Is it too late for me?

[Lost_and_confuzzled]

[FONT=&quot]Today I had a thought (over a few bowls of pot of all things.). Many years ago I deconverted from Christianity. My reasoning was that it was God’s fault for not being there. I was a good Christian, went to Church multiple times a week, did volunteer work, and was going to take charge of the youth group after the youth minister moved, and I graduated high school. The pastor of the church even discussed the possibility of me becoming the pastor if I was around long enough when the pastor was called home. This church even made a “Christian of the year” award just to put my name on a plaque as a shinning hope of light for my generation. God and Christ were my life, and it was closely guided by the Bible.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But after many years of hardships, and new knowledge that showed my church, both past and current, and all the churches I had visited with friends or on vacation, had been lying (about some minor, trivial things, which made it worse because it so trivial.), I lost my faith. I reasoned it was because God just was not there for me. But looking back, I realized that it was I who turned my back on God, and not the other way around.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I can’t say things haven’t been for the worse though. When I turned away from God, I took charge of my own life. I didn’t have the Bible for inspiration, or God for guidance, so it was all up to me. And I completely turned my life around. I used to do poorly in school, and today I am doing so well that I will be graduating with a PhD. next year. I’ve made better social relations without filtering out most people because they were not Christian. And my overall view on the world has been much healthier, and I don’t get worked up over trivial things that I used to, such as Harry Potter being a literature and Hollywood success. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But I can’t help but think now, God didn’t fail me, I failed him, and I wonder is it too late for? I have gone from being a Christian with a literal interpretation of the Bible, to being a disciple of Lucifer. I have committed many sins that I would not have previously committed, including blaspheming against the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost (the unforgivable sin). I was born a boy, and when left Christianity, I set out to make peace with my “inner demons.” I always thought I should have been a girl since I was very young, and after I forsook God, I set out to become the woman I knew I was…[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]And at the end of the night, all I can wonder is; Have I failed? Is it too late for me? I know this is supposed to be a support board, but a brutally honest "yes" will be ok if that seems to be the case.[/FONT]

 

[seashale76]

((hugs!)) As long as you are alive, it is not too late. He calls not the righteous, but sinners to repentance. The Church is a hospital for sinners and Christ is the Great Physician. The Eucharist is our medicine of immortality.

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[rebekahy2k]

I do pray you find yoru way back to God.

Sounds like the worst possible thing in the world to lose God.

My own opinion is that time is short, turn back before it is too late.

[FONT=&quot]Today I had a thought (over a few bowls of pot of all things.). Many years ago I deconverted from Christianity. My reasoning was that it was God’s fault for not being there. I was a good Christian, went to Church multiple times a week, did volunteer work, and was going to take charge of the youth group after the youth minister moved, and I graduated high school. The pastor of the church even discussed the possibility of me becoming the pastor if I was around long enough when the pastor was called home. This church even made a “Christian of the year” award just to put my name on a plaque as a shinning hope of light for my generation. God and Christ were my life, and it was closely guided by the Bible.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But after many years of hardships, and new knowledge that showed my church, both past and current, and all the churches I had visited with friends or on vacation, had been lying (about some minor, trivial things, which made it worse because it so trivial.), I lost my faith. I reasoned it was because God just was not there for me. But looking back, I realized that it was I who turned my back on God, and not the other way around.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I can’t say things haven’t been for the worse though. When I turned away from God, I took charge of my own life. I didn’t have the Bible for inspiration, or God for guidance, so it was all up to me. And I completely turned my life around. I used to do poorly in school, and today I am doing so well that I will be graduating with a PhD. next year. I’ve made better social relations without filtering out most people because they were not Christian. And my overall view on the world has been much healthier, and I don’t get worked up over trivial things that I used to, such as Harry Potter being a literature and Hollywood success. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But I can’t help but think now, God didn’t fail me, I failed him, and I wonder is it too late for? I have gone from being a Christian with a literal interpretation of the Bible, to being a disciple of Lucifer. I have committed many sins that I would not have previously committed, including blaspheming against the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost (the unforgivable sin). I was born a boy, and when left Christianity, I set out to make peace with my “inner demons.” I always thought I should have been a girl since I was very young, and after I forsook God, I set out to become the woman I knew I was…[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]And at the end of the night, all I can wonder is; Have I failed? Is it too late for me? I know this is supposed to be a support board, but a brutally honest "yes" will be ok if that seems to be the case.[/FONT]

