is it normal for adutls children to drift apart from their own parents?

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

and not feel close to their parents anymore, in situations where nothing bad has actually happened.

 

[ProudMomxmany]

and not feel close to their parents anymore, in situations where nothing bad has actually happened.

I sure hope so!!! As my kids grow up, I would hope they would find identities apart from being my son or daughter...As adults it's time to make their own way in the world, find who THEY are, start their own family traditions. A parent's job is to give their children roots and wings. Roots in a family, faith, things like that, and wings...wings to fly beyond their family of birth and into lives of their own.

My 8 "grown" kids are on their own, off in the world. Some of them live about 1000 miles away and we only see them a couple of times a year and talk maybe weekly (MAYBE). Even the ones that aren't so far away are still not here every day, some show up when they need to do laundry or want a home cooked meal...I don't talk to them every day either. Its ok...really....

 

[akmom]

Yes, they do. Like ProudMom said, they're forging their own identities. And so are you! Now it is time to cultivate your identity besides being a parent.

I think they tend to "drift back" when they have children of their own. At least a little.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

thanks for all the replies.

I do think establishing your own identity is important and healthy for kids once they become adults.

I guess what I was referring to was is it normal for adult children to no longer feel "any" emotional closeness with their parents anymore

kind of like how things could happen with a friend you formerly feel very close to, but drifted apart emotionally because of the distance, and you no longer care or love them


I know for most of us, this doesn't happen, but I am always surprised at how it could happens for others......

 

[Sabertooth]

I have a couple adult children that feel it is their mission to fix us. Drifting away would be an improvement.

 

[akmom]

Maybe they're right.

 

[Sabertooth]

I guess I left myself open for that one.

 

[Brianlear]

My wife's parents are Chinese and her family has an extreme, and I mean extreme problem with this. Still trying to figure out how to deal

 

[Odetta]

I think I get what you mean. My parents are divorced and both live in two different states, but on the other side of the country from us. So obviously, I don't see them often. And I confess, that thanks to Facebook interactions, I don't call as often either. So we don't have those shared experiences that build emotional closeness. Not to say that I don't love them - I do. It's just not as intense as when I was younger and physically closer to them.

 

[JB123]

We have two grown-up children in their thirties. Our daughter and her family (we have two grandchildren) actually live with us at present until they are able to have a place of their own. Our son lives on his own about 50 miles away, but we see him quite frequently. Of course it is important for your adult children to develop lives and personalities of their own, but I'm happy to say that we still have very strong emotional ties with both our children, and feel very close to them emotionally. We are also on Facebook, just to keep up with them and know what's "buzzing" in their lives!

 

[Lietuva]

In the United States, I would say it is normal in that it is common. I don't think that it is right, however. Our oldest daughter just married. She and our wonderful new son-in-law spend plenty of time with the rest of the our family, but also spend time alone together that our daughter would've previously spent with us. They aren't shutting us out or going away entirely, but married couples do need space, just as teenagers do. It is natural for adult children to spend less time with their parents, but not for them to almost completely abandon each other, which is what happens in a lot of American families. I believe that our children will remain close to us for years to come.

 

[faroukfarouk]

In the United States, I would say it is normal in that it is common. I don't think that it is right, however. Our oldest daughter just married. She and our wonderful new son-in-law spend plenty of time with the rest of the our family, but also spend time alone together that our daughter would've previously spent with us. They aren't shutting us out or going away entirely, but married couples do need space, just as teenagers do. It is natural for adult children to spend less time with their parents, but not for them to almost completely abandon each other, which is what happens in a lot of American families. I believe that our children will remain close to us for years to come.

It has been said that there's no real cleaving without leaving. (A phrase hard to translate, though...)