Is it a sin to be turned on by this thing?

[2PhiloVoid]

I didn't say I've resorted to purging. I said NON-purge bulimia. Someone with non-purge bulimia starves themselves or exercises excessively after a binge. I starved myself after binges. I actually have purged before, but I couldn't throw up quietly enough (according to the pro-ana roommate I had when I was in the mental hospital for a suicide attempt), and I tried purging with laxatives once and it was horrible.

ok. Thank you for correcting my understanding, Melody. I think I see what you're saying now--you had a lot to share in your OP, and I unfortunately didn't remember it all the first time around.

Peace,
2PhiloVoid

 

[Haipule]

This is really embarrassing, but asking my pastor would be even more embarrassing (especially since I'm close friends with his oldest daughter). I've been fascinated by fat ever since I started reading Garfield when I was five or six. I've always fantasized about being fat. When I played pretend, I would often incorporate my desire to be fat. I also drew what I thought I would look like if I was fat. I liked to stuff pillows in my clothes to appear fat. I had a word feeling when I was doing it that I now know was sexual arousal. Yup. I was sexually aroused by something when I was six.
In third grade, I started going to public school and my poor friend had to put up with all the weird stuff I did while playing pretend. When we pretended to be puppies, I pretended to be a very obese puppy. I named myself after an obese dog from a book I read. When we played chocolate factory, I pretended that there was candy that makes you instantly fat. Eventually I realized that I was making her uncomfortable and I had a nightmare in which I got fat and it didn't go well, so I stopped doing this stuff. But I still would sometimes look at pictures of fat people on the internet, and I actually stumbled upon a few weight gain stories.
Over time, society's belief that being fat is bad became ingrained in my mind. Then in ninth grade, I discovered that there are actually people who LIKE being fat and getting fatter. Part of me wanted to enthusiastically join them, but another part of me was like, NO! THIS IS WRONG! To try to get rid of these thoughts, I ran to the opposite extreme and developed an eating disorder. (I intended for it to be anorexia, but it turned into non-purge bulimia instead.) I also had other problems that year that were unrelated. I was severely depressed. I was cutting myself almost every day and I attempted suicide several times. I also stopped being a Christian that year, which was probably influenced by the fact that I thought that being a Christian was just about believing the right things to go to heaven. (I'm a Christian now, though.) When I told my dad that that's what I grew up believing, he said he wasn't surprised, since the LCMS (I was Lutheran from age eight to age 14) is so messed up (no offense).
After ninth grade, I came to stay with my grandparents for the summer because my dad couldn't stay home to make sure I didn't kill myself. (My parents are divorced because my mom was ABUSING me and my little sister. She also hurt my dad a lot. Eventually she lost her visitation rights. Even if you think that divorce shouldn't be allowed, surely you can see that it was truly necessary in this situation. I told the school counselor about the abuse and she called the CPS. My sister and I probably would've been taken away if our dad hadn't been making our mom leave anyway.) Plus he was making things worse because he was so traumatized from living with my mom for 15 years. I ended up getting to stay with my grandparents permanently. After coming to live with them, I went back and forth between embracing my desire to be fat and being terrified of it. I often watched videos of fat girls playing with their bellies. I'm pretty sure that was wrong. Even though there aren't any private parts showing, it probably still counted as porn because it was intended to sexually arouse people and it worked. I was also gaining weight myself. I went from 115 pounds to 137 pounds before freaking out and feeling horrible about myself for doing this stuff. So for a while, I just looked at pictures of fat girls and watched belly play videos whenever I wanted to embrace it, but I decided not to actually get fat because it's hard enough to find the unique clothing I wear in NORMAL sizes. It's probably even harder to find them in plus sizes. I had another episode of starving myself to try to get rid of the desire to be fat, and I now weigh 113 pounds.
I've recently rediscovered getting sexually aroused by stuffing my clothes to appear fat, which I started doing again because it's the closest I can get without actually gaining the weight. Of course, it's much more realistic than what I did when I was little. I can feel the added size and it becomes more difficult to do some things. It's a huge turn-on. But here I am getting sexually aroused by something I do alone... Is this a sin? If you think it is, please tell me where the Bible says it's a sin. I sure hope I'm not breaking any rules by asking this. I don't know where else to go, since asking someone I actually know would be too embarrassing.

Six years old! I'm not shocked! When I was that age I was HOUNDED by little girls chasing me up a down the street and wanting to play games I had no ability to understand. So I ran as fast as I could!

When I was your age, I started studying human sexuality, the human sexual response system and behavior. And that, just because it is a fascinating subject.

What I learned was; fantasy lead to more fantasy, which leads to porn, which leads to more fantasy, which leads to more porn, on and on and on. It is a hayride to hell that must be reigned in. Like a snowball turning into a big snowball and eventually becoming the Abominable Snowman--the 1,000 pound gorilla in the room!

