Is it ok for married or separated men to flirt

[Auncy]

Ok, I have heard different ideas on this subject. I honestly want to get a married or separated persons opinion on this. Is it ok for Married or Separated men to flirt?

 

[Mayzoo]

Well, separated men are married men IMO for starters .

I would not view a married man intentionally flirting as a very good idea. It sends mixed signals that could lead to much confusion, or hurt feelings.

 

[BrBob]

No

Mayzee is right. He is still married.

 

[Auncy]

I appreciate the input. Thanks

 

[infaile]

I'd question whether it's even okay for ANY man to flirt, but if he's single then it comes down to a matter of motives - if he's trying to attract attention leading to a possible date and thus relationship, it's understandable if a bit risky. If he's just doing it to play with people's feelings and have women falling all over him, then no, it's bad.

But definitely agree with the other two posters, if he's married or 'separated', he shouldn't do it.

 

[pegatha]

My opinion is, don't advertise what you don't intend to deliver.

A married man is not free to offer himself (or even appear to offer himself) to another woman. (And a man who's separated is, until his divorce, still married by definition.) It would be wrong for him to 1) give a woman the impression that he's interested and/or available, or 2) potentially hurt or embarass his wife.

 

[Auncy]

/

 

[Robinsegg]

It depends on your definition of "flirt", imo. Hubby says he "flirts" with women, being nice, making jokes, etc. It's just how he relates to women. He doesn't do this with women who take it seriously (ie a woman he once worked with made it clear she wanted my job as wife, and he was very careful around her).
However, if flirting is "trying to make oneself attractive to someone of the opposite sex", or is really centered on a certain person, I could see a major problem with it.

I also agree that until a divorce, a separated man is still married.

Rachel

 

[Mayzoo]

Quote: "Is that still considered wrong? "

The question would be considered wrong by whom? God, observers, his wife, or those who hear about it (I don't mention the man and woman in question since they seem to believe it is fine.)

God would examine their hearts, and he truly would know if this is all in innocent fun. Observers are going to be making their decisions about this being wrong or right based on their own life experiences, and how well they know these two people and what they believe the motives are. His wife will make her decisions in much the same fashion as observers, adding her emotions, hopefully Christian counsel, and that she knows her husband's heart better than an observer (hopefully). And, those of us who just hear about it have only to go on very limited information, and the what the bible says about it.

Wrong or not---it is not a very wise idea. After "is this Godly or wrong", the next part of the decision process should be--"is this idea wise and/or beneficial?"

I would discourage this behavior because the man is "possibly" looking for female attention (innocent or not) since he has separated from his wife. This can easily lead to places that are not Godly.

 

[Jilly123]

My opinion is, don't advertise what you don't intend to deliver.

A married man is not free to offer himself (or even appear to offer himself) to another woman. (And a man who's separated is, until his divorce, still married by definition.) It would be wrong for him to 1) give a woman the impression that he's interested and/or available, or 2) potentially hurt or embarass his wife.

Well said. That's exactly how I feel.

 

[overit]

I'd say it depends on motives also, and it depends if they are seperated w/intention of divorce or not.

As far as flirting, if you aren't a flirtatious person by nature then it could be seen as looking for something more. There are many people that are flirty by nature, actually the majority of my friends, family, co-workers that I relate with are flirty (I guess I am too to some extent). The status varies from singles, divorced, married, but all in all we're a flirty bunch that has never crossed the line. It's all just fun for us. I know some would dissaprove but those that know most of us don't think anything of it, it's just our personalities.

 

[deliciousBass]

Lots of legalism in this thread... Anyone here actually separated or divorced? All I hear is black or white when in reality, separation is a VERY gray area. Personally, I don't believe a separated person should date. I have done it and regret it. Flirting is another thing. It can be and often is harmless. I simply won't buy it that a man who has been separated for a year who is waiting for his divorce to be finalized should not be able to flirt with someone. Flirting does not equate to dating. In all actuality, many people are divorced from the heart for years and are just waiting for everything to be settled because guess what? Our modern legal system can make contested divorces VERY lengthy and expensive. I would love to hear somebody tell a man who has been separated two years and has plunked 100k down on a divorce not to flirt.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

I'm divorced, I flirt especially with my GF.

 

[Auncy]

I'm divorced, I flirt especially with my GF.

Well, thats good But, I am talking about MARRIED or SEPARATED MEN.

 

[Sothron]

I think you have to define flirting. I personally relate to people through joking or being funny and very personable. Some women take this as flirting and some of them made it clear to me that they wanted to pursue something even though I am married. I have gotten over eight years of marriage fairly good at seeing early "warning" signs if they are taking my actions the wrong way.

Trying to flirt to draw sexual attention I definitely agree is wrong. If its just someone's way to relate to the opposite sex then I do not see the problem as long as they can keep it at a friendly level where there is no confusion.

 

[joyful11]

My husband thought flirting with a woman was harmless and wouldn't go anywhere. He ended up having a 4 month affair with her that he never thought would happen. He attributes it to the thought that flirting would be ok and wouldn't lead to anything.

 

[yourinnervoice52]

UOTE=IrvRiv;36786702]Lots of legalism in this thread... Anyone here actually separated or divorced? All I hear is black or white when in reality, separation is a VERY gray area. Personally, I don't believe a separated person should date. I have done it and regret it. Flirting is another thing. It can be and often is harmless. I simply won't buy it that a man who has been separated for a year who is waiting for his divorce to be finalized should not be able to flirt with someone. Flirting does not equate to dating. In all actuality, many people are divorced from the heart for years and are just waiting for everything to be settled because guess what? Our modern legal system can make contested divorces VERY lengthy and expensive. I would love to hear somebody tell a man who has been separated two years and has plunked 100k down on a divorce not to flirt.[/QUOTE]


My wife and I agree that in some instances flirting is harmless. Like, complimenting someone, joking around etc. I think that if a man is separated whether it is for a year or a couple of months until he is divorced he still has to honor his vows to his wife and vice versa. To me a married or separated man intentionaly flirting is not honoring his wife.

My brother has been divorced a couple of years now and he loved to flirt with women. I kept telling him he was heading for trouble. He kept saying that it was "harmless" and stopped if he felt that it was going too far. They had separated and after a few months of separation his wife found out that he was on a web site flirting with other women. She was able to get copies of all the conversations he had on the web site and all of his flirting. She took him to court, got a divorce and got most of everything he had. She said that he did not honor their marriage vows or her and that he cheated on her emotionaly.

I don't think he thinks that flirting is harmless now.

 

[Auncy]

Ok, It seems that most of the people say that it isn't ok for a married or separated men to flirt.

What does the bible say about it?

 

[Robinsegg]

The Bible doesn't really mention "flirting" per se. It does say that to look upon a woman with lust is the same as committing fornication/adultery with her.

We are to treat everyone with brotherly love.

There's no mandate against joking, complimenting, or being kind to one another?

Rachel

 

[Auncy]

The Bible doesn't really mention "flirting" per se. It does say that to look upon a woman with lust is the same as committing fornication/adultery with her.

We are to treat everyone with brotherly love.

There's no mandate against joking, complimenting, or being kind to one another?

Rachel

Thanks