Is It a Sin to Go on Vacation With Your Boyfriend?

[camjames]

Ok so the deal is that I am in a situation where my girlfriend may be able to get us a basically paid for vacation from her job for the two of us. If we go, it would be a 4-5 day trip. So of course, the whole thing about having sex comes into mind, which makes it tricky. My parents and family are fairly religious/conservative, and I don't want them to think im gunna have sex or make it seem like i am on the trip. So is this trip totally impossible until we get married? or is there a way around this like convincing my parents we will have seperate beds, or even seperate rooms at the hotel? I doubt the trip will have 2 rooms paid for, so I kinda don't like that idea. What do you all think??

 

[heavensangelwv]

I'm wondering why you have to convince your parents when you are 25 years old. Shouldn't you be able to make you own decisions?

 

[Luther073082]

I'm in agreement with heavens angel.

You are 25 years old, if you and your GF wanted to have sex. . . you would have had sex already.

As long as the two of you don't get yourself overly tempted to where you actually do it, then you will be alright.

 

[latteda]

I wouldn't do it.

 

[latteda]

You are 25 years old, if you and your GF wanted to have sex. . . you would have had sex already.

Where do you come up with this logic? He hasn't even told us how long they've been in a relationship or if he's been faced with a lot of temptation thus far. Unless he mentioned it in another thread that I didn't see?

Here's what I said in another thread recently to someone else asking this question:

I used to firmly believe that people didn't enter into a sexual relationship spontaneously...that there had to be a question in their minds beforehand about whether or not they would have sex. In other words, I followed the logic that if you don't want to do it, don't do it. I've since changed my mind. It is incredibly, incredibly EASY to find yourself in a position where you have gone too far. Thankfully, I am still a virgin, but I KNOW that it would be so easy to spontaneously have sex and not even think much about it until AFTER the fact.

It could be that for SOME, it's good enough to just say, "We're not going to do it" and stop easily before things get heated. For others, it may not be that simple. Just because it's easy for one couple to put on the brakes at any given moment doesn't mean that it won't be harder for another couple. I am totally committed to saving sex for marriage, but I know that it is INCREDIBLY hard to do so when you're put in a situation where you are alone together and a bed is nearby. I can't even imagine how much harder it would be if separated from other people by hundreds/thousands of miles and no one would even know. I am just saying, as a person who has been STRONGLY committed to premarital abstinence since I was a young teenager, I have found that the times when I think I am strongest and I can say no are the times when I find myself coming close to failing. "To him that thinketh that he stands, take heed, lest he fall."

As far as what people will think...if it were me, that wouldn't be my primary reason for getting separate rooms. But before you make this decision, just realize that people probably ARE going to wonder. If you go ahead with it, and people wonder or question you about it, I'd say you can't really blame them because that's just the way people are.

Now, honestly, if it were me, I would:

1. Get separate rooms, and make sure we (as individuals) got our money's worth out of both rooms.
2. Invite someone else to go along on the trip...hopefully another couple.
3. Hold off on the vacation idea until after I'm married.
4. Invest in an Everlast chastity belt, lock it, and leave the key at home.

That may seem ultra conservative, but I'm just being honest. For a lot of people, maintaining sexual boundaries isn't as easy as, "We're just not going to do it and that's that." People are different. Couples are different. Temptation manifests itself to different people in different ways. What isn't a problem for some people will be for others. That's why I have just told you what I would do if it were ME. It's up to you to decide, and if you're already worried that it may be a problem, that may be a reason to make a very cautious and well thought-out decision about this.

I've just personally found that I like to tell myself that I'm stronger than temptation because I don't want to admit that I could fall. I don't want to admit that I'm afraid of it. Truth is, sometimes you should be afraid of temptation...yes, you do have the power to resist, but it is a very difficult battle sometimes, and there are many things that can weaken your resistance.

