Is it a SIN to be unequally yoked to unbelievers?

[Mochi]

I'm currently being rebuked for being" my own god" and in "blatant, unrepentant sin" for dating an agnostic theist.

For background, I became a Christian 4 years into the relationship. We are not living together nor sinning sexually. He has been extremely supportive of me and my growing in faith.

Most of my friends, family, and coworkers are not Christian. I have close friends who are agnostics, atheists, and new agers.

I feel like the passage used does not specifically allude to marriage, so I feel that my brothers and sisters in Christ should be treating all of my relationships as sinning if they use this passage to back up their stance. I don't want to just "get out of trouble" and proof text my way out of an uncomfortable position, but I am genuinely confused. I do not think this issue is so cut and dry as people seem to make it.

I understand that interfaith situations are difficult and painful, but does that mean I'm in SIN?

 

[InSpiritInTruth]

It doesn't mean you are in sin, but it can lead to sin if you hang around the wrong influences and take up their sinful ways.

 

[Mochi]

It doesn't mean you are in sin, but it can lead to sin if you hang around the wrong influences and take up their sinful ways.

Their reply to this would be that, I might not know how an unbelieving person is affecting my spiritual life. There seems to be some sort of strange focus on my dating relationship as well, which if all unbelievers hate God, wouldn't it be smart to try to alienate me from my friends and family with the same vigor? Most of my unbelieving friends do speak into my life and their "pagan" ideas could influence me as much as my S.O.'s.
I'm just so confused and frustrated...

 

[Spunkn]

It doesn't mean you are in sin, but it can lead to sin if you hang around the wrong influences and take up their sinful ways.

Basically this. Doesn't mean it's sinful, but it's not usually the wise thing to do. If you get married and he has not converted. Eventually your core values will come to clash, and you are going to get into fights over it (in my opinion). When two people's core values are so vastly different, it's going to cause huge amounts of friction.

 

[Mochi]

Basically this. Doesn't mean it's sinful, but it's not usually the wise thing to do. If you get married and he has not converted. Eventually your core values will come to clash, and you are going to get into fights over it (in my opinion). When two people's core values are so vastly different, it's going to cause huge amounts of friction.

Totally understood. We've been consistently talking for a year about how my changing values will effect our relationship. We're open to differences, and are trying to build communication skills to take on conflicts WHEN (not if) they rear their heads. We generally work together quite well though.

 

[Spunkn]

Their reply to this would be that, I might not know how an unbelieving person is affecting my spiritual life. There seems to be some sort of strange focus on my dating relationship as well, which if all unbelievers hate God, wouldn't it be smart to try to alienate me from my friends and family with the same vigor? Most of my unbelieving friends do speak into my life and their "pagan" ideas could influence me as much as my S.O.'s.
I'm just so confused and frustrated...

It's a little different in a dating relationship. This is someone you could possibly marry and spend the rest of your life with. That decision comes with some pretty hefty responsibilities, so belief naturally should be a part of it.

Your stuck with your family, like it or not. Alienating them won't do any good, nor should you. Christ calls us to love those who don't deserve it just as He loved us when we didn't deserve it.

Friends, you have to be a little more careful as often they will influence us a little more than we like to think they do. Doesn't mean you should get rid of them for being unbelievers, but you should watch how much influence they have on your life.

If your friends are severely negative in their influences, then you either need to put up boundaries and say "I'm not going to do those things anymore, or talk about those things" or you need to maybe create some distance so that it's not affecting your walk with God.

 

[Spunkn]

Totally understood. We've been consistently talking for a year about how my changing values will effect our relationship. We're open to differences, and are trying to build communication skills to take on conflicts WHEN (not if) they rear their heads. We generally work together quite well though.

Things work well now, because you don't have to make the crucial decisions. Will you both go to church? Are the kids going to be raised with Christianity? How is your husband going to be a spiritual leader to you if he's not saved? Things like that. Not saying you have to break up with him. But you do need to give some serious thought to those things.

You seem to have a good mindset about it though. Keep praying about it, and walking with God. He'll lead you through it.

 

[Cush]

Apologetics Press - "Be Not Unequally Yoked"

 

[Mochi]

It's a little different in a dating relationship. This is someone you could possibly marry and spend the rest of your life with. That decision comes with some pretty hefty responsibilities, so belief naturally should be a part of it.

Your stuck with your family, like it or not. Alienating them won't do any good, nor should you. Christ calls us to love those who don't deserve it just as He loved us when we didn't deserve it.

Friends, you have to be a little more careful as often they will influence us a little more than we like to think they do. Doesn't mean you should get rid of them for being unbelievers, but you should watch how much influence they have on your life.

