Is it right to change oneself

[WarriorOfGrace]

Hi,

I've courious to see what people think about changing oneself to make others happy.

Well looking over some of my past behaviours with a few freinds, I begun to realize that I've have been acting differently around certian female friends. Non of the girls are people that I have any relationship interest in, yet I have started to act differently around them than I do around others primarily to try and keep them happy. Should we let others affect who and what we are, or should they adapt to us. I started thinking about how I act, and as a result I be getting somewhat annoyed with myself because I have always Prided myself on being Myself regardless of who I'm with.

 

[mina]

It depends. If your behavior or speech is negative and is hurting people or bringing out the worst in others then it should be changed to resemble more of Christ. However if it's just little quirks in your personality- like youre loud, or quiet, or friendly, or whatever, then no you shouldn't have to change for anyone. If you are just acting flirty or trying to impress someone, that's normal if y ou are around someone that you like. But you shouldn't over do it. Self-control is a fruit of the spirit.

 

[harmmony]

I think that if you are being anyone other than yourself when you meet others, it's something that you can't maintain for very long and eventually they will see the real you. So, people are going to accept or reject in the short or long term based on who you really are, so you may as well do that from the start and save yourself that awful feeling that you are sort of lying by pretending to be something you aren't.

As to them adapting to us or us to them, I think if you are talking about basic personality issues then just let them adapt to you, but you have to be open to compromise on other situations and even sometimes in personality issues, but usually only if you are already friends. For people I have just met, they can take me or leave based on the real me. That said don't be too hard on yourself if you occasionally don't stay true to yourself, we all feel the need to fit in sometimes. You just need to be aware of yourself and when you are doing it.

 

[William Nunn]

If you mean things such as opening doors and being a gentleman, or having better hygiene habits )), then changing that is fine. But changning your personality? No way. Like harmmony said, the "true you" will come out eventually, and the person will have to accept or reject you based on that. So just save yourself the trouble and act like yourself all the time!

 

[WarriorOfGrace]

thank you all for your input.

After talking with friends I have been able to more pin point how I 'change'. There are two different situations that I can think of.

Person 1:
Normally I am a person who jumps around giving everyone equal amounts of attention. However if a certian girl is around I normally spend the majority of my time with her ignoring or only half listening to everyone else.

Person 2:
I am normally a very out-spoken person, I don't normally bottle anything up inside however there is one girl who regularily saids and does things which bother me but I don't say anything about it. For example she will make comments which make another friends feel stupid(has a learning disorder) and I don't intervene, but if it was almost anyone else I would have told them off by now(not literally, but I would have talked to them)

 

[Aijin]

The bible does tell us we need to change. But its not for others that we're supposed to change, but for Him. Being a Christian means laying down your life and taking up the life of Christ. As the famous saying goes... WWJD?

We are supposed to be servants, but foremost to God. We do want to make people happy, but sometimes doing the right thing will hurt people or make them angry, so its not about how you make people feel. Pretty much you should be asking "Is what i'm doing pleasing to God? Am i the way God wants me to be or do i need to change this about myself?"

The answers are found in Him

 

[Mr.Cheese]

It's a fine line. We should seek to grow as a person, but not for the sake of making other people happy. Granted, some of our improvements may be welcomed by others though.

 

[LynneClomina]

Hi,

I've courious to see what people think about changing oneself to make others happy.

Well looking over some of my past behaviours with a few freinds, I begun to realize that I've have been acting differently around certian female friends. Non of the girls are people that I have any relationship interest in, yet I have started to act differently around them than I do around others primarily to try and keep them happy. Should we let others affect who and what we are, or should they adapt to us. I started thinking about how I act, and as a result I be getting somewhat annoyed with myself because I have always Prided myself on being Myself regardless of who I'm with.

1 Cor. 9:22 to the weak I became as weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.

principle here: you are not your own to dictate what you are like - that is God's job alone. if He wants you to be a certain way with somebody, then you do that... another way with another person? then you do that... underlying this is ALWAY your God-given personality..... but how much of what we think of as "our" personality is actually flesh that must be crucified?

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

if i feel, well, so it hurt somebody, but that's just who i am, they can take me or leave me, they just gotta take me for who i am, is NOT of God, because a stubborn spirit not submitted to Him is not pleasing to Him.

just my thoughts...

Lynne

 

[msjones21]

I agree 110% with the Cheese Man! My mother always told me "never change who you are to make others happy". This is important for two reasons:

1) It is not our job to make others happy. Granted, our attitudes may contribute to someone else's unhappiness, but we should never change who we are to appease others. It's not your job to make someone else happy and never expect anyone else to make you happy.

2) If people can't love you for who you are then how will you ever know who your true friends are? It gets so tiresome trying to keep up with your various personalities. Just be yourself.

 

[SirKenin]

Always look to improve upon yourself, but do it for you or do it to glorify God, depending on the trait being changed.

You can never make everybody happy all the time. You can not be all things to all people, so don't even try. I always say "Be true to yourself. Others will come and go, but you will always have to live with yourself." You can put up a facade, but that facade will always come down, sooner or later. More often sooner rather than later.

Nobody likes a fraud.

 

[Teal]

If you are changing yourself to better yourself go for it,
If you are doing it to have a person fall in love with you than its wrong

Id rater be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.

 

[DatingSmarts]

i think in situation 1, you like the girl, or she is easy to talk to or something

in situation 2, you may be afraid of her.



as far as changing for others goes....It depends on the situation, if you're behavior is rude and disrespectful, then you should change your behavior....unless the other person is being disrespectful to you...then i wouldn't change my behavior. that's just me though

In the end, I would only seek to change something about myself or my life, because *I* wanted to improve myself on something. I would not do it for others. IT would be for myself. I doubt that I woudl do it for God. The only way I think that would happen is if I committed a terrible terrible terrible sin and wanted to never ever do it again and would want to avoid anything and everything that could remotely lead me down that path again. another reason I would want to change something is because I had a bad experience and got hurt and never want to go through something like that again.

In all cases, these changes would be for my own happiness...and not the happiness of others.