 

[peanutbutter12]

I find it very amusing how paranoid Christians get about sex. Most seem to think that they can't even be alone in the same room without being "tempted" to do it and will fall into this well of trouble. By focusing on it and shining the light directly on the situation, you become your own worst enemy because you're bringing an issue that may not otherwise exist into the main focus and enhance the issue ten fold. I know plenty of people, myself included, who can had no issue being alone with someone and not have to feel like I had to have sex with that person just because they are of the other gender and available to do so.

It's a very personal issue that is between you and your significant other. No one can say how you will react but you. If you know you can do this without having sex, then what stops you from just going? If you think the pressure is too much and you just HAVE to do it... I think you should reevaluate some things in your relationship.

We are all human, we all come of age and desire sex. But there is a point where you control it or it controls you. If you have no self control, you have bigger problems then worrying about giving in to having sex.

 

[latteda]

I guess I just don't see the logic in telling someone who is already uncomfortable with the idea, "Go, you'll be fine!"

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

The temptation to have sex is common. If you are in a relationship and are attracted to someone, that temptation will be there, and it will be strong. YES, there is always the ability there to say no and to put the brakes on. God absolutely will give the grace if we so choose to accept it. But the truth is that it's often better to avoid temptation than to place ourselves in a situation where it is incredibly difficult to resist it. That's a common theme in the book of Proverbs (27:10 and 5:8 are the ones that come to mind).

If you and your SO can easily resist the temptation to have sex when you're spending the night in the same room, then I (seriously) am impressed by your self-control. I know there are some on this forum who have been able to do that with no problem and with no qualms about it. That is great. However, this person has shared that he feels uneasy about it.

I find it very amusing how paranoid Christians get about sex. Most seem to think that they can't even be alone in the same room without being "tempted" to do it and will fall into this well of trouble. By focusing on it and shining the light directly on the situation, you become your own worst enemy because you're bringing an issue that may not otherwise exist into the main focus and enhance the issue ten fold. I know plenty of people, myself included, who can had no issue being alone with someone and not have to feel like I had to have sex with that person just because they are of the other gender and available to do so.

I am not sure if you are referring to me as one of the "paranoid Christians" since you didn't address me directly, but if so, in my reply I was definitely not speaking of a temptation that manifested itself because of a focus on something that didn't previously exist. And I certainly did not say that I felt the NEED to HAVE to have sex with a man just because I was alone with him and the opportunity arose. What the heck? I can be alone with many men and not have a desire to do anything with them or even be attracted to them in any way. And I am alone with my boyfriend, whom I love very much, MOST of the time and the opportunity presents itself very often and we have never had sex after eight months of dating. I was honestly sharing, however, that I would not want to place myself in extreme temptation by spending the night together in a hotel room away from any kind of accountability.

It's a very personal issue that is between you and your significant other. No one can say how you will react but you. If you know you can do this without having sex, then what stops you from just going? If you think the pressure is too much and you just HAVE to do it... I think you should reevaluate some things in your relationship.

There is a difference between not making way for temptation and in feeling like if you go, you are going to HAVE to do it. I'm sure that if he is committed to saving sex for marriage and convinced that he WOULD have it if he went, no question, then he wouldn't be going. There is a huge difference between that and not going because you're uncomfortable with taking the risk.

We are all human, we all come of age and desire sex. But there is a point where you control it or it controls you. If you have no self control, you have bigger problems then worrying about giving in to having sex.

Just to clarify in case anything I said indicated otherwise, I definitely do not believe that your sex drives have to control or should control. They shouldn't. But the logic is the same as, say, a person who avoids alcohol because maybe they know it'll be easy to have too much. What each couple struggles with is going to be different. For some, something may totally not be an issue; for another, it may be a problem. This doesn't mean that couple is focused on pleasure-seeking and has huge self control issues. You can have strong self control and yet make a mistake. It's happened to a lot of people who said they would never have sex.

