I've been suggested by my fiancee that I move into his state before marriage. I have not been raised to move out of the house until I get married. I was raised to stay at home with parents till I married and then I could do what ever I want. My parents are upset about my fiancee even telling them his plans. I've been asked to take it into consideration but I think its not right for me to do so. What do you think? I've asked God for help to know I shall do. Just want to know what are your opinions on living home before marriage. By the way if I'm to move I won't be moving in with my fiancee I'll be moving in with somone from church till we get married.
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Is it wrong to move out
- Thread starter c_vero00
- Start date
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EmSchmem
Guest
I guess I don't understand what moving out has to do with getting married. I think there comes a time when anyone (man or woman) needs to be able to stand on their own two feet so to speak. Obviously not without God. Let's just say for example that someone did not get married until they were 35 or 40. Would it still really makes sense to live with ones parents. I don't think it is WRONG to move out of your parents house. I think that with out the right situation it could be wrong for you to move to be closer to him.
What would the living situation be in your finace's state. Who would you live with? Would you have good accountability from Christians there? Would this provide an opportunity to further the closeness of your friendship before ? While it is not good to intentionally go make your parents angry, you are preparing to marry this man and they may not agree with every thing you do along the way.
What would the living situation be in your finace's state. Who would you live with? Would you have good accountability from Christians there? Would this provide an opportunity to further the closeness of your friendship before ? While it is not good to intentionally go make your parents angry, you are preparing to marry this man and they may not agree with every thing you do along the way.
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jenptcfan
My cup runneth over
I moved out as soon as I was done with high school (to go to college), and after college, I moved a few hours away from my parents. I wouldn't have had it any other way (and neither would they!). I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with an adult moving out from under her parents' roof.
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I think time out of the house before marriage is good. I found that I honed my independence skills in college when I had no one to fall back on I had to schedule things on my own and get things done. At any rate, I personally see no problem with being on your own for a while before marriage. What concerns do your folks have?
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jenptcfan
My cup runneth over
I think living on your own can really build maturity too. You have to learn how to budget your money, important skills like keeping the house somewhat clean, doing laundry, cooking, etc. These are all good skills to bring into a marriage so that you know how to budget your time/money ahead of time (it will only get harder when you're married!).
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Time on your own is a great oppportunity! You will discover that there are many things you will choose to do just as your parent's did... and many things tht you will choose to do differently. That kind of adjustment will serve you well, becsaue guess what? Once you are married you are going to have to decide with your husband how things are going to be done.
Further, time in the same community with your future husband will also give both of you and opportunity to know each other better, for you to get to know his family and friends and see him is a wider range of situations... all helping you to be sure that you are making the right choice.
At the same time, you have not told us how old you are... that could make a major diffeerence...
Further, time in the same community with your future husband will also give both of you and opportunity to know each other better, for you to get to know his family and friends and see him is a wider range of situations... all helping you to be sure that you are making the right choice.
At the same time, you have not told us how old you are... that could make a major diffeerence...
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SoldierofChrist
Modern Reformationist
I think that if you are 18, you have a right to make your own decision and move out of the house. I wouldn't suggest overtly rebelling against your parents... but I see no basis for them to require you to stay in the house until you get married. I really don't understand what they are trying to get you to do. I would respect the fact that they are your parents, as you should always take everything they say into consideration, however what they are telling you to do makes no sense in my opinion. If you are under 18, you really don't have a whole lot of choice in the matter, but if you are 'of age' in this country, you have the right to move out on your own and start your life. Just because someone isn't married doesn't give their parents the right to house-arrest them. This isn't ancient Jewish culture. The Bible commands us to honor our father and our mother, but if you are an adult, you are legally outside the bounds of your parents. Do what you think is best for you and your fiancee. Best of luck, and congratulations!
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Pope Gonzo
Well-Known Member
There's nothing wrong with moving out before you're married. It's a big world out there, and it's hard to experience the beauty of God's handiwork when you're living at home. When you're married, you've got a little more freedom, but nothing matches being a single adult(especially in college - when else do you get a 3-month break?)