I am now 57yrs old and suffer from PGAD. Which is: "Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder".
PGAD is a NON-sexual disorder, very rare, especially in men, where the neurotransmitters of the brain constantly bombard the pleasure center. It is 24/7. It has no known cause. No known treatment. And no known cure. Suicide in common. I have been suffering for 4yrs and have been to many doctors to no avail.

Anything beautiful can trigger spontaneous [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]--embarrassing and awkward! Any vibration or motion; laying down; standing up; sitting down; using my hands at chest level; driving a car; walking; you name it, gives pleasure that leads eventually to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

So, I not only have educated myself: I can also sympathize without judgement. If I judge you, then I have only managed to judge myself rightly.

That is my problem and I have enough inventory of ideas built from the study of God's Word to handle it. God would never push me beyond my limits.

Back to you: 14yrs of that is a long, long time! It needs to stop! I met a Christian man, and doctor, who runs a behavior sex clinic in San Diego CA. Their specialty was turning gay men into heterosexual. They did it by fighting fire with fire. Changing their behavior by changing their porn and fantasy. Their success rate is near 100%. I suggest you too fight fire with fire but, I cannot help you with the cure. That, as always, is between you and God.

 

[wayfaring man]

(According to Strong's and The KJV)

'Fat' is found in approxiametely 105 places in The Old Testament. And not once in The New.

Suggesting - let go of the old and embrace the new - For with maturity comes moderation - via the letting go of obsessions.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. <---> 1 Corinthians 13:11

And May The Lord Be Pleased to Bless !

wm

 

[melody5697]

Six years old! I'm not shocked! When I was that age I was HOUNDED by little girls chasing me up a down the street and wanting to play games I had no ability to understand. So I ran as fast as I could!

When I was your age, I started studying human sexuality, the human sexual response system and behavior. And that, just because it is a fascinating subject.

What I learned was; fantasy lead to more fantasy, which leads to porn, which leads to more fantasy, which leads to more porn, on and on and on. It is a hayride to hell that must be reigned in. Like a snowball turning into a big snowball and eventually becoming the Abominable Snowman--the 1,000 pound gorilla in the room!

I am now 57yrs old and suffer from PGAD. Which is: "Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder".
PGAD is a NON-sexual disorder, very rare, especially in men, where the neurotransmitters of the brain constantly bombard the pleasure center. It is 24/7. It has no known cause. No known treatment. And no known cure. Suicide in common. I have been suffering for 4yrs and have been to many doctors to no avail.

Anything beautiful can trigger spontaneous [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]--embarrassing and awkward! Any vibration or motion; laying down; standing up; sitting down; using my hands at chest level; driving a car; walking; you name it, gives pleasure that leads eventually to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

So, I not only have educated myself: I can also sympathize without judgement. If I judge you, then I have only managed to judge myself rightly.

That is my problem and I have enough inventory of ideas built from the study of God's Word to handle it. God would never push me beyond my limits.

Back to you: 14yrs of that is a long, long time! It needs to stop! I met a Christian man, and doctor, who runs a behavior sex clinic in San Diego CA. Their specialty was turning gay men into heterosexual. They did it by fighting fire with fire. Changing their behavior by changing their porn and fantasy. Their success rate is near 100%. I suggest you too fight fire with fire but, I cannot help you with the cure. That, as always, is between you and God.

I actually find this kind of offensive, seeing as I'm bisexual and I don't believe that the Bible actually says it's wrong. And if you're saying that doing the opposite will make it go away, I TRIED that. I starved myself to lose weight and replaced the pictures of fat girls with pictures of skinny girls. So I got low blood pressure and vitamin deficiencies and I nearly lost my job because I couldn't concentrate and I felt horrible all the time and my friends were worried sick. Now I'm skinny, but that still hasn't made it go away. And getting any skinnier isn't a good idea even if I do it healthily, since I have a BMI of 19.4 and losing more than five pounds would make me underweight.

 

[Haipule]

I actually find this kind of offensive, seeing as I'm bisexual and I don't believe that the Bible actually says it's wrong. And if you're saying that doing the opposite will make it go away, I TRIED that. I starved myself to lose weight and replaced the pictures of fat girls with pictures of skinny girls. So I got low blood pressure and vitamin deficiencies and I nearly lost my job because I couldn't concentrate and I felt horrible all the time and my friends were worried sick. Now I'm skinny, but that still hasn't made it go away. And getting any skinnier isn't a good idea even if I do it healthily, since I have a BMI of 19.4 and losing more than five pounds would make me underweight.

Sista Girl:

I'm not talking about your weight! Really? You posted that to talk about your weight issues?

I cannot help you with your self-esteem based on weight.