 

[DoesItPink]

I'm glad you posted this - I'm in a similar situation. My b/f and I are going on vacation and we were able to get a two bedroom condo in Arizona. I was telling someone about that and they just looked at me and asked if that was appropiate.

I just stared at them. My mind is never in the gutter and it took me a few minutes to realize what they were talking about.

But, for us, it's okay. My thoughts and my actions toward him are not lustful. Those thoughts never even pop in my little world. If they were and if I had a struggle with them, rent a two bedroom condo would not be an option.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

My fiance and I stayed in a t-shaped hotel room with 2 beds when we went to a concert in Wisconsin. We didn't have sex. In fact he got some weird looks from the maid when he was waiting outside our room and told her he was out there because he was waiting for his "fiancee to get changed" (it was too hot/steamy in the bathroom after I got a shower and I couldn't get dry to put my clothes on so he offered to wait outside while I changed in the room). I think the guy who checked us in thought it was weird that we were engaged and getting a 2 bed room, too.

My fiance's parents don't care at all about us staying in a hotel together and they think it is weird that we're waiting for marriage. My parents are very religious but they know that 1.) I've already lived with someone for 2 years when I wasn't a Christian and 2.) now that I am a Christian I am waiting for marriage and 3.) I'm 26 years old and I can make these decisions for myself. I did, however, talk to my parents about it beforehand out of respect for them and because I did not want them to have any negative feelings about my fiance.

Everyone is different, though, and we'd already figured out that we have a good degree of self control beforehand. Also I think another variable to consider is that neither my fiance or I are virgins (we have not done anything with each other but each of us has a past sexual history) -- so it may be that we may have a better idea of kind of situations we'd mess up in. If you don't know yourselves really well then definitely get two seperate rooms or do not go at all.

The other thing to consider is that if you want to marry this person and this is a huge deal with their family or your family, maybe it isn't worth it to go. If you marry this person you are marrying into their family and she is marrying into yours. That's important to keep in mind. Both of you will want to start things off right with your new families if at all possible.

 

[Luther073082]

Where do you come up with this logic? He hasn't even told us how long they've been in a relationship or if he's been faced with a lot of temptation thus far. Unless he mentioned it in another thread that I didn't see?

My feeling is at their age him and his fiancee will to some extent do what they wish to do. When you have a child of that age, its really best a parent let go and hope their children make good decisions based off of the values they where taught.

I also said but you didn't quote it that he shouldn't go if the thinks they will be overly tempted.

 

[JCFantasy23]

Ok so the deal is that I am in a situation where my girlfriend may be able to get us a basically paid for vacation from her job for the two of us. If we go, it would be a 4-5 day trip. So of course, the whole thing about having sex comes into mind, which makes it tricky. My parents and family are fairly religious/conservative, and I don't want them to think im gunna have sex or make it seem like i am on the trip. So is this trip totally impossible until we get married? or is there a way around this like convincing my parents we will have seperate beds, or even seperate rooms at the hotel? I doubt the trip will have 2 rooms paid for, so I kinda don't like that idea. What do you all think??

If you guys want to go on the trip, just go on the trip and don't have sex. If your parents trust you and don't think you lie to them, they should believe you. If not, that is unfortunate but you can't live your life according to others misconceptions of what you're not doing.

 

[gzt]

I realize this is a thread raised up from the dead, but, well, whatever.

I think the issue isn't necessarily temptation to have sex, but that is relevant. It also isn't what your parents or other people think, though I suppose that is important to some people. It's that it really is inherently unchaste to share a room with some girl/guy you aren't married to. Even having different rooms is slightly unseemly if there is no way to chaperone the two of you, but not unacceptable. Of course, I also think it's inherently unchaste for a man to be in a woman's bedroom or vice versa at all. I'm not going to say that, [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth], you'll have sex if you do this, or that it even leads to sex, or even that it tempts you, though, in the population, these things may slightly increase the probability of sexual intercourse. I'm just saying it is unchaste and scandalous. Just the way it is to live with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

 

[peacemaker19800]

oh gosh this is simple! Go. Sleep in seperate beds or get a seperate ROOM! How would going on vacation together change if you have sex. If you are gona have sex you are going to do it without being on vacation together. Are you afraid that sleeping in the same room will breed temptation? If so, don't give temptation the power .Hope all goes well.

