Is It Hypocrisy?

[UnsilentRose]

My life this past year has been something out of never ending soap opera! I married a person of no-faith and went down a dark hole from there. I am not out of that relationship basically starting over, healing & learning to love again. My parents "mother" have always been involved in my life, so much so that if what they say is not followed you are in the wrong and have no respect. I am in a new relationship, and this person has brought me to a wonderful church ( mind you I myself was never a church goer, former Catholic myself) He is not from a stable family, abused, abandoned, incarcerated, former drug user. And yet he stopped to bring me to God. I in turn brought my mother to this church one Wednesday night and they have continued to go since. Now because of my divorce and my wealthy ex-husbands attorneys I lost my home and had to move back home. From the 1st moment they did not like the new man in my life. He never did anything to them, never spoke to them in a disrespectful manner. He is now homeless and looking for work. I myself barely started working again. My parents know we will be married, I am expecting a child in which they call it, nor am I allowed to be living there when the baby is born. They do not want my fiance over to their house actually he is not even wanted out on the sidewalk, or to wait in my own vehicle which is parked on the sidewalk, I wont dare park in the driveway. They think he is using me, they know he has know where to go, and yet if I bring him water or food it causes an argument. He is a grown man yes. But how easy is it for employers to give someone with a record a new beginning. I am disappointed in my parents because they are only happy when I am home all day and do not speak to him or go out with him. this has caused a HUGE problem in my relationship because right now I have no where to go either, I am trying to save money for a home or apartment to rent but that is hard for me due to the damage my ex husband caused on my credit! I have never asked them to allow him to live in there home. But honestly they treat a dog better. He is not even allowed to use the restroom in our home, his car had broken down so he walks everywhere. How can they go to church with me, quote the bible to me and condemn me and yet they shun this person who has done nothing to them. If he is waiting outside by my car or the sidewalk they do not acknowledge him. This is wrong! THIS IS NOT OF HOLY PEOPLE! They look down on him cause he is starting from the bottom again, but yet so am I? What do I do? I love my parents but they are not right for wanting me to break up with him because of his past. Wanting me to leave him because they do not like him. But come Sunday they will hug and pray with the Bishop!!! How do I show them THIS IS NOT CHRISTIANITY?

 

[Halbhh]

My life this past year has been something out of never ending soap opera! I married a person of no-faith and went down a dark hole from there. I am not out of that relationship basically starting over, healing & learning to love again. My parents "mother" have always been involved in my life, so much so that if what they say is not followed you are in the wrong and have no respect. I am in a new relationship, and this person has brought me to a wonderful church ( mind you I myself was never a church goer, former Catholic myself) He is not from a stable family, abused, abandoned, incarcerated, former drug user. And yet he stopped to bring me to God. I in turn brought my mother to this church one Wednesday night and they have continued to go since. Now because of my divorce and my wealthy ex-husbands attorneys I lost my home and had to move back home. From the 1st moment they did not like the new man in my life. He never did anything to them, never spoke to them in a disrespectful manner. He is now homeless and looking for work. I myself barely started working again. My parents know we will be married, I am expecting a child in which they call it, nor am I allowed to be living there when the baby is born. They do not want my fiance over to their house actually he is not even wanted out on the sidewalk, or to wait in my own vehicle which is parked on the sidewalk, I wont dare park in the driveway. They think he is using me, they know he has know where to go, and yet if I bring him water or food it causes an argument. He is a grown man yes. But how easy is it for employers to give someone with a record a new beginning. I am disappointed in my parents because they are only happy when I am home all day and do not speak to him or go out with him. this has caused a HUGE problem in my relationship because right now I have no where to go either, I am trying to save money for a home or apartment to rent but that is hard for me due to the damage my ex husband caused on my credit! I have never asked them to allow him to live in there home. But honestly they treat a dog better. He is not even allowed to use the restroom in our home, his car had broken down so he walks everywhere. How can they go to church with me, quote the bible to me and condemn me and yet they shun this person who has done nothing to them. If he is waiting outside by my car or the sidewalk they do not acknowledge him. This is wrong! THIS IS NOT OF HOLY PEOPLE! They look down on him cause he is starting from the bottom again, but yet so am I? What do I do? I love my parents but they are not right for wanting me to break up with him because of his past. Wanting me to leave him because they do not like him. But come Sunday they will hug and pray with the Bishop!!! How do I show them THIS IS NOT CHRISTIANITY?