 

[IreneAdler]

[FONT=&quot]Today I had a thought (over a few bowls of pot of all things.). Many years ago I deconverted from Christianity. My reasoning was that it was God’s fault for not being there. I was a good Christian, went to Church multiple times a week, did volunteer work, and was going to take charge of the youth group after the youth minister moved, and I graduated high school. The pastor of the church even discussed the possibility of me becoming the pastor if I was around long enough when the pastor was called home. This church even made a “Christian of the year” award just to put my name on a plaque as a shinning hope of light for my generation. God and Christ were my life, and it was closely guided by the Bible.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But after many years of hardships, and new knowledge that showed my church, both past and current, and all the churches I had visited with friends or on vacation, had been lying (about some minor, trivial things, which made it worse because it so trivial.), I lost my faith. I reasoned it was because God just was not there for me. But looking back, I realized that it was I who turned my back on God, and not the other way around.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I can’t say things haven’t been for the worse though. When I turned away from God, I took charge of my own life. I didn’t have the Bible for inspiration, or God for guidance, so it was all up to me. And I completely turned my life around. I used to do poorly in school, and today I am doing so well that I will be graduating with a PhD. next year. I’ve made better social relations without filtering out most people because they were not Christian. And my overall view on the world has been much healthier, and I don’t get worked up over trivial things that I used to, such as Harry Potter being a literature and Hollywood success. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But I can’t help but think now, God didn’t fail me, I failed him, and I wonder is it too late for? I have gone from being a Christian with a literal interpretation of the Bible, to being a disciple of Lucifer. I have committed many sins that I would not have previously committed, including blaspheming against the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost (the unforgivable sin). I was born a boy, and when left Christianity, I set out to make peace with my “inner demons.” I always thought I should have been a girl since I was very young, and after I forsook God, I set out to become the woman I knew I was…[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]And at the end of the night, all I can wonder is; Have I failed? Is it too late for me? I know this is supposed to be a support board, but a brutally honest "yes" will be ok if that seems to be the case.[/FONT]

I think you're human, and I think God sees your heart not your past actions (the benefit of his son). It's never too late. Do what you feel like you need to and don't let people tell you you're not worthy.

 

[OneThingOnly]

Greetings

As I was reading your post I couldn't help but wonder at the statement you made "I lost my faith". And that you "turned your back on God". I would like to share a couple short thoughts on those statements.

I don't think you lost your faith, but that you had "misplaced" faith. I suspect that may be part of the reason you turned your back on God. This is very common in the church today - misplaced faith. When those who you placed your faith in disappointed you, you abandoned your faith.

Christianity is about faith in a Person - Jesus, the Christ, not in the church, or people, or your goodness, or your performance in the Christian life. But that is not what is typically taught in churches today and many others have experienced what you have experienced - turning away from God. Christianity is not an intellectual experience but must be a supernatual experience of being born again.

The focus must be more and more on the person of Jesus Christ and less on other people and your self or ministry. The journey of discipleship is to become Christ's, to let him have free access to your life as you learn to let your life be His. This doesn't mean church work or ministry work. That is were many Christians lose their way. Jesus wants you, not what you can do for him.

So, is it too late. Only you can answer that. If you were truly born again and have the Holy Spirit, repent of your rebellion and turn back to God. If you have not been truly born again, you need to be born again. Blessings.

 

[Poltionorch]

I apologise if it is not my place as an atheist to comment on this thread. But I feel that you are being too hard on yourself. If there is a god, don't you think he would judge you based on how you treat others? Or is he so egocentric that he cannot take a bit of criticism?

