Is It A Sin to touch?

I have a married, male , Christian friend who has admitted to me that he struggles with a masturbation. He does say it is a problem in his marriage. He had sought council with his pastor, but he chose not to confide in his pastor again when the pastor told him it was better for him to waste his seed on the belly of a harlot than to spill on the ground.This advise stinks!
So... it is better for him to commit adultery than to
touch. Ummm.. how is this going to solve the problem in his marriage?? OH MY GOODNESS!!

cubanito said:

Any error is sin, which etymologically defined means "to fall short of the mark."

touching yourself is a typo, thus an error, thus clearly a sin.

If the poster mean to type "masturbation" then, pardon the imagery, for a man at least it clearly falls short of the mark.

Laughter is not acceptable.

JR

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I beg to differ. Not just any error is sin. God is not that exacting. Only man is foolish enough to be that exacting. Only man can read that into words.

threeinone said:

What I don't understand is that just because without the lust, it just doesn't happen for you seems to mean for you and many that that is true for everybody. It lust isn't so

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I think this is one area where woman have an advantage over men. With men it's more about "seeing", whereas with woman it's more about "feeling".

ShawneeA said:

I have a married, male , Christian friend who has admitted to me that he struggles with a masturbation. He does say it is a problem in his marriage. He had sought council with his pastor, but he chose not to confide in his pastor again when the pastor told him it was better for him to waste his seed on the belly of a harlot than to spill on the ground.This advise stinks!
So... it is better for him to commit adultery than to
touch. Ummm.. how is this going to solve the problem in his marriage?? OH MY GOODNESS!!

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His pastor couldnt of meant that literally....
If so if I were him Id be running from that church and finding a new one...Yesterday!!!

threeinone said:

I beg to differ. Not just any error is sin. God is not that exacting. Only man is foolish enough to be that exacting. Only man can read that into words.

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I think he was being facetious.

I married precisely because I was unable to keep my hands off myself, which is precisely one of the reasons to get married. While I will not condemn others in regards to masturbation, I believe it was a sin for me. As one pastor once put it, if it can happen without lusting about a woman you are not married to, it is not sinful. These days if occasionally my wife needs to sleep or whatever, I feel no guilt. I far prefer her.

I can not say about other young men, but for me it very much felt like burning with desire, to which marriage put a very constructive end.

As to this supposed comment by a pastor that better on a prostitute's belly, man that guy is messed up big time. Get away from that pastor, and warn others as well. Again while not content with masturbating, worse it would have been to be with a woman, and worst still a prostitute.

JR

Gukkor said:

I think he was being facetious.

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Thank Heaven.

sarbee said:

i agree there... masturbation isnt a sin in itself, rather the thoughts that go with it...

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So the act of stimulating your own genitals for sexual gratification, is not an abuse of this gift from God that has been given soley for the purpose of becoming one flesh with your wife? I once heard of a guy who also believed as you do that the thoughts alone were a sin and actually trained himself to think of nothing as he did this. That to me is an abuse of this sexual gift God has given us all for and reserved for Marriage alone. Are we denying this is not a gift at all? If it is a gift then it is given for a purpose.

Gifts can be curses. As an unmarried young man with a conscience, I found it a curse. I applaud and admire those among you with better self control. As I never developed self-control, I got married early. In Developed Western societies, especially the US, make it extraordinarily difficult to be married young. I believe this is a defect of this cultural system, leaving many young people with difficult options. I have a 21yo daughter who is near insanity with the desire to raise a family. She calms these desires by owning a small dog and babysitting. These nurturing desires are not unique to women, as also sexual passion is not unique to men, but nurturing is much more often the main impulse in women and sexuality in men (I totally acknowledge there are exceptions). These healthy desires are very difficult when they have no proper focus.

