Is it OK to date non-Christians?

[Saxman]

Is it OK to have relationships with non-Christians provided you don't let it get to serious. It seems to me like a lot of Christian women my age are already in relationships, and being the UK there are very few people my age who are devout Christians.

I met a girl last summer who I genuinely liked, and while I don't think she was Christian, she had some very good moral values and was one of the kindest and most selfless person I have known. I also think she liked me, and while nothing came of it, we will be working at the same firm next summer.

I am not looking for serious relationships at the moment (heck I haven't even had a girlfriend yet) but I would like a girlfriend, and have had very little luck finding a Christian girlfriend. Obviously if I was looking for a longterm relationship or even marriage I would only choose Christians.

 

[J.A.I]

Any relationship that is girlfriend/boyfriend has the potential of getting serious to the point of marriage. It isn't worth it to sacrifice the relationship w/God to get into a relationship with someone whom doesn't acknowledge Him. What will you talk about? When you want to discuss how good God is, what He has done for you, how can you willingly pile that onto a deafened ear ?

If you choose a girlfriend whom is not in Christ, what are you gonna do when it gets close to being serious ? "Sorry, we're too close, I gotta break up with you"... ?

It is better to wait than to just settle for whatever. When you wait and let God handle it, you can be sure He will bring the best person for you, whom also loves and acknowledges Him

There is a verse in the Bible pertaining to this, but I can't remember it and am on my way to Wednesday night service, so if someone doesn't post it before I return, I will look for it and post it

 

[ShetlandRose]

Saxman: It's a very foolish thing to do. If you are not interested in the best God has for you, then date unbelievers. If you become seriously involved with an unbeliever and marry them, thinking you will convert them after marriage (and they may even say they will convert "after marriage"), you are inviting big, painful trouble.

Learn to wait on the Lord--and wait for what is right--you can make a dreadful mistake!

ShetlandRose

 

[desi]

It could work but probably won't.

 

[thereselittleflower]

Is it OK to have relationships with non-Christians provided you don't let it get to serious. It seems to me like a lot of Christian women my age are already in relationships, and being the UK there are very few people my age who are devout Christians.

I met a girl last summer who I genuinely liked, and while I don't think she was Christian, she had some very good moral values and was one of the kindest and most selfless person I have known. I also think she liked me, and while nothing came of it, we will be working at the same firm next summer.

I am not looking for serious relationships at the moment (heck I haven't even had a girlfriend yet) but I would like a girlfriend, and have had very little luck finding a Christian girlfriend. Obviously if I was looking for a longterm relationship or even marriage I would only choose Christians.

Would you marry a non-christian and disobey the scripture which say not to become unequally yoked?

If not, why would you date someone you know you would not marry?


Peace in Him!

 

[Buck72]

I would say that you need to soak this in prayer before you act. Dating has only one practical outcome for the believer: marriage. When I was in college, not long after I was saved (and eager to date...believe me!), I found zero Biblical guidance or support for dating. I did date, but I found only heartache and pain in the end because it was a confusing process. I dedicated myself to the LORD and committed to not date again until He stepped in to make it obvious to me that He was working.

He did. I had an opportunity to attend a formal function that would be best suited with a date, and began to pray who to ask and if God would lead me through this desire/hope (I had a few girls from church in mind). When I came to one young lady I felt was the one to ask, I prayed with all of my heart that God would just dominate the matter and if He did not give me the "green light", I would abandon the whole thing and attend the event without a date.

I found the answer in an amazing way, when I had all but given up hope that God was involved in this heartfelt matter, He interceded in an amazing way and made it obvious that I was meant to ask this girl out.

Today, we have been married eight years and have a beautiful two-year old daughter.

The LORD will not forget you when you call upon Him. Trust Him at all times and allow Him to blow your mind with His demonstrable might, glory and grace.

May God bless you richly.

 

[Stanfi]

Why would you date someone you couldn't see becoming serious about? I think this is a selfish attituded and completey disregards the other persons fellings. Personally, I do not think it is wise to develop close relationships with non believers, as it can have negative effects on your relationship with God. I have non christian friends, but I do not confide in them.

Read the parable about the tares and the wheat.

 

[JVD]

It is a foolish...foolish...foolish thing to do. It is a classic way christian women mess up their lives. It is better not to have any relationships at all with any of the opposite sex than to get involved in a dating relationship with a non-christian

 

[Saxman]

Thanks Buck72-that is a lovely story. I think you may well be right. My dating life has been plagued with confusion, rejection, unrequited love, and agony. Maybe my unhappy experience so far is God's way of telling me that I am not ready for a girl yet and that I am wrong to let myself fall for non-Christian girls. Maybe the devil is indeed a beautiful heathen woman (for me at least)

Does the same thing apply to being good friends with non-Christian girls?

I can also see that my desire not to commit, and not get serious with anyone is just selfishness on my part (which knowing me is not surprising). In the past I have used my looks to befriend girls who I had no romantic interest in just because I enjoyed the company and to stave off my loneliness(not something I am proud of)

Maybe I should save dating (Christian girls) to when I can seriously consider myself marrying the girl, which for me could be a long time in the future.

 

[Sketcher]

^ Good plan. Let Him grow you and whoever He may have for you.

As for "just good friends", my 2 cents on the matter is fine, until you get so close that she'll want to move closer. Women are emotional like that. They can get led on by close conversations and things like that. I'm waiting on my campus leaders to give me some more feedback on it, I'll let you know what they tell me if you want to know.

Friends is fine, just don't get too close.

