Is it gone?

[tripletiger1200]

My OCD hasn't been so bad lately. By that I mean that While I may have an intrusive thought every little while, I feel no fear anymore. This would seem great, but it's not. I now am sincerely doubting that I have or ever had OCD, just a really really evil mind. And now that I don't feel fear or guilt it's like I don't care. I don't want the thoughts, but the fear and guilt used to reassure me that these things weren't what I really thought. Now that they're gone I don't know what to think. Anyone have any thoughts?

 

[congregant]

I know how you feel.... I used to think that, like, the guilt about thinking I might hurt someone was insurance against actually doing it.

But, I've heard that people without OCD have intrusive thoughts sometimes, too -- people who would never act out those thoughts, but are still able to dismiss them without obsessing over how their minds must be evil, etc.

Yeah, we hate intrusive thoughts, which is why having them is such an intensely terrible experience. It's not easy to let them go. Still, knowing that people with "healthy" minds can have awful intrusive thoughts without stressing that the thoughts actually "mean" something encourages me.

 

[lilipunzel]

Everyone gets intrusive thoughts that are ego dystonic. We do not have full conbscious control of our brians at all times. The thoughts just come and there is no need to evlauate the thoughts even if they are nasty... or to judge oneself if we have nasty thoughts. Be very careful about how you evaluate anything. If you have a nasty thought, and you start to evaluate yourself as a bad person hwo does that help you?

 

[LovesTheLord4Life]

It seems like it's still the OCD, just latching on to a whole new theme. When you say that you doubt whether you ever had it in the first place, that's typical OCD. It's such a tricky disorder isn't it? I'm still learning about it, even as I suffer through it.

 

[redblue22]

You just descibed your current OCD. You are obsessing about whether you have OCD and what that means. And you clearly said what you fear and doubt.

That reminds me of a time I was talking with the voices about whether I heard voices. They convinced me that I didn't hear voices and I was ok. Then everything went silent and I was like, hey, wait a minute.

Right now I'm on a time out from OCD and all the other mental stuff. I feel like I can't remember the other day when I was in hell. The non-OCD mind is very different ftrom the OCD mind. For a moment today, I wondered, did I make it all up? Make a mistake? A second later I was like, I really don't care. It was real. You see, I can ask questions and answer them and I'm not going to obsess. I'm really more about enjoying the peace.

Right now pictures enter my mind and I can turn them off in a split second by choice. I'm not worried about what it means I am. As an experiment, I even tried to turn the OCD back on and it wouldn't. Nothing triggers it and nothing is an exposure. No compulsions. Everything just seems like some kind of silly dream I woke up from. And quite frankly, I'm ok with that.

I used to have these days off as a kid and I would think it was all over. I thought somehow I had overcome it at last. I felt like if I just forgot about OCD then it wouldn't come back. I'm pretty sure it will come back. I don't know when, but it probably will. I'm not too worried about it.

Right now I just feel like watching a movie and having a bite to eat. Probably pork steak. Normally I'm deathly afraid of cooking pork and have a bunch of compulsions with it. Right now it just sounds kindof good.

red