Remember Nathan's story that got David to convict himself? In that story it is made clear that David had other constructive options than Bathsheba. Thus while rating sins is always a very dangerous game, masturbation is less an abomination than fornication, fornication less than adultery, and worse yet is murder to hide adultery (as was the case of David). I would agree that at one level, any sin is sufficient for perdition unto Hell, however, at another viewpoint, I believe, some sins are worse than others.

Now let me ask you a real-world question: my wife is asleep by the time I get home from work, or by the time the kids got all their questions answered and so on. I go to bed fairly tired. 2AM I awaken with a passionate desire. I can not calm myself to sleep. If I awaken my wife, I know I will sleep soundly afterwards, but she will remain awakened and her day will be a misery. What do you recommend I do?

As to having no thoughts, I never even tried that.

cubanito said:

Now let me ask you a real-world question: my wife is asleep by the time I get home from work, or by the time the kids got all their questions answered and so on. I go to bed fairly tired. 2AM I awaken with a passionate desire. I can not calm myself to sleep. If I awaken my wife, I know I will sleep soundly afterwards, but she will remain awakened and her day will be a misery. What do you recommend I do?

As to having no thoughts, I never even tried that.

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The only reference I can find in the bible that applies is Jesus saying that lusting after a woman is as bad as having adultery with her. I presume this is continually dwelling on her rather than just a fleeting "hmmm, she's hot". This is what makes touching yourself wrong, not the actual action.

Since you are married, I think you can quite happily carry-on, as long as you think of your wife rather than your neighbour whom you may have seen sunbathing in her garden earlier, or the young secretary who you happened to notice bending over the photocopier in work that afternoon...

djbcrawford said:

The only reference I can find in the bible that applies is Jesus saying that lusting after a woman is as bad as having adultery with her. I presume this is continually dwelling on her rather than just a fleeting "hmmm, she's hot". This is what makes touching yourself wrong, not the actual action.

Since you are married, I think you can quite happily carry-on, as long as you think of your wife rather than your neighbour whom you may have seen sunbathing in her garden earlier, or the young secretary who you happened to notice bending over the photocopier in work that afternoon...

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OK.

christandisrael said:

OK.

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touching yourself is a sin. If you are married you shouldnt have to touch because that is one of the reasons you married in the first place. You are to satisfy each other in sexual intercourse. The only reason that I can think of is that you or your husband (wife) are at odds concerning your relationship pertaining to sex.

want2know said:

touching yourself is a sin. If you are married you shouldnt have to touch because that is one of the reasons you married in the first place. You are to satisfy each other in sexual intercourse. The only reason that I can think of is that you or your husband (wife) are at odds concerning your relationship pertaining to sex.

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Can you back this up with any scripture or is this merely your opinion?

bogie said:

I didn't really read all the replys up till this point but....Well for guys anyway medically talking our bodies need to purge the excess fluid. You know what I am talking about so I'm just going to leave a vail over it. Now my question is, what about "wet dreams?" I can't really control what my mind thinks when I am asleep so would this still be considered sinful. Say I didn't touch for like a year, eventually if I am healthy, sometime within that year window I am bound to have a wet dream.

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Yes wet dreams are usually common with young boys. That is part of growing up. Your body is going through a lot of changes. You cant control dreams unless you wake up during one. After your adolescence however those kind of dreams usually stop. Ive had one that I remember but that was it. No more after that. Youngs boys do have a tendency to touch but should outgrow it the older you get. Some men however continue into their middle ages and beyond.

cubanito said:

Now let me ask you a real-world question: my wife is asleep by the time I get home from work, or by the time the kids got all their questions answered and so on. I go to bed fairly tired. 2AM I awaken with a passionate desire. I can not calm myself to sleep. If I awaken my wife, I know I will sleep soundly afterwards, but she will remain awakened and her day will be a misery. What do you recommend I do?

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Ok let me ask you this. Are you saying that going solo is equal to becoming one flesh with your wife? If you cannot say yes, then your example takes away or lessons the beauty of the sexual act between one man and one woman in Marriage which means you are lessoning this gift that God has given to you both to gratify yourself. You are self absorbed here and taking away what God has given sounds like a sin to me.