If your friends are severely negative in their influences, then you either need to put up boundaries and say "I'm not going to do those things anymore, or talk about those things" or you need to maybe create some distance so that it's not affecting your walk with God.

Thanks for your help! I'm really thankful for my family and friends, most of whom support my faith. Those that were negative influences pretty much fell away when I became a Christian (I don't flaunt it, but once the Facebook status changed, silence).

If I might ask, how should I deal with my church friends and leaders who are rebuking me for sin? I don't really want to do a bible debate, but I don't feel comfortable in the current situation.

 

[peterlindner]

Christians are more set in their ways and stubborn than anyone else.

Matt25:14 The Kingdom of God is as a man on a journey. When you finally get on your journey with God, you won't believe the same things as anyone else. If faith has to be a "we" experience then God's Word and ability to reach you relies on a democratic process. God is King. What did Job's wife have for faith. When the amelikite hit the fan notice that she didn't sit in ashes with her husband. She told him to curse God and die.

 

[Spunkn]

Thanks for your help! I'm really thankful for my family and friends, most of whom support my faith. Those that were negative influences pretty much fell away when I became a Christian (I don't flaunt it, but once the Facebook status changed, silence).

If I might ask, how should I deal with my church friends and leaders who are rebuking me for sin? I don't really want to do a bible debate, but I don't feel comfortable in the current situation.

If it was a new relationship, I'd be honest and say break it off. It's not a wise thing to do. But seeing how you are 4 years into the relationship, then became a Christian it becomes a little different to me. You've invested a lot of time and emotion into this relationship. This is obviously someone you care a great deal about, and have spent a lot of time with.

I'd be honest with them. You realize that he's not a believer, and that at some point that's going to be something you're going to have to make a decision about. But you're not sinning currently, nor are you completely yolked to him as you are not married. If people get upset about that, well that's their problem not yours.

So, you do need to give some new thought to this relationship and where it's headed as a Christian. But that's not something that's going to happen overnight. Give it time, and keep praying about it. I do feel that if things get really serious between you and your boyfriend, then a decision will have to be made. Is he going to convert? Or are you going to be content with being unequally yolked? Not easy questions to answer, but you still have some time yet.

 

[Mochi]

If it was a new relationship, I'd be honest and say break it off. It's not a wise thing to do. But seeing how you are 4 years into the relationship, then became a Christian it becomes a little different to me. You've invested a lot of time and emotion into this relationship. This is obviously someone you care a great deal about, and have spent a lot of time with.

I'd be honest with them. You realize that he's not a believer, and that at some point that's going to be something you're going to have to make a decision about. But you're not sinning currently, nor are you completely yolked to him as you are not married. If people get upset about that, well that's their problem not yours.

So, you do need to give some new thought to this relationship and where it's headed as a Christian. But that's not something that's going to happen overnight. Give it time, and keep praying about it. I do feel that if things get really serious between you and your boyfriend, then a decision will have to be made. Is he going to convert? Or are you going to be content with being unequally yolked? Not easy questions to answer, but you still have some time yet.

I would disagree that I am not yoked with him already. Since the unequally yoked passage does not have to do with marriage specifically, but with close relationships with unbelievers I am technically unequally yoked to him, my friends, coworkers and family since I live life with them and allow them to speak into my life.

I think it's just a Christian culture thing that specifically relates being unequally yoked to marriage. Though the marriage relationship is a big one, it's not the only yoke I have.

 

[Spunkn]

I would disagree that I am not yoked with him already. Since the unequally yoked passage does not have to do with marriage specifically, but with close relationships with unbelievers I am technically unequally yoked to him, my friends, coworkers and family since I live life with them and allow them to speak into my life.

I think it's just a Christian culture thing that specifically relates being unequally yoked to marriage. Though the marriage relationship is a big one, it's not the only yoke I have.

Well, you're probably right. So what does that mean if it is true that you shouldn't be equally yolked with an unbeliever? Perhaps you two need to create some distance with one another to find out what your relationship really means to you.

Won't be easy but, perhaps that's something you should do. That's up to you though.

I think being yolked to someone is more than just family or friends though. I think in the case of friends of family it goes a little further, that you allow yourself to become invested so much in their beliefs and ways of doing things that it affects your own beliefs. Same thing with a relationship. You become so invested with a non-believer, that it ends up clouding your judgement and beliefs.

Like I said, I don't see anything sinful per say, about dating a non-Christian, or having non-Christian friends etc. I just think most of the time it's not the wise thing to do. In the case of friends, they shouldn't be your -only- friends if at all possible. You should have Christian friends who can give you advice from a Christian perspective.

These are only thoughts from my perspective though.

