Is It Right for My Wife to Dress Sexy At Home?

[BrianMI]

I'm going to speak with my pastor about this, but I want to get some other opinions as well.

I'm wanting to know if it's right for my wife to dress "sexy" at home. I feel that I have a proper understanding of what God wants for us as a family when we're in public. We certainly don't want her to be a stumbling block to others by going to the beach wearing a micro string bikini...but what about at home?

I feel like Christians are often sold short. Either they take on their cultures values and sacrifice their relationship with Christ, or they gravitate towards "standards" setup by other Christians that often hinders their lives in similar fashion as foundin Col 3.

I feel like the sensual pull of the world is magnified for Christian men. I have to wonder if the pull of all things sensual is more prominent because our needs are not being met.

And I'm not talking about sex. Some would seem to say that if you have a "good, consistent, and Godly sex life" that this should take care of the intimate side of your relationship. Unfortunately, this isn't how people work. For women, it's more obvious. The emotional side of the relationship must be in proper order for her to be able to feel 100% engaged the sexual side of a relationship...but men have a deeper sexual level as well that I think is often overlooked.

Men are visual. We like to see a sexy woman, be around a sexy woman, and experience all that goes with that. Within marriage, this is blessed by God and not condemned.

Anyway...wifey and I are trying to take a more proper approach to 1 Cor 7:4 instead of sweeping it under the carpet, and it's leading to confusion.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

As long as you're the only one being tempted I see no problem with it. If your wife is willing then I don't think there is any scriptural basis for thinking otherwise.

 

[RebeccatheGreat]

I don't see how there could possible be anything wrong with it and in fact I think it's great if you both are comfortable with it.

 

[b.hopeful]

I'm with the above two posters. I think a lot of women like to feel sexy and sexually desired too. I might add, especially after children come along and they are swept up in motherhood. So it's perfect that we have this relationship to explore those needs and desires in.

 

[bliz]

So long as this is something both you and your wufe are comfortabe with, more power to you.

There is no need to discus this with your pastor. There is no neeed to plant in his mind an image of her in a sexy outfit.

 

[DZoolander]

I can't imagine any possible reason why your wife dressing "sexy" for you at home would be anything but good.

 

[bluelime2]

If it arouses lust it's destructive. Lust begets lust. Why does your wife have to 'sell herself' to you?

Basically picture jesus being married. Would he want his wife to 'dress sexily' to please him?

 

[DZoolander]

Sure. Why wouldn't Jesus be happy seeing his wife in a cute little outfit or something? lol

 

[Romanseight2005]

It's ok as long as it's her he finds sexy, and not her currently youthful body. The point is, will it still work in 20 years? Will her body still be his sexual ideal? These are things to consider. Ask God to lead you down the right path with seeking out His will for your sexual oneness. Let the pleasure be the frosting on the cake, and not the main event. Purpose in your heart for the sex to be about you and your wife, and your oneness. Cause yourself to be enraptured with her, at all times, and let your desire grow with her as she grows by guarding your heart from the allure of other younger females. Don't let your appetite for them be kindled at all, because it will cause you to see your wife's beauty as lacking if she is not given the exclusive title of your sexual desire.

 

[DZoolander]

I dunno about that... I mean - I can understand the reason you say that and what you're trying to accomplish with it (and I think it's great) - but I think that looking at things in that way can lead people in wrong directions. This is going to be a hard one to explain - but I'll give it a shot.

When I was 12 - I was attracted to 12 year old girls. When I was 16 - I was attracted to probably 14-19 year old girls. When I was 20 - I was attracted to probably 17-24 year old girls. When I was 30 - I was attracted to 20-35 year old women. Now that I'm 40 - if I were single - I'd probably be attracted to 28-44 year old women.

I *do* look at the physical...and I'll freely admit it. What I notice - however - is that as I get older - the group that I naturally include and find most attracted grows along with me. What I find appealing has shifted along with my own age...and I can only reasonably believe that as I get older - it will continue to be like that. When I'm 60 - I think I'll still look at my 54 year old wife and go "Whoa - what a hottie!" - even though she'll be far beyond what I would currently find appealing. Ya know?

If you're 20 - and your wife has a hot 20 year old body - I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with enjoying that for what it is. I also don't think that appreciating that for what it is will lead you to disappointment when she's 30, 40, or 50. I think that part of God's design for us is that our perspective shifts as we get older. The same guy that said "Wow - my wife's hot 20 year old body gets me going" will feel that his wife's 30-40-50 year old body will still get him going equally well.