You seemed to have done all right for yourself. I think that being a good person isn't necessarily connected to believing in god/s.

 

[vespasia]

No one who lives and breathes upon this planet is so far away that the love of God cannot reach them.

 

[Coralie]

You are never, never, never too far away.

Don't forget what Jesus said:

“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

Read Luke 15 and see how precious you are to God.

I am just as sick as you--we are all as sick as each other. We all desperately need the Church, just as the physically sick need a hospital.

Read the life of St. Mary of Egypt, my patron saint: Medieval Sourcebook: The Life of Mary of Egypt

She lived her youth as a nymphomaniac and a fornicator, but is now one of the most revered Saints of the Church. (The fact that she has not one but TWO feast days--one moveable and the other fixed--is testament to that.)

If she was welcomed back by God, there is no reason that you should not be.

God bless you, brother--please know how welcome you are.

 

[ephraimanesti]

[FONT=&quot]And at the end of the night, all I can wonder is; Have I failed? Is it too late for me? I know this is supposed to be a support board, but a brutally honest "yes" will be ok if that seems to be the case.[/FONT]

MY DEAR SISTER,

Sorry to disappoint you, but

NO!​

It is only "too late" when you have drawn your last breath. The two caveats to this statement are:

that none of us knows when that last breath will be

and, secondly, none of us will know TRUE happiness--no matter how many bowls we smoke--until we have completely surrendered our hearts to our Lord.

Are you disappointed?

ABBA'S FOOL,
ephraim

 

[zaksmummy]

Remeber the parable of the lost son, his father was waiting for him, when he saw him coming - from a distance, he ran out, put on him the best cloak and killed the fatted calf to celebrate his return.

Its never to late and our Father is waiting for you.

 

[Vikidul]

...sometimes i've felt very much the same way... that it is too late for me as well

 

[ephraimanesti]

...sometimes i've felt very much the same way... that it is too late for me as well

MY DEAR SISTER,

Anyone who feels that it is "too late for them" to receive God's Love, Forgiveness, and Welcome Home has not understood the Parable of the "Prodigal Son."

The poem in red which you have at the bottom of your Post is a satanic distortion; is a satanic lie; is an unGodly fictional creation!

Abba's arms are always open and eagerly awaiting your return from whatever darkness you have been trapped in.

RUN TO HIM!

ABBA'S fool,
ephraim

 

[Coralie]

...sometimes i've felt very much the same way... that it is too late for me as well

Tears come to my eyes when I read this.

It's never too late.

I promise you, I've done worse than you in my life. So much worse. I've committed the most heinous sins. I have broken EVERY SINGLE ONE of the 10 Commandments. Every single one. And countless Levitical ones, FWIW.

There is no way--absolutely no way-- that you have done worse than me. So you too can be my sister or brother in Christ, and I'll never judge you for the sins that you've repented of.

Please understand: Jesus DOESN'T WANT people who are not sinners. He came to save sinners, not the righteous. The worse of a sinner you are, the more He wants to welcome you home.

Like Ephraim says, RUN HOME TO JESUS! Don't wait. Go to a Church TODAY and ask a priest or pastor to help you if you feel scared or unsure of what to do.

I'm praying for you and all others like you.

God bless you.

Lord have mercy!

 

[ellie'sforjesus]

God is just waiting for you to return, his arms are open friend. I think we have all been in your shoes at one time or another. We all sin and fall short of the Glory and that is exactly why his son paid the price for us on the cross. You are forgiven child of God, you are forgiven. And better yet, your sins are wiped away and remembered no more in Gods eyes. Start running, the quicker the better. And you also remember the prayer you must pray. Do it today for you and get back on track with the good life. I have faced alot of hardships in my life too, but I think sometimes we think to hard about how to solve them instead of asking God to help us solve them. Sometimes I have a hard time trusting God to get me through, but we all must remember that perfect love casts out all fear, and until we find that perfect love we will have fear in our life. I think that's why sometimes he keeps testing me with the same thing over and over again. I don't know, maybe some day I will get it and finally pass the test...

