends (probably 20 people in all), her uncle who's a pastor, saying our vows here:

No need for any real big parties or organized events. We went to one of our favorite restaurants for the reception

 

[`Raine]

We had a small, simple wedding. We were married by our pastor, but the ceremony itself was at a small park we both liked to hike at. We were going to grill out for the reception dinner, but my parents offered to pay for dinner at a restaurant instead. Guests were just our parents, my moms best friend & her husband, my sister, and a few (6) of our friends. My husband wore a suit he already had, and my dress was less than $100 on ebay (more for Renaissance Faire than a wediing, but my kind of dress). I also bought a tiara veil, but not a real expensive one. My mom baked the cake, and I decorated it with real and fondant flowers and spun sugar. I think the whole wedding was less than $500, but we still have good memories from it.