I personally, have no "self-esteem" because I find it completely useless arrogance. I am cognitive invincibility though the Word of God which Word, tells me who, and what, I am in Him--FEARLESS!

I revealed something about myself, needlessly, because I wanted to help you with your obvious sexual disorientation that you are blinded to! "I don't see anything wrong". The problem is not the wrongness girlfriend, it's the serious lack of rightness! Do you think you live in some sort of vacuum?

If you said, in the beginning, that you were a happy bicycle built for two with weight issues. Well, that is non of my business! TMI girlfriend!

By the way, I love enjoying the beauty of short overweight(whosever standard, I don't know) pear shaped women. God love them all! Actually, my type--FEMALE!

 

[jargew]

Hi,
#1. Spiritual advice: Remember, Christ loves you if you are thin, or fat or are sexually aroused by fat. If you sin, keep attending church, praying, rejoicing and asking forgiveness. Christ will never give up on you, don't give up on Him.
#2. You have a medical issue of this I am 100% certain. Please seek medical advice. God often uses modern medicine to help us with our issues. The problems you are experiencing are not bizarre in any way, but you need professional help, so please listen to several posters offering the wise advice to seek professional counselling and/or medical help.

 

[melody5697]

Sista Girl:

I'm not talking about your weight! Really? You posted that to talk about your weight issues?

I cannot help you with your self-esteem based on weight.

I personally, have no "self-esteem" because I find it completely useless arrogance. I am cognitive invincibility though the Word of God which Word, tells me who, and what, I am in Him--FEARLESS!

I revealed something about myself, needlessly, because I wanted to help you with your obvious sexual disorientation that you are blinded to! "I don't see anything wrong". The problem is not the wrongness girlfriend, it's the serious lack of rightness! Do you think you live in some sort of vacuum?

If you said, in the beginning, that you were a happy bicycle built for two with weight issues. Well, that is non of my business! TMI girlfriend!

By the way, I love enjoying the beauty of short overweight(whosever standard, I don't know) pear shaped women. God love them all! Actually, my type--FEMALE!

I believe we've had a misunderstanding. I started this thread because I want to know if the thing I described is a sin. I thought you were telling me to replace my desire to be overweight with a desire to be thin, so I got annoyed and explained that I already tried that and it didn't work. Now I have absolutely no idea what you were even talking about. I shouldn't have started this thread. I'm just gonna ask my pastor.

 

[melody5697]

I won't be reading any further replies. I wish I could just delete this whole thread. Posting this was a terrible idea.

 

[mcarmichael]

It's certainly unusual. Are you lazy?

I'm not sure it's a great idea, but I'm trying to understand the appeal. Only because I'm confident enough already within my own sexuality.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

First of all I should say I am not a trained counsellor.

When you are abused as a child it will affect every aspect of your life and your view of yourself. I suffered violent and verbal abuse for all of my childhood and it still affect me in my mid 40's. It affects how you form relationships at any level, sex relationships and every aspect of your self view. You have mentioned suicide attempts and eating disorders as issues you suffer with. You also mentioned being bi-sexual but that you dont see that as wrong. Whether you see it as wrong or not, it is a fact that people who have suffered abuse often have deviant sexual relationships so it would almost certainly have affected it. For the record, my view is that it is a sin but I am not here to judge you on that.

You can overcome these with God's help and although I am still affected by my experiences I am able to live happily now and am married with 2 kids. There are some things that you need to do though.

Get counselling.
Forgive the abuser (this does not mean you have to be in contact with them and put yourself in harms way)
Forgive yourself even though you were only a victim.

All of these will need working through and time, it starts with a choice to want to do it and get better.+

Although I am a man I used to know a number of women who were members of a help group for women with eating disorders. Being victims of abuse was common in the members. There is often a link between self image as a result of abuse and eating disorders, often it can be the subconscious self image and it always needs counselling to help bring it to the surface so it can be deal with and understood which is necessary for you to be able to move on into relative normality.

Wanting to be fat or thin is a relatively common reaction in abuse victims to both want to be different (children often think if they are different the abuser wont want to abuse them, but this is very rarely the case) and to subconsciously or consciously want to harm themselves. I suspect but do not know that your obsession with being fat could be linked to this desire to not be who you were as an abuse victim. I cannot recall one person where changing to be fatter or thinner made any difference in their self view. They were still the abse victims, just fatter or thinner ones.

This of course all needs to be done with God and counselling, you cannot change yourself but He can change you. He can give you peace, love, joy (listed deliberately in this order as the things I lacked before being healed over several years) and the other spiritual gifts. I would suggest you find a Christian counsellor.