 

[gzt]

Peacemaker: I think that's a big fatalistic and naive. Look: a lot of people who say they want to wait until marriage make a mistake and have sex before marriage. Putting yourselves in situations where sex is possible increases the likelihood that this will happen. A lot of people who feel they ought to have certain boundaries on their sexual expression, as it were, before marriage transgress them, and putting themselves in situations where this is possible increases the likelihood of that. Were these people going to do it anyway? You can't say that. You really can't. But what you can say is that if you avoid tempting situations, you are less likely to make a mistake. That's no guarantee. But if you put yourself in these situations consistently, you're not setting yourself up for success.

Still, the reasoning in my original post is still the point. It's not about temptation and how, if you've successfully done it, you're in the clear because you've avoided temptation.

 

[katautumn]

I fail to see why so many people assume two people in the same room means sex will occur. My husband and I don't have sex every time we're in a room alone together. Half the time the thought doesn't even cross our minds. If we were sixteen years old, maybe, but as adults we have a bit more restraint and a lot of times when we're in bed we're tired. Yeah, we're married, so the option is available to us to have sex if we do desire, but we don't have to just because we're alone.

 

[favoredbyGod]

I totally understand where you are coming from with wanting to convince your family members....Um, all I can say is if you guys don't think that you are strong enough then I wouldnt recommend it.
As for your family members, they are just gonna have to trust you because in actually if you chose to have sex, you dont have to wait to go out of town to do it, so they are just gonna have to trust that you will make the best decision.

 

[dayhiker]

I've been on several vacations with my GF .. I don't worry about what others might think. We had a great time.

 

[chicacanella]

I'm wondering why you have to convince your parents when you are 25 years old. Shouldn't you be able to make you own decisions?

Some people, no matter what age they are actually hold their parents opionion in high esteem. It's not about being able to make your own decisions but wanting to fleee the appearance of evil and we know that many people, would probably think you are having sex if you share the same bedroom.

Ultimately, it's up to him or maybe he should pray about it. That's always a good idea but I've learned that even though my personal convictions may not be as strong as another Christian, I still repsect them for their beliefs.

 

[chicacanella]

If you guys want to go on the trip, just go on the trip and don't have sex. If your parents trust you and don't think you lie to them, they should believe you. If not, that is unfortunate but you can't live your life according to others misconceptions of what you're not doing.

You are right about your last sentence. I know alot of people will already assume that me and my future husband have had sex before marriage but it won't be true. I love God to much and he loves God so I can't really help what others think.

It's sad that today, people will just assume that if you are young and marrried, even though you are a Christian you've had sex before marriage. But you can't live according to others opinions unless it blatantly makes people think certain things.

 

[Italianguy]

Ok so the deal is that I am in a situation where my girlfriend may be able to get us a basically paid for vacation from her job for the two of us. If we go, it would be a 4-5 day trip. So of course, the whole thing about having sex comes into mind, which makes it tricky. My parents and family are fairly religious/conservative, and I don't want them to think im gunna have sex or make it seem like i am on the trip. So is this trip totally impossible until we get married? or is there a way around this like convincing my parents we will have seperate beds, or even seperate rooms at the hotel? I doubt the trip will have 2 rooms paid for, so I kinda don't like that idea. What do you all think??

Oh you must be Indian? My wifes family still treats her like shes 13 and shes 23 now.lol

Anyway, just don't go. sorry, I know you didn't want to hear that but it's better for your reputation and safety if you don't go. An unmarried couple should not be sleeping in the same room together.

God be with you.