 

[lucaspa]

[FONT=&quot]But I can’t help but think now, God didn’t fail me, I failed him, and I wonder is it too late for? I have gone from being a Christian with a literal interpretation of the Bible, to being a disciple of Lucifer.

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Oh good grief. You are not a "disciple of Lucifer"! Rubbish. You aren't a Fundamentalist, but that's a good thing. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I would say that God has been with you, even tho you thought you abandoned Him. It appears that He never abandoned you. You are happier, more tolerant, more loving to your fellow humans (remember the other half of the Great Commandment), more at peace with yourself. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]There is no "unforgivable sin". That's the message of Jesus. Or didn't you pick that up in your Bible readings? [/FONT]

So why don't you try to make contact with God again? Thank Him for helping you find the courage to change your gender, get a Ph.D., love your fellow humans instead of condemning them over trivial things (like Harry Potter), etc. Ask for forgiveness for the things you really should be sorry for -- like taking His name in vain.

Too late? Rubbish. Haven't you ever heard the parable of the Prodigal Son?

 

[_JJM]

Last thing you need to do is become a christian again, it will only complicate your life more. This happens to people who have your kinds of issues. It will work for a time, while the emotional high is still leading you around. But then something will happen to "test your faith" and you will get even more depressed when you "leave the church". Been there, done this. Watch what you do.

Contrary to what Danny has stated, re-commiting your life to Christ is the best thing in the world you could do. Simply repent and trust in Him, He's a good Father. Some people make big mistakes in life, and need to feed the swine for awhile before they realize how good Dad really is.

You will continue to be in depression and confusion the longer you stay away from Christ.

It's not too late for you, that's the Devil talking.

 

[Wirraway]

...Have I failed? Is it too late for me? ... a brutally honest "yes" will be ok... .

yes. and yes.

 

[oi_antz]

yes. and yes.

Awww comeon...! Who on earth can sit in God's judgement seat?

As long as you believe Jesus has saved you, that's your ticket to return to His grace. I'm sure your heart has never become evil because you went on a journey! The fact you're questioning your right to His kingdom demonstrates your heart is being softened. I would suggest you begin praying to God and reading the Word, I'm not sure what's stopping you from doing that but I would suggest you have some demons who are fighting against your return to God. They have no right over your life at all.

Begin by reading Luke 15 - the prodigal son. That is how much God loves you, that He allowed you to go on your journey just so you could return with faith even stronger. Remember that God loves you unconditionally, the only change you have to make is praise Him for everything and be honest with your self and Him that you are making your best effort to be pure of heart.

 

[The4thrider]

I wouldn't worry about it to much. As the people have stated before me that its never to late. As long as you can live with your choices and stand by them.

 

[JPH]

I would tell you this.God is not willing that any shoud perish but that all would repent.So his will is for you to be saved.
Next if you wer his child you will always be His child.My kids will always be my kids no matter what they do or become in this life.If they rebell I will still love them and hope for their return to me.
Remember GOD IS LOVE.He loves you more than you can even imagine.Just as you are just as you were just as you will be.He knew what you would do as you turned from him.He knows everything.While we were yet sinners at our worst He loved you enough to die for you.Its hard to get our head around Gods Love .Nothing can seperate us from His love.
Prodigal,He waits for you.Just turn and begin your journey home.Just stay headed in the right direction. Dont let the enemy or this world deceive you about his love for you.It should be a humbeling thing to realize.
I was set free from a legalistic church where every other day I was questioning my salvation.My healing came as I studied the topic of Gods Grace.Buy some books.
Just the fact that you have a desire for God again shows he has not forsaken you and his Holy Spirit is drawing you home.
We will always have to face some consequences for the decisions we make but even in those things God can use us.
He will forgive anyone that asks.Its a relationship.Tell Him your sorry and want to come home.Then rebuild your relationship with Him.Talk to him and let Him talk to you.
Thats it.
Peace.