Is it wrong to refuse your husband when you just don’t feel like it?

[rturner76]

A husband and his wife should yield to each other and do things for each other and not be selfish.

If a wife or husband has a headache, stomach ache, is in their "time of the month," they are too tired, or they just don't feel up for it for some other reason, I personally think it would be selfish to force oneself on their spouse. I think there may be more of an "obligation" while the wife is of "child bearing years" but even then, I personally believe that in a healthy marriage, one should respect the feelings of their spouse and wait until they are ready for lovemaking. I think it would be more pleasurable and fulfilling if both are "in the mood."

Otherwise, the situation can get abusive and people can form resentments or "keep score" on other's behavior.

In my personal experience, I remember my spouse after I brought home a big bag of Chinese takout and a brand new CD "I don't know why you're getting in the shower, you ain't getting nothing." I felt so sad and rejected I really wanted to cry because I was trying so hard to bring in some romance. So with sex, resentments can form whether or not you are giving in to your partner.

 

[tonychanyt]

If a wife or husband has a headache, stomach ache, is in their "time of the month," they are too tired, or they just don't feel up for it for some other reason, I personally think it would be selfish to force oneself on their spouse. I think there may be more of an "obligation" while the wife is of "child bearing years" but even then, I personally believe that in a healthy marriage, one should respect the feelings of their spouse and wait until they are ready for lovemaking. I think it would be more pleasurable and fulfilling if both are "in the mood."

Otherwise, the situation can get abusive and people can form resentments or "keep score" on other's behavior.

In my personal experience, I remember my spouse after I brought home a big bag of Chinese takout and a brand new CD "I don't know why you're getting in the shower, you ain't getting nothing." I felt so sad and rejected I really wanted to cry because I was trying so hard to bring in some romance. So with sex, resentments can form whether or not you are giving in to your partner.

Right. Communication is a key. The couple must communicate.

 

[rturner76]

Right. Communication is a key. The couple must communicate.

Yes, and that isn't something we were good at. I have many regrets since she passed away but when I would bring things up that were bothering me she would always start with "if you don't like it, why don't you just leave." That made it very difficult for me to talk about my feelings because the first thing I would think is "I don't want to leave at all, I just want to talk about this." But, she was a real princess and she was spoiled by her dad, then me by putting her up on a pedestal. Admittedly, her spoiled attitude really was attractive to me.

What's so funny is from time to time she would get me really [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed off and then want to be intimate like I guess it sometimes turned her on when she could make me feel a certain way. Probably too much information but when you are angry with someone and it makes them want to be intimate it can be really confusing.

 

[Diamond7]

saying that total withholding as a way of life (especially unilaterally) is not really okay.

It is rare that people do not blame the other person under the pretense that they have done nothing wrong. Of course, there is submission and omission. I only admit to what I did not do that I should have.