I'm sorry they act that way, and you are correct it's not the way Christ said to act. He said, "So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you".

But there is a profound help you can have if you have faith. You can pray as Christ taught us to pray, for help, the way He said to pray for help. In Matthew chapter 6. I encourage you to look that up, and let me get a link for you just in case you need it --

You will see how He tells us all to pray starting in verse 6, and continuing through the prayer He gave us. This prayer is for essential needs we all have, and profound needs also, that we be delivered. Pray with faith -- knowing that you are praying as He said to pray and therefore believing you will receive what you pray for:

Matthew 6 NIV

 

[Drick]

There's not a thing un-Christian about what's going on here. You've just made that assumption because you don't like it.

Firstly, the fact that you chose a bad partner the first time should be clue enough that you shouldn't trust your own judgement in this matter, and that you're so quickly involved with someone else with such a terrible history would send off major alarm bells in anyone with so much as a lick of sense.

Secondly, you've admitted right here that he doesn't have a job. For most people, even louder alarm bells are ringing now. Why have you chosen someone who doesn't have work? Contrary to popular propaganda, it's not that hard to get a menial job even with a record. And you're having a baby by this man? (The alarm bells are now so loud that everyone in the vicinity is shell-shocked, but be assured, there are even more things wrong here) What on Earth were you thinking? You're bringing a life into the world with absolutely no regard for your ability to successfully provide for it!

What your parents are doing now is a case of hasty post-production. They didn't teach you how to seek out and find a good partner (and probably didn't embody that ideal either), so now they're withholding assistance in hopes that you'll figure it out spontaneously.

Honestly... What are parents even for nowadays? They aren't raising their children, that's for sure...

In any case, it's not you parents' job to be your boyfriend's personal charity. Christianity does not demand that parents bend over backwards to suit your preferences or your partner. Christianity does not demand that your parents approve of someone who'd more than likely trouble. Christianity does not demand you're parents play nicey-nice to indulge the foolishness of their children. It teaches quite the opposite, in fact. Christianity is not all about passivity, that's the fallacy that's eroded our culture since the 1960's.

Those outside of your relationships can often see things in a partner that you can't, ask them why they disapprove and calmly, rationally examine what they have to say. It's a rare instance where someone just up and changes. However, it's not uncommon at all for someone to feign turning over a new leaf to get inside a pretty girl's pants. (Judging from everything you've said here, I think it's pretty likely that you're physically attractive, and that you probably come from a financially well-off family. Correct me if I'm wrong.) If my thesis is right, you probably had no way of knowing any of this, because people usually indulge pretty girls with whatever nonsense comes into their head until their looks begin to fade.

Seriously, this is your life. Stop wasting it on foolishness. Stop wasting your time coming to the public for the sole purpose of winning sympathy points (Yes, everyone noticed). You need quality people in your life, everyone does. Quality people will see this post and run for the hills.

 

[UnsilentRose]

I'm sorry they act that way, and you are correct it's not the way Christ said to act. He said, "So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you".

But there is a profound help you can have if you have faith. You can pray as Christ taught us to pray, for help, the way He said to pray for help. In Matthew chapter 6. I encourage you to look that up, and let me get a link for you just in case you need it --

You will see how He tells us all to pray starting in verse 6, and continuing through the prayer He gave us. This prayer is for essential needs we all have, and profound needs also, that we be delivered. Pray with faith -- knowing that you are praying as He said to pray and therefore believing you will receive what you pray for:

Matthew 6 NIV

I appreciate you and thank you for that verse, I am still new to reading the bible but I knew there had to be something I could read. And I will look that up and read it as soon as I get home. I am not looking to point fingers at them as they have done to us, but I do want them to realize.

 

[A_Thinker]