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Sweetie, It's not wrong! You're not doing anything wrong. My boyfriend recently moved out. His father is a pastor, and he was ok with it. You should be near him anyway.. if you two are in love, why not be together? Don't feel guilty! It's your life... good luck! 
Bless**
Bless**
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Sascha Fitzpatrick
Well-Known Member
Personally,
My fiance was despearate for me to move out on my own before I got married, and I put my foot down and was determined to stay at home to save money.
Anyway, after we broke up, I ended up moving out about a year after, and it was the best thing I ever did. It taught me so much about how I am financially, how I am at housekeeping, and how I am when things are completely my responsibility. Of course there were times that it all came to a head, but I'd rather have done that on my own, without having to deal with a hubby in the equation also (which brings in all those other 'having to deal with someone else learning this' at the same time)...
It all comes down to your reasons for staying at home/moving out. Staying at home is good for the reason of saving money, but anything else - as an adult, I believe you need to learn to live on your own two feet, responsible for yourself and a house without your parents around to bail you out. Mind you, having been independant does cause it's own problems once you add another person into the equation.
The easiest transition for people I know who have married, seems to be those where both lived out of home beforehand. Neither has to teach the 'newly independant homekeeper' how to do the basic house things, and both have learnt to live on their own means and behaviours.
Good luck with your decision!
Sasch
My fiance was despearate for me to move out on my own before I got married, and I put my foot down and was determined to stay at home to save money.
Anyway, after we broke up, I ended up moving out about a year after, and it was the best thing I ever did. It taught me so much about how I am financially, how I am at housekeeping, and how I am when things are completely my responsibility. Of course there were times that it all came to a head, but I'd rather have done that on my own, without having to deal with a hubby in the equation also (which brings in all those other 'having to deal with someone else learning this' at the same time)...
It all comes down to your reasons for staying at home/moving out. Staying at home is good for the reason of saving money, but anything else - as an adult, I believe you need to learn to live on your own two feet, responsible for yourself and a house without your parents around to bail you out. Mind you, having been independant does cause it's own problems once you add another person into the equation.
The easiest transition for people I know who have married, seems to be those where both lived out of home beforehand. Neither has to teach the 'newly independant homekeeper' how to do the basic house things, and both have learnt to live on their own means and behaviours.
Good luck with your decision!
Sasch
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I'm old enough to move out. Actually, I'm the one who helps at home and seems to bail everyone out. The thing is that no one ever not in this generation or the last has moved out not until they got married or in the old days run-away with your bf. I've been raised old-fashioned. I'm spanish and you know that we have strong family ties and once somone moves out of the house is as if that is a big insult to your parents. So, that is why my parents are mad at the suggestion of me moving out becuase to them it means that I don't care for them. They might not even speak to me because of it. I know that I can be responsible for my self since I've been responsible for 4 others. I never thought of moving out of my house until marriage, why? becuse I've been raised that a "family-girl" is not suppossed to do that. Becuase what will people think? that I'm not a good woman, or respectful. So, in any case my family will become the talk of everyone else.
My family don't really understand why I would move out. They actually say that I do what my fiance tells me to do. I know if I do move out, where I'll be staying they'll teach me more of God. It's a christian family. My family as you read are not strong christians. They are catholics but attend once in a while.
My family don't really understand why I would move out. They actually say that I do what my fiance tells me to do. I know if I do move out, where I'll be staying they'll teach me more of God. It's a christian family. My family as you read are not strong christians. They are catholics but attend once in a while.
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FaithfulServant
The Lord directs my steps
When I went to college, I moved away from my parents and gained a lot of maturity from being on my own. If your Mom's apron strings are still attached and your fiance lives in a different state, I think the marriage could be very difficult.