 

[Mochi]

Well, you're probably right. So what does that mean if it is true that you shouldn't be equally yolked with an unbeliever? Perhaps you two need to create some distance with one another to find out what your relationship really means to you.

Won't be easy but, perhaps that's something you should do. That's up to you though.

I think being yolked to someone is more than just family or friends though. I think in the case of friends of family it goes a little further, that you allow yourself to become invested so much in their beliefs and ways of doing things that it affects your own beliefs. Same thing with a relationship. You become so invested with a non-believer, that it ends up clouding your judgement and beliefs.

Like I said, I don't see anything sinful per say, about dating a non-Christian, or having non-Christian friends etc. I just think most of the time it's not the wise thing to do. In the case of friends, they shouldn't be your -only- friends if at all possible. You should have Christian friends who can give you advice from a Christian perspective.

These are only thoughts from my perspective though.

Thank you again for your help. I think there is wisdom in what you say about taking a step back and evaluating relationships. I'll be sure to be more intentional with that more often .

 

[DorkiusMaximus]

I think the unequally yolked message is not about marriage. Because reading this...

(From 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7, The Message)
For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God.

15-16 On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.

We are instructed to love one another, regardless. It is not a sin to be with him, but if he's distracting you from your walk with God, putting it down, etc... reconsider. As a Christian, I don't advise marrying an unbeliever. But such is life.

I too, am with an unbeliever. But he is very supportive of me and my faith! Regardless, it is a struggle spiritually. We are not married, or living together (yet) so I have time. I'm praying and having others pray for him. I'm not going to abandon him unless he clearly throws me off my walk with Christ, or begins bashing it, etc. As of right now, he is very happy of my faith, happy I found a good church, etc. I even read my bible in my bed with him before we sleep - this doesn't bother him one bit.

And (from a website) -
Paul is not telling us not to have unbelieving friends, but not to join together with unbelievers in their practices and worldview. In other words, the yoking together means to join with them in their lifestyle and belief system, and, therefore, becoming like them. This does not mean that we are not to have unbelieving friends. Christians should have unbelieving friends.

(From me)
It makes sense. We are surrounded by unbelievers! It is okay to be friends with him. Christ hung out with the sinners. It would be wrong of us to turn a friendship away from an unbeliever simply because they didn't believe. We are instructed to love one another. If that unbeliever isn't affecting your walk with Christ, why can't you be friends?

Hope this helps. Remember (I have to remember this too!), pray about it and read God's word.

 

[aiki]

2 Corinthians 6:14-18
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

THe idea of being unequally yoked has a much broader application to relationships than just the relationship of marriage. It speaks to all relationships a believer may have where they will be influenced by another. The apostle Paul's command above obliquely references this OT law of separation:

Deuteronomy 22:10
10 "You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.

Yoking an ox and donkey together was a recipe for disaster. Apparently, they do not pull the same way and will actually struggle against each other as they pull the plow. The result, of course, is a very crooked furrow. THis is a picture of what happens when a believer "yokes" her/himself to one who does not know or love God. Together, they will plow a very crooked furrow through life. Their worldviews will compete with each other, struggling for dominance and the power to shape life decisions and goals. God will be urging His child toward greater holiness and submission to Himself but the non-believer will be operating by the values, and morality, and wisdom of the world. Thus, on a very fundamental, spiritual level the believer and non-believer are incompatible. So it is that Paul asks, "What communion has light with darkness?" THe answer, of course, is "None."

15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?
16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people."
17 Therefore "Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you."

Followers of Christ are called to be "in the world but not of the world." That is, we move among those who don't know or love God but we are not to adopt their approach to life. Believer's ought to take their cue from God's Word, not from the secular philosophies of their culture represented in the non-believing people around them. But when a Christ-follower opens him/herself to being influenced by a non-believer through a business relationship, or close friendship, or romantic involvement, the separateness God calls them to is inevitably challenged and often diminished.

18 "I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the Lord Almighty."

Our relationship with our Heavenly Father is at the heart of the command not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. By following Paul's command we act to preserve and protect our fellowship with God. One cannot be a friend of the world and a friend of God. These two kinds of friendship are at odds with each other. God is expecting that we will value our relationship with Him so highly that we are willing to sacrifice all other potential relationships in order to preserve it.

Selah.

 

[turkle]

Sin is anything that can draw you away from the Lord. It is not the behavior itself, but the behavior can lead you away from your First Love.

Sin is also disobedience. When the Lord gave directives, He did so out of love. He knows that our disobedience always leads to difficult consequences for us. We don't see it while we are engaging in it; it becomes clear much later.