My life this past year has been something out of never ending soap opera! I married a person of no-faith and went down a dark hole from there. I am not out of that relationship basically starting over, healing & learning to love again. My parents "mother" have always been involved in my life, so much so that if what they say is not followed you are in the wrong and have no respect. I am in a new relationship, and this person has brought me to a wonderful church ( mind you I myself was never a church goer, former Catholic myself) He is not from a stable family, abused, abandoned, incarcerated, former drug user. And yet he stopped to bring me to God. I in turn brought my mother to this church one Wednesday night and they have continued to go since. Now because of my divorce and my wealthy ex-husbands attorneys I lost my home and had to move back home. From the 1st moment they did not like the new man in my life. He never did anything to them, never spoke to them in a disrespectful manner. He is now homeless and looking for work. I myself barely started working again. My parents know we will be married, I am expecting a child in which they call it, nor am I allowed to be living there when the baby is born. They do not want my fiance over to their house actually he is not even wanted out on the sidewalk, or to wait in my own vehicle which is parked on the sidewalk, I wont dare park in the driveway. They think he is using me, they know he has know where to go, and yet if I bring him water or food it causes an argument. He is a grown man yes. But how easy is it for employers to give someone with a record a new beginning. I am disappointed in my parents because they are only happy when I am home all day and do not speak to him or go out with him. this has caused a HUGE problem in my relationship because right now I have no where to go either, I am trying to save money for a home or apartment to rent but that is hard for me due to the damage my ex husband caused on my credit! I have never asked them to allow him to live in there home. But honestly they treat a dog better. He is not even allowed to use the restroom in our home, his car had broken down so he walks everywhere. How can they go to church with me, quote the bible to me and condemn me and yet they shun this person who has done nothing to them. If he is waiting outside by my car or the sidewalk they do not acknowledge him. This is wrong! THIS IS NOT OF HOLY PEOPLE! They look down on him cause he is starting from the bottom again, but yet so am I? What do I do? I love my parents but they are not right for wanting me to break up with him because of his past. Wanting me to leave him because they do not like him. But come Sunday they will hug and pray with the Bishop!!! How do I show them THIS IS NOT CHRISTIANITY?

The one silver thread in your description of your new relationship ... is that your new beau brought you, and you, in turn, brought your mother into a more church-going practice.

If your new beau happens to be one who was lost, but is now finding his way, ... God will turn events so that he will be able to find work to support you and your coming child.

You must be patient. You cannot rescue this man, ... nor can your parents.

In your parents' view, this man is responsible for bringing another life into the world ... with no resources to support it. This would be turn-off to most parents.

Your new beau will have to prove himself worthy, ... by allowing God to bring him to the point where he can shoulder the responsibility for himself, you, and your child. Right now it's a waiting game. Your parents are wise to be cautious ...

 

[UnsilentRose]

There's not a thing un-Christian about what's going on here. You've just made that assumption because you don't like it.

Firstly, the fact that you chose a bad partner the first time should be clue enough that you shouldn't trust your own judgement in this matter, and that you're so quickly involved with someone else with such a terrible history would send off major alarm bells in anyone with so much as a lick of sense.

Secondly, you've admitted right here that he doesn't have a job. For most people, even louder alarm bells are ringing now. Why have you chosen someone who doesn't have work? Contrary to popular propaganda, it's not that hard to get a menial job even with a record. And you're having a baby by this man? (The alarm bells are now so loud that everyone in the vicinity is shell-shocked, but be assured, there are even more things wrong here) What on Earth were you thinking? You're bringing a life into the world with absolutely no regard for your ability to successfully provide for it!

What your parents are doing now is a case of hasty post-production. They didn't teach you how to seek out and find a good partner (and probably didn't embody that ideal either), so now they're withholding assistance in hopes that you'll figure it out spontaneously.

Honestly... What are parents even for nowadays? They aren't raising their children, that's for sure...

In any case, it's not you parents' job to be your boyfriend's personal charity. Christianity does not demand that parents bend over backwards to suit your preferences or your partner. Christianity does not demand that your parents approve of someone who'd more than likely trouble. Christianity does not demand you're parents play nicey-nice to indulge the foolishness of their children. It teaches quite the opposite, in fact. Christianity is not all about passivity, that's the fallacy that's eroded our culture since the 1960's.

Those outside of your relationships can often see things in a partner that you can't, ask them why they disapprove and calmly, rationally examine what they have to say. It's a rare instance where someone just up and changes. However, it's not uncommon at all for someone to feign turning over a new leaf to get inside a pretty girl's pants. (Judging from everything you've said here, I think it's pretty likely that you're physically attractive, and that you probably come from a financially well-off family. Correct me if I'm wrong.) If my thesis is right, you probably had no way of knowing any of this, because people usually indulge pretty girls with whatever nonsense comes into their head until their looks begin to fade.

Seriously, this is your life. Stop wasting it on foolishness. Stop wasting your time coming to the public for the sole purpose of winning sympathy points (Yes, everyone noticed). You need quality people in your life, everyone does. Quality people will see this post and run for the hills.