 

[Yitzchak]

My advice is to not date at all until you are serious enough to date with the goal of finding a spouse. As far as it being wrong to date non-christians, I would say that it is on the basis of it being unwise.
I remember a bible study at my church one time where they studied wisdom and one of the points that stuck with me out of that study was the fact that wisdom is not a decision of the intellect or just being smart or clever. It is a moral decision to use knowledge in the right way. It is my opinion that doing something intentionally unwize is a moral choice and not merely making a bad decision.

 

[kimmy275]

Saxman: It's a very foolish thing to do. If you are not interested in the best God has for you, then date unbelievers. If you become seriously involved with an unbeliever and marry them, thinking you will convert them after marriage (and they may even say they will convert "after marriage"), you are inviting big, painful trouble.

Learn to wait on the Lord--and wait for what is right--you can make a dreadful mistake!

ShetlandRose

I agree! Unfortunately I learned this the hard way. It's better not to take the chance!

 

[HappyPrincess]

Why do you want a girlfriend so bad? what is the purpose of it to you? Perhaps you are using dating in order to get the feeling of acceptance? Or to feel a hole for something else that is missing?

However, note: If you are dating the wrong girl when the right girl comes along, she isn't going to give you a second look. (at least not if she's decent. And you want a decent girl for your wife, right?)

AFTER I met my now-fiance', he once told me it was a good thing my promise ring was on the right, NOT left hand (when I First got it I had it on the engagement finger. Then I had a guy mention to me that no guy would be interested in going out to me with a ring on that finger). Because Mr. Boaz would have assumed that I was engaged to be married and never showed his interest in me. And we would have been two ships passing in the night. Seeing a movie together, as friends and colleagues, as I intended it to be when I asked him to go see it with me.

(ETA the promise ring is my "Promise to God" ring about no sex before marriage, no alcohol, no drugs)

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

"If you become seriously involved with an unbeliever and marry them, thinking you will convert them after marriage (and they may even say they will convert "after marriage"), you are inviting big, painful trouble."

Careful there. I am a first hand example by actual experience that this is not necessarily the case.


On this subject, just be prepared for an uphill battle and a potential extra stressor on the relationship from several angles including the inlaws if it leads to marriage. I am somewhat lucky that I have a great set of inlaws. My wife is coming around and the better for our marriage. She is at least an equal contributor in all other areas as well. Personally? I think this is one of my tasks in life to spread the truth of the Lord. But listen to what the folks here have to say. For the most part, the quote above is probably true... 80% of the time? I wouldn't want my daughter dating a non-christian. And you have to be extremely strong deep down in your faith..

 

[marc]

I know this is an old thread, but I just want to say, amen amen amen amen. I have been in a few conversations with people on this forum about this same subject and I found my self in the minority(and even made fun of) when I suggested it is not a good idea. Where were you all when I needed you? It's nice to know you are out there.

Marc

 

[kjd]

why not just pray wholeheartedly to God 'bout it? *rolls eyes* ^^

 

[Lucubratus]

I'm sorry if I read it wrong, but I think some of you guys/gals leapt the post a little because as I understood it, Saxman said if he were going to get into a really serious relationship or marriage, he'd choose a Christian girl but was wanting to know
if it was okay to date a non-Christian. I don't know how people would want to translate that term, "date" but in my day - which I'm only 35 - lol...dating meant just going out and getting to know a person. To me this is a way to figure out what sort of "type" (for want of a better word) you feel most comfortable/compatible with, and the usage of date nowadays seems to equate with jumping into bed immediately or immediately being bf/gf. Dating also doesn't imply getting into a serious relationship and if both parties are upfront about that, there wouldn't be so many problems methinks.

I also don't think dating a non-believer is going to pose a threat to yourself if you're already steadfast in your faith. I have non-believer friends -- well they believe in something but it's other paganish doctrines -- they respect my choice, I respect there's because I know they're not likely to change their mind at any given time though I pray about it for them. Can that be not a form of witnessing to someone? Isn't part of being a Christian not to convert so much as just provide them the means and oppurtunity to see Jesus and the Lord in a way that is way more personal than dragging them to a church where the subject matter can seem a bit too much for one? I mean there's better ways to bring a nonbeliever or a believer in something else to Christ - and actually one of my online friends who is sort of rather agnostic but leanings towards our side ;-) is leaning that way because I don't shove anything down his throat about it and he's since learned not all Christians are going to be seizing every oppurtunity to ram God down their throat. He admitted he was surprised how I "behave, considering you're Christian".
I think we all have a sort of stereotype perpetuated on us as Christians just like any other 'type' out there and to completely shun somebody because they're a nonbeliever or attempt to befriend them for the sole purpose of conversion, just doesn't strike me as good. I'm sorry I don't have any biblical reference to make my case better but I'm sure it's in there somewhere..lol

 

[Bro. Gabriel]

No.

Jesus said if we love him, we'll obey His commandments. We are not to be unequally yoked with anyone, in any capacity, lest we be found guilty of blantantly disobeying God in a habitual lifestyle of sin.

 

[kjd]

why should we test our faith when we don't necessarily have to?
by dating a non-christian, we are testing our faith in God...do you not know a woman can change a man's heart easily? the primary example would be Adam and Eve... -.^

also the Bible did say we shouldn't, mustn't, put ourselves in tests...no matter how strong your faith is... ;-/

 

[Lucubratus]

Sorry but I don't equate it with testing my faith. There's been a couple of people in my lifetime who have come to Christ simply because I was just being me believing in Christ. Like this agnostic guy I was talking about. There's also been some people online on another forum I went to who had this well...negate view about God because all they ever heard or saw about from Christians was the "you're a nonbeliever you're going to hell" kind of rant and nothing at all about the merciful and loving God we know. So how is an unbeliever going to ever come around if a Christian who doesn't behave like that doesn't show him or her there's two sides of the coin?
We're not to be unequally yoked but what about spreading the word?