Kepha said:

Ok let me ask you this. Are you saying that going solo is equal to becoming one flesh with your wife? If you cannot say yes, then your example takes away or lessons the beauty of the sexual act between one man and one woman in Marriage which means you are lessoning this gift that God has given to you both to gratify yourself. You are self absorbed here and taking away what God has given sounds like a sin to me.

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Not necessarily. Granted, taken too far, masturbation could become that, but I don't even see why it's necessary to equate masturbation with actual sex at all. Viewed from the proper perspective, sex is not simply physical pleasure. It is a transcendant act, a union of souls. What power can mere stress relief such as masturbation have against such a sacred bond? It is only when it is attached to the real sins, the sins of the heart and mind, that masturbation itself becomes sinful, and it is only then that it can threaten the sanctity of sex.

however, at another viewpoint, I believe, some sins are worse than others.

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Jesus stated..every sin is equal to each other as when the Jewish Rabbis brought prostitude (sexual sin) and told Jesus what would he do with her.
He said (in this way) that If any of you didn't sin, stone her (first?).
The people who were surrounding them slowly went away..starting with elderly..and etc etc.

And Jesus said a wonderful word...
When Jesus asked her, "Do any of these people condemn you?"
She said, "No Sir"
Jesus replies, "Neither do I"

Here..compassion of Christ.
Even we sin, Jesus still forgives.
Jesus is seeking to help sinners, I mean sinners, even the lowest and the worstest.
Even to the most dangerous killers in this world.

So..does this not tell us by the Christ himself that we are to look at sin equally and solving it in equal ways without any shame.

I do think some sins are worse than others.
However, sin is what our heart vomits.
But eh..knowing this doesn't help you to overcome the sin properly.

Now let me ask you a real-world question: my wife is asleep by the time I get home from work, or by the time the kids got all their questions answered and so on. I go to bed fairly tired. 2AM I awaken with a passionate desire. I can not calm myself to sleep. If I awaken my wife, I know I will sleep soundly afterwards, but she will remain awakened and her day will be a misery. What do you recommend I do?

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I have struggle of my own sexual sin.
You see my age, 16..
Is it a shame?
Possible.
But in eyes of God, keeping it secret is what causes the shame for themselves.
I do have same experience as you do.
When i wake up (time to time) from some..weird dream, I would be really upset in my heart and seeking sexual content.
But this doesn't last forever and ever does it?
It comes "time to time"
Thus, telling, flesh (Your body, it could be translated to demons or devil) does not have control over our souls but tempts us to do things.
I would also time to time have me viewing pornography.
It's EXTREMELY annoying.
After being freed from burning so-called "desire", these dreams really puts my moral down to level 1..
In this time, All we need is Christ but doing so...was so hard for me.
Well, enough of me..

Now for recommendation..
As fellow struggler, I only suffered from this "self grafication" (masturbation) about 2 years and at first, I didn't see it as sin.
It's normal.
I don't have much experience as yours...
but I know it's truly painful and drives me absolutely crazy.

Sorry..lost track..recommendation.
wake her up.
Tell her everything.
Absolute solution.
Just tell her everything and tell her that you need help.
This is not about for yourself only..but for her and Christ.
It's for everything for your life.
In other word, your life is in danger.
I saw so many testimonies.
As you know, I'm not married but you are.
You have slight advantage in overcoming sin since you have love of your life next to you.
This recommendation is useless, don't rely on it.
It's just a part of PROCESS.
Masturbation can be a secret at ANY POSSIBLE time.
It could be revealed at unknown time but it eventually will.
My final solution was to rely on grace of Jesus.
And yes..I have another recommendation..

www.settingcaptivesfree.com

Again, this is a process.
This course won't save you.
Only Christ can.
Also, my so-called wisdom or recommendation is useless.
Please..have Christ with you and forever and ever.
So that someday..now..or soon
You may be walking in freedom which I'm also seeking.