That is why He told us not to be unequally yoked. It is impossible to enter in to full worship while being drawn to an intimate relationship with someone who rejects the very foundation of your life. If your highest value is your faith in Jesus, then you will never be happy with someone who rejects Him.

But we want what we want, and we will do all kinds of things to justify it. I certainly have done that, and have regretted it every time. God is always right, no matter how much we try to intellectualize to convince ourselves otherwise.

So you have to choose. The choice you make will have lasting effects on your life. Maybe you wait to see if your boyfriend joins you in your faith. But you may have to wait a long time, and never see him arrive. Or, perhaps you back away from the relationship because it is quite impossible to have the highest level of intimacy with someone who does not share your highest values.

I have been unequally yoked, and I have been equally yoked. I regret being unequally yoked, even though he was a wonderful man. I wasted many, many years. I hope you do not make that mistake.

 

[sunshine456]

It plainly states in scriptures "that we should not be yoked to unbelievers!" It is better to serve the lord with clarity and determination, not in surrounding yourself with disbelief and doubt.

As always seek out GOD the heavely father in JESUS CHRIST his son through prayer for truth.

"Wisdom is one of our greatest gift, with it we will live by faith and the word of GOD the heavenly father and not by bread alone."

Praise be to GOD the heavely father and his son lord JESUS CHRIST forever>>>>>>>>>

 

[JCFantasy23]

I'm currently being rebuked for being" my own god" and in "blatant, unrepentant sin" for dating an agnostic theist.

For background, I became a Christian 4 years into the relationship. We are not living together nor sinning sexually. He has been extremely supportive of me and my growing in faith.

Most of my friends, family, and coworkers are not Christian. I have close friends who are agnostics, atheists, and new agers.

I feel like the passage used does not specifically allude to marriage, so I feel that my brothers and sisters in Christ should be treating all of my relationships as sinning if they use this passage to back up their stance. I don't want to just "get out of trouble" and proof text my way out of an uncomfortable position, but I am genuinely confused. I do not think this issue is so cut and dry as people seem to make it.

I understand that interfaith situations are difficult and painful, but does that mean I'm in SIN?

From my personal experience, atheists and such in my life are quicker to jump on signs of me not being a Christian or to condemn me. There seems to be a bitterness or something.

I don't think it's a good idea for the most part to date an unbeliever. Sometimes it works out, many times it doesn't. I think this guideline/rule was set in place for our personal well being and of course for any offspring that may result from the relationships. Sometimes someone is saved and comes to Christ through the relationship.

 

[Mochi]

2 Corinthians 6:14-18
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

THe idea of being unequally yoked has a much broader application to relationships than just the relationship of marriage. It speaks to all relationships a believer may have where they will be influenced by another. The apostle Paul's command above obliquely references this OT law of separation:

Deuteronomy 22:10
10 "You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.

Yoking an ox and donkey together was a recipe for disaster. Apparently, they do not pull the same way and will actually struggle against each other as they pull the plow. The result, of course, is a very crooked furrow. THis is a picture of what happens when a believer "yokes" her/himself to one who does not know or love God. Together, they will plow a very crooked furrow through life. Their worldviews will compete with each other, struggling for dominance and the power to shape life decisions and goals. God will be urging His child toward greater holiness and submission to Himself but the non-believer will be operating by the values, and morality, and wisdom of the world. Thus, on a very fundamental, spiritual level the believer and non-believer are incompatible. So it is that Paul asks, "What communion has light with darkness?" THe answer, of course, is "None."

15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?
16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people."
17 Therefore "Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you."

Followers of Christ are called to be "in the world but not of the world." That is, we move among those who don't know or love God but we are not to adopt their approach to life. Believer's ought to take their cue from God's Word, not from the secular philosophies of their culture represented in the non-believing people around them. But when a Christ-follower opens him/herself to being influenced by a non-believer through a business relationship, or close friendship, or romantic involvement, the separateness God calls them to is inevitably challenged and often diminished.

18 "I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the Lord Almighty."

Our relationship with our Heavenly Father is at the heart of the command not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. By following Paul's command we act to preserve and protect our fellowship with God. One cannot be a friend of the world and a friend of God. These two kinds of friendship are at odds with each other. God is expecting that we will value our relationship with Him so highly that we are willing to sacrifice all other potential relationships in order to preserve it.

Selah.

So then, how does this look practically?
Do I quit my job? Step back from lifelong friendships and support systems?

If we treat the romantic relationship the same way as the other relationships, then I see that practically as having a skin -deep relationship with every single person in my life until they become Christian. Since, having deep bonds with unbelievers is sinful.

I basically isolate myself to a certain group. This is sounding cult-like and extremely dangerous. A church could easily take advantage of that (and lead to spiritual abuse and isolation of the members).