YOU ARE ALMOST CORRECT!! Everything you said I told my self before even the thought of getting involved came to me. As far as wanting sympathy...NO! I am seeking knowledge on how to speak to parents who look down on others. It has been that way since childhood, I just notice it much more now that I have started the path on my faith. Bad partner he is not, person I just met and decided to bring home one day, not even close. I have know this man for 10 years. They have met him many times before. Always spoke to him, laughed with him, but when I remind them they say "like we remember who he was". I tell them just because someone's life changed (because he was doing well) doesn't mean they are a bad person. My life changed... does that make me a bad person? I have fallen and it has taken time for me to get back up. Im sure the same with anyone else. And yes I have tried many times to sit with them and ask them what is the problem with him? You know what the answer is? "We don't know the guy and we don't want to, he has no business coming to our house". So if you can tell me how that explains why they have acted how they are, and how that's justified please I'm all ears

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Alot of how your saying things makes me question your age. It sounds more like things a young teen would say.

With that said how old was your ex? Did your parents have bad feelings about that guy too from the start? I imagine if they did its probably why they are even MORE protective of you now because they may feel you just act based on feelings. That and they see all the damage done to you now like lost house, bad credit...etc. I say that as someone who did the same thing (well not the credit or house stuff). THe first I dated and nearly married wasn't really a christian at all. My parents did everything to try and stop us from being together. But I was so blind but the first time feeling such "love" from a woman that I ignored the red flags. Thankfully we broke up before getting married after I seen how crazy the lady was.

But it made m parents even more protective of me. But then I made a mistake, maybe the same mistake your making right now. I rushed back into trying to find someone and found another woman. Which is dangerous. After a break up or divorce...etc your feelings are in a twisted ball. You are SUPER vulnerable and sometimes can fall in love quick and easily. Again I ignored my parents warnings about this girl I was with. But I felt this was "the one" also. Needless to say it didn't work out well between us or with the third woman.

So now you know the dangers of finding new love right away.Mistakess can be made. This guy your with could be using you because he knows your in a weak state right now and trying to recover. Has he pressured you into anything? Like lets say talking about sex? Or maybe giving him money? Obviously I don't know if hes using you or not since I don't really know everything going on. But I'd be careful. I'd honestly take some time to regather your emotions, your life, money....etc and once back on track start looking for love again.

As for confronting your parents. I can see they "may" be a bit controlling. But none the less maybe they are for a reason. After all he isn't working and pretty much homeless. I'm not working either but at least I get help from the government. Theres no real bible versus you can use on them because you'd be using the bible as a weapon to attack them with instead. Which just so we are clear theres a difference between correcting a christian and attacking a christian. And yes that may apple to them too.

If you really want to be with this guy, which I don't recommend, then find a place of your own. And lastly I'd say as much as you are mad at them for not acting like a christian, you did marry someone unequally yolked, so be careful because you also acting wise in marrying such a person. Its almost always a disaster. I say none of this in a mean way as if you put you down, I say this as a person who went down your path and almost made the full mistake. I look back and thank God I didn't... with 3 women none the less. Thats how bad my path was of not realizing the mistakes I was making.

Oh, one piece of advice I have is if you are under 25.... don't look for love yet. Studies have shown that our brains do not fully mature until around 25 for women, a bit older for men. This isn't to say your immature per say. What it means is until that age we still tend to take actions (risk) first then think about it later. Which is why dating your means we miss red flags or just think everything will be alright like a fairy tale "happy ending". Again, I say this from my own experience too. Actually I did that on this forum! I told people "Psh, I'm mature and know what I am doing!". Wasn't until a few years later on here I realized how much I didn't know as much as I thought and was bad at seeing flags because I was young.

 

[Drick]

YOU ARE ALMOST CORRECT!! Everything you said I told my self before even the thought of getting involved came to me. As far as wanting sympathy...NO! I am seeking knowledge on how to speak to parents who look down on others. It has been that way since childhood, I just notice it much more now that I have started the path on my faith. Bad partner he is not, person I just met and decided to bring home one day, not even close. I have know this man for 10 years. They have met him many times before. Always spoke to him, laughed with him, but when I remind them they say "like we remember who he was". I tell them just because someone's life changed (because he was doing well) doesn't mean they are a bad person. My life changed... does that make me a bad person? I have fallen and it has taken time for me to get back up. Im sure the same with anyone else. And yes I have tried many times to sit with them and ask them what is the problem with him? You know what the answer is? "We don't know the guy and we don't want to, he has no business coming to our house". So if you can tell me how that explains why they have acted how they are, and how that's justified please I'm all ears