I recommend you look at Joyce Meyer and her ministry. She had possibly the worst childhood of abuse I have ever heard. A violent and abusive father who raped her hundreds of times. Her brother, like mine, committed suicide later in life because they could not live with the damage abuse had done in their lives, but she, like me, has been able to work through it with God and come out the other side. There is hope and healing for you in Jesus, but you need to do something to move into it.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I won't be reading any further replies. I wish I could just delete this whole thread. Posting this was a terrible idea.

I hope you do as between the judgemental posts you will also get some good advice and I hope my previous post will be of help to you. God loves you and wants to make you whole.

One thing that will change when you are healed is your ability to not be affected by comments like on here and to be able to easily move on from them. I will say as someone who has been there myself in the past, I do feel you are a little over sensitive to comments on here. You can be set free from this and as you seek healing your self esteem will grow.

I say this not to condemn you but as an encouragement in love to try to help you see that things ccan get better than you can probably even imagine for yourself at this point.

 

[CoolDude68]

You know, the best counselor you'll ever find is Jesus. Do you intimately know Him? Have you asked His guidance?

 

[Kerensa]

Dear Melody,

I think you're very brave in the first place to speak out about something very personal and embarrassing like this. I'm sorry you've had some responses that you found upsetting, but I hope you'll still keep reading. I don't want to judge you or condemn you, just share some thoughts.

On one hand, based on some of what you've posted, it sounds as if you're quite happy as you are with these feelings and behaviours that you describe, and if so, and if you're not actually harming anyone else, it's really nobody else's business anyway. On the other hand, though, the very fact that you find it really embarrassing to talk about, and have felt the need to start a thread asking if this is sinful, does suggest you feel deep down that it's not OK.

Regardless of what it is specifically that turns someone on, I suspect most people in the world wrestle at times with the temptation to fantasise and indulge sexual feelings. Probably all of us here have (I know I have). It doesn't help that we live in a world that makes out that sex is the be-all and end-all of pleasure and satisfaction and suggests that we all are, in the end, largely physical creatures who crave gratification in whatever way we can get it. And it is actually pretty easy to conclude (especially when feeling tempted oneself) that there's really no problem with that.

But what I find most helpful, when tempted to indulge in sexual fantasies, is to ask myself a few questions. Like these...

Is what I'm doing now teaching me how to be a more unselfish person? More genuinely, selflessly considerate and loving?
If I were in a real, intimate relationship with a real, living other person (which for me at least would have to mean marriage), would it really be anything like this self-centred fantasy in my head?
Is this bringing me any closer to God — teaching me more about Him, teaching me more about who He would have me to be, teaching me to follow Christ more closely? (Which, as a Christian, is my primary concern in life, even if I sometimes seem to forget it is.)
Has this fantasising ever actually made me feel satisfied — REALLY satisfied and fulfilled?

I can't remember a single time when the answer to all those questions has been anything but "no".

And that's what I'm getting at here, friend. It's not that sexual feelings (fat-related or otherwise) are "evil" and that God will strike you down if you indulge them. It's just that — outside the context of being just one part of a safe, loving, committed marital relationship — sexual feelings are largely a distraction from what really satisfies and fulfils us, and from more important and unselfish things we could be focussing on.

I agree with what others have said, if this is troubling you, it'd be a good idea to seek counselling. But it also might help to work on deepening your own walk with God and getting to know Him better. Turn to Him — especially when these temptations come to you — and let Him tell you what He has for you to think about and feel and do. Just keep turning back to Him. It really is worth it.

 

[Blade]

This is NOT the place for this.. you know this..

 

[FionaStone]

I read that the Bible doesn't actually say whether or not masturbation is a sin. If masturbation IS a sin, then this definitely is. But the Bible doesn't actually address masturbation.

Does the Bible specifically say you should make your bed in the morning? Wash your face? Clean your teeth? Does God really have to spell it all out for us to stop SINNING? FLEE all kinds of sexual immorality is the BOTTOM LINE. Does it specifically say not to have sex with a slug? NO it does not, and we KNOW it is wrong without any specific statement from the Bible.

Sexual behaviour is to be contained in a very small box called marriage - and that marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman. "Male and female created He them" Also, the Bible speaks clearly against adultery, fornication, homosexuality (male and female) and bestiality and incest. It does not specifically mention paedophilia, so why don't we all go there? I find, reading most of these replies that people are only interested in protecting their own version of what is sin....and protecting their own sin very well.

 

[FionaStone]

The Bible also tells you to flee temptation and to manage your head space. Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are of good report, think on THESE things. Temptation comes in many forms, but trying to justify clinging to a sexual fantasy whether about fat or thin, is simply you trying to get someone to tell you its ok. Well, it may NOT be our business what you do, think or say privately, but you asked and the answer is: QUIT! Its not about fat, its about sexual arousal. You need to keep your mind on other things and avoid sexual activity, even in your head.