Is it doomed?

[Ringssgirl]

Here's my situation. I'm about to divorce my husband, and it's been agreed for a while now, and I've been out of state. He'd slept with someone else.
However...

Most Christians will agree that if you do anything with someone else while married is adultry, even if it's ok with your spouse, and or you're separated.

Not only did I do something, but I slept with someone else recently. Which means that I'm thinking that having anything happen with this guy now is doomed bc of what's happend while I'm still married. Many people I know would think it's fine to be with someone, though of course sex outside of marriage is already wrong. But I feel like I probably committed adultery in God's eyes. Do you agree?

I guess the popular answer/response would be "What are you thinkin?" and "Stop being around this guy!". I guess that's the only answer for now, huh. If I decide to stop being around him entirely, which I'm thinking I should.. I dunno how I'd help him understand. He cares about me alot (I know many will think it doesn't sound like it if he sleeps with me) but he'd really be hurt about not being around me.
I know I know, I should do what's right rather then care about his feelings.

Anyway, if I wait until I'm actually divorced and concentrate on God (until somehow someway I care so much about God that I'll give up ANYTHING that gets in the way) do you think it's possible that being with that guy isn't doomed?
I guess now that I think about it it's stupid to care..
I'm just mad at myself bc I feel like I've played with this guy's feelings without meaning to.
I guess I'm answering my own questions whatnot. However, I'm wondering others opinions as well.

I also feel like I'm living a lie, bc I have this thing now that I can't tell my mother and or this one guy friend that I care alot about his opinion so I've been avoiding him. Then again if I end up pregnant there'd be no secret there..

 

[heartnsoul]

The right thing course of action is to first see if you and your husband can work things out and go to marital counseling. If the marriage cannot be saved because one or both of you are not willing to work things out, then a temporary separation should take place. If after the temporary situation doesn't work, only then would a divorcing filing be appropriate. Then while you're waiting for the divorce to be finalized, you need to refrain from any romantic or sexual activity with anyone because you are still married.

If you end up divorced, I think you need to take lots of time (at least one year) to recommit yourself to God and refrain from any romantic relationships. Focus your time strengthening your relationship with God and make some strong Christian friends that will help and challenge you to spiritually grow and mature. Jumping back into another relationship is the wrong thing to do. You're at a very vulnerable point after a divorce and you really need to step back and learn the lesson(s) that need to be learned from the marriage failure. If you don't take the time to grow and mature from this divorce, you will most likely repeat the same mistakes you have made already. Please forgive me for my honesty here.

So my advice to you is to not date at all for at least a year and devote your time to strengthening your walk with God. Find a church and meet some strong Christian friends to help you through the grieving process of a divorce. Repent and renew your commitment to God now. God loves you and wants your 100% commitment and loyalty.

God bless you and praying that you do the right thing in God's eyes.

 

[Johnnz]

You did commit adultery by having sex while still married. Confess, don't do it again and get on with your life.

Yes, sex with someone complicates matters quite a lot most times. You will need to really step back, get some good cousnel, and let time and God help work things out for you.

John
NZ

 

[Autumnleaf]

Both you and your husband slept with someone else while married! Have you and your husband ever considered an open marriage instead of divorce? I know several couples who do this and they seem to get along better than those who divorce, rinse, and repeat.