Appreciating it when you have it does not mean that you're setting yourself up for disappointment later...at least I don't think it does.

So - I think that your advice is right in a lot of ways - but it also leads people in weird directions when they attempt to follow it. I see a lot of people that are confused as to just how to handle their own emotions. Like on here - you'll see people making posts to the effect of "Is it okay if I feel 'lust' for my wife?" or "Is it okay if a wife dresses sexy for her husband?"

I've also seen posts where people said that they married someone they weren't attracted to at all...and didn't know what to do now that they were a few years into the marriage. They still weren't attracted to them at all. This sort of thing I also believe is the driving force behind that. They believed that being aroused by a partner was somehow "less" than what they should have been - and they tried to overlook those things only to find out later they couldn't.

The whole drive behind those questions is exactly what we're talking about. For some reason - there's some belief that feeling sexually drawn to your wife's physical form is somehow "less" than if you were getting turned on by how well she treated kittens or prayed or some other thing. I don't believe it is. There's a reason we are as we are. There's a reason why you look at your wife and get aroused...and all of those things are good. Trust yourself...and do what's right.

There's nothing wrong with that...at least in my opinion. Most of the time - I think you'll find that your perspective shifts as you get older. Maybe there's a kook out there or two who won't...and that's a problem for them. But to base your outlook upon the lowest common denominator or aberrant possibility out there has never made sense to me. Ya know?

 

[Romanseight2005]

I get what your saying, but it is different for some people. Some people are attracted to a certain age group that doesn't grow up. Also, is the attractiveness of the spouse constant, or does one find his/her spouse attractive all of the time, even when they put on a little weight. The mate's idea of attractiveness should change as the spouse changes. If it doesn't, there in lies the problem. I am certainly not saying that it is wrong for him to enjoy seeing his spouse naked, etc. In fact she probably desires to be desired by him, in that way. My words were those of caution, and an exhortation to seek to understand what he's attracted to. Is it her? Meaning that it will change with her. Or is it the specific shape she is in today, that will not remain the same. The only way to tell the difference, imo, is to pray and seek to know. Does that make sense?

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah - it makes sense. I agree with you pretty much in all of that.

I agree people should be cautioned - but I also think some leeway and trust ought to be given that people will adapt over time. Like - when I met my wife - she was one certain way. Five years later - it's not *exactly* the same - but I'm not any less attracted to her than I was the first time I met her. Same goes for me. I'm a little bit grayer than before (which freaks me out more than her...lol) - and I've gained a couple of pounds. I'd hope that her view of what's "attractive" adapts as well over time.

...and ya know...I have faith that it will...on both our parts.

I'm just always cautious with these types of topics - because I can see where it would go overboard. Like as I said - I've seen people who tried too hard to dismiss the aesthetic - believing that it's God's will that it be irrelevant despite how they feel. "Well, at some point she's going to age. So why put any stock in physical beauty right now?"

...well...because when you're young and that type of physical beauty is to be had - why not have it? Of course people are going to age. Adapt with it as it naturally happens. There's no need to put the cart before the horse and say "Well, physical deterioration is inevitable...therefore just let ourselves go now." I think *that* would be against God's will. Do the best you can with what you have at the time...and enjoy it for what's natural at that moment. In 30 years will things be different? Of course! I trust you'll equally love those new things that you've discovered then as well - as other things fade into the distance.

It's that whole great circle of life thing. lol

 

[PoetryInMe]

I don't see anything wrong with her dressing "sexy" at home for you. Why would there be anything wrong with that? Again, it's for YOU, and not someone else. Sex is a beautiful gift that was created by God for the husband and wife to share, and enjoy. The "world" has turned into something else, but Christians should know in the confines of a marriage between a man and a woman the marriage bed is undefiled. So be sure to compliment your wife, and tell her how sexy and beautiful she is and enjoy. Unfortuneatly, some wives could care less about about dressing "sexy" for their husbands. Your blessed with a great wife that wants to express her love and please you.

 

[RealityCheck]

If she can't dress sexy at home, where can she?

 

[Why9999]

I'm going to speak with my pastor about this, but I want to get some other opinions as well.

I'm wanting to know if it's right for my wife to dress "sexy" at home. I feel that I have a proper understanding of what God wants for us as a family when we're in public. We certainly don't want her to be a stumbling block to others by going to the beach wearing a micro string bikini...but what about at home?

I feel like Christians are often sold short. Either they take on their cultures values and sacrifice their relationship with Christ, or they gravitate towards "standards" setup by other Christians that often hinders their lives in similar fashion as foundin Col 3.

