No, this is true. Having said this there is a difference between the more passive or quiet person having tried to address some issues mutually and her not having done that in this case. It's important that both people try. So...I agree with Cons. I would suggest that if you do talk about change emphasizing that it could be done together.
I've noticed that by the point you're at that women tend to be bailing out of the relationship completely. They feel they have tried to tell you what was bothering them, feel justified in leaving because they feel that THEY were trying all along, so they're pretty much done. One of the main things you need to do is accept this with some grace because it will do the following:
1. Give you some dignity. Better to grieve for what you are losing but make your own life as good as possible than to beg. Specially since it almost never works anyway.
2. Enables you to see what IS good in your own life. See your blessings, see how others have walked with God in trouble, misery and the loss of what they loved.
If you DO try to negotiate with her I know people almost never want to do this but maybe suggest a timeline of some kind--like if you can't compromise or something by such and such time then you'll understand her wanting to walk away and won't protest it. And have a plan both of you can agree on.
You can accept her telling you that, without accepting THAT, because THAT is almost never true. Grace in all....grace is not changing to her template , and I know you mean the same McScribe
Your last point is exactly whats needed, and yes most will disagree. I had to cajole the counselor on such a tangible plan, with some degree of mutual accountability and pragmatism. There is an element of childish in anyone who feels they have been wronged, its just as powerful even when the "wrongs" and not really as straightforward as they are represented.
Its like a negotiation....it really is....most things in marriage, so how true is that in FIXING a marriage. People make the mistake that at the point this marriage is its not a negotiation, its an ultimatum her on him, and it may well be, but someone needs to tell her (cant be him) that thats just not the way two people in this situation work. If its affairs etc...you bet, on THAT issue there are ultimatums...on relational stuff....NO WAY. Two WILLING partners come to the table to negotiate, sorry if it sounds businessy, and more that it just doesnt sound "romantic" or relationally fluffy enough. It can be handled relationship-ese, appropriate, grace, respect, etc....but MOVEMENT has to occur so that the feelings of both parties after the accord is reached are preserved, including dignity especially.
A man in this position if he simply says "train me to be your husband" is going to be thinking secretly "man I KNOW I had a point in most of those arguments but I guess that my points dont need to matter at all when we disagree I just need to put myself in her shoes and do that".....
(this is where the power is wrongly established in relationships, control etc. and its toxic)