Okay... that falls right about into what I should expect, I guess. Your parents are unreasonable. That said, nothing else you've said is particularly relevant to... well, anything. If you were seeking knowledge, and not attention, you wouldn't have gone on about how horribly everyone treats you when, ultimately, you're a grown woman (I'd assume) who's personal relationships are her own responsibility. What attracted you to a man who would take everything from you in a separation to begin with? There had to be warning signs, there always are, every time, without fail. What attracts you back to parents who don't carry their own weight in a necessarily two-sided relationship? What's now attracting you to someone who can't even provide for a single partner, let alone a child, which you're responsible for recklessly and hostiley damning by bringing into the tragic soap-opera that is your life? You're responsible for every major player in your relationships, every individual is, and from what little I know of you now, I can safely say that you make naive, if not malicious relationship choices. I'd suggest seeing a therapist to diagnose why you associate with such high-risk people in the first place. If not for your sake, for your child's.

Alot of how your saying things makes me question your age. It sounds more like things a young teen would say.

With that said how old was your ex? Did your parents have bad feelings about that guy too from the start? I imagine if they did its probably why they are even MORE protective of you now because they may feel you just act based on feelings. That and they see all the damage done to you now like lost house, bad credit...etc. I say that as someone who did the same thing (well not the credit or house stuff). THe first I dated and nearly married wasn't really a christian at all. My parents did everything to try and stop us from being together. But I was so blind but the first time feeling such "love" from a woman that I ignored the red flags. Thankfully we broke up before getting married after I seen how crazy the lady was.

But it made m parents even more protective of me. But then I made a mistake, maybe the same mistake your making right now. I rushed back into trying to find someone and found another woman. Which is dangerous. After a break up or divorce...etc your feelings are in a twisted ball. You are SUPER vulnerable and sometimes can fall in love quick and easily. Again I ignored my parents warnings about this girl I was with. But I felt this was "the one" also. Needless to say it didn't work out well between us or with the third woman.

So now you know the dangers of finding new love right away.Mistakess can be made. This guy your with could be using you because he knows your in a weak state right now and trying to recover. Has he pressured you into anything? Like lets say talking about sex? Or maybe giving him money? Obviously I don't know if hes using you or not since I don't really know everything going on. But I'd be careful. I'd honestly take some time to regather your emotions, your life, money....etc and once back on track start looking for love again.

As for confronting your parents. I can see they "may" be a bit controlling. But none the less maybe they are for a reason. After all he isn't working and pretty much homeless. I'm not working either but at least I get help from the government. Theres no real bible versus you can use on them because you'd be using the bible as a weapon to attack them with instead. Which just so we are clear theres a difference between correcting a christian and attacking a christian. And yes that may apple to them too.

If you really want to be with this guy, which I don't recommend, then find a place of your own. And lastly I'd say as much as you are mad at them for not acting like a christian, you did marry someone unequally yolked, so be careful because you also acting wise in marrying such a person. Its almost always a disaster. I say none of this in a mean way as if you put you down, I say this as a person who went down your path and almost made the full mistake. I look back and thank God I didn't... with 3 women none the less. Thats how bad my path was of not realizing the mistakes I was making.

Oh, one piece of advice I have is if you are under 25.... don't look for love yet. Studies have shown that our brains do not fully mature until around 25 for women, a bit older for men. This isn't to say your immature per say. What it means is until that age we still tend to take actions (risk) first then think about it later. Which is why dating your means we miss red flags or just think everything will be alright like a fairy tale "happy ending". Again, I say this from my own experience too. Actually I did that on this forum! I told people "Psh, I'm mature and know what I am doing!". Wasn't until a few years later on here I realized how much I didn't know as much as I thought and was bad at seeing flags because I was young.

Living off the fruits of the working man isn't exactly something to be proud of, but the point should be noted. It's irresponsible, and I'd even say cruel to just bring a child into the world in circumstances you know aren't viable. You don't have kids with men who don't provide, and even if you choose someone who can, you'd better make a plan before having children. There's absolutely no excuses, either. There are countless forms of birth control that can prevent this from happening on top of simply using a condom. This isn't rocket science, we're in an age where accidental pregnancy doesn't exist, and it's infuriated listening to clueless women who carelessly, and for all intents and purposes, intentionally bring people into the world without even a basic idea for how they'll supply this new person's needs. In many cases, situations like this end up in an inevitable, brutal divorce, leaving a child to be raised by a single mother, which is statistically the worst environment for a child save foster homes and street life.