I feel like the sensual pull of the world is magnified for Christian men. I have to wonder if the pull of all things sensual is more prominent because our needs are not being met.

And I'm not talking about sex. Some would seem to say that if you have a "good, consistent, and Godly sex life" that this should take care of the intimate side of your relationship. Unfortunately, this isn't how people work. For women, it's more obvious. The emotional side of the relationship must be in proper order for her to be able to feel 100% engaged the sexual side of a relationship...but men have a deeper sexual level as well that I think is often overlooked.

Men are visual. We like to see a sexy woman, be around a sexy woman, and experience all that goes with that. Within marriage, this is blessed by God and not condemned.

Anyway...wifey and I are trying to take a more proper approach to 1 Cor 7:4 instead of sweeping it under the carpet, and it's leading to confusion.

Is it wrong?? This is what marriage is all about. Sex inside marriage is what God intended. Think about what the opposite is saying: it's good for wife to dress unsexy and boring at home. That doesn't make sense! Enjoy the good things of life that God has given you and quit feeling guilty. There is no Scriptural basis for feeling guilty about something like that!

 

[Deliberatetourist]

It's ok as long as it's her he finds sexy, and not her currently youthful body. The point is, will it still work in 20 years? Will her body still be his sexual ideal? These are things to consider. Ask God to lead you down the right path with seeking out His will for your sexual oneness. Let the pleasure be the frosting on the cake, and not the main event. Purpose in your heart for the sex to be about you and your wife, and your oneness. Cause yourself to be enraptured with her, at all times, and let your desire grow with her as she grows by guarding your heart from the allure of other younger females. Don't let your appetite for them be kindled at all, because it will cause you to see your wife's beauty as lacking if she is not given the exclusive title of your sexual desire.

Romaninsight, it would be beneficial to stop trying to equate men's sexual desires (of which you really know nothing about) with your own gender driven ideas. Men are visual creatures yes, but we evolve. Why not enjoy that sexy body for what it is? It's there, god created it and entrusted us with it. I would rather have enjoyed my wife's sexuality and youth while it was there rather than deprived myself and later on had a gnoawing urge for something in my life unrealized. Now thats asking for trouble in my book.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Romaninsight, it would be beneficial to stop trying to equate men's sexual desires (of which you really know nothing about) with your own gender driven ideas. Men are visual creatures yes, but we evolve. Why not enjoy that sexy body for what it is? It's there, god created it and entrusted us with it. I would rather have enjoyed my wife's sexuality and youth while it was there rather than deprived myself and later on had a gnoawing urge for something in my life unrealized. Now thats asking for trouble in my book.

I am actually not putting forth my views, but responding with what I have seen others do. What you quoted of my writing has more to do with protecting your desire for your spouse, not denying it. I actually agree with you that a man should desire his wife physically. I just think he should keep desiring her physically, even when she is old. That is biblical, btw.
Prov 5:18-19

18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
KJV

 

[Deliberatetourist]

I am actually not putting forth my views, but responding with what I have seen others do. What you quoted of my writing has more to do with protecting your desire for your spouse, not denying it. I actually agree with you that a man should desire his wife physically. I just think he should keep desiring her physically, even when she is old. That is biblical, btw.
Prov 5:18-19

18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
KJV

I think you are making a common mistake in you ronbservations. I am more attracted to my wife now that she has aged than I was at the start of our marriage. But that takes lots of growth in the relationship. If I were single and in my situation i would undoubtedly find the younger sexier girls more attractive, simply because they are plain and simple.
When asked who they find sexier guys will always go toward the swimsuit model as opposed to the "Hillary Clintons". More often in the situations you described the marriage is experiencing problems (which most often lie in the responsibility of both the husband AND wife) and the guy is simply doing what 99.99999999 % of guys do when they lose, or are estranged from their spouses by magnating toward their ideal of a sexy woman. rather it's not the desire for little nymphettes thats the root of the problem but problems within the marriage which have turned it into a vehicle that is not satisfactory to both parties for whatever reaason. No matter how tempting its alwways better to treat the cause NOT the symptoms.

 

[anyman]

Is It Right for My Wife to Dress Sexy At Home?

Are you serious? I mean it's your wife right. I assume you've seen her naked. I don't get it.

 

[KnowWhatJesusDid]

Anything between you and your wife in the household is acceptable in the eyes of the Lord. Sexual pleasure is a GIFT that should be express through those whom are married.