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Pope Gonzo
Well-Known Member
Thanks for mentioning that your family is Spanish. That puts things under a totally different light! What I suggest is sit down with your parents and tell them that you love them very much, and you don't want to disrespect them at all. However, it's also important both in your human experience and your relationship with God to get out and stretch your legs a little before you get married (Obviously, if you don't agree with that... then don't say it... but I suggest sitting down and talking whatever you plan on doing with them)
I did missions work in Monterrey, Mexico twice for Spring break, and one of our translators, who was in her mid- to late-twenties, moved out of her parents' house across town so that she could play a bigger role at the mission base, and that was extremely difficult for her. So don't worry, there's nothing wrong with having a hard time with moving to a different state!
(Obviously, if you don't agree with that... then don't say it... but I suggest sitting down and talking whatever you plan on doing with them)I did missions work in Monterrey, Mexico twice for Spring break, and one of our translators, who was in her mid- to late-twenties, moved out of her parents' house across town so that she could play a bigger role at the mission base, and that was extremely difficult for her. So don't worry, there's nothing wrong with having a hard time with moving to a different state!
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Moving out now would probably be a bad idea. If he wants to marry you let him marry you before you move in with him. For you to move out on your own is risky on several levels.
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GuruGreg
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I personally think that some independence will teach you a lot if you do move out.
- It will teach you life responsibilities that you don't encounter until you're on your own.
- It will let you find out who you are as a person. Sometimes our relationships with our families have prevented us from exploring some parts of our personalities.
- It will help you find where you are in your walk with God. It's a lot easier to maintain your faith when you're surrounded by believers and people who will keep you on the right track, but there may be issues you never had to address because your family agreed on the issue. Being on your own, especially in someplace new, will cause more confrontations which should make you think about and affirm or correct a belief you hold. Not having those supporting Christians around you will force you to ground your faith better. You'll definately see how strong your faith is, or isn't. If you find your faith is weaker than you thought, it's not a bad thing necessarily, but it should make you think about how you can work to get closer to God.
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I doubt if you will win your parents over.
With no disrespect to them at all, they are asking you to follow rules that they followed, and that their parents followed, etc. etc. So those rules are very old and date from a time when a woman did not eat alone in a restaurant or go any place in public unescorted, let alone hold a job away form the home. The old Spanish traditions did not give women much freedom. A free women as perceived as a loose woman.
Where exactly will you be living? Who is the friend from church? If you were in an apartment owned by an older couple, or a mature woman and your parents could meet those folks they might feel a bit more comfortable.
Moving out on your own is not a sin. It is not wrong. You have every right to do it. However... it is not always best for us to exercise our rights. Sometimes things are best when we do not claim our rights. It would indeed do your parents a great honor if you were to stay at home. You can even explain to them "I don't think it is wrong for me to move out. But becasue I love you and respect you, I will honor your wishes and remain here until I marry." There are a lot of benifits to being on your own... but there are also a lot of benifits to honoring one's parents.
With no disrespect to them at all, they are asking you to follow rules that they followed, and that their parents followed, etc. etc. So those rules are very old and date from a time when a woman did not eat alone in a restaurant or go any place in public unescorted, let alone hold a job away form the home. The old Spanish traditions did not give women much freedom. A free women as perceived as a loose woman.
Where exactly will you be living? Who is the friend from church? If you were in an apartment owned by an older couple, or a mature woman and your parents could meet those folks they might feel a bit more comfortable.
Moving out on your own is not a sin. It is not wrong. You have every right to do it. However... it is not always best for us to exercise our rights. Sometimes things are best when we do not claim our rights. It would indeed do your parents a great honor if you were to stay at home. You can even explain to them "I don't think it is wrong for me to move out. But becasue I love you and respect you, I will honor your wishes and remain here until I marry." There are a lot of benifits to being on your own... but there are also a lot of benifits to honoring one's parents.
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You've got to be kidding me. She is talking about not only moving out, but moving away as well. When I look for my experience on this I recall lonely college freshman girls hungry for attention, consequently men had their sport with them. As a father I would not look kindly on my daughters moving away on their own.
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