 

[Halbhh]

I appreciate you and thank you for that verse, I am still new to reading the bible but I knew there had to be something I could read. And I will look that up and read it as soon as I get home. I am not looking to point fingers at them as they have done to us, but I do want them to realize.

The best advice -- don't rely on men for advice very far, especially if they are ever unkind or insulting. Flee from those. Instead rely on Christ, and the Word. Read and read. First the gospel of Matthew, then i suggest the book Proverbs. For people, look for those that put "love one another" into practice. Seek His Word and those people. Find a church where you are welcomed and that teaches things Christ says.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Living off the fruits of the working man isn't exactly something to be proud of, but the point should be noted.

Huh?

 

[zephcom]

My life this past year has been something out of never ending soap opera! I married a person of no-faith and went down a dark hole from there. I am not out of that relationship basically starting over, healing & learning to love again. My parents "mother" have always been involved in my life, so much so that if what they say is not followed you are in the wrong and have no respect. I am in a new relationship, and this person has brought me to a wonderful church ( mind you I myself was never a church goer, former Catholic myself) He is not from a stable family, abused, abandoned, incarcerated, former drug user. And yet he stopped to bring me to God. I in turn brought my mother to this church one Wednesday night and they have continued to go since. Now because of my divorce and my wealthy ex-husbands attorneys I lost my home and had to move back home. From the 1st moment they did not like the new man in my life. He never did anything to them, never spoke to them in a disrespectful manner. He is now homeless and looking for work. I myself barely started working again. My parents know we will be married, I am expecting a child in which they call it, nor am I allowed to be living there when the baby is born. They do not want my fiance over to their house actually he is not even wanted out on the sidewalk, or to wait in my own vehicle which is parked on the sidewalk, I wont dare park in the driveway. They think he is using me, they know he has know where to go, and yet if I bring him water or food it causes an argument. He is a grown man yes. But how easy is it for employers to give someone with a record a new beginning. I am disappointed in my parents because they are only happy when I am home all day and do not speak to him or go out with him. this has caused a HUGE problem in my relationship because right now I have no where to go either, I am trying to save money for a home or apartment to rent but that is hard for me due to the damage my ex husband caused on my credit! I have never asked them to allow him to live in there home. But honestly they treat a dog better. He is not even allowed to use the restroom in our home, his car had broken down so he walks everywhere. How can they go to church with me, quote the bible to me and condemn me and yet they shun this person who has done nothing to them. If he is waiting outside by my car or the sidewalk they do not acknowledge him. This is wrong! THIS IS NOT OF HOLY PEOPLE! They look down on him cause he is starting from the bottom again, but yet so am I? What do I do? I love my parents but they are not right for wanting me to break up with him because of his past. Wanting me to leave him because they do not like him. But come Sunday they will hug and pray with the Bishop!!! How do I show them THIS IS NOT CHRISTIANITY?

Whew. Assuming the situation is as you describe it, I agree you are living a soap opera.

First let's answer your question. You don't show them they are not being Christian. I've tried doing that over and over again and it doesn't work. Their belief is stronger than logic.

So, what should you do. My suggestion is to make an action plan that is designed to move you forward into the future. The first thing is to get you out of the house without damaging your relationship with your parents any more than they already are. Being pregnant and single may actually work in your favor. Research the government programs which may apply to your situation. Talk with your pastor about any help the church can provide. One note of caution, don't talk down your parents, you don't want to create a situation where your baby never gets to meet his/her grandparents.

If you have time, enroll in the community college for job training. Getting out of a welfare situation is very tough and getting trained for a job is the first step to getting on your feet again.

This next step in the action plan will be difficult but necessary. Put off marrying your fiance for a while. It is not fair, but your first obligation will be to your child and not to him. Government regulations change when an able bodied man enters the picture. That does not mean you can't keep seeing him, but it is important to keep him at arm's length.

The next step is to help him get back on his feet. Help him with job applications, work with him on interviews, drive him to job interviews, get him to work with the various government agencies which are designed to help people get work but don't let him move in. If he truly is 'the man' for you, he will respect your need to look after the child first and be willing to do whatever is necessary for him to be part of your and your child's lives.

And never forget that from now on, YOU are the responsible adult and your decisions have to have two overriding goals. The first has to be about the safety, health and welfare of your child. The second has to be about your own safety, health and welfare because no one will ever love and care for your child like you will so you have to take care of yourself.

Good luck on everything.