Is it really that bad? (Older child)

[ajwomic]

Hi! I have been lurking a while, but decided to join and post. We are just beginning our journey to adoption through DSS. We began when we learned that a 6 year onld child we know that is currently in foster care parents may TPR and the foster family is not interested in adopting. We would love to if given the chance. Now it looks like a relative may step in. So we are still moving forward just in case but also are considering still adopting a child age 1-5 if that does not work out. We are beginning our classes and homestudy. But here is what scares me. I read Adopting the Hurt Child andI have read many posts here. I have also googled "adopting 4 year old" etc. So far I cannot seem to find many if any positive stories. They are all storied of RAD and talk about adopting tearing their family apart. Almost all do not recommend adopting a child that is not an infant. We have 3 bio kids, ages 13,10 and 7. We are both 40. I am concerned based on theses things I may be hurting my bio's more than helping a child whose issues are beyond what we could handle. I know many people who have adopted, but all as newborns or international. Can anyone help me with some perspective. I don't expect it to be easy, but I also do not want to enter a nightmare. I hope that does not sound selfish. I do want to adopt, but need to know if the "good" stories are just underreported.
Thanks!

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I would foster the child first , then maybe you would get to know the child before adopting.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

Hi! I have been lurking a while, but decided to join and post. We are just beginning our journey to adoption through DSS. We began when we learned that a 6 year onld child we know that is currently in foster care parents may TPR and the foster family is not interested in adopting. We would love to if given the chance. Now it looks like a relative may step in. So we are still moving forward just in case but also are considering still adopting a child age 1-5 if that does not work out. We are beginning our classes and homestudy. But here is what scares me. I read Adopting the Hurt Child andI have read many posts here. I have also googled "adopting 4 year old" etc. So far I cannot seem to find many if any positive stories. They are all storied of RAD and talk about adopting tearing their family apart. Almost all do not recommend adopting a child that is not an infant. We have 3 bio kids, ages 13,10 and 7. We are both 40. I am concerned based on theses things I may be hurting my bio's more than helping a child whose issues are beyond what we could handle. I know many people who have adopted, but all as newborns or international. Can anyone help me with some perspective. I don't expect it to be easy, but I also do not want to enter a nightmare. I hope that does not sound selfish. I do want to adopt, but need to know if the "good" stories are just underreported.
Thanks!

Here's a positive story from an adopted kid's perspective:

She Didn't Give Up on Me



I would suggest fostering the child as well.

There are lots of orphaned kids who need lots of love because they never had any love and feel abandoned and alone. Not all kids are the same, so you never know what the kid might be like until you take care of him/her.