Have fun;;

Gukkor said:

Not necessarily. Granted, taken too far, masturbation could become that, but I don't even see why it's necessary to equate masturbation with actual sex at all. Viewed from the proper perspective, sex is not simply physical pleasure. It is a transcendant act, a union of souls. What power can mere stress relief such as masturbation have against such a sacred bond? It is only when it is attached to the real sins, the sins of the heart and mind, that masturbation itself becomes sinful, and it is only then that it can threaten the sanctity of sex.

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It is sinful as it is the misusing of this gift for personal and selfish reasons alone for the mere gratification of stress release as you so put it and not for self giving purposes with your wife as God intended it to be for. The gift is the stimulation along with the mutual self giving love and oneness in flesh that you both have in the union of Marriage. It all goes in one package, take it or leave it. You cannot say, I'll just snip out the wife part and the lustful thoughts part and it should be fine. No, cause by doing this it is breaking up the complete gift or forumla which is the sexual congregation between the husband and wife that the stimulation of the genitals is a part of. Masturbation undermines this forumla. It breaks it up. It abuses it. It uses one part of it for selfish reasons alone. This complete Gift is from God to us and we should not be picking it apart for our own personal use.

Kepha said:

It is sinful as it is the misusing of this gift for personal and selfish reasons alone for the mere gratification of stress release as you so put it and not for self giving purposes with your wife as God intended it to be for. The gift is the stimulation along with the mutual self giving love and oneness in flesh that you both have in the union of Marriage. It all goes in one package, take it or leave it. You cannot say, I'll just snip out the wife part and the lustful thoughts part and it should be fine. No, cause by doing this it is breaking up the complete gift or forumla which is the sexual congregation between the husband and wife that the stimulation of the genitals is a part of. Masturbation undermines this forumla. It breaks it up. It abuses it. It uses one part of it for selfish reasons alone. This complete Gift is from God to us and we should not be picking it apart for our own personal use.

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A lot of fine sounding retoric with no scripture to back it up. In the example we are discussing, waking your wife up to have sex with her is a selfish act. Letting her sleep on is not. It's not misusing the gift, it's just using it on your own. He's not desiring another woman, he's desiring his wife, where's the sin in that?

In another example, what if someone was away from from their wife for a long time can he not use the gift while thinking about her. Paul said it's better to marry than burn with passion, is this not just an extention of that?

djbcrawford said:

A lot of fine sounding retoric with no scripture to back it up.

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It is common sense. You dont need exact verses to understand that becoming one with your wife includes the functions of the gentitals triggered by stimulation along with the selfless act of giving yourselves to one another on a physical and spiritual level. That is making love. That is the gift from God if done right. Stimulation on it's own is not a gift but only a piece of it.

H2o = water. Hydrogen on it's own is not water. Oxygen on it's own is not water. You need 2 parts of hydrogen + the 1 part oxygen to make water. If any is missing you have something completely different but one thing for sure, is you do not have the gift of water.

In the example we are discussing, waking your wife up to have sex with her is a selfish act.

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Not if you word it as such, "waking your wife up to make LOVE to her". Making love is the key here. It means you want to give yourself to her and if she accepts, she willfully does the same with you. You are asking not demanding. It would be unreasonable to think that every love session between spouses has that instant spontaneous act where you both in a split second are in the mood. One most likely initiates it or thinks it first either by a kiss or a thought.

In another example, what if someone was away from from their wife for a long time can he not use the gift while thinking about her. Paul said it's better to marry than burn with passion, is this not just an extention of that?

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Paul said it is better to marry than to burn in passion and we can further divulge into the definition of marriage reading His Words in Ephesians 5:

"31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh."

Going solo is impossible to accomplish this. Becoming one flesh with your wife is both on a spiritual and a mutual selfgiving physical level.